


Intoxication

by ifyouhavetoaskitsano



Category: Kylo Ren AU - Fandom, Kylo Ren Alternate Universe, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars alternate universe, star wars AU - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ass Play, Blood, Blood and Injury, Bondage, Captor Relationship, Collars, Concussions, Confusion, Consensual Somnophilia, Discussion of Rape, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Everyone Needs Therapy, F/M, Face Slapping, Face-Fucking, Fanfiction, Forced Pregnancy, Fucking, He's really hot but he kidnapped me, Kept in a basement, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren gives you a concussion, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Obsession, POV Kylo Ren, Penis In Vagina Sex, Possessive Kylo Ren, Pregnancy, Rope Bondage, Stalker Kylo Ren, Stalking, Trapped, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, shackled, this is unhealthy, trigger warning: rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 105,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifyouhavetoaskitsano/pseuds/ifyouhavetoaskitsano
Summary: You were a college student just trying to survive UCLA. Like every other girl who saw him, you wanted Kylo Ren but he terrified you.Kylo Ren was a man obsessed.Yeah it's a vague description, let's hope I can story-tell better than I write a description.My muse: Gigi (@_princess_complex on wattpad).Certainly some elements (e.g. a relationship with your captor, etc.) may pull from the incredible work, These Violent Delights, written by the incredibly talented, beautiful, and amazing human that is Luna @luna-auctor. If you haven't read her 3 works and have stumbled upon this, do yourself a favor and go read her things first. That said I'm trying to create a much different relationship between Kylo and You.This is an unhealthy relationship. It is in no way intended to romanticize stalking, obsession, dubious consent, etc. If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to me or call  1-800-799-7233.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 12
Kudos: 163





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [These Violent Delights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20841314) by [Lunaxxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaxxx/pseuds/Lunaxxx). 



**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo shifted uncomfortably in the auditorium style seat that was far too small for his tall, muscular build. His breathing was ragged as he gnawed furiously on his pen. At this point, he wasn’t even pretending to pay attention. Instead, his gaze was fixated on you, a row in front of him and four seats to his right. Luckily for Kylo, the auditorium’s capacity was well above the number of students actually enrolled in Math 32A: Calculus of Several Variables. He had a clear line of sight, letting him view your profile, his height giving him the ability to see down into your lap. You were furiously scribbling down notes, eyes darting from notebook to the stage where your professor lectured.

But Kylo wasn’t transfixed by your hand moving back and forth across your notebook. No, Kylo was mesmerized by your soft, glowing skin. You were leaning to the side of your seat, and as a consequence, the short, pleated skirt you were wearing had bunched up, giving him a glimpse of the side of your ass. Kylo was hypnotized, wondering if you were wearing a thong, or no underwear at all. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more.

Blowing a breath out through his nose, Kylo suddenly became very very aware of his achingly hard cock pressing against his jeans. He tore his eyes off your ass, dragging them up your body, stopping for a moment to admire the profile of your breast before continuing up, pausing again at your collarbone. Kylo breathed in. Staring at your collarbone, Kylo’s mouth watered, cock throbbing in his pants. His eyes snapped shut. He imagined you naked beneath him, blindfolded, arms and legs tied to a four poster bed, completely unable to move. In his mind, Kylo nibbled your earlobe before dragging his tongue down your neck, slicking down to your collarbone. Once he hit your collarbone, Kylo pulled his lips back baring his teeth and growling as he bit down around your collarbone until he tasted blood. He heard you moan, whisper his name “ _Kylo, fuck_ ,” as you bucked your hips, desperate for him to be inside you.

Behind him, someone’s textbook fell, the loud slam bringing Kylo back to reality. Kylo’s eyes shot open, still on your collarbone. He dragged them up, staring at your profile. Your lips were full and plush, and Kylo admired them as your mouth twitched down into a frown at something the professor said. He continued up, admiring your small nose, and enjoying the way the profile of your eyes showcased your long lashes. His cock throbbed again as he imagined you staring up at him through those lashes as he fucked your mouth. Kylo clenched his jaw, shifting once again, trying in vain to get comfortable.

_Busted._

Suddenly, Kylo was looking into your eyes. You must have finally felt his stare burning into you. You blinked at him, but Kylo kept his eyes open, boring into your soul. Kylo’s lips twitched up into a smirk as he finally looked at the rest of your face, seeing your cheeks flush. He watched as you swallowed hard, eyebrows knitting together, confusion flooding your face. Abruptly, you turned back to face the professor.

Kylo remained staring at you, head spinning, thinking of all the ways he wanted to fuck you. He thought it was a miracle he had the self control to remain in his seat, because all he wanted to do at the moment was walk over to you, drag you by the bun piled on your head to the lecture stage, bend you over the desk, face down, ass up, hike your skirt up and fuck you in front of everybody. But Kylo knew he couldn’t do that. Not yet anyway.

**[Your POV]**

You had noticed Kylo Ren take a seat behind you to the left at the beginning of class, but had thought nothing of it. He was _Kylo Ren_ , star UCLA tight end, and you were well, you. Sure, you knew you had a body that drove men and women wild, and you certainly knew how to use it to your advantage. You were not exactly a sexual novice.

But Kylo was, well Kylo. Destined for the NFL, all 6 foot 3 inches of his body made of solid muscle, impossibly toned. And his face. His jet black hair fell in soft waves framing his chiseled jaw, stopping just before it hit his shoulders. He had brown eyes, a large prominent nose, and large lips. He was jaw-droppingly beautiful in a way that exuded a dominant masculine energy, making every girl ready to bend over and spread her legs for him. He could quite literally have any girl he wanted, and luckily for him, he was in LA and able to have a new model on his arm, and, you imagined, his cock, every week. At least that’s what you saw on instagram.

Secretly, probably like every other girl who had ever seen him, you longed for him to pick you. You dreamt of him, during the day, during the night, in the shower, in your bed...and now in your Math 32A lecture.

Towards the end of the lecture, the hair on the back of your neck stood up. You could feel a pair of eyes on you. You looked over your shoulder and found your eyes locked with Kylo’s. You had caught him staring at you. The charge between you was electric. Your mind went fuzzy, you felt drunk, intoxicated by him.

You felt the blush creep up your neck and settle into your cheeks. His lips twitched up into a smirk as he noticed you blushing. He wasn’t remotely phased that you caught him staring. A look of confusion crossed your face as you turned back to face the professor, wondering why he was staring at you, and why there was a sudden wetness starting to pool between your legs.

You looked down at your notebook, hands shaking. You had no idea why you were reacting like this, he had only looked at you. But deep down you knew, you wanted him inside of you. Your heart broke a little as you thought about this, knowing he would never pick you.

The professor dismissed class and you immediately shoved your shit into your bag, not bothering to close your notebook or cap your pen. You ran out of the auditorium, desperate for fresh air to clear your mind of the intoxicating fog that was Kylo Ren.

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo watched you as you ran out of the auditorium, smirking to himself. He had felt it too, the intoxication. But for Kylo, it just confirmed what he already knew - he had to have you. He tried to tell himself he didn’t care how, that he just needed you to be his, forever. Yet a small part of him wanted you to want him, to be his willingly, so that he didn’t have to force you. Kylo tried to shove those thoughts to the deepest part of his mind. He always got whatever he wanted, he knew what he had to do, but a small part of him questioned if he had the strength to do it.

Cock twitching at the thought of you being his forever, Kylo stood up. As he walked behind your seat, he noticed you had left your water bottle by your seat. Leaning over the row, Kylo picked it up. He looked down at it, smiling. He slid the water bottle in his backpack, excited to have something else that belonged to you.

Kylo walked out of the building and picked up his pace as he headed back to his house. He was desperate to get home, desperate to find release. His house was only a few minutes walk away, tucked behind the north end of end of campus.

Kylo unlocked his front door, slammed it shut and ran up to his bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time. He threw his backpack on his bed, flinging his shoes off and across the room. He kneeled on his bed, taking your water bottle out of his backpack. He dropped his backpack on the floor. Unscrewing the cap, Kylo brought the water bottle to his nose, inhaling deeply. Slowly, Kylo moved the rim of the water bottle down to his mouth, running his tongue around it, even the hint of the taste of your saliva. He moaned into the bottle, feeling his cock throbbing in his pants.

Setting your water bottle on his nightstand, Kylo pulled his shirt off and shifted so that he was laying down on his bed. He unbuckled his belt, undid the button of his jeans, and slid the zipper down. In one swift motion he removed his jeans and his boxers, his hard cock springing free. Kylo threw his jeans and boxers at the end of the bed.

Rolling over, Kylo pulled his nightstand drawer open. He reached inside and pulled out a pair of your worn panties. One day last week Kylo had visited a friend who conveniently lived in the same dorm as you. When he saw you make your way to the laundry room, he knew he had to follow you, had to try and grab something of yours. Luckily for him, you had forgotten your laundry detergent in your room. You had left your laundry basket on top of a washer as you ran back up to your room. Kylo pounced at the opportunity, slipping into the empty laundry room, and grabbing the first pair of panties he saw.

Kylo rubbed the delicate red lace thong between his fingers. He found the cotton fabric that lined the crotch and brought it to his nose, inhaling your scent deeply as he palmed his erection.

 _“Fuck.”_ Kylo moaned, his head snapping back, eyes closed. He brought the thong down to his mouth, and sucked the cotton inside, using his saliva to wet it. He let it sit in his mouth, enjoying the way the lace felt on the roof of his mouth. His hand grasped his cock firmly, stroking up and down slowly, wanting to draw out his pleasure.

Kylo swallowed, blowing a hard breath out of his nose as he extracted your taste from your panties. As he continued to stroke his cock, Kylo began to fantasize about fucking you with his tongue.

He’d kneel at the edge of his bed, pulling you so that your ass almost hung off the bed, legs resting on his shoulders. His hands would spread you apart, giving him better access to your pretty pink pussy. He knew you’d already be dripping wet for him. He’d start slowly, laying gentle kisses on your lips, at your entrance, slowly moving up to your clit. He’d kiss your clit, tongue darting out to give you a jolt of pleasure. You’d moan for him _“Ahhh Kylo, more please”_ as your hips bucked, desperately trying to get more of his mouth on you. He’d nip at your clit, run his canine over it, making you yelp in pleasure.

Opening his eyes to glance down at his cock, Kylo used his free hand to pull your thong from his mouth, bringing it down and wrapping it around his cock. It was warm and wet, and as close to inside of you as he could get today. Kylo closed his eyes again, continuing his fantasy.

He’d make long, lapping strokes with his tongue, starting at your entrance and coming all the way up to your clit. He’d make firm, sharp lines on your clit before pulling back to admire the view. _“Kylo”_ you’d breathe, _“Please, ohhhhh f-fuck please don’t stop.”_ He’d chuckle into your cunt before spitting into your pussy and bringing his tongue to your entrance. Slowly, he’d make figure eights, tracing up one side of your pussy, up and around your clit, circling it just once, before coming back down, tracing the other side of your pussy. He’d continue this motion as your legs started to shake on his shoulders. _“I’m...Kylo...oh fuck...I’m going to....ahhh,”_ you’d whimper. Kylo would pull his mouth off of you, abruptly shoving two fingers inside of you, making a come hither motion that would hit just the right spot. _“You better fucking ask permission before you cum my little whore”_ he’d growl at you. _“Please K-K-Kylo, oh fuck...please Kylo, please please please let me cum,”_ you’d scream at him. _“Do it,”_ he’d snarl, shoving his fingers in and out of you at a relentless pace, as his lips moved to your clit, sucking your sensitive bud as he moaned in pleasure. _“KYLO, OH FUCK KYLO,”_ you’d scream as you came on his fingers, pussy convulsing around him as he continued to suck your clit through your orgasm. _“Oh my god, Kylo, stop but ahhh more...no no more...I can’t,”_ you’d sob. He’d remove his lips from your clit, slip his fingers out of you, admiring the view. Standing up, he’d lean over you, making eye contact with you as he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking your cum off. Your eyes would widen, and he’d slide his fingers out, smiling at you, leaning down to kiss you, to make you taste yourself on his tongue.

It was too much for Kylo. The rough wetness of the lace, his firm strokes working himself relentlessly, and thinking of you cumming all over his fingers. His legs twitched, hips bucking as he fucked his own hand. "Fuckkkk,” Kylo hissed, as hot white jets of cum exploded from him, running down his hand, your thong, and his cock. Kylo continued to stroke himself through his orgasm, panting wildly.

Finally sated, Kylo used your thong to wipe his cum off himself. One last time he brought your thong to his nose, inhaling deeply, trying to memorize the way your smell mixed with his.

Sitting up on the edge of his bed, Kylo set your panties next to your water bottle. He knew he couldn’t wait anymore. He had to have you, had to be inside of you, making you scream his name as he fucked you into oblivion.

Slowly, Kylo got dressed. He went downstairs, and pulled open his basement door. Walking down the stairs into the basement, he flicked the light on. He looked at the chair in the middle of the room, two pairs of handcuffs on the seat. A smile ghosted his lips, as he imagined you handcuffed to the chair. Kylo chuckled to himself - he was coming for you.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take a nap and go on a date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {A/N: Hello to those of you still reading. A couple of things. 
> 
> For this chapter especially, read the tags. Coming up this chapter we have mentions of and actual use of a combination of the following: blood, SA, murder, kidnapping, being drugged, dubious consent, maybe more that I can’t remember. 
> 
> I didn’t spend a ton of time editing this because I wrote it in a night and just wanted to get it out before I had to go to bed. Sorry in advance for grammar/spelling. I’m a human, I make mistakes. :)
> 
> I didn’t do big descriptions of Y/N seeing Kylo up close for the first time because we’ve all read a million descriptions of his fucking amazing face and I could never describe it well enough, or add anything new. You guys know what he looks like. 
> 
> Are there going to be some corny Star Wars references? You fucking betcha. Why? Cause I’m that bitch. Been that bitch, still that bitch, will forever be that bitch. 
> 
> Huge shout out to Gigi my assistant creative director of this fic. She is tagged in the description. Follow her. This work is just as much hers as mine. She provides the sparks of inspiration. She stayed up until 6 AM in Denmark to help my dumbass finish this chapter. Gigi has become my best friend and little sister and I love you so much bb. 
> 
> There is another person mentioned in this chapter, you’ll all know who they are. Without them, I would never had met Gigi, or the rest of my KLCS, or the girls in Kylos bbs. This person has changed my life. Sounds dramatic. It’s not. Fight me. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. If you have questions/comments/concerns/ideas, message me. I think you can do that here? IDK. Comment or something that you need to talk to me. }

**[Your POV]**

Shutting the door to your dorm room, you leaned against it and slid down to the ground. You were out of breath, having almost ran from your class in the Math Sciences building up the hill to your Reiber Vista dorm room. As you sat letting your heart rate return to normal, you silently cursed UCLA for being so hilly and made a mental note to get your inhaler refilled. Slinging your backpack off your shoulders, you went to grab your water bottle, but found it wasn’t there. _Fuck._ In your haste to get away Kylo Ren you must have left it in the auditorium. You sighed, thinking about the chances of your $50 HydroFlask being in the auditorium when you returned for class tomorrow. It wasn’t even the bottle that you were upset about, it was the goddamn stickers on it.

You dragged yourself off the floor and sat at your desk, blankly staring out the window. You weren’t sure how long had passed, but eventually you came back to reality, grabbed your backpack and took out your books and notebooks. Putting your backpack on the floor near your feet, your eyes floated around your desk.

 _Strange._ The mug you kept some pens and pencils in was facing the wrong direction. You always had the handle facing towards the back of your desk. Your best friend Gigi had given you the mug for your 18th birthday. One side featured two photos of you: the first, a picture of the two of you hugging when you were 5 and ‘graduating’ from kindergarten, the second, a picture of the two of you recreating that picture at your high school graduation. On the other side, Gigi had put her signature motivational quote so that you would never forget you were talented, ‘Gurl, sucking dick is a talent too.’ You always kept the photo side facing towards your bed, and the quote side facing towards the middle of the room. You wanted to be able to see her from your bed. It was silly since you saw her almost everyday considering she lived three doors down, but it made swallowing the pill of not getting to room together easier.

Currently, the mug was set so that the handle was facing your bed, and the quote was staring directly at you. _Weird._ Maybe your roommate, Luna, had borrowed a pen and accidentally moved it. Grabbing a pen, you opened your Calculus textbook and notebook. You flipped through the pages until you got to that night’s assignment. Flipping to a blank page in your notebook, you wrote down the first problem.

You stared at it. And stared. And stared. You couldn’t think about calculus when you had just caught Kylo Ren staring at you. You didn’t know why you couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid smurk on his beautiful face as you blushed under his gaze. Why, why had he been staring at you.

You shifted in your seat, and your skirt bunched up so that the side of your ass came into contact with the cold wood of your desk. Ice ran through your veins. _Fuck me. That’s why he was staring._ If your skirt had bunched up now, it certainly must have in those awkward auditorium seats. _That tall, dumb motherfucker could look over the seat and see. You felt the heat creep up into your cheeks again._ You sighed. _Whatever, I hope he enjoyed the view._

In vain, you tried to turn your focus back to the equation scribbled on your paper. After blinking at the equation for what felt like an hour you decided to give up. _A nap. Yes, a nap, naps are always the answer._ You smiled to yourself as you pushed your chair back and turned to your bed.

 _What the fuck._ You made your bed every morning in a desperate attempt to feel some control over your life. The bed was still made, but your pillow was slightly indented, as if someone’s head had rested on it since you had patted it down this morning. Looking more closely at your comforter you could see a few soft indents, almost as if someone had quickly tried smoothing it out after lying on it.

You decided it was just your mind playing tricks on you. You grabbed your phone and set a timer for 90 minutes. Laying down on your bed you set your phone next to your pillow and nuzzled your face into your pillow getting comfortable. You just really fucking loved your bed. Smiling into your pillow, you took in a deep breath through your nose, closing your eyes. The smile instantly fell from your face.

Instead of the usual vague scent of your conditioner mixed with your laundry detergent and perfume, the pillow was heavy with the unmistakable smell of a man. _What in the absolute fuck._ But for some reason, you took another deep breath in. It was a combination of sandalwood, bergamot, a hint of mandarin, the salty tang of sweat, and musk. You tried desperately to place the smell, but failed. You had never known this scent before.

You swallowed hard into your pillow. _Oh._ You smiled to yourself.

_Vicrul._

Vicrul, the handsome 6’3 soccer player you had met your freshman year at a frat party. Heavy emphasis on the player. Vicrul was a complete womanizer. He was Los Angeles attractive and he knew it. While you cared about him, he had never been anything more than your fuck buddy. And stars could he fuck. He was easily the best partner you had ever been with. Even when he left your body humming, wanting more.

You thought back to last evening. To having placed the tie around the handle of the entrance to your dorm room so Luna knew not to disturb you. To how Vicrul’s rough hands had traced up and down your body, slowly peeling your shirt off you, placing kisses up your stomach as he went.

He’d taken his shirt off next, legs straddling your hips. He’d stared down at you for a minute before reaching behind your back and unclasping your bra, throwing it on the floor. His hands had wasted no time reaching down to find your breasts, kneading them gently at first. He’d leaned down, putting almost all his weight on top of you, his soft lips melting into yours.

You had moaned into his mouth, and let him take advantage of the opening, his tongue slowly exploring yours. His hands had moved from your breasts, tugging your nipples taut as he drew his hands away, sliding them down your body to the top of your shorts. Breaking the kiss, he had leaned back up, undone the buttons on your shorts, hooked his thumbs in the side of your shorts and thong, and wasted no time tossing them to the floor. _“Vicrullll,”_ you purred. He had undone his shorts, pulling them and his boxers down just enough to free throbbing cock. He had smiled down at you, _“Yes?” “Please, please let me cum first,”_ you had gasped at him as his fingers began to lightly trace your slit. _“Hmm, so wet for me and we’ve barely started”_ he rasped, slicking your wetness up to your clit. He had leaned back down to kiss you again, your mouths moving in sync as his fingers traced around your clit. You had moaned in his mouth, and he had abruptly pulled up, flipped you so you were stomach down on the bed. Before you had been able to register what was happening he was inside you, filling you completely. You had yelped, and snarled _“What the fuck,”_ at him. He had grabbed your hair, shoving your face into your pillow, pulling out of you just to ram back in. _“Please stop fucking talking”_ he snarled back at you, picking up his pace. He had continued ramming in and out of, and as mad as you had wanted to be that he wasn’t giving you attention and focusing on your pleasure, you had enjoyed the sensation of him filling you up just to be gone again, on repeat. You had moaned into your pillow. _“Please...ah Vic...Please,”_ you whispered. His strokes had become erratic and you had known he was about to cum. Moments later, Vicrul had moaned and you had felt his warmth inside of you, filling you with cum. He had smacked your ass, pulled out, done up his pants, and stood back on the floor. _“What…”_ you had started to say. He had cut you off, _“Don’t make me wait so long between fucks next time,”_ he had spat at you. With that he had turned and walked out the door.

Despite your irritation with him, as soon as the door closed you had pulled out your vibrator and taken care of yourself to thoughts of him.

 _Yeah, Vicrul, this must be his scent._ But in your heart, you knew it wasn’t Vicrul. If it had been, you would have instantly placed it in your mind. No, this smell was a different man. One you had never been close enough to smell before.

Breathing in, you shoved those thoughts aside and tried to etch the smell into your memory. Slowly, intoxicated by the scent, you drifted off to sleep.

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo stalked back on to campus, heading straight for Young Hall. A chemistry major, Kylo knew the building would be empty around now, it was 3:15 in the afternoon and most labs had finished at 3. He knew he’d be able to sneak into a lab undetected.

Walking into one of the labs, Kylo pulled a lock picking set from his jeans. With ease, he picked the lock on the cabinet that held the chemicals used for experiments. Running his fingers along the bottles, he searched the cabinet until he found what he was looking for.

C4H3F7O. Sevoflurane.

Kylo smiled to himself, slipping the bottle into his pocket. That was the last item he had needed to get. Now he just had to find an excuse to get you alone. But not one that would make you suspicious.

Walking back towards his house, the campus a flurry of movement, Kylo tried to think of a way to get you alone. Asking you out on a date would probably be too forward. Kylo wasn’t really the dating type. As he weaved his way through campus, Kylo passed Powell Library, the beautiful brick building giving him inspiration.

 _A study session._ Kylo nodded to himself. _That could work._

**[Your POV]**

You jolted awake to the sound of your dorm room door shutting. Sitting up, you blinked at Luna.

“You okay there girl?” She asked you, a slight laugh escaping her lips.

“Uh, yeah, no, I’m fine, just needed a nap,” you mumbled.

“Like everyday I suppose,” she said as she walked over to her desk. You rolled your eyes her, yawning, and stretching, trying to force some life back into you.

“Hey did you grab a pen from my mug? I don’t care obviously, the mug was just out of place,” you asked Luna.

“No, I didn’t,” she said, blinking at you. “That’s kind of weird.”

“Yeah, I mean maybe I moved it and just forgot.”

“Oh! The maintenance guy you requested, uh what’s his fucking name - Matt! Yeah, he came by earlier this morning while you were in Policy Analysis. Maybe he had to borrow a pen and moved it accidentally.” Luna said nonchalantly as she scrolled through her phone. You swallowed.

“What maintenance guy?” you whispered. “I didn’t make any requests.”

“What? He said you were having problems with the outlet behind your desk. I don’t know. He just said he had to replace a part and it would be good. I was running out the door to class, so I just left him to it.” Luna looked at you.

You took a sharp breath in. Your heart was racing.

“What did he look like?” you asked.

“Uh, tall, blonde, had glasses. I don’t know. He was just in the usual maintenance uniform.” Luna replied.

Hearing he had blonde hair made you relax. It must have just been a mistake. Matt must have gotten the wrong room.

“Weird. They probably just got the wrong room.” Luna nodded in agreement at you. Your phone chimed. You looked down at it.

You had a text from a number you didn’t have saved and didn’t recognize.

_**Hey, you’re in Math 32A right? Would you like to get together and study tonight? This shit is kicking my ass.** _

Your brow furrowed. There were lots of students in Math 32A, and while you didn’t keep your phone number under wraps, you usually remembered who you gave your phone number to, and almost always had them text you their name for you to save.

Hesitantly, you typed back, _**Uh sure. I think I’ve kind of got a grip on it. Who is this by the way? I must have forgotten to save your number. Sorry!!**_

The bubble appeared, letting you know the person was replying.

_**Kylo Ren.** _

The bubble appeared again, as he composed another message.

“What the fuck?” you gasped.

Luna looked up at you, “What’s up?”

“NOTHING! Just, uh, ha you know, ha weird shit on instagram,” you stuttered out, giving her a weak smile. She raised her eyebrows at you and nodded, murmuring in agreement. Your heart raced, and you thought it might actually beat out of your chest.

**_Arts Library. 9 p.m. The bottom floor. I find it is usually empty and good for studying._ **

Your mind raced as you read his text. He was no longer even asking. _The Arts Library. Why the fuck would we study math in a north campus library. I don’t even feel like walking to the other side of campus._ You sighed, just staring at your phone. You went to shake your head no, eyebrows knitted together. _Kylo Ren though._ You tilted your head the other way, raising your eyebrows, considering it. _Fuck it._

_**Okay cool. See you then.** _

You laughed under your breath. You were going on a study date with Kylo fucking Ren. _Oh fuck I guess I should figure out how to do this shit since I said I understood it._ You walked over to your desk, plopped down and got to work.

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo was fucking ecstatic. He didn’t even have to try to convince you. You hadn’t asked how he got your number, you had just agreed. So pliant already, and he hadn’t even laid a hand on you. Kylo felt his cock stiffen in his pants. He palmed at himself, considering his erection.

No, he knew it would be better if he waited.

He glanced at the clock, 8:30. He got up off his bed. He changed into a fitted black short sleeve v-neck. He glanced in the mirror, running a hand through his hair. His eyes flicked down to his right sleeve. He could never remember where he got this shirt, he seemed to have had it forever. The sleeve was embroidered with a red hexagon that had a red 16-rayed circle inside of it. Kylo had no idea what it meant, but it always felt vaguely familiar.

He grabbed his backpack, shoved your thong in his back pocket, and felt his front pocket to make sure the bottle was still there, and headed downstairs. He slowly walked back to campus. He knew he’d arrive a few minutes early, but that was okay. It would give him time to make sure the bottom floor was empty.

Wandering into the library, Kylo made his way down the stairs, ducking so he didn’t hit his head. Kylo loved this library, while most people were indifferent. It was always freezing, with white walls that were cold, and sterile, completely devoid of emotion. It spoke to him. He would have appreciated it more if it were black, but the school would never do that, it would become like a black hole.

Arriving downstairs, Kylo was pleased to find that the floor was empty, and he didn’t have to tell anyone to leave. He picked a seat along the back wall. The counters in this part of the library ran parallel to the walls, meaning you would have to sit right beside him. Kylo pulled his book and notebook out, and flipped to the right pages. He jotted down an equation, so it would look like he was actually interested in calculus. Glancing at his watch he saw it was 9:02. He clicked his tongue.

If you stood him up he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He would find you, fuck you, and slit your throat. He sighed contentedly at the thought of feeling your warm blood on his hands. But no, that’s not what he really wanted.

Suddenly Kylo heard you. Fumbling down the stairs. You took the last step and started searching the room for him.

His eyes were locked on you. Lips barely twitched up.

“Y/N.”

He watched you swallow hard, that same blush he had seen earlier in the day creeping back into your cheeks.

“Hi,” you breathed. “Sorry it took me longer to get here than I thought. I’m not up here on north campus a lot.” You gave him a small smile.

“No worries, it’s a study session, not tea with the Queen.” He smiled at you. He watched you take a slow deep breath, your eyes travelling over his face. Kylo jerked his head toward the seat next to him, and slowly swivelled back to face his things.

Kylo’s leg brushed yours as you sat down, and Kylo pressed his slightly into yours, enjoying the way you jolted at his touch.

“Sorry!” you breathed.

“Don’t be.” Kylo said.

“So, uh yeah this chapter. Not the greatest, but I mean what chapter in calculus is. It’s not like it’s the-” Kylo cut you off.

“Y/N,” he said.

“Uh, yeah?”

“You know we don’t have to do calculus,” Kylo cooed. He almost hoped you would just say yes, willingly follow him home. But he also liked a challenge, and he knew you could be feisty, he had seen you that way, with other men, other women, your friends, your parents.

“But uh, what else would we do?” You asked, eyebrows knitting in confusion. Blush still in your cheeks.

“I can think of a few things.” He breathed, hands moving up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear.

Kylo had to stop himself from laughing at your expression. Fear. Confusion. Dread. Shock. Excitement. _Lust._ And there it was. He knew. Knew you’d be his forever. One day.

Kylo watched as embarrassment settled on your face, cheeks and neck turning a deeper crimson.

“Uh, I mean, I don’t even know you, I’ve never met you before really, and you’re you, and I’m me, and and and I just think we should do calculus.” You spit out.

“Hm. Alright.” Kylo said, turning towards his books. Kylo watched you out of the corner of his eye. You were turned slightly so that your back was towards him, reaching into your backpack, fumbling for your things. With a stealthy grace, Kylo slipped the bottle from his front pocket, grabbed your panties from his back pocket, twisted the lid off, and poured the sevoflurane on your thong so that it was drenched.

Quickly, he set the bottle on the counter, the lid falling to the floor. With one hand he shoved the thong to your nose so that you had to breathe through it. His other hand found your jaw, holding your mouth shut so you couldn’t breathe through it.

Immediately you thrashed, tried to scream, Kylo had expected that. But Kylo was far too strong for you.

“Don’t fight it Love. I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” Kylo murmured as your arms clawed at his.

“You know you want this Love. You know you do,” he cooed. Kylo hummed to himself in satisfaction as your fighting grew weaker and weaker. A moment later he felt your entire body go slack. He leaned you against your chair, shoving all your shit back into your respective backpacks and slinging them on his shoulder. He picked you up, cradling you in his arms. Your head on his chest, he dropped his head bringing his nose to your hair and inhaling. _Delectable._ Kylo had your thong still draped around your nose, just to keep the sevoflurane close.

Kylo easily made his way up the stairs with you, back to the main floor. He pushed your head with his chest slightly so that your thong dropped into your lap. If anyone saw him carrying you, he’d just say you passed out in the library and he was taking you home. No one on the UCLA campus would question Kylo Ren, being a knight in black armor, returning a tired young woman to her home.

Quickly, Kylo made his way back to his house. After he managed to get the door open with you in his arms, he headed downstairs into the basement. He sat you on the chair, and you made a small groan. Immediately, Kylo returned your thong to your nose. And your head rolled back again. Holding your jaw in his hand, Kylo smiled at your perfect unconscious face.

**[Your POV]**

You groaned. Your throat was dry and almost sticky as you opened your mouth and shut it, trying to find some relief. _What the hell._ You opened your eyes, and clamped them back down, the brightness from the single light bulb above you blinding you. You felt like you had been hit by a truck. You went to bring your hands up to rub your eyes but you couldn’t move them.

Instinctively your eyes shot open, blinking through the pain as your pupils adjusted. You looked down continuing to jerk your arms, and now your legs. You couldn’t move. Your hands were handcuffed behind your black, slotted in between the slats of the back of the chair so you couldn’t move them up at all. Each of your ankles were handcuffed to a leg of the chair.

Panic. Panic set in quickly. Your head shot up, looking around. But the light above you only made a small circle of light, casting the rest of the room into darkness.

“Hello? What the fuck is this?” You said into the darkness. You tried to think back to where you had been before this. The art library. You had been at the art library with Kylo. All you remembered was going to get your textbook and everything went blank.

Your heart slammed into your ribs. You thought you were going to be sick. Momentarily, your head bobbed, as you fought to stay conscious. Even facing death, torture, rape, who knows what, you were sarcastic. _Well, I always wanted to have a true crime podcast. Just hadn’t planned on being the victim in it._

“Please,” you moaned. Leaning forward, head down. Suddenly you heard footsteps from in front of you. Your head snapped up.

Out of the darkness stepped Kylo Ren.

“Love,” he said to you. A brilliant smile flashing on his face. “I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Despite your precarious position, you felt your cunt clench involuntarily. _Fuck._ You dropped your head immediately. Kylo chuckled.

“What the fuck is this?” you snarled at him

“You’re mine,” Kylo said.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” you screamed at him.

A low chuckle. He stepped closer towards you. The smell hit you in the face like a slap. Sandalwood, bergamot, a hint of mandarin, the salty tang of sweat, and musk. Kylo Ren had been on your bed.

You met his eyes with yours. His stare burned into your soul so hard that you actually thought he was burning your skin with his gaze. You watched as his eyes trailed down your body, only to return to yours. It was your turn.

He looked hot. It was just the reality. Even as you realized he had literally kidnapped you, you couldn’t deny it. His black v-neck was just tight enough, and his jeans fit just right. That’s not what made your breath catch in your throat.

In his left hand, he held a red lacy thong. You blinked at it. You knew it was yours. In his right hand, he held a dagger. The hilt was barely visible, his large hand almost completely encompassing it. The v-shaped blade came down, sharp on both sides, the light gleaming off it, sides meeting in a sharp point. You swallowed hard.

“What are you going to do to me?” you whispered, staring into his eyes once again.

“That depends.” Kylo said, stepping closer. Now only 2 feet from you. His height and muscular build suffocated you.

“On?” came your retort.

“You.” Kylo smiled.

You shook your head. You felt the tears coming as a lump formed in your throat. You quickly looked down. You didn’t want him to see you cry.

The tears spilled silently. _Thank god for small mercies._ The panic was to a point where you couldn’t even sob. The tears just flowed silently, pouring from your eyes.

“Where am I?” you whispered.

“My house, 15 minutes from campus.” Kylo said. You scoffed. _How could he have a house in Los Angeles at his age?_

“How the fuck do you have a house in LA?” you snapped.

“I inherited it when my father,” Kylo paused considering his next words, “passed away.”

“Passed away?” you repeated.

A sinister smile met Kylo’s lips.

“Yes, passed away. Per the death certificate. But you know, I’ve always had a knack for chemistry.”

“Are you….are you telling me you killed your fucking father?” You asked, looking up to him.

Kylo nodded at you. He closed the small gap between you so that he was right in front of you. He dropped your thong in your lap, and took your jaw in his left hand, peering down at you. You just blinked at him, tears still falling. His thumb brushed the tears away on one side of your face.

“Don’t cry, Love,” he murmured to you. And you swore the look in his eyes was one of complete adoration. The panic was overwhelming, but much to your confusion you felt that same warmth pooling between your legs, a certain tension building in your abdomen, just like when you and Vicrul were about to fuck.

You just looked at him. He smiled at you. Your heart nearly exploded. You had never seen him that close up before and he was even more beautiful. You dropped your head once again, you couldn’t bear to look at him. He had kidnapped you and yet you were still physically attracted to him. You sniffled trying to clear your nose and stop the tears.

“Please just let me go. I won’t tell anyone. No one has to know. You haven’t even done anything. Please I can… I can just give you whatever,” you mumbled at him.

Kylo brought the tip of the dagger to the bottom of your chin, pushing the pointed tip into your chin just enough to force your head up, to look in his eyes. His lips twitched into a smile. God it felt like he could read your mind sometimes. It was like he knew that you were aroused.

“You know I can take whatever I want,” he said softly. You blushed, shaking your head.

“No,” you spat at him. He removed the blade from your chin, and you snapped your head down. He brought the blade down to your chest. You winced, fearing the worst.

With the right amount of pressure, Kylo ran the knife down your shirt, cutting through it, leaving a light pink line on your skin and your shirt cut in half. He pushed it back down your arms, stepped behind you and cut it off completely.

He unhooked your bra. You shuddered. His dagger made quick work of the straps, and he tossed it on the ground. Walking around back in front of you Kylo gasped. You didn’t look at him.

“You’re beautiful Love,” he whispered. Kylo repeated the process with your skirt, the dagger easily cutting through it. He left your black lace thong on. You remained looking down.

“Why?” you asked again.

“I have to have you.” Kylo stated simply, as if that explained everything. He took your face in his hand again. The pressure in your belly increasing even more.

“But why didn’t you just ask me out?” you asked, your voice shaking.

“Because no wasn’t an option.” Kylo said. “And I know you’re scared. Of me. Of what I’ll do to you. But that just makes me want and need you even more. You have no idea what I could do to you. What I could make you feel.”

Another involuntary clench. The tension in your lower belly increasing. _Fuck._ He brushed your jawline with the tip of the dagger, dragging it up and down. You shivered.

“Please...don’t,” you whispered.

“Hm. Your mind says no, but your body,” Kylo’s hand dropped, a single finger running down your neck, over your breast, nipple hardening at his touch, continuing down your stomach until he reached the lace that covered your cunt. “Your body says yes.” Sliding the finger inside your thong he ran along your slit, and finding your wetness, he beamed at you.

 _Fuck._ Kylo Ren was right.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I told you there'd be an A/N at the start of every chapter.
> 
> Buckle up y'all. This is a long chapter and it's a wild ride (hopefully).
> 
> Updates may take a touch longer now that we're into the good stuff. Takes a min for Gigi and I to get into Kylo's fucked up mind. And Y/N's mind frankly. Also we have a 6 hour time difference we gotta work with. We really appreciate your patience. Shout out to Gigi for being up at ridiculous hours to work with me.
> 
> I don't think we really know how long this fic is going to be at this point. We have plans, and know where we are going with it, but aren't sure how long it will take to get there. We will try and let you know a couple chapters ahead that the end is coming.
> 
> Also I did a real quick edit on this so you know, there's probably typos and grammar issues, but I only have so much time and editing is just not how I enjoy spending it as much as it pisses my Virgo brain off when I then spot a mistake :)))
> 
> Thanks for reading, we hope you enjoy!

**[Kylo's POV]**

Kylo's body was humming. He could practically feel the blood rushing in his veins. He was especially aware of the blood that made his cock hard and throb against his jeans.

Looking down at your crotch, he continued running his finger along your slit, before gently prodding at your entrance, just barely inserting his finger. He felt you tense.

"Stop." A whisper. "Please, Kylo, please don't do this to me."

He heard your stomach growl. Kylo moved the finger that was inside you in a small circle before withdrawing it. Immediately, Kylo brought the finger to his nose, smelling your arousal, closing his eyes.

Slowly, Kylo dropped his hand and brought his finger to his mouth. He stuck his tongue out, licking your arousal off of his finger, before sticking his finger in his mouth completely and sucking. A deep, low moan reverberated in the room.

"Fuck you taste better than I imagined Love," he said, his voice heavy with lust. "Better than that red lace thong." Kylo watched as you looked up at him, just blinking at him, eyes glassy, mouth turned down in a slight frown.

He could tell you were still feeling the effects of the sevoflurane. He could also practically see your brain splitting in half in front of him.

He imagined half of you wanted to run, scream, fight, to escape, never looking back, never think of him again. But the other half, Kylo thought, the more primal, instinctual part, was ready, wanting, desperate even, for him to take you right there, to make you scream his name in pleasure as you shattered beneath him again and again.

"Stop calling me Love. You don't fucking love me. This isn't right Kylo, this isn't love. You _kidnapped_ me for fuck sake. You have me handcuffed to a fucking chair in the basement of your house. You're assaulting me. You're... you're... you're just, I don't know. What the fuck is this? You should have just asked me out! I would have said yes, you stupid fucking moron," you screamed the last sentence at him.

Kylo pressed his lips into a hard line, squinting his eyes at you for a moment. He turned so his back was to you, throwing the dagger across the room. His other hand clenched into a fist at his side.

Kylo was fuming. He clenched his jaw. Both hands making fists at his side, curling and uncurling over and over again. _Who the fuck does she think she is to tell me what isn't right, to call me a stupid fucking moron_?

"Fine. You don't like Love, I can think of something else...Doll. Because you're right, I don't love you. You're just a plaything, a toy for me to enjoy, nothing more than a doll to keep me satisfied and happy. My possession. And if you ever get your shit together and act like a good little Doll for me, I'll make you feel things you can't even imagine, make you beg for me," Kylo fumed, back still to you.

"You are fucking certifiable. You think I'll ever ask you to touch me? You think you own me? Newsflash dipshit I'm a fucking human being. Eventually people will notice I'm missing. Security cameras on campus will show you being the last person with me. You won't get away with this you sick fuck," you snarled to his back.

"Oh Doll, you underestimate me," Kylo laughed. His blood was boiling. Briefly his rage made him consider killing you right now.

But Kylo was too turned on. Secretly, Kylo loved it when you spoke to him that way, when you gave him a reason to act on his rage. Kylo was so ready for you.

Ready to make you scream his name, cry out in pain, in pleasure. Ready to watch the emotional turmoil play across your face. Fear. Pain. Passion. Rage. Pleasure. Lust. Desire. Confusion.

Kylo let out a deep breath through his nose, jaw still clenched. He was Kylo Ren. He could do whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted to do it to. Kylo wasn't used to being challenged. And he didn't fucking like it, and he wasn't prepared to put up with it.

Kylo spun around quickly so that he was facing you. Immediately, he brought his flat palm across your cheek, giving you a hard slap across the face. He heard you yelp in pain and watched as you flinched back, trying to pull your face away. Your arms thrashed as you tried to bring them up to protect yourself, but the handcuffs wouldn't let you.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" you screamed at him.

Kylo sighed. Hand coming up to your face again, this time laying an even harder slap on your other cheek. Again, you yelped, and he watched as you started sobbing.

"Keep fucking talking, Doll. Keep fucking challenging me." Kylo snarled at you, bringing his head down to be directly in front of yours. "Next time it won't be a fucking slap baby girl. Learn your goddamn place." Kylo was seething anger, it practically dripped off of him. Kylo took your throat in one hand placing just enough pressure to give trouble breathing, and held your jaw with his other hand, nails digging into your skin. "You belong to me."

"I..I..I," you choked under his hand. But Kylo had had enough. He rose back up.

"STOP. FUCKING. TALKING." he roared at you, his hands finding your shoulders, shoving you hard so that the chair fell backwards, your head hitting the ground with a sickening crack.

Kylo stalked in circles around you as you moaned, head rolling to the side.

"I...I...I," Kylo mimicked your tone, mocking you. "You what. You fucking what?" Kylo spat. Kylo stopped walking, crouching down by your head. Your face was contorted in pain, eyes squeezed shut. Shallow breaths leaving your mouth at a rapid pace, face wet with your own tears.

"You need to do what you're fucking told. I don't want to gag you but I will." Kylo said. Kylo watched as you opened your eyes, expecting you to say something. Instead you just let out a small groan, blinking slowly at him as though you were trying to see straight.

A pang shot through Kylo's heart. Watching you cry silently below him, a deep pain still etched on your face, Kylo Ren almost felt bad for hurting you. Almost. _If she just fucking behaved this wouldn't happen_.

Kylo couldn't fathom why you were fighting him, questioning him. You belonged to him now. A small smile ghosted his lips, at least he enjoyed a challenge.

As he appraised your face, a growing glint of red on the concrete caught Kylo's eye. Reaching behind your head, scoffing at the way you flinched as his hand got closer, Kylo touched the red substance on the concrete floor.

It was wet and sticky and Kylo rubbed the tips of his fingers together as he brought them closer to his face. His eyes looked at his fingers. Blood. Your blood. His eyes flickered down to yours, and you just stared at him blankly, your pupils huge.

Kylo couldn't help himself. He brought his fingers to his mouth, using his tongue to clean your blood from his fingers, closing his eyes to concentrate on the taste. He moaned as he sucked harder on his fingers, desperate for every taste of your blood he could get.

Opening his eyes, Kylo looked back down at you. Your eyes had closed, your breathing had become shallow. Kylo noticed you were rather pale. Sighing, he rolled his eyes and stood up, bending down to you.

His hands once again found your shoulders as he returned the chair to its upright position. A flash of concern hit Kylo in the face as he realized you hadn't made a sound, not even a moan, and hadn't moved, your head simply falling forward to your chest as he up righted the chair. Your entire body weight tipped forward, stopped from falling off the chair by the way your handcuffed hands were wedged in the slats on the back of the chair.

Kylo walked around so he was in front of, and looked down at you, pushing you back into the chair. His concern quickly dissolved into irritation. He finally had you, and you couldn't even keep it together for him.

You had to run that stupid mouth of yours, forcing Kylo to react how he had. If you had just kept your fucking mouth shut, kept control of your body, then you wouldn't be in slapped, concussed, bloodied state you were.

"Doll," he said. Nothing. He watched as you stayed perfectly still. He shook your shoulders gently. "Y/N," he said again, louder this time. Still nothing. "Ah, fuck, of course" he muttered to himself.

He walked around behind you, looking at the back of your head to find the source of the blood. Your scalp was matted around the cut, blood caking your hair, and continuing to ooze out. Kylo's fingers slowly worked to pull your hair out of the way so he could see how bad the cut was.

 _Could be worse_. _Should be worse_. Kylo removed his hand, walking over into a dark corner of the basement. He flipped a switch and light flooded the entire room. Kylo watched, seeing if that would rouse you, but it did not.

Huffing to himself, Kylo walked over to a workstation at the back of the room. He opened one of the toolboxes on the counter, moving things around until he found what he needed. He grabbed a rag from the shelf below, and a bottle of water from the case on the floor.

Walking back over to you, Kylo screwed the top of the bottle, and poured some of it onto the rag. Gently, he again pulled your hair aside, and used the rag to clean your wound, wiping away the blood, and holding pressure for a few moments to stop the bleeding.

Keeping the rag pressed against your head, Kylo used his other hand to slowly unscrew the cap of the super glue he had grabbed from the toolbox. Removing the rag and giving the wound one last wipe to get the last of the blood, Kylo applied the super glue to your wound, pressing the two sides together and holding it for a minute while the glue set.

Removing his hands Kylo looked at the wound and was pleased to see the glue had worked. The wound edges were roughly approximated, and the bleeding had ceased. He circled back around to stand in front of you once again.

"Come on Doll, wake up," he said, shaking your shoulders. Nothing. Kylo used one of his hands to pull your eyelid open. He rolled his eyes again as he took in your large, dilated pupils, iris barely visible. He heard your stomach growl again.

Kylo took a step back, taking one last look at you before turning, walking to head upstairs.

Sliding into his bed, Kylo smiled to himself. He looked at his clock. It was one in the morning. _Time flies when you're having fun_. Leaning back into his pillows, Kylo quickly drifted to sleep, dreaming of face-fucking your stupid little mouth.

**[Your POV]**

Ammonia. The smell of ammonia was overwhelming and intense beneath your nose. Instinctively you tried throwing your head back to escape the smell, surprised to find it push into something soft. You opened your eyes, slamming them shut as the completely lit room blinded you.

The smell of ammonia faded. And you blinked your eyes open and closed, giving them time to adjust. Once you got them open all the way, the first thing you noticed was Kylo sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, facing towards you.

"Doll," he looked at you, clearly irritated. You didn't reply, instead sitting up slightly to look around.

"Ahhh owww," you moaned, your head pounding as you sat up, and you felt the sharp pain of your scalp wound, confused about why it burned. Closing your eyes, you felt nauseous from the pain, and took a few deep breaths to try and get the nausea to pass. After a moment, the pain somewhat dulled, and you opened your eyes again. You were still in the basement, but Kylo had moved you from the chair to a bed that was centered on the back wall.

The wall directly opposite the bed was empty. On one side of the room there was a workbench, the counter filled with toolboxes. The workbench had shelving underneath it, and you could see a stack of rags, some more plastic storage boxes, and a case of water on the floor. The wall above the work bench was covered in pegboard, and there were various objects hanging off the hooks, but you couldn't really make out what they were.

The other side of the room was also empty, except, about half-way down the wall, there was a door. _Wonder what's in there_. Doubt settled in your mind; you were unsure if you really did want to know.

The chair you had been tied to still sat in the middle of the room, the handcuffs placed on the seat. Noticing the handcuffs, you brought your hands up to your face, relieved that they were freed. You rolled your wrists, stretching them out, rubbing them out. Your skin was slightly bruised from where the metal had bitten into your skin.

"Doll," Kylo said again, still irritated. You looked at him. Under the crisp white lighting of the basement, Kylo Ren was especially beautiful, his amber eyes bore into you, as he wet his plush lips with his tongue. "How nice of you to wake up," he seethed.

You looked down into his lap and saw he had a tube of smelling salts in his hand. The ammonia. You hadn't naturally come around, Kylo had used smelling salts to make you wake up. _Should've guessed_.

You blinked at him, trying to stay as still as possible, any movement making your head explode with pain. "How nice of you to wake me up," you retorted. You wondered how long you had been out, what time it was, even what day it was.

Kylo clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring. He got up off the bed and walked towards the steps that lead up into the house saying nothing.

When you heard the door close, your eyes dropped down to the bed. It was large, you figured it must have been a king. The bed didn't have a headboard, instead it was just a mattress on a bed frame pushed against the wall.

There were four down pillows covered by black satin pillowcases at the head of the bed, one with your head-print on it. The sheets, fitted and top, were also black satin. About halfway down the bed, a black and red quilt was folded back, ready in case you got cold.

Kylo had actually tucked you into the bed, slipping you under the covers, which you appreciated since you were still naked. Except, of course, for the black lace thong.

Tentatively, you slid your feet towards the edge of the bed, head screaming in protest. You were shocked he hadn't shackled you to the wall or floor. What would stop you from trying to escape?

Slipping out of the left side of the bed, desperate to see what was hanging above his workbench, your feet touched the cold concrete floor. You went to stand, and your body swayed, black tunnels clouding your vision. You gave yourself a second to adjust, the tunnels slowly subsiding, and put one foot forward.

As you dragged your other foot forward, your legs gave out, and you collapsed to the floor. You managed to get your arms out in front of you just in time to break your fall, keeping your head from slamming into the concrete again.

"Ohhhhh fuck," you moaned. Auras invaded your vision and the black tunnels returned as your head pounded. You just laid there, hoping the pain would dissipate so you could get your naked body off of the cold concrete. When the pain didn't relent, you tried pushing yourself off the floor with your hands, trying to get up.

That wasn't going to happen. You were just too weak, in too much pain. Tears pricked your eyes as you fell back on the floor. Slowly, you dragged yourself into the fetal position, trying to limit your naked body's contact with the concrete. The tears fell silently, sliding down your face, pooling on the floor.

You started shaking. You weren't sure if it was from the cold floor, the head injury, the fear, the low blood sugar, or the combination of them all.

Your mind raced. You were kidnapped, literally someone's prisoner. You were terrified. Kylo had shown how unhinged he was. You felt the panic tighten your chest, radiating out so that you could feel it circulating in your blood. _What was his endgame?_ You wondered how long he planned on keeping you, what he would do to you. Scenarios that made you wish for death floated through your mind.

And what was worse, what really made you want to die, is that you were still attracted to Kylo Ren. You still wanted to know what it was like to have him inside you, to have him nip at your nipples while his cock hit your cervix, to have his tongue lap at you.

Even after he drugged you, kidnapped you, slapped you, and gave you a concussion, you still wanted him to fuck you senseless.

Curled up on the concrete floor, shaking so hard your teeth shattered, your brain finally did you a favor and let you fall into a dreamless sleep.

**[Kylo's POV]**

Kylo slammed the basement door behind him, turning around to lock the deadbolt and click the padlock shut. He knew the padlock was a bit obvious. But he rarely had anyone at his house, and if someone asked, he would just say it was because he had chemicals down there and didn't want to risk them falling into the wrong hands. Kylo was charming, he had the world fooled into thinking he was just another playboy athlete.

After checking the basement door was secure, Kylo grabbed his wallet and keys and headed out his front door. He made his way back to campus, slowly walking up Westholme Avenue. Once on campus, Kylo made his way down to Ackerman Union and the Bruin Health Pharmacy.

Walking up to the counter, the young pharmacy technician looked up and immediately turned beet red. Kylo smirked.

"H-How can I help you?" she stuttered.

"Picking up a prescription for an incapacitated friend," Kylo said, flashing a brilliant smile. "Y/N, Y/LN, date of birth Y/D.O.B."

"How nice of you," the girl giggled as she typed in the info. "Oh yeah, I see one here ready for her. Let me just go grab it." The girl scurried off, digging in the racks, finding your prescription and walking back to the counter with it, and scanning it into the computer. "Alright go ahead and sign that you're picking up the Beclomethasone for her. Did you want to pay or just have it charged to her student account?"

"Student account will be fine, thanks," Kylo smirked, grabbing the prescription bag and turning, walking out the doors directly across from the pharmacy. Going down the steps, Kylo started walking into Westwood, realizing he should probably pick up your favorite food to entice you to eat. His cock throbbed as he thought about what a brat you were sure to be. He could almost hear you refusing to eat already, " _I'm not hungry. I don't want that. I'm not eating anything until you let me go._ "

It wouldn't matter, Kylo would force feed you if he had to. You were going to need your strength for him. But, Kylo thought, things would go better if he didn't have to force you.

Kylo walked into Enzo's Pizzeria. Quickly he ordered an 18-inch white pizza, spaghetti with Italian sausage, penne with Italian sausage, and two orders of the cheese garlic bread. It was a lot of food, yes, but it made Kylo's life easier for the next day or two because he could just heat up leftovers.

Once the food was ready, Kylo made the walk back to his house. He quickly unlocked the basement door and headed down the stairs. When Kylo entered the basement he almost dropped all the food. _No fucking way_. His heart fell into his stomach.

The bed was empty, and he couldn't see you. The darkness coming from under the door to his left told him you weren't inside there. Quickly, he began walking towards the work bench, setting the good and prescription on the counter.

That's when he saw you, curled in the fetal position, laying on the floor. _Jesus fucking Christ._

Kylo started to wonder if you were even worth it seeing as you apparently couldn't keep it together to save your fucking life. He considered just killing you, finding a new obsession.

 _No_. You were different to Kylo. He'd had other obsessions, but not like you. There was something about you, he wanted to keep you forever, always have you in his possession.

Kylo walked over to you looking down at you. He sighed. _Probably better this way, that she can't keep it together, that she's almost already broken. I can put the pieces back together how I want_. 

Leaning down, Kylo slid his arms underneath you, picking you up and placing you back on the bed. You groaned softly. He could feel how cold you were. He pulled the satin sheet on top of you, and grabbed the quilt, pulling it up over you.

Kylo walked around to the other side of the bed. He took his shirt off, dropped it to the floor, stepped out of his shoes, and peeled his jeans off, keeping his boxers on. He slid himself into bed next to you.

This was certainly not how Kylo had expected his first time being naked in bed with you would go. He was pissed. You just had to try and get up, had to collapse, leaving yourself exposed to the cold. Kylo slid over to you, pulling you into his arms.

"Mmmmmm," you moaned, pushing yourself closer to him. Kylo knew your brain was instinctively seeking out his warmth, but still, he smirked with the satisfaction that you wanted to be close to him.

Your head was tucked into his chest, and he brought his head down so that his nose was in your hair. He breathed in, the scent of your shampoo fainter than the first time, the scent now also tinged with the metallic smell of blood. Kylo brought his head back up, so that his chin rested gently on the top of your head.

Kylo wasn't sure how long the two of you laid like that. Him warming you up with his body heat, trying to fix his broken doll. In your sleep, you moved your head back, out of his chest a bit to breathe easier. Kylo stared down at you. _So perfect. All mine._

Kylo couldn't help himself. Slowly, he brought his lips down to yours, closing his eyes, kissing you. To Kylo's surprise, you began kissing him back. His eyes flew open, and he saw that yours were still closed. Kylo deepened the kiss, your lips parting, letting him run his tongue along your teeth. Kylo felt himself grow hard as you moaned into his mouth, lips still moving together.

Your eyes opened sleepily, and Kylo watched the shock register on your face.

**[Your POV]**

_Warmth. You were vaguely aware that you were suddenly enveloped in warmth. Instinctively you moved closer to it, your body desperate for it. You knew time passed because you grew more and more acclimated to the warmth as your body temperature rose._

_Soft lips were on yours, gentle, caressing you tenderly. Eagerly, you returned the kiss, lips parting, letting their tongue into your mouth. You moaned into their mouth, lips moving in time with theirs._

_As your brain wrestled itself from its protective slumber, more and more memories started to trickle into your consciousness. Sleepily, you blinked your eyes open, looking into the eyes of the man kissing you. Kylo Ren._

"What the fuck?!" you screeched at him, your hands finding his chest, shoving the two of you apart. Your head throbbed, but the pain was less intense, the sleep working miracles.

"Doll," he said in his deep baritone, smirking at you, "glad to see you're awake and feeling a bit better."

"What the fuck was that?" you spat at him. "Why?"

Kylo shrugged at you. "You were just irresistible. The way you slept in my arms. My little Doll."

You gaped at him. "No. I - I am not, abso-fucking-lutely not, your doll. Or your anything for that matter."

"Ah. Really?" Kylo said. Before you could react, he pulled the sheet down off of you, moving on top of you, legs straddling yours, hips pinning you down. He leaned so that his chest was touching yours, his face inches from yours. You could feel his hard cock rub against you, your cheeks blazing.

 _Fuck he feels good_.

"Because right now it looks like you want to be my little cum slut."

He pushed his hips down on yours, grinding his cock against you. You took a sharp breath in, a familiar tension building inside of you.

"Hm." Kylo murmured, placing his lips on your neck. "So conflicted." His lips tickled your neck. You inhaled sharply, turning your neck away, giving him better access. Kylo planted soft kisses down your neck. You shivered, lips parting as your breathing increased.

Reaching your collarbone, Kylo bit down slightly, his teeth digging into your flesh. He sucked, lightly at first, but then harder, and you knew it would bruise.

"Ahhhhh Kylo," you moaned. _No, no, I can't do this._ Your brain was in overdrive. You knew this wrong. You shouldn't be attracted to him at all, not after what he had done to you. But he was just so fucking intoxicating.

Kylo's lips moved lower, planting kisses down your chest, his hands moving to play with the waistband of your thong. Just as Kylo was about to reach your breast, something inside of you snapped.

"No, no Kylo I can't." You squirmed underneath him. "Please Kylo, please don't do this," you whispered. Your head was swimming, and you weren't sure if it was the probable concussion you had, or a side effect of the massive cognitive dissonance you were experiencing.

Kylo froze. He removed his lips from your chest, shifting back up to look you in the eyes. You looked at him, tears in your eyes, bottom lip quivering.

You started shaking. "I - I - I - don't... please" you hiccupped at him and started sobbing. Wordlessly Kylo moved off of you. Sitting on the bed next to you for a moment.

You rolled away from him, curling yourself into a ball, desolate sobs wracking your body. You were exhausted, in pain, hungry, thirsty, scared, and horny.

 _Please just let me wake up from this_...Your heart dropped as you realized you couldn't decide if this was a dream or a nightmare.

**[Kylo's POV]**

Kylo let out a deep sigh as you bawled next to him. He resisted rolling his eyes at you again, instead shifting and getting off the bed. _I can use this_.

He walked over to the workbench and grabbed the food, your prescription in a bag on the pizza box. He walked back to your side of the bed and sat at your feet. He placed the food in the middle of the bed.

"Doll, come on. Have some food. It'll make you feel better." Tentatively Kylo reached out and touched your hand, to help pull you up.

"No...I'm," you tried talking between sobs, "I'm not... not... hungry." Kylo watched as you sniffled and brought your hands to your face, wiping the tears from your face. You were hyperventilating at this point, body shaking as you tried desperately to get air in your lungs.

Kylo grabbed the prescription bag, tore it open, and got the box out. Opening the box, he tossed the inhaler at you. "Doll, you need to use your inhaler, you're going to make yourself pass out again."

Kylo could see your brain fighting itself. You wanted to refuse the inhaler, but you were also desperate for air, and confused about how he had your inhaler. When your hand grabbed at the inhaler, Kylo grabbed your arms and helped you sit up.

As you used the inhaler, Kylo took the box of penne and a plastic fork out of the bag and set it in front of you. "Eat."

"Water, please," you replied. Kylo narrowed his eyes at you, he was getting really tired of you having a response for everything.

"You need to eat."

"I told you. I'm. Not. Hungry." Kylo grabbed your jaw in his hand, done with your attitude.

"You have two options. You can eat of your own accord, or I will fucking force feed you," Kylo tightened his grip on your jaw. "And you fucking know I will."

He released your jaw, staring down at you, lips set in a thin line. He saw the fear flash across your face before you grabbed the box, rolling your eyes at him.

Kylo could have punched you in the face. _I'm going to kill her_. He took a deep breath, trying to control his homicidal impulses. _No. Not yet anyway_. As much as your disrespect made him want to kill you, it also made him desperate to fuck you.

"You eat some of it first. I don't trust you Mr. Chemistry major." Your words snapped Kylo out of his head. You cocked an eyebrow at him.

Kylo rolled his eyes at you. He grabbed the fork and quickly took a bite of the penne. "See it's fine." He gave the fork back to you. Kylo regarded you intently as you slowly brought some of the pasta to your mouth.

Kylo got up, walked to the workbench and grabbed two bottles of water from the case on the floor. He came back over and sat on the bed, handing you one of the bottles. He was stunned by what came out of your mouth next.

"Thank you. For the pasta and the water," you said, opening the bottle and taking a drink. "That pasta is my favorite."

Kylo swallowed heavily, "I know," he whispered. He dragged his eyes down your naked body. He loved how comfortable you were with him. Not even embarrassed to be almost completely naked in front of him.

Kylo looked away, staring at the wall as you finished eating. Once you were done, he grabbed all the food and trash, "Don't move," he instructed you, as he ran upstairs to put the food away.

Arriving back in the basement, Kylo was pleased you had done as you were told and had laid back down in bed.

Without saying anything, he walked over to the door across from the bed. Opening it, he flipped on the lights and walked inside. He made his way to the bathtub-shower combination and turned the water on. Once the temperature felt right, he pushed the stopper down so the bath would fill. He squirted some bubble bath into the water and a light layer of bubbles began to form.

He walked back over to the bed, where you had sat back up.

"Is that a bathroom?" you asked excitedly.

"Yes." He nodded at you, "Come." He held out a hand to you.

"I can go by myself, thank you," you shot back at him.

"I know you can, that doesn't mean you're going to," he smirked at you.

"Fine then I'll stay here." You sank back into the bed and rolled away from him.

Kylo leaned over the bed and grabbed you, sliding you along the sheets.

"FUCKING STOP!" You yelled at him.

"Then come voluntarily."

"Fuck - fine." Kylo released you, watching you like a hawk as you slid out of bed.

As you went to take a step your legs wobbled, and Kylo shot his arms out to steady you. "Careful Doll."

"Well if you hadn't given me a fucking concussion," you snarled at him.

"I wouldn't have if you didn't run your fucking mouth," Kylo seethed at you.

The two of you engaged in a staring contest for a minute. Kylo released his hands from you and you started walking towards the bathroom. Kylo followed closely behind you, ready to stop you from falling.

Following you into the bathroom, Kylo was floored when you walked over to the toilet, pulled your thong down, stepped out of it, and peed in front of him. Kylo reached the bath and turned the water off.

"God I can't believe my bladder hasn't burst since you haven't let me pee," Kylo heard you murmur at him as the toilet flushed.

He turned to look at you, smirking, eyes gleaming wildly. "Ah, that would be because when you passed out you peed yourself."

**[Your POV]**

You felt sick. "What?" you whispered.

He chuckled at you, "Yeah you peed yourself."

 _Oh my fucking god_. Your cheeks burned. "And so, you... cleaned me up?"

"Yes. I did. Rinsed and dried your thong too."

You swallowed hard. "Did...did you do anything?" you asked him, looking down at the floor.

He snorted. "No. No I did not. Disappointed?"

You didn't say anything, walking over to the bath and stepping in. You sunk into the bubbles, the warm water relaxing your muscles just a touch. "Mmmmm," you sighed, closing your eyes.

You heard Kylo sit down beside the bath, and could feel him watching you. You sunk further into the water. You took your mind someplace else, needing a break from your current situation.

You weren't sure how much time had passed when you heard Kylo shift. You opened your eyes and sat back up in the bath. Kylo grabbed the shower hose and turned the water on, pulling the tab up on the bath spout so the water came out of the shower head.

He moved down towards you, "Scoot forward."

"Why?" you asked, eyeing him warily.

"I'm going to wash your hair."

"I can do that myself."

"I know, but again, can doesn't mean will."

"I don't get it. Why? Why do you even want to?" you asked, genuinely confused by him. One moment he was ready to punch you, and the next he wanted to help you.

"I take care of my possessions Doll," he said simply. Your eyes searched his, looking for more, looking for any hint of how he really felt about you, but you found nothing.

Wordlessly, you did as he asked scooting forward. You tilted your head back, eyes closing, the throbbing pain returning. "Ah, please be gentle," you asked him.

You heard Kylo hum an acknowledgment at you. The water ran over your scalp, and you felt a burning sensation. You drew your eyebrows together in confusion, and before you could reach back to feel why Kylo said "You cut your scalp. When you hit your head."

He moved the water around, making sure your hair was completely wet. "Here hold this." He brought the showerhead to your hand and you did as he asked. "I had to super glue it shut."

 _Super glue_. You shook your head slightly. At this point it didn't even surprise you. You heard a bottle open, and then felt his hands on your scalp, gently massaging the shampoo through your hair. _Fuck_ _that feels good_.

You shivered slightly, lips parting, letting out a soft sigh. Kylo grabbed the showerhead back from you and rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. "Again," he said, and you felt the showerhead back at your hand.

Another bottle opened, and Kylo ran conditioner down the end of your hair, smoothing a little at your scalp. You felt something dip into the water and heard yet another bottle open.

A washcloth was at your neck, moving around in small circles. "Can I?" you asked hesitantly.

"Sure," Kylo replied, grabbing the showerhead from your hand and resting the washcloth on your shoulder.

As you washed your body, Kylo rinsed the conditioner from your hair. You dropped the washcloth in the tub after you finished washing your body. Kylo handed you the showerhead so that you could rinse your body, which you did as best one could in a bath.

"Do you have a towel?" you asked him, realizing what a stupid question it was as soon as you asked it.

Kylo nodded, standing up and grabbing a towel out from underneath the sink. You reached down and pulled the stopper so the water could begin to drain. Slowly, you stood up. You were acutely aware of your nakedness as you stood there soaking wet in front of Kylo.

His eyes were locked on you, slowly roaming your body. You felt your heart rate increase as you stood there under his gaze. "You're perfect," he murmured, eyes meeting yours.

Your lips twitched up into a small smile. No one had ever said that to you before. You let your eyes return the favor, slowly dragging your gaze down his body. He was still naked, except for his boxers.

You didn't understand how someone could be so muscular and toned. Your breath caught in your throat when you reached his hips. He had that deep v etched into him that led down to his crotch. Even with his boxers on, you could tell he was hard. Staring at his crotch, you bit down on your bottom lip.

You felt your nipples harden, that familiar tension building inside you. Your cunt throbbed. _Damn. I need him_.

He unfolded the towel and held it out for you. You stepped out of the tub and he walked towards you, wrapping you in the towel. He pulled you close to him, and you didn't fight him.

"Let me dry off," you murmured to him. He stepped back, and you used the towel to dry off your skin, moving it up to your hair, scrunching it in the towel to get as much water out as possible. When you finished, you let the towel fall to the floor and took a step closer to Kylo.

Kylo didn't need more of an invitation. He took your face in both his hands, thumbs on your cheeks, his eyes searching yours, almost for permission you thought. You nodded slightly, and his lips were on yours. You didn't hesitate to return his kiss, your entire body tingling.

His hands moved from your face, falling to your hips and lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around him, as he continued to kiss you, your tongue slipping into his mouth, your arms winding around his neck. He moaned softly into your mouth as he started walking back into the basement towards the bed.

You felt the bed hit the back of your legs, and you dropped your arms from Kylo's neck and loosened your legs around him. He leaned you onto the bed, lips never leaving yours. Your legs dangled over the edge of the bed as Kylo's weight pressed into you.

You pushed your hips up to meet his, desperate to feel his cock rub against you anywhere. His lips left yours and you let out a groan in protest. He dragged his tongue down your neck, stopping at your collarbone and you watched as he admired the bruise he had left there earlier.

"Fuck I've been waiting for this," Kylo said, voice husky. Your head was swimming with desire, and pain, the pounding from your concussion increasing as your heart rate shot up. You didn't care that he kidnapped you, you didn't care that he had hurt you, you just wanted him inside you.

"Please Kylo," you cooed at him. Kylo nipped his way down your chest, his hands found your breasts, cupping them and pushing them up. You arched your back up to him, breathing becoming ragged.

He moved his face back to yours, kissing you deeply as he took your nipples between his thumb and index finger, twisting and tugging at them. _Oh fuck_. The sensation went straight to your pussy and you could feel yourself growing wetter and wetter at his touch.

Abruptly, Kylo broke the kiss and took his hands off your nipples, standing up. Confused, you propped yourself up on your elbows looking at him confused, panting. "What?"

Kylo sunk to his knees, grabbed your hips and pulled you down so that your ass was hanging slightly over the bed. _Is he-_. Your thoughts were cut off by his hands peeling you open, and his face moving between your legs, centimeters from your cunt. You felt his warm breath on you, and you bucked your hips into his face, forcing contact, lying back down.

Your heart broke a little as he pulled his face back. "Put your legs on my shoulders," he ordered you. As much as it killed you, for once you did what he told you immediately, manipulated by the pleasure running through your body, and the thought of your impending orgasm.

You were almost embarrassed by how close you were already. Almost. You felt Kylo's breath return to your cunt, and you gasped slightly. "Mmmm," he whispered into you, "you smell so good Doll."

"Oh fuck," you whimpered. Kylo's tongue made a quick stripe from the bottom of your cunt up to your clit. Your legs spasmed wildly on his shoulders, and he chuckled. His tongue repeated the motion, but this time when he got to your clit he stayed there, licking your clit with firm strokes, up, down, side to side.

Your breathing hitched, head pounding as you thrashed it from side to side, trying to control the tension building inside you. As much as you didn't want this feeling to end, the pounding in your head was threatening to overtake you.

Kylo continued working you, making slow strokes up and down your pussy, using the tip of his tongue to hit every nerve. "Fuck Kylo - I - ahhh - I, I think I'm going - hmm - to pass, to pass out," you stuttered at him. The pounding pain in your head added a new dimension to the pleasure, and you were concerned by how much you liked it.

The only problem was every time Kylo sent a shock of pleasure through you, your vision tunneled. You had to fight hard to keep from giving into the tunnels, from passing out.

"We can stop," Kylo taunted, but as he said it he slowly inserted two fingers inside of you. You shuddered as Kylo found your g-spot and returned his tongue to your clit. You spasmed on the bed, you were so close, so achingly close.

"Oh my god, Kylo, I'm - holy fuck, I'm going to cum" you panted at him. "Kylo, how - how." You thought you had experienced good sex before, but no one had ever made you feel this way.

"Well that was quick," Kylo murmured. Continuing to finger you in just the right way, Kylo took your clit in his mouth, sucking gently, while his tongue circled around it. Bliss filtered through you, your mind going blank as you moaned wildly.

"Kylo!" you screamed. Your breathing stopped as all your muscles tensed. You were about to fall over the edge when his fingers slipped out of you and his mouth left you. He stood up, his hands on your waist, moving you onto the bed properly.

"What the FUCK?" you whined at him. He just smiled at you.

"Patience," he cocked his head at you, "Good things come to those that wait."

You groaned, looking at him and rolling your eyes, not wanting to wait. "But-"

He cut you off. "I know you want me inside of you, so just shut up and take it." He slid his boxers down, freeing his cock.

"Holy shit," you gasped. You took a sharp breath in, eyes widening. "Oh, there's no way that's going to fit."

Kylo smirked at you as he slowly stroked himself. "Mm. I'm going to make it fit baby girl." Your mouth fell open, you could only gape at him. Kylo climbed on the bed, hovering over you.

"Oh god help me," you said to him. You were scared, but on fire, ready for him to fill you up.

Leaning down so his face was inches from yours, you felt him slide his cock up and down your pussy, teasing your clit. "The only god who's going to help you is me," he whispered to you.

You gulped down air. "What does that even-" Kylo shut you up by sliding into you. You were only aware of pain, you closed your eyes, the tunnels threatening to consume you. Kylo stayed still, letting you adjust.

As the pain faded, you opened your eyes to his stupid smirking face. Kylo pulled out of you, ramming back in. "Oh fuck," you whimpered. He continued, picking up his pace. "Ahhhh Kylo."

He brought his mouth to your neck, right over your jugular and sucked hard, pressing his canines into your flesh as he continued to thrust into you. His hand slid between the two of you, and he started thumbing your clit.

Your body was in hyperdrive. You weren't sure if this was real or a dream. You had never felt like this before - so deeply connected to someone, so intoxicated by another human being. "Kylo, please - mmmmm - please let me, ahh fuck, let me cum. Let - let me cum around you," you pleaded with him. "I'm - I'm there, ahhh yeah, I'm going to cum Kylo."

Kylo tsked at you. "No Doll. No, you're not." Kylo slowed his thrusting, the hand that had been working your clit shot up to your neck, choking you. "Only good girls get to cum. If you behave and do what you're fucking told, I'll let you cum. Make you feels things you can't even imagine."

"What- I," you sputtered at him. Kylo laughed sadistically at you. The tunnels returned, as Kylo picked up his pace, thrusting faster than before, splitting you in half. Between the pleasure and lack of oxygen, you didn't have a choice, you couldn't stop the tunnels, everything went black.

You were brought back into consciousness by a hard slap from Kylo across the face. You barely registered the sting as you gulped down air, Kylo still fucking you hard. You wanted to scream at him, but before you got the chance, his hand clamped back down on your throat.

Pleasure coursing through your veins, you lost consciousness again.

**[Kylo's POV]**

Kylo removed his hand from your neck. _Finally, some fucking peace and quiet_. He continued thrusting into you, loving the way the walls of your pussy dragged on his cock. It almost wasn't the same for him, you being unconscious.

But, you had to learn. Had to understand who was in control. "Fuck," Kylo grunted. His hand returned to your neck, just for his own pleasure, as he came inside of you, his orgasm washing over him.

He collapsed on top of you, breathing in your scent as he thrusted in you a few last times, drawing out his orgasm. Kylo laid on top of you for a few minutes, partially to recover, partially to make sure you were alive and continued to breathe.

 _She'll be fine_. _Pissed off. But fine._ Kylo sighed and slipped out of you. Getting off the bed, he grabbed his clothes from the floor and slipped them back on. He faced the bed again, regarding you intently. Kylo smiled to himself. Fucking you was better than he imagined.

He pulled the sheet up over you, and leaned down, kissing you on the forehead. "Mmm," you groaned, shifting in your sleep. Kylo started to walk towards the stairs. Before heading up the stairs, he glanced back at you. You had given in quicker than he expected. _This is going to be fun_.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read. A lot happens in this chapter, and warnings are given below. 
> 
> If you haven’t done so already, you should go check out Gigi’s fic, Clair de Lune! Vampire Kylo…. Say less. She’s @Princess_complex18.
> 
> Once again, there’s a shoutout to one of our favorite fics (written by our roomie) in this chapter. Comment if you spot it, it makes me happy. 
> 
> Lots more stuff this chapter. Read the tags. This chapter we’ve got: bondage, C/NC physical violence, more dubcon, emotional manipulation, weapons, angst, threats of murder, knife play, branding, pregnancy, threats, mention of adoption, mention of rape, emotions all over the place. 
> 
> We realize this fic will not be everyone’s cup of tea. Please, if it is not yours or will trigger you do not read it. Your safety and health are far more important than you reading this fic. 
> 
> Yeah there’s probably grammar errors and typos. Humans, am I right

**[Your POV]**

The first thing you were aware of was the dull ache of your head. The second thing to creep into your consciousness was that your right hand was numb, awkwardly pinned beneath your body as you had slept. Groaning, you kept your eyes closed and rolled over to get in a more comfortable position and wiggled your hand to get the feeling back. 

Rolling over made you realize how sore your entire body was. The pain between your legs screamed at you, causing you to jolt awake, eyes popping open. You froze on the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

_We had - Oh my god_. Panic hit you in the face. Your heart rate increased even as you stayed laying down in bed, afraid to move and feel the reminders of what you had done. _He didn’t even have to force me. I did it willingly. I wanted it._

Your chest tightened as the panic ran through you. Tears threatened to spill as you replayed the events in your head. _God, he felt good. He made me feel..._ Your hands shot to your neck as visions of him choking you passed through your mind. You could see his face above you, staring down at you, eyes burning with rage and desire, “ _If you behave and do what you’re fucking told I’ll let you cum. Make you feel things you can’t even imagine._ ”

You clenched at the memory. _Fuck_. Shame mixed in with your panic. You wanted, needed almost, for him to finish what he had started. The nausea hit you suddenly, and intense. You felt the bile rise in your throat. 

You jumped out of bed, running to the bathroom, ignoring the pain, not bothering to turn the light on. You made it to the toilet just in time to throw yourself to your knees and vomit into it. When you thought you were done, you flushed the toilet, went to the bathroom, and felt your way to the sink to wash your hands and rinse your mouth, flicking the bathroom light on.

The reflection in the mirror made you jump back, scarring you, making you think someone else was in the bathroom with you. But no, the reflection was you. You stared at yourself in the mirror. 

A massive handprint shaped bruise bloomed across your entire neck, a deep purple. Above your jugular, an almost black hickey had formed. At your collar bone, another bruise, this one already starting to fade to a blue green, a darker color revealing the imprint of where his teeth had sunk into your skin. 

Red bruises circled your wrists and ankles courtesy of the handcuffs. You felt the back of your head, trailing your fingers lightly over your cut, the super glue rough under your fingertips. You dropped your hand, bringing both to the sink and leaned heavily on the counter. 

You closed your eyes tightly, hoping that when you opened them again the bruises wouldn’t still be there. With your eyes closed and the distraction of your physical appearance gone, the pain and ache of your head and body returned. 

“Ugh,” you sighed. Tentatively, you blinked your eyes open. Even though you knew they would still be there, your heart fell as you saw the bruises littering your body once again. You flicked the light back off, needing to be alone in complete darkness. Well, almost complete. Kylo had left one light on near the stairs when he had fucked off last night. 

It wasn’t the bruises themselves that made the nausea return with a vengeance. It was knowing who had put them there. Knowing you had liked it. Knowing you wanted him to do it again. 

More bile rose in your throat and you dropped back down to the toilet, being sick again. Even after you had emptied your stomach, dry heaves continued to wrack your body. You slid yourself around so that you could lean against the wall beside the toilet, grabbing the towel on the floor to use as a blanket. 

You brought your knees to your chest and hugged them as the dry heaving stopped, head pressed against the wall. You finally gave in to the tears that had been threatening to fall since you woke up, sobs now racking your body instead of dry heaves. 

And you stayed curled up there, sobbing, from the panic and confusion, but also from the grief that was shattering your heart. You knew this was only the beginning. 

But, you also knew you were eager to see what Kylo would do to you next. 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo was woken by the sun filtering into his room. He stretched across his bed, yawning. Rolling over to get out of bed his attention focused on your water bottle and red lace thong still on his nightstand. Kylo’s lips turned up, and he sat up, tossing the bottle and thong on his bed. 

When he had gone upstairs last night he had taken your backpack with him and set it on his bedroom floor. He slid out of bed, went to the bathroom, grabbed your backpack, and sat back down on the bed. He started with the larger back pocket. He pulled out your clothes, which he had shoved in your backpack after undressing you and handcuffing you to the chair. 

He brought your shirt to his face, breathing in your scent. He groaned into it, cock starting to twitch under his grey sweatpants. He tossed it aside, along with the skirt you had been wearing that night. _Could have fun with that_. Kylo thought back to his fantasy about bending you over the desk in the auditorium, fucking you in front of everyone. _Maybe one day_. 

Kylo lingered on your bra. It was nude, lace all over, the cups soft. He remembered how fantastic it made your breasts look, lifting them up, the demi cut barely covering your nipples, the nude lace letting them peak through anyway. Kylo rubbed the lace on his face, imagining what it would be like to do that while you were wearing the bra. 

Kylo made a mental note to go back to your place and grab some more of your clothes. _Shopping. I should go shopping for her_. Kylo put the bra on top of your other clothes and looked back inside the bag. He pulled out your notebooks and textbooks, opening one of your notebooks to admire your handwriting. Even it was beautiful to him. 

He pulled out your pencil case, rolling his eyes at the number of pens and highlighters you had jammed into it. _What a scholar_. Kylo smirked to himself, he did like that you took school so seriously. It was so different from himself.

Back pocket emptied, Kylo unzipped the front pocket. He put your cellphone in his lap, he’d deal with that later. He had forgotten about it after he had put it in the front pocket of your backpack on the night he took you. Kylo was disappointed to find there wasn’t much in your front pocket, apparently you traveled light. 

He pulled out some a couple of tubes of chapstick, setting them on his nightstand next to your water bottle. Next, he found a couple of charging cables, tossing them aside. He pulled out a pack of tissues, a UCLA lanyard with your ID card attached. Kylo studied the photo intently, freshman you looked so young and naive. 

Tampons. Kylo pulled out tampons. _Ah. Forgot about that_. Kylo glanced at the calendar on his wall, looking for the small red dot he had put to mark when you should start. He was pleased to see you still had a few days left before you should start. A buzzing in his lap returned Kylo’s attention to your phone. 

Glancing at your phone, Kylo rolled his eyes. The amount of notifications was astronomical. He typed in your passcode, and through the missed calls first. There were 49 missed calls from your roommate Luna, 69 from your best friend Gigi, 15 from Gigi’s roommate and your close friend Bella, and 1 from your Mom. Kylo didn’t bother with the voicemails, he was sure they all said the same thing.

He moved to your texts. You had 1,242 missed text messages. _How is that even possible_. Looking at them it became clearer. There were multiple group chats, which made up the bulk of the 1,242. Kylo didn’t bother with them. 

The last text Luna sent said, **_Girl, just let me know you’re okay. I know you disappear sometimes but just let me know you’re alive!! Please!! I love you._**

Gigi’s last message read, **_I swear to fucking god if you’ve been murdered I will bring you back to life just to kill you again. If you wanna disappear fine but you gotta let me know so I don’t worry. Please fucking text me back and let me know you’re okay. I’m going to keep calling. Ily bb._**

Your mom said, **_Hi sweetie just checking in. Hope all is well. Call when you can!_**

Kylo scrolled past a couple more group texts, when he spotted a name that gave him pause. 

_Vicrul_.

**_Hi babe, sorry for not making you cum tonight. But I don’t like waiting that long between fucks and you know it. And I know you got yourself off to thoughts of me. I listened outside your door…Sounded almost as good as I can make you cum. Also, I’ve been thinking, I want to take you on a date. We’ve done the casual sex thing long enough that I think I’ve got feelings. So you know? I look forward to hearing from you…_ **

Kylo saw red. _Fucking Vicrul. I fucking told him to stop_. Kylo clenched his jaw, breathing hard out his nose. He stared at the text, rereading it over and over again. 

Kylo got up, slid your phone in his pocket, and pulled on his black leather boots. He threw his bedroom door open and walked down to the second bedroom. He went inside, slid the closet door open and pulled out the large, heavy, black duffle bag. He dropped it at his feet, knelt in front of it, unzipped the bag and appraised its contents. He grabbed one of the items and slid it in his sweatpants pocket. 

Zipping the bag up, he picked it back up and carried it with him as he made his way downstairs to the basement door. He paused for a moment in front of it. Kylo took a moment to center his rage. Somewhere deep in his brain he knew it was wrong for him to take his anger at Vicrul out on you. 

It wasn’t just Vicrul though. He was livid with you as well. Making yourself cum to thoughts of Vicrul. That would not be happening ever again. Kylo would make sure of that. He would be the only one to ever make you cum again, the only one you would ever think about as you touched yourself. 

Unlocking the basement door Kylo made his way slowly down the stairs, thinking about what he wanted to do with you. Clearing the last step, Kylo flipped the rest of the lights on, filling the room with light once again. His eye reached the bed, and he saw you weren’t there. He just rolled his eyes. 

He walked over to and dropped the duffle off to the side of the chair. He picked the handcuffs up, laying them so they dangled over the top of the chair, cuffs open. Kylo checked the more hidden side of the bed to make sure you hadn’t collapsed again. Not finding you there, he walked over to the bathroom. 

Stepping in, he turned on the lights. _Pathetic._ He shook his head, rolling his eyes at you. You were lying on the floor next to the toilet, towel covering your leg, head resting on your outstretched arm. _Still beautiful, even like this_. 

“Doll,” Kylo called to you. You made a slight noise, and scrunched your eyes up, moving your head back slightly. 

“Mmm” you groaned, “just leave me alone.”

“I’m really not in the fucking mood today Doll,” he growled at you. Kylo took three long strides, standing in front of you. He leaned down and ran his fingers through your hair, twisting it around his palm, closing his hand. He saw a faint smile ghost your lips at his touch, your eyes still closed. Kylo Ren almost felt bad about what was to come. Almost.

**[Your POV]**

You felt Kylo’s hand playing in your hair, it felt good. _Weird, he sounded so ang_ -. 

“OW! Kylo! What the fuck!” you screamed at him as he lifted you off the ground by your hair, dragging you out of the bathroom. “Kylo! Just give me - you didn’t even ask me - OW!” You struggled to get your feet underneath you, your hands flying up to his arm, tearing and scratching at him. “Kylo fucking stop - just stop - I can walk.”

He didn’t stop, of course. Kylo yanked you up, your feet leaving the floor, ass making abrupt contact with the chair in the middle of the room, as Kylo stood behind you, hand still wrapped in your hair. 

“Don’t fight it Doll. You’ll just make things worse,” he warned. 

“Fuck! You!” You tried pushing out of the chair but Kylo yanked you up by your hair again, toes grazing the floor. “OW! God DAMN IT!” Your hands still around his arm, trying to scratch him off you. You felt a cold metal handcuff click around one wrist, causing you to try and bring your hands to your chest, away from Kylo. 

Your ass hit the chair again, and you felt Kylo’s grip loosen slightly on your hair as he went to walk around to be in front of you. You kicked your legs at him, trying to keep him away and not let him get in front of you. 

Kylo laughed at you, “Fighting so hard.” Before you could reply, Kylo stopped at your side, tightened his grip on your hair back to how it was before, and placed his knee across your thighs, leaning heavily down. You were pinned into the chair by his weight.

“What fucking now?” you screamed at him. Kylo grabbed one of your calves, and instinctively you kicked trying to get out of his grip. He reached behind you, grabbed another set of the handcuffs and tightened his grip on your calf. You yelped and stilled your leg as his fingers dug into your calf, knowing he was adding bruises to you. 

“We need to talk,” he told you, clicking the cuff around your ankle. He went to bend your leg so that he could attach the other part of the cuff to the chair, but you locked your knee. 

“About what?” you spit at him. Kylo brought his other hand to the back of your knee, digging in with his nails and pulling up, forcing it to bend. 

“Doll,” Kylo grunted at you as he reached down and locked the other cuff around a chair leg, “You are just making things worse for yourself.” He leaned back up, grabbing your other leg. 

Despite being handcuffed to one leg you still kicked, trying to get your leg away from him. He was able to grab your leg anyway and you stilled. _Fuck_. There was no point continuing to waste energy fighting him. Kylo ran his hand up and down your calf with just the right pressure. 

“Mmmmm,” you moaned involuntarily, feeling yourself grow wet at the touch. _Fuck fuck fuck. No. No. Do not give him this power over you_. Kylo’s face shot to look at you, a wicked grin spreading across. You rolled your eyes. _Damn it_. 

Kylo tsked at you. “Don’t roll your eyes at me. You’ve already been bad enough today, fighting me,” he said as he grabbed the last pair of handcuffs from behind you, locking one end around your ankle. “Remember,” Kylo said, bringing your ankle back down to the ground, locking the other end of the handcuff to the chair leg, “only good girls get to cum.”

You felt yourself clench at his words and dropped your head so you didn’t have to look at him. Panic flooded your system once again, the confusion of being so attracted to your captor sending your brain into overdrive. You needed to distance yourself from your feelings. “Don’t you have football practice or something?” you mumbled at him.

Kylo scoffed, “You think I still give a fuck about football or UCLA?” He removed his knee from your leg and grabbed your uncuffed wrist and the open cuff. You didn’t bother fighting him as he locked the other cuff on you. At least this time your hands were in front of you, you could try and use them to protect your face. 

“So what do we need to talk about? How I’m liking the accommodations?” you peeked back up at him.

Kylo took a step back, beaming at you. “God that mouth of yours makes me so hard.” He palmed briefly at his erection, drawing your attention to the tent in his sweatpants. _This is not working_. “But no, your opinions are irrelevant.” He slipped his hand in his pocket, withdrawing your cell phone. “We need to discuss what’s on here.”

You couldn’t help yourself, you burst into a fit of laughter, throwing your head back. “I’m sorry - we - we need to discuss” you managed to get out through laughs, “what’s - on my phone?” As you brought your head back down and looked at him, the expression on his face made the laughs disappear and the smile on your face dropped. _Shit_. 

Kylo slid the phone in his pocket, turned around, and walked over to the black duffle bag, crouching down in front of it. You hadn’t even noticed it during the struggle of being handcuffed to the chair. You were not excited to find out what was in the bag. _Probably some fucking weird sex shit_. The thought sent a shiver through you, made your pussy throb. _Ugh_. 

Kylo’s broad frame blocked your view of what he was doing, but you heard the bag unzip, the vague sounds of metal and heavy objects shifting around as Kylo found what he was looking for. Straining your ears, you heard a soft sliding sound followed by a click. 

“DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE?” Kylo screamed at you. You flinched, just making out another clicking sound. “DO YOU THINK I’M A FUCKING JOKE?” In a flash he stood up and whipped around to face you.

All the blood drained from your face. Kylo Ren was aiming a gun directly at you. The soft noises registering in your brain: the click of the magazine, what you thought had been a second click was actually the cocking of a gun. “Woah Kylo-” you started.

“Answer me,” he whispered, walking to stand in front of you, pressing the gun under your chin, forcing you to look at him. You swallowed, your eyes searching his. 

“What- Kylo…” you tried to speak but your brain was unable to form coherent thoughts. You were quite literally lost for words. 

“Ah, smart mouth failing you now Doll?”

You took in several deep breaths, trying to get your brain to function again. “I, I, No!” you managed to sputter out. “This - you - it’s not a joke. You’ve got a fucking gun to me.” You licked your lips, opened your mouth again to say something but closed it, before opening it again, “Just do it,” you whispered, closing your eyes.

Kylo pressed the gun harder into your chin, forcing your head further back. “Hm,” he considered your request, finger twitching on the trigger. “No.” He pulled the gun away from your chin. “Not today anyway.”

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo released the magazine from the gun, letting it clatter to the floor at your feet. Your reaction had been better than he had hoped for, though he had nearly done as you asked. 

Kylo walked back over to the duffle bag, moving behind it so that he could crouch in front of it and look at you at the same time. “So, you’re scared of guns. Let’s see if we can find something more your speed.”

Kylo dug around in the bag. “A hunting knife? No? How about a scythe? Or a garotte?” As he said the name of each weapon, he pulled one out, setting it on the ground in front of the duffle. 

Kylo watched you shake your head at him. “What? I…” you stuttered at him.

“A lighter? Do you like burns? A different gun? I have several. Or maybe a different type of knife?” Kylo continued digging around in the bag. “I know. A scalpel. We’ll start with a scalpel.” 

He pulled out a small metal case and grabbed a scalpel out of it, dropping the case back in the bag. Kylo smiled as you just gaped at him, closing your mouth to swallow hard. “But why?” you asked.

Kylo stood up and walked back over to you, looking down at you. “Because you’re disrespectful,” he murmured, running the blunt end of the scalpel down the side of your face as you peered up at him. “Because somehow you look even more beautiful like this.” He moved the scalpel down your neck, pressing hard into the bruises causing you to wince. 

“But mostly,” Kylo continued, keeping the scalpel at your neck and dropping to his knees so that he was face to face with you, staring into your eyes, “Because it makes you so wet for me.” As he said this, he brought his free hand up between your legs, running his hand through your folds, collecting your arousal on his fingers. 

Kylo watched your cheeks flush and eyes dart to the side to avoid looking at him. He withdrew his hand as you tried to shift yourself further back in the chair, away from him. Kylo brought his hand up to one of your breasts, slicking your arousal down until he reached your nipple.

“Kylo,” you whispered, your gaze returning to his. Kylo took your nipple between his thumb and index finger, pulling it taught. He smiled when you shivered, rolling your nipple between his fingers, enjoying the way your lips parted.

“Yes?” he breathed at you. Kylo finally took the scalpel from your neck, and leaned down, moving his hand so he could take your nipple in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around your bud, licking your wetness off of it. 

You let out a soft moan, and Kylo felt you try to bring your handcuffed hands up to touch his bare chest. Abruptly, Kylo pulled away, releasing your nipple, standing up and taking a few steps away from you. He remembered why he had handcuffed you to the chair again. 

“You need to text Gigi and Luna. Tell them you’re alright.”

“And why would I do that?” you questioned him. Kylo clenched his other hand into a fist around the scalpel, blowing sharply out his nose. 

“Because I said so,” Kylo replied, looking down at you. 

“Okay, Daddy,” you scoffed at him, rolling your eyes. 

Kylo snapped. The way your eyes widened in fear told him his expression conveyed the rage he felt inside. 

“It’s just that’s what parents say-” you started to explain, but Kylo didn’t give a fuck. 

“Stop. Talking.” He spat at you. The rage he felt toward Vicrul combined with his finding out you had pleasured yourself to thoughts of Vicrul and your previous insolent retort was too much. 

Kylo stood up completely straight, closing his eyes, rolling his shoulders, and cracking his neck left and right. 

The basement was silent. Kylo opened his eyes and regarded you intently, cocking his head at you, smiling. 

He walked back over to you, standing directly in front of you. You blinked up at him, fear splayed across your face. “You know Doll, I have been very patient with you.” Kylo looked down and moved the scalpel to his right hand, blade out. “And still you push me.”

“Kylo I’m sorry-”

“You don’t listen.” He brought the scalpel to your face running the blade sideways down your face so as not to cut it. “You need to learn.”

“I will, I’m sorry.”

Before you could say anything else, Kylo crouched in front of you and brought the scalpel down to your inner thigh, pushing your hands out of the way. “Prove it. Don’t move.”

Kylo heard you gulp, heard your breathing pick up, becoming noisy as you took breaths in and out of your mouth. He pushed the scalpel down into the skin of your left inner thigh, moving in a straight line. He heard your breath catch in your throat. 

Kylo cut deep, deep enough to scar, but stopped just before getting to the point where you would need stitches to heal. He lifted the scalpel and brought it halfway back up the line he had just drawn. Pressing in again, he made a straight line diagonally up to the right. 

As he returned to the middle of the first line and began cutting a diagonal line down to the right he felt your hands in his hair. He shot his head up to look at you. 

_I must be dreaming._

**[Your POV]**

Bringing your hands to Kylo’s hair, you let out a soft moan. _Fuck_. Kylo Ren was carving his initials into you and it felt good. 

Kylo smirked at you, “I knew you were a masochist. You like this shit.”

You didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. He was right. 

“That almost makes me want to stop,” he murmured at you. “Deny you.” He brought the scalpel to the right of the K he had carved and swiftly made an R next to it. You felt your nipples stiffen at the sensation, your cunt throbbing. 

Kylo flung the scalpel across the room, bringing his tongue down to the letters, making long, slow strokes as he licked up your blood. 

You bucked your hips at him, hoping to get his tongue closer to your clit. He chuckled into your skin, kissed the letters, and stood up. 

“Now, text your friends.” He unlocked your phone and pulled up the text from Gigi. Placing the phone in your hands. 

You scoffed at him, “Why can’t you just text them as if you’re me?”

“I want you to do it. I think it will help your reality sink in,” Kylo said, walking so that he was behind the chair, and could see the phone screen.

“And if I don’t?”

Kylo’s hands found your shoulders, squeezing down on them painfully. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.”

Something about his tone, coupled with the large black duffle bag of weapons in front you caused your fingers to fly across the keyboard. You type a text to Gigi, **_Hi yeah I’m a piece of shit I know. I met a guy and we’ve been in his bed ever since. I’ll surface eventually. Sorrrrrry. Ily a mily._**

Kylo ripped the phone from your hand. “What the fuck I didn’t say anything bad.”

“I know. I’m sending it and pulling up Luna’s,” he said. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” you muttered. 

“Why would I trust you?” he asked as he put the phone back in your hands. You ignored him, typing a message to Luna, **_Sorry sorry. I feel terrible. I met a guy and you know. Just surfacing for air haha. But I’m good. Promise. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’m sorry for worrying you. Love you._**

Again, Kylo ripped the phone from your hands. This time he walked back in front of you, standing next to the duffle. You couldn’t read the expression on his face, and that scared you more than his face of all-consuming rage. 

“We need to talk about Vicrul.” 

“What?” You asked, cocking your head at him, bewilderment etched on your face. “How the fuck do you even know Vicrul?”

Kylo laughed. “He is, well, was, my best friend.”

You held your breath. “Was?” you squeaked out. 

“Was. I knew you two had been fucking, obviously, but then I asked him to stop. I told him I was interested in you. And what does he do?” Kylo clicked his tongue, eyes burning into you. You were fucking floored. _Kylo and Vicrul. Best friends_. It took all your self-control to not crack a smile, let alone laugh. _Did not see that one coming_. 

“He goes and fucks you. Doesn’t even make you cum. And then, he texts you that he wants to take you out on a date.” Your jaw dropped at this. _What_. 

“He what?” you whispered, unsure if you heard correctly that Vicrul had asked you out, deciding not to mention that Kylo had also fucked you and not made you cum. The blood running down your thigh itched, and you ran your hand over it as best you could.

Kylo rubbed his eyebrows. “He asked you out on a fucking date.” Kylo yelled at you. “And as if that betrayal wasn’t enough, Doll, you had to betray me as well. I knew you were a stupid fucking whore, but making yourself cum to thoughts of Vicrul? You are going to _pay_ for that one.”

A million emotions swirled inside of you as you stared, mouth agape, at Kylo. Confusion as to why Kylo gave a fuck about Vicrul. Happiness that Vicrul had asked you out. Guilt for being happy about Vicrul when Kylo Ren was interested in you. Disgust at your attraction to Kylo. But mostly, anger. Anger that Kylo thought he had any sort of claim to you, that he thought you had betrayed him when you had no idea he was even interested in you. 

“What the fuck?” you snapped at him. “Kylo. You don’t own me. You don’t have a claim to me. If Vicrul wants to date me he can. If I want to date Vicrul I can.” You couldn’t help yourself; you tilted your head back and laughed. “And Kylo - how could I have betrayed you when I had no fucking idea you were interested in me? God.” 

You brought your hands up to your face and pinched the bridge of your nose for a moment before dropping them and looking at Kylo, who was stone faced as he stared at you. _I can’t believe he hasn’t told me to shut the fuck up yet._

“Kylo I’m not yours. You can’t just kidnap me and decide I’m yours. You don’t own me. I’m not here voluntarily. I’m not staying with you voluntarily. You’re either going to kill me or let me go.” You frowned at him. “I’m not staying here with you voluntarily Kylo.”

Silence filled the basement, the two of you staring at each other. 

“You really think you won’t stay with me voluntarily?” Kylo broke the silence. Before you could even start to formulate a reply, Kylo kicked you square in the chest, causing you and the chair to hit the floor, landing sideways. 

Pain exploded in your chest. The only positive was that you had seen the kick coming so you were able to tuck your head to your chest, preventing it from slamming into the concrete again. The air flew out of your lungs, and your eyes slammed shut. 

You tried desperately to suck air back in your lungs, but your diaphragm was temporarily paralyzed from the shock. You were dizzy from the shock of the impact and inability to breathe, familiar black tunnels invading your vision. Eventually your ability to breathe returned and you gulped down air. 

Eyes still screwed up in pain, you let out a low groan. Each breath caused a sharp pain in your chest, a dull ache constantly present. You heard Kylo’s boots carry him to stand in front of you. 

“Why?” you whispered at him, opening your eyes to blink up at him. 

“You want a fucking reason to stay?” Kylo seethed, crouching down and taking your jaw in his hand. “What would make you stay, Doll? A ring? Nicer accommodations?” You shook your head slightly, frown deepening. “Hmm. Other jewelry? Nice clothes?” You remained stoic, not wanting to give him a reaction. 

Of course, this only encouraged Kylo. He started stroking your cheek with his thumb. “A library? A house in the Alps? Money? A baby?” You flinched, eyes flying open. Kylo smiled. “Ah. A baby.”

“No,” you whispered. Eyes pleading with him to stop.

“We could make a baby.” Kylo glanced down to your womb. 

_Fuck_. Tears pricked at your eyes. You had given him the reaction he wanted and now he knew. He knew your weakness. 

Your birth mother had given you up when you were 4 years old. The first memory you had was her pinning a letter to your shirt, and telling you to sit in the waiting room, that she would be right back. But she never came back. 

If Kylo got you pregnant he’d own you. You wouldn’t be able to risk losing your child, no matter their father. 

“I have an implant,” you muttered at him, hoping he would drop it. 

Kylo reached into his pocket, pulling out a knife. With a flick of his wrist the blade appeared. “That problem can easily be solved,” he said to you, pressing the blade lightly at your arm.

“Please. Please, Kylo. Don’t.” You stared at him, tears streaming down your face silently. Kylo raised an eyebrow at you, releasing your face. 

“Then you’re going to call Vicrul. You’re going to tell him you could never be interested in actually dating someone like him. That you can and will do so much better than him. That you have no interest in seeing him again.” 

“Why? Why can’t I just ignore him? He’ll get the message,” you said. 

Kylo laughed. “I doubt he’d get the message he was never the brightest crayon in the box. Plus, I want to hear you say it. Because you need to accept that it is your new truth.”

“I can’t.” 

Kylo ignored you, opening your phone and hitting Vicrul’s number. He put the phone in your hands. “Do it.”

Kylo stood up, staring down at you. You didn’t move the phone to your ear. 

“Doll.” Kylo warned. 

You still didn’t move. You couldn’t. You wouldn’t say that to Vicrul. Even if you didn’t want to be with him. 

You slid the phone under the ear that was touching the ground so you could wipe the tears off your face with your hands. _Please don’t answer. Please God do not answer._

**_“Hello? Y/N?”_ **

_Damn it._ You sucked your lips in your mouth, closing your eyes for a few seconds before opening them. “Yeah, hey its me.”

**_“Did you get my text? Wait where have you been? I got a text from Gigi a while ago asking if you were with me.”_ **

You didn’t say anything. Your head was spinning, you were staring off into space, trying to pretend Kylo wasn’t there. 

Suddenly, one of Kylo’s boots was on the side of your face and head. He wasn’t putting enough pressure to hurt, but enough to let you know he could make it hurt. You whimpered involuntarily. Kylo pressed down harder, making it hurt. 

“Yeah, uhm sorry no, I just - I met a guy and you know. Uh, been with him. Distracted and whatever.” Kylo released some of the pressure on your head. 

**_“Oh… Did you - uh this is awkward - did you see my text?”_ **

_Fuck I can’t do it, he doesn’t deserve this._

“Uh yeah, I did. I, just, I don’t think it’s a good idea, you know?” Kylo stomped down on your head and you grit your teeth to stop from crying out. “It’s just. Fuck. I could never date someone like you, Vicrul.” You paused. Kylo still wasn’t satisfied, giving your head another stomp, this one harder. 

You grimaced. “It’s just you know, I, Vicrul, You’re a decent fuck okay. It was convenient. I would never want to date someone like you.” Kylo increased the pressure on your head once again. “I can, and will, do so much better than you.”

Silence at the other end. **_“I… I don’t know what to say…”_**

Kylo removed his boot from your head. Swiftly, he reached down and grabbed the phone from under you, hanging up, throwing it in the duffle bag. _Fuck him._

“Wow, you actually can do what you’re told with the proper motivation.”

“I fucking hate you.” 

Kylo smirked. He walked over to the workbench and grabbed something. You closed your eyes. You just wanted to sleep and wake up back in your dorm room bed. Kylo had crossed a line. 

The infliction of physical pain was one thing, because Kylo was right, you did like it. But the emotional torture - the texts to Gigi and Luna, the threat of getting you pregnant, the words he made you say to Vicrul - was too much. 

You felt Kylo at your ankles. “Don’t fucking touch me!” you snarled at him. “I’m done. I’m not your fucking toy, I’m not your fucking doll, and I’m sure as fuck not fucking you. So - fine - you want to fucking rape me? Go right ahead. I just don’t give a shit anymore. Congratulations, you fucking broke me. You made me hate you. Is that what you wanted?”

“If I can’t touch you, then I can’t unlock the handcuffs,” he said to you. You ignored him. Kylo unlocked your ankles, and then your hands. As he walked the key back over to the workbench, you stayed where you were, continuing to lie on the floor. 

“Come on Doll, let’s get up.” Kylo was back in front of you, reaching down to grab your hands and help you up. 

You jerked away from him, “I. Said. Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me.” He chuckled, grabbing your forearms. You were irritated with the way his skin on yours still felt electric and left you wanting.

“Wow and here I thought you might actually have one fucking moral left in you. I must be the fucking insane one now. Guess that happens when you’re kidnapped and locked in a fucking basement,” you fumed at him as he pulled you up to your feet, keeping his hands on your arms to help steady you as you swayed slightly. 

“So what I’m just your sex slave now? Someone to fuck when you’re bored?” You looked up at Kylo’s face. _God he’s beautiful_. He had a small scar on the left side of his face, maybe an inch from his lip. _I wonder what happened._ You flicked your eyes up to his. Something lingered behind his eyes, something you couldn’t place. It almost looked like he cared about you. 

You sucked in a breath as it dawned on you that Kylo’s reaction to Vicrul was one of jealousy. _Fuck fuck fuck. Why is that so hot? Why does that mean something?_ A shiver ran up your spine. You swallowed, fighting the attraction you felt towards him. _No, this is wrong._

Kylo’s lips twitched up, and he ran his hands up your arms before letting them fall away from you. “God I’d like to fuck that dirty little mouth of yours and teach it a lesson.”

Despite yourself, your lips parted as you inhaled sharply, his words causing your nipples to stiffen and butterflies in your pussy. The low tension that had been building in your body intensified. _Don’t. Don’t do it. Just ignore him._ Your breathing increased, becoming heavier.

You ignored your own advice, cocking your head at him, one eyebrow raised. “Then fucking do it,” you challenged. 

Kylo’s eyebrows shot up. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to touch you,” he said as he took a step towards you. “I thought you hated me.” 

You took a step towards him. “I do hate you.” There was some truth to your words. You hated part of him, hated the things he did to you, forced you to do, said to you. But there was a part of you that felt yourself pulled to him in a way that made you very nervous. 

A moment passed as the two of you stared at each other. At the same time you both pressed your bodies together, lips finding each other, kissing wildly. Kylo’s hands found your hips and he picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, running your fingers through his hair tugging lightly.

Kylo moaned softly in your mouth. His tongue pressed into your mouth, eagerly seeking out your taste. He turned around carrying you towards the work bench. Keeping his lips on yours, you felt one hand leave your hips, and heard shit clatter to the floor. 

Kylo set you on the workbench, breaking the kiss. You started to protest when he sunk to his knees. “Oh fuck,” you whined. “I thought you were fucking my mouth,” you shot at him. 

He hummed at you. “I will.” Kylo began planting kisses on your legs, starting at your knee and working his way up to your inner thighs, lips dragging on your skin as he went from one leg to another. 

You clenched hard, your clit screaming for attention. Kylo kissed his way up to his initials he had carved into you. The mark throbbed as Kylo kissed the letters passionately, licking the dried blood away. He was so close to where you wanted him to be. 

Kylo widened his mouth over the letters and bit down into your skin, marking you further, sucking hard to make you bleed again. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head. The sensation went straight to your cunt. “Please Kylo,” you purred. 

Kylo gave the letters one last kiss before sliding his head back to your center, nuzzling his face into your folds, hands spreading you apart. “So ready for me,” he whispered into you. “So wet for me.”

He thrust his tongue inside of you, pulling out and running the tip of his tongue up you, stopping right before he got to your clit. You looked down at him, as he stood up. You started to speak, to beg him for more but he kissed you, his tongue sliding along yours, making you taste yourself. 

You groaned in his mouth, running your hands up and down his bare chest. His hands returned to your hips, picking you back up and carrying you to the bed. He tossed you on the bed. “Hang your head over the edge,” he said as he peeled his sweatpants off and stepped out of them. 

You complied, watching him stroke himself upside down. Your mouth watered, you wanted his cock in your mouth. You did love sucking dick. A pang in your heart. _Gigi. Gurl, sucking dick is a talent too_. 

As Kylo stepped closer to you all thoughts of Gigi flew out of your mind. Without him asking you parted your lips, opening your mouth slightly for him. “Ah, finally being such a good girl,” Kylo cooed to you, placing the head of his cock at your mouth.

You shot your tongue out, swirling it around his head, lapping up the bead of precum, and pulled your tongue back in, swallowing dramatically. “Mmmmm,” you hummed at him, “You taste so good.” Your lips fluttered against the tip of his dick as you spoke.

Kylo groaned as he quickly pushed his dick into your mouth. _Fuck he’s big_. Obviously, you could see that, but it was different when he was fucking your throat. You sighed around him, sucking happily, running your tongue up and down his shaft. Kylo slid all the way in your mouth, making you gag, his head slamming into the back of your throat. 

You sucked in breaths through your nose trying to keep it together. Kylo only stilled and gave you time to adjust for a moment, before he pulled back just to thrust into your mouth again. You swirled your tongue around him, gag reflex dulling. You pulled your lips back to cover your teeth, biting down softly.

Kylo leaned forward, hands tugging and flipping at your nipples, squeezing your breasts. You jolted at his touches, pussy throbbing, wetness seeping out of you. Again, you moaned around him. You weren’t sure how long the two of you stayed like this, you sucking his dick as he thrust into your mouth, him teasing your nipples. 

“Fuck Doll,” Kylo grunted at you. The change of pace in his thrusts telling you he was close. “For someone - oh fuck - who hates me - mmmhm - you suck - shit - you suck my dick so eagerly.”

Kylo pulled out of you, hands leaving your breasts as he held himself, cumming all over your face. You kept your mouth open, licking the cum on your lips, smiling at him. 

“Fucking shit,” Kylo grunted. He brought his fingers to your face, wiping up his cum before sticking them inside your mouth. You licked the cum off but didn’t swallow. Half of your brain hoped what happened next meant he would fuck you into oblivion and the other half hoped he would just snap your neck right there. 

You sucked your cheeks in, your saliva mixing with his cum. 

You spat his cum back at him, a wicked smile spreading across your face as you watched it land near his happy trail, sliding down to his still hard cock. “Fuck. You. I do hate you.”

**[Kylo’s POV]**

“Oh, Doll.” Kylo chuckled. _To kill or not to kill_. “You had been such a good girl. A shame.” Kylo was so turned on by your little stunt that he barely registered the anger he felt at your disrespect. 

You glared at him. “Get on your stomach,” Kylo ordered you as he walked around the bed. Kylo was pleased when you actually rolled over onto your stomach. He grabbed your ankles and pulled you down the bed, so your ass was at the edge. 

“Count. Out loud.”

“Count what?” you asked. Ignoring you, Kylo brought his hand down hard against your ass. “What the fuck?!” you screamed at him, trying to crawl up the bed away from him. He put one of his hands on your lower back and held you down, pinning you down in place. 

“You can’t actually be surprised at this,” Kylo said. “You thought you were just going to spit my cum back at me?” Kylo slapped your ass again, the same cheek, harder this time, cock throbbing as you yelped. “You’re lucky I didn’t have a belt on.” 

Another slap. And another. And another. All on the same cheek. Each harder than the last. Kylo could have cum just listening to you scream in pain. “Now. Count. How many was that?”

“Fuck you.” 

Kylo smiled. _She’s fucking perfect_. Kylo laid more slaps on your already abused cheek before starting in on the other one. You writhed beneath him, occasionally crying out in pain or screaming his name. “I can go get a belt. Or a paddle?” He asked you. Kylo heard the softest of moans escape your mouth.

“Twenty-eight,” you said. 

“Good girl,” he purred at you. 

“Fuck you.”

Kylo moved his hand between your legs, slipping two fingers inside of you. “Oh fuckkkk,” you breathed. 

Kylo made come hither movements inside of you, stroking your g-spot hard and fast. “Such a masochist. You fucking love it. Love being spanked. Being punished.” 

With the way your hips were bucking up Kylo knew you were close. He brushed his thumb over your clit. “Holy fuck - Kylo- ahhhhh” your voice was muffled as you pressed your face into the bed. “I’m going - shit - please - I’m going to cum.”

A sadistic chuckle as he pulled his fingers out, thumb leaving your clit. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” you screamed at him, pulling your head up. 

“You know why.” Kylo massaged your ass, noticing you wince. Bruises in the shape of his hand already forming on your cheeks. 

“I was good. I fucking counted,” you scoffed at him. 

“And we’re just going to ignore the spitting?” Kylo slid his hands up to your hips

“You already fucking punished me for that!”

“I’m not sure something you enjoy so much can qualify as punishment.” In one swift movement, Kylo pulled your hips up, your knees coming automatically under you. “On your hands, too.”

You were still for a moment, and Kylo enjoyed the view of you, ass up, face down, as he dragged you back, so your knees were at the edge of the bed. He could feel the conflict radiating off you. You wanted to make a bratty comment, but you also wanted to cum. Sighing you pushed yourself up on your hands. 

“Perfect.” Kylo said. 

He brought his head to your entrance. “Your ass looks incredible like this,” he said as he plunged into you. He didn’t give you any time to adjust, instead setting a rapid pace. “God you’re so tight.”

“Oh my god.” You choked out. “Kylo - fuck.” Kylo set a relentless pace, trying to split you in half. With his previous orgasm and your reaction to the spanking, Kylo was already close. Every time the tip of his dick hit your cervix he saw stars. 

He brought a hand around your waist and started playing with your clit. “Kylo - I fucking can’t.” He saw your arms shaking. “I - holy fuck.”

He backed his fingers off your clit, and you moaned in protest. “Are you going to be a good girl?”

“Fuck - I - Yes, I’ll do anything, ahhhhhh fuck just please let me cum,” you begged him. 

Kylo stroked rapidly at your clit, “Cum for me Doll.”

He felt you clench around him, cumming on his dick, screaming his name. You were just so tight, the clenching and your arms collapsing was too much for Kylo. He slowed, cumming inside of you. He continued thrusting, looking down, watching the mixture of his cum and yours drip out of your pussy as he pulled in and out. “Fuck.”

**[Your POV]**

Your mind was blank. You had never experienced an orgasm like that. You had seen stars, for a moment you thought you might have actually passed out from the bliss that washed over you. 

You felt Kylo pull out, giving your cunt a smack. You didn’t have the energy to even react. Your hips fell to the bed, and you just laid there, body humming. 

Kylo shifted himself onto the bed, collapsing on top of you. His face rested next to yours, curled over your shoulder, lips brushing your cheeks. You thought you were hallucinating when he gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. The two of you stayed like that for a while. 

You felt Kylo slip off of you, standing back up. You wanted to sit up, move your head to the pillows, but when you tried pressing up with your arms they just collapsed. You heard him walking around the bed, presumably to grab his sweatpants. 

“Kylo,” you murmured. 

“Yes Doll?” He was at the other side of the bed so you could lift your head and look at him. He peered down at you, standing there beautifully naked. 

“I-” you sighed, dropping your head back down. “Never mind.” Tears formed in your eyes. You knew Kylo didn’t care about you. You just didn’t understand why that hurt so bad. 

You felt Kylo sit next to you on the bed. His hands grabbed you under the shoulders, as he helped you move up to the pillows, laying you down sideways. He laid down next to you, turning towards you. 

One arm came over your lower back, pulling you close to him, your legs intertwining. His other arm slid under your face, curling around your head, pulling it to his chest, before relaxing and stroking your hair. 

You were speechless. You looked up at him to see he was already staring at you, amber eyes burning with passion. He pulled your hair gently, so your head moved back and planted a soft kiss on your lips.

“I do care,” he whispered to you, eyes searching yours. You swore he almost looked sad. 

You crinkled your brows in confusion. “What?”

“I care about you Doll. I want to make you happy. I want to make you shatter at my touch again and again. But you have to help me. You have to behave,” he gave you a kiss on the forehead, then pulled your face back to his chest, resting his chin on your head. 

You breathed in his scent. “I - okay.” You snuggled in closer to him. Kylo hummed at you and you felt the vibrations of his chest. The two of you drifted off to sleep tangled together. 

Just before sleep engulfed you a smile spread across your face. _Kylo Ren cared_. 

  
  
  



	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {A/N 
> 
> Sorry this took a while to get out. This chapter got real long on us real quick. And I couldn’t pick a good place to do a chapter break because I really like it reading all as one ‘scene’. All I can say is hold onto your hats, it’s a rollercoaster.
> 
> There’s quite a bit of description in this chapter (sorry) for reasons that will be evident as you read. But, since I’m terrible at describing things we are working on creating a pinterest board so you can all see. Here is the link: 
> 
> https://pin.it/5KkbPxC
> 
> Gigi, as always, I love you and thank you for being my rock and keeping my head screwed on straight during the writing process. 
> 
> Katie, I love you. We love you. You’re an incredibly strong and brave woman and we are so lucky to call you our sister. 
> 
> In this chapter in particular, Y/N is becoming so warped she is not viewing the situation for what it is and is instead justifying Kylo’s behavior. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. Please if you or someone you know is in a situation like this please reach out and get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. You can also text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474. 
> 
> Moreover, this entire relationship is not healthy. The actions by Kylo in this fic are not healthy. Again, if you or someone you know needs help, please reach out using the numbers above. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: choking, slapping, discussion of adoption and foster care/homes, (mention of) death, extreme degradation, major manipulation, ass play, whipping, threatened extreme bodily harm, (discussion of) pregnancy, (discussion of) loss of a child 
> 
> Be safe friends! If some of this will trigger you, please don’t read. If you have questions or need to discuss/more detail to decide please reach out to me or Gigi!
> 
> Sorry for any typos/grammatical errors. We do our best to edit, but things escape us sometimes!
> 
> Enjoy!!}

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo looked down at you, admiring the side profile of your face and body. The two of you were standing at the shore of the ocean. You were looking out at it, a soft smile on your face. The tide ran over both of your feet, cold, but not uncomfortable. 

In the distance Kylo heard the roar of a rollercoaster, screams of the people riding it, and a mix of various music coming from the boardwalk, maybe three quarters of a mile away from you. Kylo couldn’t understand why you liked it here so much. 

It was noisy and loud, there were too many people - there were much better, much more private, beaches than the one next to the Santa Monica Pier. But, for whatever reason it was your favorite, and Kylo wanted to make you happy, you had been so good recently. 

Beside him you took a few steps forward, walking a bit closer to the ocean, so that the tide hit you mid shin. Kylo admired the view from behind for a moment. You were in a black bikini, bottoms showed off just enough of your ass to make Kylo happy but not so much as to let other people see what wasn’t theirs. 

The bottoms tied together at the sides, and Kylo liked seeing the small bows he had tied rest against your hips. Your back was exposed, save for the thin string that ran around the bottom of your bikini top. Another thin string was tied in a bow on the back of your neck, hair in a messy bun on top of your head. 

The front view was better for many reasons. The bottoms rested low across your hips. The top was Kylo’s favorite. It covered your breasts just enough, perhaps was slightly more revealing than Kylo preferred but things had changed. He was both more relaxed with you and also more possessive. 

The bikini top tied in the middle, between your breasts, and Kylo loved getting to tie it together almost as much as he loved getting to untie it. Even from behind, you were glowing, totally in your element at the ocean, tilting your head up in the direction of the sun. 

Kylo walked up so his chest was against your back. He slipped his arms around you, resting his chin on your head, hands splayed across your stomach. You leaned back into him and he ran his hands up and down you. 

“Mmm,” you sighed in contentment, leaning forward and turning around to look up at him. Kylo slid his hands around your back, pulling you as close to him as possible. You snaked your hands up and around his neck. “I love you,” you said to him, smiling. 

Kylo beamed back at you, “I love you too,” he said, his eyes burning into yours, the love between you palpable in the air around you. Kylo leaned down and gave you a long, soft, kiss on the lips which you eagerly returned, bringing your hands down to cup his face. 

Kylo grabbed your left hand with one of his and brought it to his lips, giving your engagement and wedding rings a kiss. Even after 11 months of matrimonial bliss Kylo still found it hard to believe you were really married. The two of you had gotten married in March, six months after he had first taken you. 

A smile crept onto his face as he thought back about the last eighteen months. Since the day you had hate-fucked and fallen asleep tangled together things had changed between the two of you. 

He took a step back and brought his hands and gaze back to your stomach. He remembered the day, a few months after you had been married, that he had come home and found you with a bandage on your arm, blood stain evident some distance away. 

Confused and concerned, he had asked you what happened.  _ “My implant,” _ you had said,  _ “I cut it out.” _

Kylo remembered his jaw dropping.  _ “Are you saying...?” _ he had asked.  _ “Yes,” _ you had replied,  _ “Plus, we can have fun with the incision tonight,” _ you had said, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

And fun you had with it that night. The one thing that had not changed since that night was your sex life. That had remained just as intense. You were still a masochist, and Kylo still needed complete control of you. 

One day, about two months since you had cut your implant out, Kylo had come home to you lounging on the couch. He had immediately known something was up. Something had just been off with you. You seemed sad, almost scared.

Tentatively, you had handed him a pregnancy test. Kylo had dropped it when it registered in his mind that it read positive. You had stared at him, frowning. Kylo had clutched you to his chest, picked you up, spun you around. He was thrilled. Scared, but over the moon.

Kylo Ren was going to be a father. 

He had major concerns given his less than stellar relationship with his own father, which had ended, well, poorly. 

And now here you were. Five months pregnant, standing in front of him, absolutely glowing. The morning sickness that had crippled you while destroying Kylo’s heart had finally ceased. He couldn’t stand seeing you like that. 

Bringing his attention back to the present, Kylo dropped to his knees, touching his lips to your growing belly, giving it a soft kiss as his hands gently cupped it. 

“Hi, Ben,” he murmured, lips fluttering against your belly. You giggled at him, your hands stroking through his hair. As soon as he found out you were pregnant, Kylo had asked to find out the gender as soon as possible. He wanted to know, to plan, to build a nursery, connect with the life growing inside you. The life the two of you had created.

“How are you today, Benny boy?” Kylo asked your belly, giving it another soft kiss. Kylo smiled as he felt Ben kick under his hand. 

“Don’t give your Mom too much trouble in there little one,” he said as he smiled up at you. You placed your hands on top of Kylo’s as he stood back up, giving you another kiss. 

“Let’s go sit back down. You need to get out of the sun,” Kylo smiled at you. The pregnancy had increased his protectiveness over you, and Ben. Kylo couldn’t imagine his life without the both of you in it. Even the thought made him want to be sick, fall to his knees, die. 

“But I want to swim,” you said to him. “I’ll just be a minute. I want to get my hair wet, and it’ll cool me down.”

“Okay, but not too long,” Kylo smiled down at you. “Or else I’ll have to punish you,” he said, cocking an eyebrow at you. You gave him a knowing smile and sauntered into the ocean. Kylo turned and started walking back to your towels and umbrella. He laid down on his towel and closed his eyes. 

Kylo opened his eyes slowly. The change in lighting told him at least two hours had passed.  _ Shit. I must have fallen asleep _ . He looked over to your towel. It was still empty.  _ What the fuck. _

Kylo leapt up and what he saw made his breath catch in his throat. An ambulance, multiple police cars, lifeguard trucks, and a white van with a small logo he couldn’t make out.  _ No. It’s not for them _ . Kylo searched the shore for you, but never found you. 

Slowly, he walked towards the activity. A small crowd had formed, obscuring his view.  _ She’s in the crowd. Always an empath trying to help _ . He caught parts of conversations,  _ riptide, a body pulled out, failed CPR attempts _ . 

As he drew closer, he saw a yellow tarp clearly covering something in the sand.  _ No. No. No.  _ Glancing back up, Kylo could now read the van. ‘County Coroner’ was printed in bold black letters on the side. He thought he was going to be sick. He needed to find you in the crowd. Hold you close to him, breathe in your scent. 

A man holding a black body bag walked over to the yellow tarp. Another joined him, and they did their best to move the body into the bag while keeping it covered. But a slight breeze blew the tarp up, just enough for Kylo to catch a glimpse of the figure beneath it. 

A black bow on a hip. A growing baby bump. Your beautiful profile. 

Kylo fell to his knees, heart shattering into a million pieces. You had been ripped away from him. Ben had been ripped away from him. Kylo couldn’t breathe. His mind couldn’t even process what was happening to him. 

Kylo jerked awake, his arms and legs clutching at you. You groaned softly at him, lifting your head for a moment, eyes still closed, before dropping back to the pillow and returning to sleep. 

_ It was just a nightmare.  _

Kylo was concerned about this dream. It made him feel uneasy, for multiple reasons. He didn’t love you. Kylo wasn’t capable of love. He knew this. 

More, Kylo didn’t want to have a child with you. He wasn’t interested in risking your life just to bring another into the world, let alone compete for your attention. 

A weird feeling of foreboding washed over Kylo. What affected him most about the dream had been losing you. That part, it fucked with Kylo’s brain. 

Made him want to be sick, fall to his knees, die. 

It had felt real. Kylo pushed his thoughts aside. Dreams were not visions into the future. He could keep you safe, protect you. 

Kylo looked down at you curled up in his chest, lips slightly parted, a small line of drool dried on your mouth and pillow. Kylo smirked and planted a kiss on your forehead. As he untangled himself and slid out of bed you rolled over, giving Kylo an incredible view of your ass. 

He could just make out his handprint on each cheek, red and light blue bruises forming nicely. You shifted again, spreading your legs a little further apart and Kylo could see a stain on the sheets, and a dried white film spotted down your legs, evidence of the orgasms you had both had earlier. 

Kylo paused, considered waking you up by plunging into you, cock throbbing at the thought. No, he needed to run a few errands, and he knew you needed the rest. He had been hard on you earlier in the morning, and you weren’t used to sex like that.

Kylo picked up the weapons he had taken out of the duffle, collecting the ones strewn across the room. Kylo pulled the top sheet and quilt over you and set his sweatpants on the bed. He grabbed the boots he had slipped off and made his way up both flights of stairs and into his room where he dropped the duffle and quickly got dressed. 

Turning back to his closet he pulled out a plain black crew neck shirt, a pair of his boxers, and a simple hoodless black henley type sweater. He also grabbed your clothes from the night he had taken you. He wasn’t sure what you would want to wear, so he would just give you options. 

He stopped to go to the bathroom, splashed some water on his face, brushed his teeth and threw on some deodorant. He made his way down to the kitchen, and grabbed various snacks that he had laying around - some granola bars, a bag of chips, a banana, a box of Cheerios - his favorite cereal - and some assorted nonperishable drinks, a few sodas, and a bottle of juice. Realizing it was a lot to carry, he threw the clothes in one side of a laundry basket and set the food and drink in the other side.

He grabbed a scrap piece of paper from his kitchen table and a nearby pen and scrawled you a note.  **_Doll, I went to run a few errands. I’ve left some clothes, food, and drinks in the laundry basket by the work bench. I’ve also left you a phone. If you have any specific requests for me to pick up while I’m out text me. -KR_ **

Kylo grabbed the prepaid cell phone he had purchased and tossed it in the basket. It was programmed with his number, and he had put a block on it so that it could only call and text his number. 

Kylo went back down into the basement, set the laundry basket on the workbench, and walked over to the bed. He put the note on his pillow, hoping you would find it. He grabbed his grey sweatpants and tossed them in the laundry basket. Kylo gave you one last glance as he turned to walk up the stairs.  _ Beautiful _ . 

**[Your POV]**

Your eyes flew open, you sat bolt upright, chest heaving.  _ Must have been a nightmare _ . You looked over, frowning when you realized Kylo wasn’t there. You knew you should have expected that, but it still stung. You were mad at yourself, you didn’t understand why him not being there upset you. 

The piece of paper on his pillow caught your eye and you grabbed it, quickly reading it.  _ A phone _ . You couldn’t believe he would trust you with a phone. It sounded too good to be true. You slid out of bed, wincing as you walked towards the workbench.  _ OW.  _

You hurt quite literally everywhere. Your chest ached, and glancing down, you could see a bruise forming, the pattern of the sole of Kylo’s boot blooming across your chest. Your jaw was sore, as were the muscles between your legs, from being split wide open by Kylo. Your ass was burning, surely bruised you thought. 

Reaching the laundry basket you pawed through the clothes Kylo had left you. Your clothes from the night he had kidnapped you were there, as well as some of his. You rolled your eyes.  _ Does he actually expect me to wear his shit? _

You scoffed, deciding to deal with clothes later. You picked the phone up, a prepaid flip phone, grabbed the banana and one of the granola bars he had left you and one of the sodas. It was your favorite.  _ Not a coincidence _ . 

You sat back cross legged on the bed, wincing because of the beating your ass had taken, and started to eat the banana, carefully resting the now opened soda on the bed next to you. Flipping the phone open, you tentatively typed in Gigi’s number. Gathering your confidence, you hit call and brought the phone to your ear. 

The phone just made a disconnecting sound and stayed quiet. You frowned, bringing it back down to look at it. A text message appeared, from, of course, Kylo.  **_Glad to see you’re awake. You can only call or text me. Surely you expected that. Do you need anything?_ ** You rolled your eyes so hard it hurt and heard another text.  **_Or want anything in particular?_ **

_What? Why would he care what I want?_ Irritated with him you fired a text back at him, glad your T9 texting skills from middle school came flooding back. **_Yes, I need to go shopping for myself._** A quick reply. **_Cute. I see your decision to behave is wavering. Once again, do you need or want anything?_** You decided to ignore him. 

Sighing, you finished the banana and quickly scarfed down the granola bar, taking a long sip of your soda. The carbonation stung your throat, another heady reminder of the morning’s earlier events. 

You glanced around the basement, bored already.  _ He couldn’t have left a book, or something could he _ . Your eyes flicked back to the laundry basket, thinking about putting on some clothes. You felt gross, dried cum on your thighs, your hair still slightly damp with sweat.  _ I’ll shower. Clear my head _ . 

Walking into the bathroom and turning on the lights you swallowed at your reflection. You set the soda on the counter. At least this time it wasn’t as shocking. You turned around to see how bad your ass looked.  _ Ugh _ . If you knew what you were looking for, you could just make Kylo’s handprint out of the bruises starting to form. Thinking about him spanking you caused a shiver to run up you.  _ That should not turn me on _ . 

You reached over and turned the water on, pulling the plug that made the water come out of the shower head. You frowned slightly, thinking of the way Kylo had bathed you, so tender and sweet. Like when he had pulled you into his chest, fallen asleep with you in his arms. He was just so confusing. You believed him when he said he cared, but still, it didn’t feel completely like the type of care you desperately wanted from him. 

Stepping into the shower and pulling the shower curtain closed, you just stood there directly under the stream, letting the scalding hot water pour over you. You hoped that the scalding hot water would burn away the sin. 

You weren’t sure how long you stood there for. Eventually, you went through the motions of showering, washing your hair, your body, your face. You turned the water off, and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a fresh towel from the cabinet you had seen Kylo pull one from. 

You tried yourself off, did the best to get as much water out of your hair as possible. You pulled open one of the drawers, hoping to find a hairbrush. A sad smile crossed your face. There was a hairbrush, your brand of moisturizer, a toothbrush, your brand of toothpaste...it would have been adorable to have a guy do that for you, under different circumstances. 

You brushed your hair, then your teeth, and slapped on some of the moisturizer. You walked over to the workbench and put your bra on. That much you knew you wanted. You hated bras, but unfortunately, your girls needed the support. You looked at your clothes. You thought about putting them on but couldn’t bring yourself to. 

You grabbed Kylo’s boxers and slipped them on. The elastic waistband was at least tight enough to keep them up on your hips, but they were still big on you in the ass and thighs. You eyed the grey sweatpants wearily, ultimately deciding against wearing them because they would just be so big on you. Because of this, you picked up the black henley, sliding it over your head, gasping as Kylo’s scent wafted into your nose.  _ I miss him. Fuck. _

You padded back over to the bed since there was nowhere else for you to sit. You picked up the phone, deciding to ask Kylo for a few things. 4 texts. 10 missed calls. 1 voicemail. Your heart dropped.  _ Jesus fucking Christ _ . 

You read the texts first. The first,  **_It wasn’t a rhetorical question, Doll._ ** The second,  **_Doll, answer me._ ** The third,  **_This will not end well for you._ ** The fourth, time stamp making you guess it was after the calls,  **_Disappointing. Think about how you want me to care for you, when you don’t do the same for me._ ** You rolled your eyes hard at that one.  _ What a fucking psychopath _ . 

You listened to the voice message,  _ “Doll, you need to answer me.”  _ Kylo’s voice was painted with anxiety, the worry he was feeling palpable even through a voice message.  _ “I need to know you’re alright. Please. I’m trying. You should too.” _

A pang of guilt shot through your heart. He was genuinely worried about you. But then, anger.  _ He was trying. In what fucking universe was this trying _ . You typed a reply to him.  **_I was showering. But don’t tell me you’re trying. Trying isn’t keeping someone locked in a basement, don’t delude yourself._ **

You laid back on the bed, resting your head on his pillow, pulling the sheet and quilt up. Kylo’s reply came in,  **_That mouth of yours will be your downfall. If I could trust you to behave then I wouldn’t have to keep you locked in the basement. But you continue to prove yourself incapable of behaving. Do you need or want anything?_ **

You shook your head. He just didn’t get it. He truly couldn’t see the reality of what he was doing.  **_I had thought of some things, but I can’t remember anymore. If I do I will let you know._ ** Before he could reply, you sent him another message,  **_How long will you be?_ **

A few minutes passed before Kylo replied.  **_Okay, let me know if you think of anything. I don’t know how long I’ll be. Why, miss me?_ **

Your cheeks burned at his question. Because the answer was yes, not that you were about to admit that to him.  **_You wish. It’s because I’m bored._ ** Kylo’s reply was faster this time,  **_And you think I’m going to come home and relieve your boredom? For all you know I could be at home upstairs right now._ **

That last sentence stung far more than you were willing to admit to yourself. You swallowed hard, willing the tears you felt forming to stop. You weren’t even sure what he wanted you to say to that, so you just said,  **_Okay._ **

_ Stupid. _ You should have known you were stupid for thinking he would be with you when he got home. For thinking he would want to be with you. You were just his doll after all. A thing for him to play with when he was bored. 

A text from Kylo,  **_I will let you know when I arrive home. Probably not too long._ ** Despite your resolve, a tear fell down your cheek.  **_K. Might fall asleep so if I don’t reply that’s why._ ** You tossed the phone to the other end of the bed. Burying your face in Kylo’s pillow you began to sob. 

Emotions poured over you- sadness, rejection, regret, anger, frustration, confusion, passion, lust, fear, want. Breathing in Kylo’s scent from the pillow he had slept on and his black sweater you donned was doing nothing to comfort you, instead intensifying your emotions. Yet, you couldn’t pull yourself away from it.  _ He’s right. I am a masochist _ .

The rational part of your brain knew that this was wrong, that you were someone’s prisoner and needed to figure out a way to get yourself out of this situation. But the irrational part told you it was okay, that he was taking care of you and providing for you. That in some weird way, this was almost better - letting someone else take care of you. It was less stressful, easier for you. 

You continued to sob into Kylo’s pillow until you had no tears left to cry, physical exhaustion hitting you like a train. As sleep started to overtake you let out a small whimper. You knew you’d dream of Kylo Ren. 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo let out a sigh as he read your last text. Perhaps his jab at you that he might be at home and just not with you had been too harsh. You now seemed upset with him, and strangely, that made Kylo upset. 

He wanted you to be happy, to want to be with him. Kylo couldn’t understand how you could have even taken that message seriously. He was completely obsessed with you, wanted to be with you all the time, control you, make sure you were safe, show off his Doll. 

But first he had to gain your trust, he knew that. And he had to be able to trust you. Your attempted call to Gigi told him he couldn’t do that yet.  _ Fuck. _ He realized his text probably hadn’t helped his cause, probably just made you sadder, more confused. Kylo resolved to try and make you happy with what he picked up for you.

Kylo stepped out of the elevator, turning towards your dorm room. He grabbed your UCLA lanyard and swiped it on the pin pad to your door, quickly typing in your pin. He knew Luna should be in class right now, which should give him enough time to grab you some of your things and get out. 

He grabbed the small suitcase you had under bed and threw it open. Turning to your small wardrobe, he grabbed handfuls of shirt, short, pants, underwear, pajamas, and a few of your bras, just shoving in whatever he could fit. He grabbed some of your shoes that were strewn around your room putting them in the suitcase. 

He glanced around trying to see if there was anything that might make you particularly happy. You had a small three-tiered plastic storage container full of various beauty products, some makeup, lotions, whatever else. Kylo eyed it warily, deciding to put some of the lotions and other body and skin care products in the suitcase. He decided he would just buy you new makeup when you needed it or asked for it. 

Kylo zipped the suitcase up and started to leave the room. When he opened the door he nearly collided with a startled Luna who yelped “What the fuck?” Kylo watched confusion wash over her face. “What are you doing here? How’d you even get in?”

Kylo gave her a dazzling smile, holding up your lanyard. “Y/N asked me to stop by and pick her up some stuff.” 

Luna narrowed her eyes at him, “And she couldn’t come herself because…?”

Kylo glanced down, shifting his feet in an attempt to look embarrassed. He cleared his throat, still looking down, “She uh, she was having trouble walking. If you, uh, know what I mean.”

“Oh. OH!” Luna said, mouth agape. “You. You’re the guy.”

Kylo glanced back at Luna, “Ah yes, I am the guy. She said she had texted you. Anyways, I should get back to her.” Kylo went to step past Luna. 

“Okay well nice to meet you - hey, do you know when she’s planning on coming back? Are you guys like going somewhere?” Luna asked. 

Kylo turned back around to face her, “I’m not sure when she’s planning on coming back. She’s been with me at my place and just asked for some things.” Kylo shrugged. 

“Hm. Okay, I’ll text her. Thanks! Tell her I send my love!” Luna said, walking into the dorm room and shutting the door. 

Kylo nodded, turned around and went back down the elevator, throwing the suitcase in his car. Getting in the driver’s seat, Kylo decided to hit Rodeo Drive first. He had four particular stores in mind there. He didn’t need much, he had already ordered a whole host of items from his favorite luxury online retailer. Everything completely new for you. But, Kylo couldn’t help himself, he wanted to pick up just a few last things to spoil his Doll.

Zipping down Rodeo Drive, Kylo pulled into the first available spot. He didn’t mind if he had to walk, he just wanted to get in, get out, and get on his way back to you. Kylo couldn’t say why, but he was anxious to get home and make sure you were alright. He decided to send you a quick text just to see if you were awake,  **_I miss you_ ** **.**

Kylo stepped out of his black Porsche 911, leaving the top down. There was nothing inside worth stealing after all, your clothes and things weren’t worth much. He walked easily down the street and into La Perla. A young male associate greeted him, “Hello Sir, can I help you find anything today?”

“No, I think I’ve got it, thanks.” Kylo walked around, finding the sleepwear section. He grabbed a grey silk slip dress that had lace adorning the top. Browsing more, he grabbed a plain navy colored silk slip dress, and saw another baby pink slip dress that had macramé around the chest and up one thigh creating a slit. 

Further into the sleepwear, Kylo grabbed several pairs of simple silk sleeping shorts in a variety of colors: nude, navy, red, and soft pink. He grabbed matching simple silk camisoles for each pair of shorts.

Finding his way back to the lingerie department, Kylo’s eye was caught by a sheer tulle and lace balconette bra. He added that to his pile, grabbing several colors of silk and satin thongs that featured lace in the front. Kylo spotted a blush pink long line bra that was completely made of macramé and decided to get it as well, he knew you’d look stunning in it.

As he walked to checkout, Kylo saw a short red silk robe, with lace-lined sleeves. You needed it. He also decided you needed the long black silk nightgown. It was floor length and had frastaglio lace accenting the chest. 

Kylo reached the register, placed his items down, watched as the associate painstakingly individually wrapped each item. Kylo was ready to scream at him to hurry up, but knew it wasn’t worth the scene. Kylo finally paid, grabbed his bags, and walked out.

Kylo slipped into the newly opened Christian Louboutin boutique. He gave the woman who approached him your size and asked for a pair of classic black stilettos and a second pair of her choosing, for a woman who wasn’t used to nice things. 

The saleswoman showed him a pair of classic patent leather stilettos with a pointed toe. “These,” the woman said, unboxing one of the shoes to show Kylo, “are technically from the bridal collection. But, I think they’re very soft and romantic. Perfect for a woman who’s not used to such nice shoes.” Kylo looked at the shoe. They were a soft pink satin peep toe stiletto, simple, but elegant, featuring ballerina straps in the same soft pink color that were to be tied up the wearer’s ankle. 

“They’re perfect.” Kylo nodded. The woman quickly packaged the shoe back up and checked Kylo out.

Turning down the street Kylo made his way down to Agent Provocateur. He walked in, and a young female associate ran up to him. “Oh well if it isn’t Kylo Ren once again,” she said to him, batting her eyelashes and giving him a slow smile. 

“Yes, thank you Sophia. Could you please hold these for me?” Kylo asked her, handing his bags to her. 

“Sure, what can I help you find today?” Sophia purred at Kylo, smiling. 

“I’m just going to look around and see what strikes me. I’ll know what I want for my girl when I see it,” Kylo replied walking past her, enjoying the way her face fell upon hearing ‘my girl’. 

Kylo browsed around the store. The first thing he picked up was a black lace quarter cup balconette bra. It would probably only cover half your nipple and had straps that ran from the center over the outside of your breast, before meeting the other and running into one solid strap up the shoulder. He got the matching lace thong as well. 

Continuing, Kylo found a gorgeous lilac colored plunge bra. It was made of thin tulle, leaving it effectively see through, and had tufts of tool poking out the top of the cup. When he saw the matching suspender, he knew you needed it. It was the same color, also made out of tule. The bottom piece was a simple G-string thong, string tufted with the tulle. The suspender had a strap of tufted tulle that went around your waist, with a vertical string that attached to the thong strap, and hung down, to be attached to a pair of stockings, the back mirroring the front. 

Kylo then found a stunning balconette bra. It was bright red, with nude colored tule cups that were accented by red lace. It was a balconette style, and he knew it would barely cover your nipples. Kylo grabbed the matching red lace and tulle thong. He spotted a black suspender overlay that would look stunning over it. It had a solid black band that clipped around your waist. It was made completely of sheer black netting, and had graphic lines running all across it. Some of the shapes created by the overlaps in the lines were filled in with black lace. In the front and the back, the fabric came together and ended in a strap so that it could attach to stockings. 

Satisfied with the lingerie, Kylo went to grab some stockings. He grabbed a pair of simple black nylon ones, another pair of black nylon ones that had lace adorning the thigh, and a pair of bright red nylon stockings, completely made of lace. He thought that would be enough, but then he spotted the perfect pair. 

The stockings were made of nude nylon, with a thick black band at the top. The back of the stockings is what Kylo was interested in. Running directly down the center of the mannequin's legs in black cursive font was, starting at the foot and running up,  **_whip me, bite me, eat me, tease me_ ** . 

Kylo smiled at them. He couldn’t wait to hear you begging him to do all four to you. He immediately grabbed a pair. He spotted various lengths and styles of ribbons, advertised to be used as hair ties, blindfolds, and gags. He grabbed quite a few, in various lengths and colors, and headed to the counter. 

On his way to the counter, he spotted a red leather whip, a heart shaped cutout in the tongue of the whip.  _ Perfect _ . He added that to his purchases. 

Again, Kylo watched as Sophia wrapped each item individually, biting his tongue, paid, grabbed both sets of bags, and left. Kylo walked back towards his car, ducking down one of the side streets until he got to his last store. 

Kylo walked into Cartier and was immediately greeted. “Ah, Mr. Ren. What can we do for you today?”

“The Cartier Love bracelet. White gold. Diamond Paved.” Kylo said, barely glancing at the man. 

“Ah yes, sir, if you step this way, I can show you.” 

“I don’t need to see it. I’d like one packaged up please.” Kylo said, giving the man a firm gaze. 

“Uh, certainly sir, I assume you are aware of the price?” the man choked out. 

“Yes, thank you. Where shall I pay?”

“Uh, uh, right over here Sir.”

Kylo walked and sat at the counter. As the man rambled on about the price, and whatever else, Kylo watched another man prepare the bracelet. Kylo handed his credit card over.  _ Thanks Dad _ . About 15 minutes later, Kylo walked back to his car, threw his purchases in the passenger seat, closed the convertible’s roof, and headed off to the Grove.

The drive wasn’t particularly long. Kylo pulled into the parking garage, taking the first spot he could find, his anxiety was still present, he still wanted to get back to you. Kylo checked his phone, still nothing from you.  _ She’s asleep _ . But his dream earlier had shaken him. Kylo couldn’t help but feel that something was up, something was wrong, and you needed him. 

Kylo walked briskly to the Barnes & Noble, starting his shop on the third floor. He grabbed you 8 books, of assorted topics. Passing the puzzles section, he thought you might like those, so he grabbed a couple. As he was leaving the puzzle department, a soft plush bunny caught his eye. Kylo had no idea why, but he just felt like it was something you should have, so he grabbed it. 

The second floor didn’t have anything Kylo thought you would find particularly interesting, so he made his way down to the DVD department. He grabbed box sets of a couple of your favorite shows and made his way to the register. He quickly paid, grabbed his bags, and got back in his car to drive to his last stop. 

Kylo pulled up to Cupid’s Closet in Brentwood, parked, and walked in. He didn’t need much here, just a few last things. Walking inside, Kylo was again greeted. “Ah Kylo, lovely to see you again, I trust everything came as ordered regarding your last shipment?” 

“Yes, thank you.” Kylo gave a small smile to the man who asked. “I just need a few more things.” Kylo walked around the store, finding the bondage section. He knew he already had most of what he needed at home, but two items were missing. 

Kylo carefully appraised all the collars, before selecting one. The one he picked for you was solid black leather. It buckled in the back like a typical dog collar, but with solid gold metal rivets and D-ring. In the front there was a simple black leather bow that was the width of the collar itself. The middle of the bow had a small gold ring, to attach a dog tag to. 

Kylo admired the bow in front of his face, it would look stunning sitting on your neck. There was a matching leash, featuring a gold snap hook. The leash had the same little bows studded all the way up. It was a good length as well, 5 feet. Kylo brought the items to the register. 

“I’d like the deep red heart dog tag. In black can you engrave ‘Doll’?” Kylo asked. 

“Of course.” The man turned around and punched the info into a machine. By the time he finished ringing Kylo up, the tag was ready, and the man attached it to the collar, boxed it all up, and handed Kylo a bag. “Enjoy.” The man smiled at Kylo.

Kylo got in his car and sped home. He was excited to see you, but also nervous. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He was also worried about whether you would like what he had bought you. 

As he pulled into his garage, Kylo gathered the bags and your suitcase and made his way inside. He paused at the door to the basement, quickly ordering some Chinese food to be delivered. Kylo undid the locks, then swallowed hard. Something was off. There was a feeling he couldn’t shake. Slowly, Kylo descended into the basement, flicking the lights on, dropping the bags right below the light switch. He saw your figure on the side of the bed he had slept on, head buried into his pillow. 

Walking closer, Kylo saw the pillow was wet, and with how wet the pillow was he knew you had cried long and hard, probably to the point of physical exhaustion. Glancing at your face, Kylo could tell your eyes were swollen and would be red once you opened them. Your lips were swollen too, pressed together into a pout, half buried in his pillow. 

Kylo sighed. He didn’t want you to cry. Even with you asleep he could feel your emotional turmoil radiating off you. A small smile flickered across his face as he realized you had chosen to wear his sweater. He knew he should let you sleep a little longer. 

Kylo flicked his shoes off, pulled his shirt over his head, and took his jeans off, climbing into bed with you. You stirred slightly, but Kylo just laid on his back, slightly propped up with pillows and pulled you onto him. Your hands found his chest and splayed across; your head rested right above his heart.

Kylo gave you a light kiss on the forehead. He knew the delivery person would call when they arrived, so he just relaxed into you, enjoying the way it felt to protect you. With you on his chest, snuffling softly, Kylo was content. 

**[Your POV]**

You woke up to the sound of a phone ringing and the soft vibrations emanating from the chest of the man you slept on. You blinked your eyes open.  _ Kylo? _ That didn’t make sense - he had left, and we had argued over text.  _ I must have fallen asleep and he found me _ . Kylo started to slide out from under you gently and you wrapped your arms around his chest in protest.

“Doll, I’ve got to go grab the food.” Kylo said, slipping away from you. 

“No, stay,” you whispered. “Please.”

“Let me get the food and I’ll come back.” Kylo said as he slid from the bed completely. 

You hear him go up the stairs and shut the basement door behind him. The noise made you jump.  _ He’s not coming back _ . You rolled over, pulled the covers over your head, and tried going back to sleep. 

A minute later you heard the door open and Kylo’s footsteps coming down the stairs. You sat back up, the shock evident on your face. 

“I told you I’d come back,” Kylo said, frowning. You swallowed at him and nodded softly. Kylo walked over to the laundry basket, grabbed two of the sodas and sat on the bed opposite you so that you could see each other. He placed the food and drinks in between the two of you. 

You eagerly started opening the boxes of food, you loved Chinese.  _ Of course he knows that _ . Kylo took a box for himself, and the two of you ate in almost complete silence except for the slight moans that escaped you.  _ Fuck this is delicious _ . 

Kylo smirked at you, “Enjoying it?”

You gave him a small embarrassed smile back. “Yes, it’s amazing.” Kylo nodded at you. The two of you continued eating, and eventually you were stuffed. You boxed up what remained and put it back in the bag, opening the soda and taking a sip. Kylo finished packing his up and went to set the bag on the workbench.

You shuffled yourself back so that you could lean against the wall that acted as a headboard, fluffing some pillows up behind yourself. “Kylo?” you asked tentatively. He turned around and started walking back towards the bed. Your mouth went dry at the sight of him in nothing but his boxers. He was painfully attractive. 

“Hm?” He raised his eyebrows at you inquisitively, walking around and getting in the other side of the bed, mirroring your position and leaning against the wall. 

“Thank you,” you told him, looking over at him to give a soft smile. Kylo nodded back at you. The two of you stayed like that, side by side, resting up against the wall for a while. You were staring at the ceiling. Trying to process all the thoughts and emotions in your head. 

You shouldn’t be thanking him. You shouldn’t be attracted to him. He was keeping you locked in a basement. And for what? To fuck occasionally? To abuse?  _ It’s not abuse. He has to do those things because I misbehave. Anyway, it’s foreplay and I know it _ .  _ He always makes me cum afterwards. Well, except that one time.  _

_ And I like the pain. I know that part is true. I like how he can cause me such extreme pain one moment and then turn and give me pleasure like I’ve never known before. That’s why the pain feels good.  _

_ And then afterwards, he takes care of me. He holds me. He does care about me. _

But in the back of your mind, you still felt it was wrong. He could do all those things but in the confines of a real relationship. This was not a relationship.  _ I’m his possession. He doesn’t care about me as a person. He cares about me as his Doll. Fuck. I’ve got to stop.  _

You knew you wouldn’t. He was too intoxicating. Even at the moments where you felt nothing but pure hate for him, he reeled you in, wouldn’t let you have the ability to say no. You felt helpless and perhaps you were, but you were also a competent autonomous human being who could make her own decisions.  _ I am consciously choosing to continue this… arrangement.  _

As if Kylo could feel the way your mind was being torn in half, his hand found yours, and he stroked the back softly. You heard him shift so that his body was facing yours, his head now on a pillow. “A penny for your thoughts?” he murmured.

You glanced down at him, not surprised to see his beautiful auburn eyes already studying your face. You shook your head at him, frowning. “No.” You paused, sighing. “I...I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore.” Kylo ran his hand up and down your arm. The two of you just looked at each other. 

Eventually, you slid down so your head rested on a pillow as well. You turned your head slightly away from Kylo so that the silent tears slipping from your eyes might stay hidden from him. But of course they wouldn’t.

“Doll?” Kylo asked softly, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” His voice was laced with genuine concern and fear. You just shook your head at him softly. “Hey,” he said, “Come here.” 

Kylo easily grabbed you and pulled you to his chest, stroking your hair. The softness of his actions made you cry in earnest, sobbing into his chest. “Shhhh,” he murmured, stroking your hair and back. “I’m here. What’s going on?”

Your breathing was erratic as you were ugly crying into Kylo’s chest. “I….I….I don’t know,” you hiccupped at him, “I...don’t get what….this...is.” You pressed your hands into his chest more firmly, taking a deep breath to try and steady your voice. “I...Don’t know what we are. I… I hate this….but I want you so much…. And I want...you to care….about me...as a person.” On the word your voice broke and you dissolved into sobs again. 

Kylo pulled you closer to his chest, letting you sob into him. He just held you, stroking your hair, your back, planting kisses on the top of your head. Eventually, the sobs stopped, the occasional aftershock making your breath hitch. You pulled back and looked up at him, a blush rising up your cheeks. He was stunning, and you were a tear stained, snotty mess. 

You pulled one of the sweater sleeves over your hand and went to run it over his chest, trying to dry it. Kylo grabbed your hand with his. “Doll,” he said. You met his gaze. “I know. I know this is hard. And weird. And full of uncertainties. But you have to know I care.”

You nodded at him. You wanted to believe him. But a small part of your brain wouldn’t let you. 

You rested your head back on Kylo’s chest. “Hey, I bought you some things,” Kylo said and you could feel the excitement in his voice. He slid apart from you slowly, getting off the bed and making his way over to where the stairs were. You sat up, confused. 

“You bought things for me?” you asked him, brows knit in confusion. No one ever bought you things. Kylo smiled at you as he walked back to the bed. 

“Yes. All of this is for you.” He set the bags down at the foot of the bed and handed you the Barnes & Noble bags first. You blinked at him, glanced at the bags, and then looked back at him. 

“Really?” 

“Yes Doll.” Kylo sat on the edge of the bed. You tentatively reached into the first bag, pulling out book after book after book. A wide variety, but all ones you had been meaning to read. In the next bag, you found box sets of several of your favorite tv shows and movies, and some puzzles. It stung for just a moment when you realized he had bought you these so you wouldn’t be bored down here in the basement. From the last bag you pulled out a soft plush bunny. It was gray, with large floppy ears. You looked at Kylo.

“I thought it might keep you company. You know, give you something to cuddle in case I’m ever not here.” Kylo mumbled at you, glancing away. For once he was the one with a slight blush creeping up his neck. 

“Thank you, Kylo. This is very sweet.” You held his gaze for a moment. Kylo leaned back down, picking up the La Perla bags. He set them in front of you, and as you opened them he placed the Barnes & Noble bags back down on the floor. 

The first thing you unwrapped was the blush pink long line bra. You took a deep breath in.  _ Why would he buy me lingerie like this _ . Without saying anything, you set it aside. Unwrapping the next bundle. This one was a sheer lace and tulle balconette bra that wouldn’t cover anything. “Kylo? I- what is this for?”

“For you to wear.”

“Yes, obviously. I get that. But like...why?”

“Because you’ll look even more stunning in it.” He reached over with a long arm and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “And because I will enjoy taking it off of you.”

You swallowed hard at him, giving him a curt nod. The next couple of packages were an assortment of silk and satin lace thongs. 

“I think you’ll like the things in here the best.” Kylo said, nodding at the last bag. Hesitantly you began unwrapping the bundles. Out fell pairs of silk sleep shorts and silk camisoles. 

“Oh my god! These are for me? To sleep in?” You squealed at him. You had never even felt real silk in your life before. 

“Yes Doll.” 

“Oh my god!” You jumped off the bed, ripped the boxers you were wearing off and pulled on the nude pair of shorts. You threw his sweater over your head, unclasping your bra without even registering it meant Kylo would see you naked, again, and put on the matching camisole. “Wow,” you breathed, running your hands all over the silk. 

A moan came from Kylo’s direction when you ran your hands over your breasts, appreciating the way the silk felt on both your hands and nipples. You looked at him slowly, biting your lip. “Patience Doll, you still have more to see.”

But you didn’t want to wait, you were content with what he had already given you. You walked over in front of him. He was still sitting on the side of the bed. “Come on Doll, open the rest,” he said, smirking at you. 

“Hmm.” You climbed on his lap, pushing him back on the bed so you were straddling his hips. “I think I’ve seen enough.” Before Kylo could respond your lips found his, your hips making small, forceful circles on top of his. You felt him grow hard beneath you as he kissed you back, letting your tongue explore his mouth for once. 

Kylo pulled his mouth away, sitting up with you still on his lap. “Be a good girl and look at what else I bought you.” He gave you one last kiss, which you desperately tried to extend, biting his bottom lip as he pushed you away from him. You pouted at him, but secretly were excited to see what else he had bought you. 

You started going through the second bag, pulling out three different style short silk slip dresses. “Kylo…” you murmured. They were beautiful, luxurious. You had never been given something like this. The next thing you uncovered was the red silk robe with black lace on the sleeves. “This is too much.” You glanced up at him, chewing on your bottom lip. 

“No, you deserve nice things.” He replied simply. Nodding his head at the bag. While you went unwrapped the last item, Kylo put the unwrapped things back into a bag and set it on the ground. You held up a black silk nightgown with lace decorating the chest. As you held it up higher, you realized it was floor length, with a slit up one thigh. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered. 

“Yes, you are,” Kylo murmured back. He reached down, and picked up the Christian Louboutin bag, setting it in front of himself, and placing the Agent Provocateur bags in front of you. 

“I don’t need more Kylo,” you said to him. As much as you loved what he had bought, there was a small voice in the back of your brain reminding you this was wrong. Kylo gave you a look. You started opening the bag. As you unwrapped the lingerie, Kylo placed the black Louboutin’s in front of you, shortly followed by the soft pink satin pair, each with the trademark red sole. 

You shook your head slightly at him. It was too much. You went dizzy trying to even estimate how much he had spent on you.  _ How does he have so much money? Oh, his Father… _

You opened the Agent Provocateur packages, more quickly. Partly because you were left speechless at the lingerie he had bought you, that he wanted to see you in, and partly because you just wanted him. You found the first two pieces of lingerie and couldn’t formulate thoughts about them other than Holy Shit. 

You looked over the pairs of stockings, not thinking much of them. They all appeared to be normal stockings. Some ribbons, you wondered what those were for. 

The last package made you gasp. “Oh, Kylo, I can’t wear something like this.”

Kylo frowned at you, “Why not?”

You let out a short laugh, “Because it’s so red, and so see-through, and I mean that barely qualifies as a thong, and then this contraption that goes over it. I just - No. It would not look good on me.” 

“You’re right,” Kylo said, shifting off the bed to grab something from the floor. You frowned.  _ Not really the answer I was looking for _ . “It will look divine on you.” As Kylo stood up, his one arm moved, and a whipping sound landed on his palm. “I might not even want to take it all the way off when I fuck you.” He smiled wickedly at you. “Ah, yes. This whip came from there as well. I saw the heart on the tongue and knew it was perfect.”

You gaped at him. Tracked him, mouth open, eyes wide as he cleared everything from the bed except for the last package of lingerie, a pair of the stockings, two ribbons, the whip and the black stilettos. 

“If you don’t close your mouth Doll, I will find something to put in it.” 

You swallowed hard at his words, almost wishing you had kept your mouth open. Kylo bent down and picked up the small Cartier bag. He set it in front of you. 

“What?” you laughed. “Cartier? Are you insane?”

“Yes. But that’s irrelevant. Open it.”

Slowly you opened the red box and gasped. The diamonds glittered even in the dull light of the basement. “Kylo this must have cost a small fortune, I can’t accept this.”

“Yes, you can. And you will.”

Kylo moved to grab the box from you. You let him have it. He pulled the bracelet out and reached in the bag for another small box, pulling a small screwdriver out of it. You started to panic, this was all too much, way way too much.  _ He can’t just buy me like I’m some whore _ . Your eyes watered, and you grabbed your wrists, keeping them close to your body, running your hands up and down your arms.

“No. Really Kylo. This is - I can’t. I’m not a whore. You can’t buy me.” You looked at him, tears threatening. “You can’t buy me nice things and just expect sex in return. I don’t want that. I don’t want any of this.”

Kylo blinked at you, face expressionless. “I did not buy you these things with the expectation that you would fuck me to say thank you. I did not buy you these things as a means of payment for the times you have previously allowed me to fuck you, allowed me to make you cum. I bought you these things because I care, and because I want you to feel taken care of. I bought you these things because you deserve them. Besides, we both know that you’d let me fuck you without any of this.” His voice was calm, controlled, but you could tell it was taking a massive amount of his willpower not to explode at you. 

“Give me your wrist,” he ordered you. You hesitated, and he roughly grabbed your right arm, pulling it to him. He put the bracelet on and began screwing the pin into place. 

“What the fuck?! How do I take it off?” You snapped at him.

“You don’t.” He said as he finished tightening the screw. “You need a Cartier screwdriver to unscrew it.” 

“Oh my god. So what? It’s a fucking collar effectively? A high-priced symbol that I belong to you?” You gave a humorless laugh. “Fuck Kylo. No. Take it off.” 

Kylo released your wrist. “No.” He bent down and scooped up the bags, walking to set them where they had originally been by the light switch. You jumped off the bed and followed him, wincing slightly. 

“Kylo take it off! Please. I’m not - this. I don’t know what this means, but I don’t fucking want it” you said, holding up your braceleted wrist. 

Kylo turned to look at you. “I’m going upstairs to grab a few things. When I return, I expect that you will be wearing the lingerie that’s on the bed, including the stockings, and the stilettos. Leave the ribbons and the whip on the bed. Sit on the chair. Do you understand?”

You laughed incredulously at him. “And if I don’t?”

Kylo gave you a sinister smile and stepped closer to you, voice like acid, “What have I said about asking questions you don’t want answers to? Be ready. Or whatever little scenario you’re making up about what I’ll do to you in your head right now will look like a nice family dinner. Once again, do you understand?”

You held eye contact with him for just a minute, trying to find some emotion in his eyes, but nothing was there. “Fine.” As you went to turn around and walk to the bed, fingers caught in your hair, yanking you back to face him. 

“I asked you a question,” Kylo growled, pulling your face close to his, “Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes,” you hissed at him. He released your hair and you walked over to the bed as Kylo made his way up the stairs. 

You looked at the lingerie and sighed.  _ How the fuck does this even go on? _ You threw the shoes on top, and grabbed the stockings. When you dropped them on the lingerie the package turned over.  _ Oh, you’ve got to be fucking shitting me. _ You were horrified to discover that the stockings had black cursive writing going up them.  _ Whip me. Bite me. Eat me. Tease me. _

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo did not understand you. One minute, you’re thrilled by the things he bought you, literally throwing yourself at him. The next you’re offended and feel like a whore, and like an object. He didn’t get it. 

Kylo made his way up both sets of stairs. He walked into the spare room where he had gotten the black duffle bag from originally. He opened the closet once again and pulled out a smaller white duffle bag. As he passed his bedroom door Kylo decided to grab the black duffle.  _ Yeah, if she’s not dressed, I’m going to need that _ . 

Kylo stepped into his room and walked over to go to the bathroom. Washing his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror. He ran his hands through his hair.  _ God, I hope she’s dressed _ . He was stalling a bit, giving you time to get ready for him. 

Kylo went back down to the first floor and paused, picking up the Cupid’s Closet bag and balancing it on the black duffle. He went downstairs, pausing at the last step. He shook his head and turned the corner. 

You were in fact dressed, sitting on the chair, giving him quite the look. Kylo’s breath caught in his throat. Even with the look you were giving him you were stunning. 

“Doll,” Kylo breathed. “You look…” Kylo didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he walked towards you, dropping the duffle bags and Cupid’s Closet bag several feet away from you. He saw you glance the black duffle nervously. 

“Don’t worry, we won’t be needing that since you’re dressed.” A smirk. “Unless you want something in there used.” Your gaze returned to him, your pissed off expression returning. “Stand up,” Kylo said, walking over to you so there were only feet between you.

Slowly, you stood up, still looking at him. Kylo’s breathing increased, his lips parted. “Fuck,” he whispered. Kylo made a circle around you, taking his time to drink in every inch of your body. The lingerie was better than he could have ever imagined. Kylo stepped behind you, sliding the chair back. His hands found your waist, pulling you back into him. “See I was right. Absolutely divine,” he murmured into your ear. “Accentuates your natural beauty perfectly.”

He heard you let out a soft moan. He ran his tongue down your neck, eliciting a shiver from your body. “Mmm. Just two more things.” Kylo stepped out from behind you and grabbed the chair, bringing it back to its usual spot. “Sit back down.”

Wordlessly, you did so. Kylo was impressed. You were being quite good considering the little tantrum you had thrown before he went upstairs. Kylo grabbed the box inside the Cupid’s Closet bag and returned to you. He opened the box, presenting you with the collar, dog tag facing out. 

You laughed. Not a small laugh, or a scoff of incredulity, but a flat-out fucking belly roll. “You… no I’m sorry...This has to be a joke.” Kylo had expected a fight, for you to refuse, and ask not to put it on. But laughter. 

Kylo couldn’t handle laughter. He snapped, very deliberately controlling the expressions on his face.

“A collar. A fucking collar!” You said to him as your laughter stopped. “I didn’t even want the fucking locking bracelet and you think that I am about to let you put a fucking collar on me?”

He pulled the box back and took the collar out. Keeping his face expressionless he looked at you, “You’ll be happy to know it has a matching leash. Which you are going to become very well acquainted with tonight.”

He reached down towards your neck, but you pushed him away, scoffing. “A fucking leash. Yeah, right. Not a fucking chance in hell Kylo. I wore the stupid fucking lingerie for you. I’ve got the LOCKING bracelet-”

Kylo was done. “Enough.” One hand slapped you hard across the face. “You want to be an ungrateful little bitch?” He asked, the hand that had slapped you sliding down to choke you. “Then fine. I’ll treat you like an ungrateful little bitch.” Keeping his hand on your neck Kylo, Kylo used his teeth and free hand to open the collar. 

You stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open, gasping for air. He slid the collar under his hand, releasing the pressure on your neck slightly, allowing you to gulp in some air. He held the clasp in the hand on your neck, keeping enough pressure to make you compliant. With his other hand he laced the leather through the clasp, shooting you a look before removing his hand from your throat so that he could find the right loop to fasten the collar through. 

You sucked air into your lungs as quickly as possible. After straightening the collar so that the bow and dog tag was centered on your neck Kylo stepped back to admire his work. “Beautiful.” 

“No,” you whispered. “This is too much.” 

“Oh no, Doll. This is nothing. We’re just getting started,” Kylo snarled. He went back over and pulled the leash out of the bag, attaching it to the collar. “Oh, not going to try and push me away now?”

You whimpered beneath him, “Kylo please, I’m not ungrateful. I just want to be treated like a human. Like...like I mean something. Like I’m more than a toy.” Ignoring you, Kylo walked over to the bed, picking up the whip and two red ribbons. 

He walked back over, standing behind you, dropping the whip to the floor. Silently, he parted your hair in the middle and began gathering one side into a high pigtail, which he used the ribbon to secure, tying it in a bow. He repeated the same on the other side before picking up the whip and walking back in front of you. 

“Now, Doll, I know you must have seen what the back of your stockings say. Can you tell me?” Kylo glared at you, playing with the whip in his hand.

A blank stare registered on your face and Kylo realized your brain was having trouble processing what was happening. He touched the bottom of your chin with the tongue of the whip. “Doll,” he called, and you blinked at him, “What do your stocking say?”

“Uhm,” you shook your head as if trying to remember. “Fuck you. Eat shit. Suck a dick. Your mom’s a hoe. If I remember correctly.”

The surge of anger that hit Kylo in the face was nothing compared to the want that seeped through him. He wanted you, and that stupid, sarcastic mouth of yours. Without saying anything Kylo dropped the whip and brought it down hard across one of your thighs causing you to yelp. “One more time Doll, I didn’t catch that.”

“FUCK. YOU. EAT. SHIT. SUCK. A. DICK. YOUR. MOM’S. A. HOE,” you screamed at Kylo. Kylo smiled at you, eyebrows raised, nodding his head. 

“Ah I see. Perhaps the black duffle bag will make an appearance tonight.” He brought the whip down across your other thigh, you flinched, but didn’t make a sound. “That’s a shame too, the white bag is full of much more fun toys.” This time Kylo brought the whip hard across your cheek, enjoying your yelp. “Get on your hands and knees.”

You looked up at him defiantly. “No.” Kylo walked around so that he was beside the chair and hooked one of his feet under it, pulling the chair out from under you. 

“OW! What the fuck Kylo?!” you screamed, falling flat on your ass. You shifted so that your legs were under you, your ass resting on your calves. 

“Are you stupid? Is that the problem? You can’t read? Or are you deliberately continuing to be an ungrateful little bitch?” Kylo was seething. He brought the whip down hard across your back. You cried out in pain as he did it again, and again, and again. “No smart answer?” More whips across your back. 

Kylo felt himself grow even harder as red welts started to form on your back. “I believe I told you to get on your hands and knees,” Kylo growled at you, pacing in circles around you. Kylo looked down and saw you gaping up at him. 

“Kylo…” you whispered. But Kylo didn’t care. When he had snapped it was like a different part of his brain took over. Kylo leaned down and grabbed the end of the leash. He snapped it forward, scoffing as you got your arms down just in time to keep your face from crashing into the concrete floor. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it. A very simple task.” Kylo walked around so that he was in front of you and squatted down. He grabbed your jaw and forced your head up to look at him. You closed your eyes. “Look at me,” he said, “Open your fucking eyes and look at me.” You did, making eye contact with Kylo.

“Look at what a disgusting little girl you are. Just minutes ago you were throwing yourself at me.” Kylo dropped the whip and brought his other hand to your mouth. “Open.” You opened your mouth just slightly and Kylo roughly shoved two fingers inside, hooking down to yank your mouth open further. 

He slid in a third finger and shoved them all the way back into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. You gagged, tears springing to your eyes. Kylo continued thrusting them in and out of your mouth. 

“I distinctly remember you telling me you would never want me to touch you. And yet you were practically begging for me like the cheap little whore you are.” Kylo looked at you directly in the eye as he said this, fucking your mouth with his fingers. 

The sight of the tears sliding down your cheeks as he finger fucked your mouth caused Kylo to let out a small moan, cock throbbing in his boxers. He withdrew his fingers from your mouth, pulling down so your mouth was open and using the hand on your jaw to prevent you from closing. 

He leaned in close to you, spitting into your mouth. “Swallow,” he ordered you, releasing your jaw from his grip. You obeyed, tears stopping. Kylo grabbed the whip. He laughed at you. “Such a fucking whore. I bet you’re absolutely dripping for me right now too.” 

You glanced down to the floor, cheeks burning. “Of course you are.” Kylo stood back up, grabbing the whip. He walked around behind you crouching down again, smiling at your head hanging down listlessly. With one hand he pulled the lingerie covering you aside and ran the tongue of the whip up your sex, collecting your arousal. 

Kylo put the lingerie back, bringing the whip to his face, admiring the wetness, cock throbbing wildly. He stood back up and walked around to your face. “Clean it up whore,” he said holding the tongue of the whip in front of your mouth. 

You glanced up and stared at him blankly. “Doll,” Kylo sung to you. “Don’t make things worse for yourself.” You shook your head and took the tongue in your mouth, cleaning your own arousal off it. Kylo pulled it out. 

“Crawl.” Kylo ordered, yanking on the leash and moving to the side of you. 

“What?” you sputtered out at him. 

“You want to act like a little bitch, so I’m treating you like one.” Kylo snarled. “Now crawl,” he said, bringing the whip down across your ass. You yelped, but slowly started to move forward on your hands and knees. “Finally, doing as you’re told.” 

He brought the whip down on your ass again, watching you grimace but continue to crawl forward. Kylo walked alongside you, occasionally whipping your ass and yanking the leash to change your direction. As your pace started to slow, Kylo figured your knees were probably hurting.  _ Good. They’ll be bruised for me _ . 

“Sit.” Kylo ordered you. You looked up at him, the hurt in your eyes evident as you slumped back on your calves. “Good girl. You’re being such a good little bitch,” Kylo murmured at you, looking at your blank expression. 

“Open,” Kylo said, gesturing to your mouth. Slowly you did. Kylo leaned down and spit in your mouth again. You swallowed before he could ask, making a shiver run up Kylo’s spine. “Good. Now, lie down.” 

Kylo watched your face, reading your emotions. He saw something change. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was. Your eyes went vacant, but in a way that told Kylo you were no longer here with him, and that he was about to lose you. This snapped Kylo back to reality. 

As much as he wanted to continue, Kylo couldn’t risk losing you. He had to push you just enough. He wanted you feisty. He loved it when you spoke back to him, wouldn’t obey him, made him have to punish you. He couldn’t risk having you become completely complacent and just open your legs and mouth and lay there for him. 

“Doll, come here,” Kylo said softly. Your expression remained blank, eyes vacant as you started crawling over to him. Kylo shook his head, “No, you can stand up and walk.” You nodded at him, and tried to stand up, but your legs were trembling, and you weren’t used to the stilettos. 

Kylo’s hands shot out to grab you and help you stand up. “Steady,” he said. He looked down in your eyes and saw some emotion returning, but he couldn’t place it. You just looked sad, defeated almost. “Doll,” Kylo whispered, running his hand along your cheek. “Come on.”

Kylo leant down and put his arms under your knees scooping you into his arms. Your head rested on his chest and he heard you sigh. Kylo walked over to the bed and gently set you on it so that you were sitting up. Silently, he unhooked the collar, removing it from your neck and tossing it to the side of the room. 

You brought your hand up to your neck rubbing where the collar had been. Kylo brought both of his hands to your face, cupping it gently. “I’m sorry. You just infuriate me sometimes.” You nodded at him, expression still one of sadness. Kylo leaned in and kissed you gently on the lips. 

His hands dropped and found your hips and he picked you up and moved you a little further on the bed. “It’s just sometimes you don’t respect me,” he breathed into your lips. You pushed your lips back to his, stealing another kiss. Kylo smiled on your lips. 

“I’m trying with you. I went out and bought you all these nice things,” Kylo said, pushing your shoulders gently so you fell back on the bed. He kissed down your neck, occasionally nibbling and sucking, leaving small hickeys on top of the bruises already there. “And then you reject them. You reject me.”

Kylo continued kissing down your chest. When he got to your breasts he took one nipple in his mouth through the mesh of the red bra you were wearing. You moaned and arched into his back. His tongue slowly circled your nipple, flicking back and forth across it. A hand found your other breast and pinched your nipple through the mesh. 

Kylo bit down softly, pulling your nipple as he moved his mouth away until it finally slipped from his mouth. “I know I was hard on you.” He switched so that his mouth was on your other nipple, sucking, biting, circling as he twisted your other nipple with his hand. He pulled his mouth away again. “But you took it well, such a good girl for me.” 

Kylo kissed in between your breasts, moving down your stomach, alternating between kissing, nipping, and biting at your tummy. He stopped when he got to the suspender, looking up at you. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “I love that you get wet when I treat you like that.” Kylo ran his nose down the mesh, stopping right above your cunt. “I think it’s time you get rewarded for being so good.”

**[Your POV]**

You arched you back, moaning, desperately trying to get Kylo to make contact with your cunt. His words earlier had cut you to your core. You just wanted him to acknowledge you as a person, a person he cared about. And instead he effectively called and treated you like a dog. 

You had almost just resigned. Given up. Decided to just become complacent and do what he told you. But then he had stopped. And here you were now, squirming underneath him and loving every minute of it. 

“Please Kylo,” you breathed. He chuckled. He slipped back off the bed, and pulled your shoes off, leaving them to clatter on the floor. His hands unclipped the suspender from the stockings, and pulled the suspender down off of you, flinging it behind him. 

Kylo pulled your hips down so that your ass was at the edge of the bed. He kissed each of you knees softly, acknowledging the bruises forming there from all the crawling you had done on the floor. Your heart raced, you just wanted him inside you, wanted him to make you come undone underneath him, hopefully multiple times. 

He leaned his face into your cunt, licking through the mesh fabric of the thong. You bucked your hips at him, “Kyloooo” you groaned, desperate for real contact. 

He hummed at you, moving his face up. He took the band of the thong in his mouth, slipped his thumbs in the sides and moved down, peeling the thong off of you, tossing it to the floor. Quickly, he peeled of the stockings, letting them fall to the ground. You felt Kylo’s hands return to peel you open, and a moment later his hot breath was on your cunt. 

Slowly, he made a long firm stroke up your cunt with his tongue. “Ohhh Kylo, yes…” you breathed. He stopped at your clit, making slow circles around it with the tip of his tongue before flicking across it in short, firm strokes. “Fuckk,” you hissed. 

Kylo chuckled into you, the vibrations sending shivers up you. You were close already, that tension building in you, inching you towards your orgasm. “So close already,” Kylo murmured on your clit. You spasmed wildly, head turning, legs jerking around him. 

Kylo sucked your clit in his mouth as he slid two fingers into you as far as they would go. You panted wildly at him. Kylo thrusted his fingers in and out of you, sucking your clit, and then releasing the tension on repeat. “Ah yes Kylo, I’m close - so fucking close - please don’t stop.”

Kylo kept sucking and flicking at your clit, but kept his fingers logged inside you know, stroking hard and fast at  _ that _ spot inside of you. “Ky...Ky..I’m…” you whimpered out, as your orgasm crashed over you. It felt like all the blood was drained from you and you were floating, absorbed only in your own pleasure. Kylo kept sucking and stroking you, and you tried desperately to close your legs, “Kylo...just fuck me please...it’s too much.”

Kylo slowly released your clit and withdrew his fingers. He gave you several kisses around your inner thighs and gave your cunt another lick. You panted on the bed, closing your eyes, expecting to feel Kylo’s weight on top of you. Instead you heard him unzipping a bag, and your eyes shot open as you sat up quickly, seeing stars.  _ Not the black duffle _ . 

You were glad to see Kylo was not at the black duffle, but still concerned about what the white duffle contained. Kylo pulled out two items and walked back over to the bed. You could see that one item was a wand vibrator, but the other item was concealed in his hand. He smiled at you. 

You shook your head confused at him, “What Kylo? Just fuck me. I want you. I want you inside me.” You saw his cock throb under his boxers. Kylo crawled on the bed, dropping the items by a pillow and pulling you up by the waste, turning you so your head was on a pillow. 

Kylo moved so that he was straddling you. He leaned down to give you a kiss, “I know, and want to be inside you.” He gave you a longer kiss, his tongue running along your lower teeth. “But you were so good, I want to make you feel so good.” You were stunned. He didn’t just want to use you for sex. 

You brought your hands to his hair and pulled his head closer, kissing him deeply. Your mouths moved in unison, tongues taking turns exploring each other's mouths. Kylo broke the kiss, looking in your eyes, “You’re so beautiful, do you know that? Absolutely stunning.”

He sat up, still straddling you and grabbed the small item you hadn’t been able to see.  _ Nipple clamps _ . Your eyes widened as you glanced from them to Kylo and back again. “It feels good Doll, I promise. But pick a safe word. Say it and I’ll take them off.” He leaned down and sucked on one nipple through the mesh as his hands slipped under you to unclasp your bra. 

You blinked rapidly, sucking in your breath at the sensation of his mouth on your nipples, trying to think of a safe word. “Crocs.” As soon as you said it you blushed, and not because Kylo was stripping your bra off you, leaving you completely exposed to him once again.  _ Fucking crocs really, that’s the best I could come up with _ . 

Kylo gave a small laugh, “Crocs it is. Say it and I stop.” Kylo grabbed the clamps and put them on each nipple. He increased the tightness slowly, making eye contact with you. It was a weird sensation. It hurt, but in the best way possible, blurring the line between pleasure and pain in a way you hadn’t before. He continued increasing until you gasped. 

You swallowed hard as Kylo shifted off you and grabbed the wand. “Oh fuck,” you murmured. You thought about trying to squirm away, but you knew you wanted this. Kylo flicked the wand on and brought it to your stomach, running it up and down. Slowly he brought it up to your breasts, circling each one before lightly running the wand over each nipple. You clenched at the sensation. 

“Oh my god Kylo,” you moaned, arching your back, throwing your hips up. 

Kylo trailed the wand back down your stomach, running it along each thigh. He brought his free hand to your slit and spread you open, running the wand up and down you. 

You were still oversensitive from your earlier orgasm and the vibrating was too much, you used your hand to try and push Kylo away, “Kylo….too much...I can’t...I,” you let out a whimper that grew into a moan. 

Kylo brought the wand up to your clit, making small circles. Your nerves were on fire and for a moment you wanted to scream at him to stop but then you felt it. The build of another orgasm. Your face crumpled. “There it is,” Kylo said, you could hear the smile in his voice. 

“You’re so perfect. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Kylo increased the pace of the circles he was making around your clit and your breath caught in your throat. 

“I...I....Yes! Yes! Kylo...fuckk...I’m going to cum again,” you panted to him. Kylo made even faster circles around your clit and when your face crumpled again as your orgasm hit he reached up with his free hand and quickly released both nipple clamps, which added a new dimension to the stars you saw. “Fuckkkkk Kylooooo!” you screamed as you rode out your orgasm. 

You felt the wand leave you and heard Kylo shift off the bed and set the wand on the floor. A shuffle of fabric and Kylo was back on the bed. “Kylo,” you whispered, you couldn’t move or think. 

You felt Kylo’s hand on your hips as he pulled you to sit upright. He laid down on the bed, and somehow picked you up, placing you on his lap. “Ride me,” he said, “I want to watch you fuck me.” 

You gaped at him, “I don’t know if I can hold myself up.” 

He smiled, leant up and gave you a deep kiss. “Yes, you can. I know you, know your body.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, flushing, embarrassed to be on top. He was just so perfect, and you were so...you. Kylo ground his hips up into you, his hard cock slicking along your soaked cunt. You snapped back to reality. “Doll, I mean it. You are perfect to me. Stunning. Now don’t make me ask again. Ride me.” He playfully raised an eyebrow.

You lifted your butt and hips up, grabbing his cock and sliding down on to him.  _ Fuck _ . He was even deeper inside of you in this position. You paused, letting yourself adjust. Slowly you raised and lowered your hips, working Kylo in and out of you. His eyes flew closed, face screwed up in pleasure, “Oh fuck,” he whispered. 

You picked up your pace, wanting to give him the same pleasure he had given you. He moaned and you leaned down to kiss him passionately. He slid one hand in between the two of you and his thumb found your clit. You moaned in his mouth and shot back up. Kylo’s breathing became erratic and you could tell he was close. 

He kept playing with your clit, and you felt yourself building again, but you didn’t think you could actually cum three times that quickly. You could see that his eyes were watching your breasts and the way they bounced as you rode him hard and fast. “Fuck...Doll….” Kylo’s face was red, his words strained, “You’re so….fucking...ahhhh shittt...perfect.”

Kylo increased the pace of his thumb on your clit and you felt yourself about to cum, “Yes… cum for me my little slut. Cum all over my fucking cock while you fuck me.” He spat out. And so, you did. You convulsed around his cock, barely able to keep your head up and hips moving. You threw your head back, arching into your orgasm, hands supporting yourself on Kylo’s chest. 

Kylo was rapidly panting, jerking his hips up and down, until he stilled. Bliss still fogging your mind, you realized he was there, and somehow you picked up the pace with your own hips. “Ahhhh, Y/N,” Kylo moaned, and you felt streams of his hot cum inside you. You kept riding him through his orgasm, watching the aftershocks make him twitch below you.

Finally, Kylo brought his hands to your hips to still them. You happily collapsed on top of him, your head resting next to his on the pillow so that you could see him. Kylo brought his hands to your back, running them up and down, you winced at the welts from the whip, but the feeling also sent a through you. One hand travelled up to stroke your hair. You hummed happily at him. Kylo turned his head so the two of you were nose to nose, looking at each other. 

“I’m not done with you yet,” he said, smiling at you, stretching his neck to kiss you. 

“What?” you asked, still panting, recovering from the previous three orgasms, “Kylo there’s no way I could.”

Kylo raised his hips and pushed down so that he slid out of you, causing you to take a deep breath in. “Yes, you can. And you will.” He gave the tip of your nose a kiss. “I know your body better than you do. Trust me. And remember the safe word.” 

You blinked at Kylo, you did trust him, especially in the sex department, but you weren’t convinced your body could physically withstand more given all it had been through recently. Kylo slipped out from under you, leaving you stomach down on the bed. 

You started to turn over, but he stopped you. “No, I want you stomach down.” He got off the bed and walked back over rustling in the bag. You swallowed, unsure if it was better to look up and see what was coming or to just be surprised. You chose the latter. 

Kylo got back on the bed, close to your legs. You felt him spread your legs with his hands. He sat in between your legs, and you could feel him staring at your ass and pussy. 

“Kylo…” you whispered, embarrassed. 

“Oh fuck,” Kylo whispered. “I didn’t think you could look any more perfect.” He brought a hand down and cupped your ass, massaging it gently, softer where the welts from the whip had formed. “But fuck me - spread open before me, dripping with my cum and yours.” A guttural sound escaped Kylo’s throat, causing you to clench. “Fuck.”

Your heart was racing, mind unable to form words. You just made a soft grunt back at him, arching your ass up slightly to give him a better view, causing him to moan again. His hand left your ass and you heard a cap open and wondered what it was but didn’t have the energy to raise your head and look back. 

“Doll, you have to trust me okay? I will not do more to you than you can handle.” Kylo’s voice was low and serious. You felt one of his hands come up and spread your cheeks open. Before you could question him Kylo slowly began inserting a string of generously lubed anal beads into you. 

“Holy fuck,” was all you could choke out. Kylo stopped, mercifully, after the first bead, letting you adjust. The sensation was so foreign, so bizarre - a fullness that you did not expect to like. Taking in a breath you nodded, knowing Kylo would be watching your face. Kylo worked in another slightly larger bead, and then another. 

You inhaled sharply at the sensation. You certainly did not hate it, but it was still something to get used to. Kylo must have sensed this because he brought his free hand down to your folds and collected the mixture leaking out of you, spreading it up and down your folds and over your clit. 

When he touched your clit you jolted, hypersensitive from your previous orgasms. Kylo slid in another bead as he slowly ran a finger around your entrance. You moaned, the sensations of Kylo’s fingers and the intruding beads making your legs start to shake as you felt yourself build towards another orgasm. 

“You’re doing so well Doll,” Kylo said, sliding in another bead as he slipped a finger inside of you. “Being such a good girl for your Daddy.” 

You panted at him, legs jerking around him, “Daddy?”

“Mm... isn’t that what you called me the other day baby girl?” Kylo said as he slid the last bead in and brought another finger inside you. 

“Yesssss,” you moaned, both as a reply and because what he was doing felt so good. “But I… ah shit...I didn’t think you liked it?” You were shaking with pleasure, hands curling into the sheets.

“Ah, well,” Kylo said, pulling the beads and his fingers almost all the way out simultaneously just to plunge them back in, “I haven’t been able to get you saying it out of my head since.” He repeated the motion, pulling back and pushing back in, cum running all over his hand.

“Fuck Kylo - ah please, please don’t stop,” you whined at him. 

Kylo’s hands stilled, “Who?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake...Daddy,” you moaned as Kylo started moving his hands again. This time, he kept his fingers inside you, stroking at your g-spot as he pulled the beads in and out, at just the right speed. 

You couldn’t breathe, you didn’t think you had ever felt like this before, so overstimulated it hurt and yet so ready to shatter for him again. “Fuck...Daddy please...Daddy let me cum.” You were so close, just a few more strokes, “Daddy….” you moaned. 

Kylo gave you your answer by brushing his thumb over your clit in firm, short strokes. He picked up the pace with which he stroked your pussy walls and removed and reinserted the beads. “Yes Doll, cum on my fingers, cum while I fill your ass with beads,” he groaned. 

Your orgasm hit, and the feeling of fullness in your ass sent a new dimension of pleasure washing over you, you were truly breathless as your orgasm hit, hips bucking up and away from Kylo who mercifully removed his fingers from you, and pulled the beads out one last time. 

“Oh my god,” you choked out, hyperventilating, not sure if the stars you were seeing were from your orgasm or lack of oxygen to the brain. Kylo gave your ass a light smack, which helped bring you back to reality. You gulped in air. 

“Fuck Kylo...I have never felt...never cum like that before,” you gasped at him. 

Kylo chuckled, setting the beads at the end of the bed and grabbing at your hips to flip you over on your back. He leaned on top of you, his knees just outside your thighs, giving you a kiss. “Good,” he murmured, cupping your face with his hands. “And I am the only one who will ever make you feel that way Doll.” He held the two fingers he had just fucked you with to your mouth, and you eagerly licked them clean.

The two of you locked eyes for a moment before your lips crashed together, passionately kissing, sucking, and licking at each other. You brought your hands to his hair, playing with his curly locks. You gently ran your nails on his scalp, appreciating the way he moaned into your mouth. You loved knowing you could make him feel the way he made you feel. 

The two of you continued to kiss, tongues intertwining and memorizing the others mouth. Kylo brought his hand to your hair, stroking it, returning the scalp massage you had given him. You brought your hands down to his chest, running your fingers over his impossibly chiseled pecs. 

Kylo grabbed your hands with his, pinning them above your head. He placed both your wrists in one of his hands as the two of you continued kissing, breaking only occasionally to gulp in air before returning to each other.

Kylo slipped a hand down in between the two of you, and you felt the head of his cock push at your cunt. With one thrust he filled you up completely, making you gasp into his mouth. Kylo made slow, sensual thrusts, drawing out of you slowly so that you felt every inch of him. 

You had to break the kiss in a desperate attempt to get air into your lungs. Kylo smiled at you. “You’re beautiful,” he said, looking directly into your eyes as he continued to slowly fuck you. 

He brought his arm back and shifted your hands so that they were intertwined together above your head. You were panting, already starting to build towards another orgasm just from the penetration alone.  _ Overstimulation has its perks _ . Kylo nibbled at your ear, giving you time to breathe. 

You tried bringing your hands down to touch him, his hair, his back, anything, but he wouldn’t let you, keeping your hands tangled up in his as he slowly fucked you. “Kylo please,” you breathed at him, “I want to touch you.” You gasped as he picked up his pace and the force of his thrusts slightly. “I want to feel you,” you purred at him. 

Kylo acquiesced, dropping his hands to your hips, leaving yours free to travel wherever. You started back at his scalp, softly scraping your nails, again causing him to pick up the pace with which he fucked you. You leaned up and into his lips, biting and sucking on his bottom lip. 

Your hands dropped down to his harms, feeling the strain of his muscles as he dug his fingers into your hips. “I don’t deserve you,” you whispered to him. “I don’t deserve to feel like this.”

Kylo increased the pace rapidly, now relentlessly fucking you. “Oh fuck,” you moaned, hands reaching his back, your nails scratching into his skin as you dragged them down. 

“God you’re... always so tight...so fucking tight for me,” Kylo grunted, each thrust now slamming into your cervix. “All...fucking...mine.”

You wrapped your legs tight around his waist so that your clit got some friction from the skin of your bodies pressed tight together. It didn’t take long for you to reach your orgasm, you were so hyperstimulated you might have actually been able to cum from penetration alone for once. “Kylo...I….I’m going to….fuckkk...again...I’mgunnacumagain…” you practically screamed at him. 

Kylo picked his pace up one last time, thrusting into you hard, and you came all over him, eyes closed, stars covering your eyelids, panting, “Kylo...oh.. Kylo fuck!” Your muscles felt like jelly as the orgasm pulsed through your body. Your legs slid off his hips, you were unable to keep them hugged around Kylo. 

Kylo’s pace changed, became more erratic. He was there too. “Cum for me Daddy,” you murmured as you made direct eye contact with him. Kylo let out a loud moan as he came inside you, his hips stilling. You clenched around him again and again, trying to squeeze every last drop of pleasure out of him. 

“Enough,” he finally said, collapsing on top of you. You stayed like that, both of your bodies humming post orgasm, for several minutes, just quietly listening to the other’s panting breaths. Kylo slowly slid out of you, sitting on the side of the bed for a minute, before standing up. 

Your heart and stomach fell, that sense of dread and rejection flooding your system. You sat up to look at him. “Kylo?” He had started to walk towards the stairs. Silent tears started to fall. “Kylo please stay,” you begged him, voice pleading. He reached the foot of the stairs and looked back at you, giving you a short nod. 

“Please,” you whispered.

Kylo turned and started up the steps, taking them quickly from how loud his steps were. When you heard the door close, you fell backwards into the pillows, sobbing. You curled yourself up into the fetal position, pulled the top sheet over you and just sobbed into a pillow. 

How could you be so stupid, how could you think he would actually stay with you. That he actually cared about you as something more than a doll to fuck. He really did just view you as a thing.  _ He’s right. I am stupid _ . 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo closed the basement door and turned to fly up the other set of steps. Once he got into his bathroom, he turned the water of his large tub on. The basement tub was a standard shower-tub combo. Kylo’s tub was built into the side of his bathroom and could easily accommodate his tall frame and another person. 

He knew it would be easier for you to both bathe here. The showerhead on this bath was able to click on and off, making it easier to wash someone else's hair with. 

He grabbed a bottle of some bubble bath oil combination and squeezed some in, checking the temperature of the water. Satisfied with it, he made sure he had enough towels for the both of you. Kylo turned, walked out of the bathroom, through his bedroom and went into the kitchen. 

He grabbed more bottles of water than needed, cradling them against his chest, grabbed the cold pizza from the other night from the fridge, ran back upstairs, set the pizza at the foot of the bed along with a couple of the bottles of water. He placed the remaining bottles of water by the tub.

He went back downstairs, opened the basement door and padded down. When he saw you curled up away from him, sobbing on the bed he was confused. “Doll?” You went quiet, sitting up to glance at him. “What’s wrong?” He walked over to you.

“I I I...asked you to….s-s-s-stay, and...you didn’t….you just...l-l-l-left,” you hiccupped at him. 

“I’m sorry, I thought you would understand me. I was going to get things ready and then come back for you.” Kylo wiped tears from your face with his thumbs. “Come here,” he said, scooping you up into his arms. 

Kylo could tell you were exhausted as he started towards the stairs. You were already nodding off, head resting against his chest. Kylo made his way up both sets of stairs and carried you into the bathroom. He set you on the toilet, forcing you to open your eyes, and kept a supportive hand wrapped around your shoulder as he glanced over at the tub, checking the water level. 

“You should pee,” he said, glancing back at you, “You’re lucky you haven’t gotten a UTI yet.” You nodded at him, yawning. Kylo hesitantly removed his hand from you, making sure that you could support yourself. Convinced, he walked over to the tub and turned the water off. He heard you pee and stand up to flush the toilet. 

He turned around in time to see you leaning into the sink attempting to wash your hands and support yourself on the cabinet at the same time. Kylo walked over to you and picked you up, carrying you to the tub. He held your arms as you put one foot in the tub followed by another and helped you sink down. 

He climbed in behind you, leaned back into the tub and pulled you to him, so that your back rested on his chest, your head resting under his neck. You sighed contentedly, and Kylo smiled. He grabbed two of the bottles of water and handed you one, which you gulped down greedily. Kylo slowly sipped his.

The two of you soaked like this for a while. Kylo liked this part. Getting to take care of his Doll, fix what he had broken. Kylo could hear your breathing slow and he figured you had probably nodded off. 

Kylo closed his own eyes, relaxing and pulling you closer. When he felt the water grow tepid, Kylo sat up, rousing you. You blinked at him. “Let’s get more warm water,” he said to you, reaching and turning the water back on, while pulling the tab that let some water drain. 

Once enough water had filled warming the tub again, Kylo leaned back motioning for you to return. You did, but this time he moved you sideways, so that he could make eye contact with you. Slowly, he reached up and pulled at the bows, untying them so your hair tumbled down.

“Doll,” Kylo said, looking down into your eyes, “The things I said down there, earlier, with the collar and leash. I didn’t mean them.” Your cheeks went red. “No,” Kylo shook his head, grabbing your chin with his thumb and forefinger forcing you to maintain eye contact with him. 

“You have to understand. I snap. You push me. And it’s one of the things that makes you so irresistible to me. But I went too far. You told me you wanted to be treated like a person and I snapped and used that against you. And for that, I am truly sorry.” Kylo leaned in and gave you a sweet, apologetic kiss on the lips. 

“Everything I said after, on the bed, I meant. Every word.” Kylo’s eyes burned into yours. He could tell you knew what he was saying was true. Tears started forming in your eyes. “You are perfect. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” Tears slipped down your face, and Kylo leaned down to kiss them away. He didn’t want to see cry. “Please don’t cry,” he murmured.

“They’re good tears Kylo.” You sat up more, leaning into his face. “No one has ever said things like that to me. No one has ever made me feel how you make me feel.” You moved around so that you were effectively straddling him and took his hand in yours.

“Kylo, I am so grateful for everything you bought me. Don’t for a moment think I’m not. The collar and leash were just...a lot for me to handle. I hate feeling like a pet that can just be passed around.” You blushed and broke eye contact with him. 

That’s when it clicked in Kylo’s mind.  _ Because when her mom abandoned her at the hospital, and she was passed from foster home to foster home she just felt like a rehomed pet _ .  _ Of course _ . 

“Because of your past,” Kylo whispered, your face whipping back to look at him, confusion etched all over. “Of course, I know. I know everything. And I’m sorry. Really Doll, I am. I should have put that together sooner.”

You gave him a small smile, blowing out your nose, “Of course you know.” You leaned back into Kylo’s chest. “I am grateful Kylo. You spent a small fortune on me. You bought things  _ for me _ . Just because you thought I’d like them and look nice in them. I’ve never had that. So, thank you.” You leaned up and gave him a slow passionate kiss. 

Kylo broke the kiss, wrapping his arms around you, and he felt you yawn into his chest. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He said, sliding you around so your back was to him once again. 

He grabbed the showerhead and turned the water on. Taking his time shampooing and conditioning your hair, quickly doing the same to his own. He put some soap on a loofa and scrubbed his body before handing it to you so you could do the same to yours. 

Kylo got up, stepped out of the tub, towel dried and wrapped the towel around his waist. He grabbed another towel, helped you out of the tub and wrapped you in it. He thought back to the first time he had wrapped you in a towel like this and smiled. 

Kylo took another towel and dried his hair as best he could, watching as you dried yourself behind him, and grabbed another towel to dry your hair. You walked over to the sink counter and found a hairbrush, quickly running it through your hair. Kylo just watched you, transfixed by your body. 

He realized you were staring at him expectantly, unsure of what to do next. You looked absolutely shattered, like you could fall asleep standing up. Kylo walked over to you and scooped you up. “I can walk Kylo,” you giggled at him. Kylo hit the bathroom lights as he walked into his bedroom.

“I know but I like taking care of my Doll.”

He walked into his bedroom and set you down on his bed. You looked up at him confused. “Am I…?” you started to ask. 

“If you would like to, yes.” Kylo replied. A wide smile lit up your face. You glanced around the room, eyes wide. Kylo grabbed the pizza and waters from the end of the bed and offered you some. You contemplated. “I know you’re tired but really you should at least have one piece, just to keep your strength.” 

You nodded at him and took a piece of pizza. Kylo grabbed himself a slice and quickly scarfed it down, chugging a bottle of water after. He walked and set the pizza box on his desk and placed the extra waters on his nightstand. 

“Hey my water bottle!” You exclaimed through a mouth full of pizza crust. 

“Oops,” Kylo shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly at you. “Secrets out, I’m obsessed with you.” Kylo got into bed, leaning against the headboard, watching you take little sips of water. 

“Should have guessed really.” You said, cocking an eyebrow at him. You set your bottle of water on the nightstand close to you and scooted up to the headboard. Kylo just stared at you. He had wanted you for so long, and here you were, about to sleep next to him in his own bed, of your own free will. 

You yawned, loudly, bringing Kylo back to reality. “Come here Doll.” He motioned to his chest and slid down so his head rested on the pillows. He hit a button next to his nightstand and the room went dark, curtains lowering. He felt you crawl against his chest. 

He gave you a kiss on the forehead. “My perfect little Doll,” he murmured. 

“Kylo?” you mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah baby girl?” He chuckled at your sleepy voice. 

“Do you think…. could we...spoon?” He felt your shoulders raise slightly at the end. 

Kylo smiled, heart swelling a little. “Of course, Doll, just roll over.” You complied, rolling over and scooting back into him as he pulled you as close to him as possible. Kylo sighed contentedly, the two of you fit together perfectly. 

“Thank you Kylo....” you mumbled, already half asleep. 

Kylo placed a kiss on the top of your head. “Anything for you, Doll.”


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {A/N
> 
> Well. This got long again. Ooops.
> 
> But yeah read the below warning. This chapter is a wild fucking ride. Porn with plot.
> 
> Gigi. Stay golden. I love you so much. Don’t know where I’d be without you.
> 
> Y’all can thank Sabs for the second sex scene. It wasn’t originally going to be there but she kept texting me pictures of Kylo and getting me all hot and bothered while I was writing so I threw it in there.
> 
> My KLCS I love y’all. I’m not even going to start cause I’ll cry.
> 
> Warnings: Emotional turmoil, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, torture, major bodily injury, graphic description of violence, unsanitary sex, spanking, murder (threat of), blood LOTS OF FUCKING BLOOD, knifeplay. It’s a lot. There may be more that I’m missing. If you have concerns reach out to me or Gigi. Please only read if it is safe for you to do so.
> 
> Also, I only did a spell check on this. It kill the virgo in me but I just don't have the time or will to proofread 48 pages. Sorry.
> 
> Love y’all. Enjoyyyyyy}

**Chapter 6**

**[Your POV]**

Heat. It was what drew you out of a deep sleep. You were hot, and your brain could not understand why. As you came further and further into a state of consciousness you realized you were also having trouble breathing - it felt like a weight was on your chest. 

The rest of your senses slowly returned to you, as did the memories of last night and as you opened your eyes, you realized the reason you were so hot and couldn’t breathe was because Kylo Ren was laying on top of you, both of you still naked. His head was resting on your shoulder and chest, the rest of his body not half on you, or curled around you, but literally on top of you. 

_This is not how we fell asleep_. You took a deep breath in, trying to decide what to do. You really didn’t want to wake him, you were fucking floored he was still even in bed with you. But, you also felt close to death from a combination of heat stroke and slow suffocation. 

You chewed your lips nervously, eyes flicking around the ceiling. You were going to have to wake him, or at least try and slip out from under him. But you took a moment to appreciate the weight of him on you first. 

His chest was partially on yours, partially on top of your stomach. Your legs were spread so that his rested on the bed in between yours. And that’s when you felt how you could get out from under him. 

The tip of something hard and slightly wet poked at your inner thigh. _Ah._ You took a second trying to process how his crotch could be so far away from you and yet the head of his dick was pressing into your crotch. You felt yourself grow wet just at the thought. You laid there a moment longer, trying to decide how you wanted to do this. 

_If I could shift over slightly, get the right angle, and thrust up enough, I might be able to get him inside me._ You smiled. _Bitch be fucking realistic there is no way you are going to get your hips up high enough with a fucking mountain resting on you._ You pursed your lips. 

You brought your arms to wrap around him, and ran one hand through his hair, pushing his black curls out of his face. Kylo stirred slightly, sighing into you. He brought his arms, which had been splayed out beside him, around you, slipping them underneath you and squeezing you tight. 

When he didn’t wake up your heart melted, Kylo sought you out even while unconscious. The sweat trickling down your forehead and along your ear brought you back to your current predicament. 

You continued running your hands through his hair, and used your other hand to softly drag your nails along his back as you rolled your hips down and up, just managing to catch his head, placing soft friction against it. 

Kylo’s head jerked, but settled back on your chest. _For the love of fuck_. You rolled your hips again, causing him to stir some more, his head shifting down so his mouth was _just_ above your nipple so that you could feel his breath teasing you. 

You kept rolling your hips, scratching at his back and scalp, slowly coaxing Kylo back to consciousness. He groaned, lips pushing together so that they just brushed your nipple. “Oh fuck,” you murmured. 

“So it wasn’t a dream,” Kylo murmured back, abruptly shifting up so that he was straddling you, taking your nipple in his mouth and biting down hard enough to make you yelp. You arched your back, pushing your chest up into his mouth. Kylo released your nipple, smiling down at you, “What a nice way to be woken up.”

You were panting already, wanting him buried inside of you, but you needed to cool down. “Kylo,” you panted at him as his mouth returned to your nipple, “I’m too hot.”

“I know,” he growled into your breast. 

“No, Kylo, really I need five minutes to splash some cold water on me or I’m going to pass out from a heat stroke.”

“And?” He asked, lifting his head to make eye contact with you, “Passing out during sex can be fun.” He raised his eyebrows at you. 

You laughed nervously at him, relief flooding your system when he shifted off of you, laying down beside you. You immediately sat up, feeling instantly cooler with him off of you and the air hitting your back. You felt Kylo’s eyes on you as you slipped out of bed and quickly made your way to the bathroom. 

You went to the bathroom and made your way over to the sink, washing your hands. You glanced up into the mirror. _Yikes_. You truly had no idea how Kylo could find you attractive like this. You were a sweaty mess, hair a fucking disaster from sleeping on it wet. 

Your eyes trailed down to the bruises all over your body, a soft smile crossing your lips, you did love the way Kylo marked you. You leaned your head down into the sink, running the back of your head under the stream of water, getting your hair completely soaked.

You turned the water off, squeezing as much water out of your hair as you could before leaning up and grabbing the hand towel to dry more. You threw the towel back on the counter, slicking your hair back with your hands. _That’s as good as it’s going to get_. 

You started walking back to bed but paused when you saw Kylo. He was partially sitting up, leaning back against the headboard. His eyes were fixed on you, slowly stroking himself. Even though you had seen him naked before, your breath caught in your throat. He was stunning. _I can’t believe he wants me._

Suddenly self-conscious, you folded your arms over your chest and looked down at the floor. “Don’t get shy on me now Doll,” Kylo called to you. You looked back up at him, heat spreading from your chest up your neck. Despite your embarrassment you ached for him. 

Kylo continued stroking himself, eyes ghosting up and down your body. “Arms down,” he ordered, a wicked gleam in his eye as he made eye contact with you once again. You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth, considering his request. 

“Don’t make me ask again,” Kylo said, increasing the speed he stroked himself at. _He’s so fucking bossy._ You slowly slid your bottom lip out of your mouth biting down on it, lips curling up in a smile. You kept your arms folded across your chest. 

“Arms. Down.” Kylo demanded again, through gritted teeth. You cocked your head, raising an eyebrow at him, heart racing. 

“Make me,” you breathed.

Kylo laughed, “You sure you wanna go there Doll? Because you’re already in trouble and you know I won’t hesitate to make you.”

You considered him, confidence rapidly waning. Slowly you brought your arms down to your side, looking away from him. 

“The office chair at the desk, slide it to the edge of the bed, and lock the wheels,” Kylo barked. You looked back at him confused. “Now.”

Slowly you walked over to the desk, grabbing the chair and rolling it to the edge of the bed, locking the wheels. Another demand from Kylo. “Sit in it. Legs straight out on the bed.”

You scoffed at him. “What, Kylo? I just wanted a few minutes to literally lower my body temperature. I’m not used to sleeping with a man on top of me.”

“Oh, Vicrul never spent the night? My best friend would just fuck you and leave you?” Kylo shot back at you. 

You flinched away from him as though he had burned you, tongue darting out from between your lips, shaking your head. “What the fuck? Why would you even bring him up?” Another scoff escaped your lips, and you brought one hand up to trace at your collarbone. His words were meant to hurt, and they had succeeded, a lump forming in your throat. 

“Kylo I woke up, felt you hard against me, and immediately started thinking about how to wake you up so you could fuck me. So what the fuck is this? Do you not want me? Do you want me to go back to the basement?”

“You’re still not fucking sitting,” Kylo replied. He had slowed his pace one again, fingers circling his head. 

You shook your head at him and sat in the chair. You blinked at him, face emotionless, “Happy?”

“Legs.” Kylo said, flicking his eyebrows up at you. You hated how much it turned you on when he ordered you around, especially after what he had just said and how he had made you feel. You put your legs out straight, continuing to look at him blankly. “Put your feet on the edge of the bed, spread apart so I can see you. And stop pouting.” 

You didn’t reply, blowing out your nose at him and looking away. Despite yourself, you felt the tears form. _Fuck._ For him to throw Vicrul in your face after everything that had happened - you couldn’t even believe he was questioning you.

Two realizations hit you one after the other. First, Kylo Ren was jealous of the ‘relationship’ you previously had with Vicrul. This made you want to laugh because - had you wanted a real relationship with Vicrul at some point? Of course. 

But now, after having been with Kylo, especially after yesterday, not at all. You hadn’t even thought about Vicrul since Kylo had made you call him. There would always be some emotional attachment there, he had been inside you too many times for there to not be, and while you certainly didn’t wish Vicrul dead, you had no interest in fucking him ever again if Kylo was an option, let alone have a relationship with him. But Kylo couldn’t see that. Your past with Vicrul hurt him.

The second realization hit you much harder than first, and you felt your heart drop as it hit you. You had asked Kylo if he still wanted you and he hadn’t said yes. You swallowed hard, arms instinctively coming back to cover your chest. 

“All I wanted was you inside me. All I wanted was you,” you whispered, closing your eyes. 

Kylo let out a deep sigh. “Why do you do this? I don’t need the emotional pity party Doll.”

“Fuck you,” you snarled at him, sadness giving away to anger. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“I want you to put your feet on the edge of the bed and spread your legs open so I can see you.” Kylo fumed. 

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to make you touch yourself while I watch. If you want to keep asking questions I can make sure you don’t cum.” Kylo answered. 

_Oh._ “Oh. But...but I want you inside me Kylo.” You instantly dropped your attitude, batting your eyelashes at him as you put your feet on the bed and spread your legs like he asked, dropping your arms. _He still wants me._ “Please fuck me Kylo,” you panted at him. 

Kylo tsked at you, “Mm, I’d love to Doll, believe me, but you just had to be a fucking brat.” He started stroking his entire length again. “And if you don’t do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you, you won’t cum today,” Kylo said shrugging his shoulders, switching the hand he was stroking himself with.

You frowned, “But will you touch me?...I’ve never been able to, you know, get myself there with just my own hands.”

Kylo considered your request. “Depends on if you do what you’re told.”

You swallowed thickly. You were incredibly turned on by this situation, but you were also embarrassed, and still had some sadness and anger towards Kylo. You nodded slowly at him. 

“Start at your clavicles. Run your hands down to your breasts, slowly, dragging your nails.” Kylo ordered you. 

Shaky hands found your clavicles, and you pressed your nails into your skin, not overly hard, but enough to leave red lines down your bruised chest as you slowly made your way down to your breasts. You kept eye contact with Kylo, noticing how the rate of his breathing increased the closer you got to your breasts. 

“Play with your breasts.” You started massaging your breasts, unsure of what exactly to do, wildly uncomfortable under Kylo’s gaze but feeling yourself grow increasingly wet. “Twist and pull at your nipples Doll, make yourself feel good.”

You twisted your nipples hard, letting out a moan. Kylo picked his pace up, twisting his hand up and down his cock, twitching as he fought to keep his hips still. “Fuck Kylo, it doesn’t feel as good as when you do it,” you groaned at him. 

Kylo gave you a low chuckle, “I know Doll. Guess you’ll have to practice more.”

You flicked at your nipples lightly, circling your fingers around them before twisting them again pulling them taught, mouth parting. 

Kylo let out a soft groan as he watched you and worked himself. You could tell he was already close, body rigid, a drop of precum slipping out his tip. It took all your self control not to get up and take him in your mouth. 

“Slide your hands down. Use one to spread yourself open for me Doll. Tease yourself. But do not touch your clit.”

You pouted your lips at him. “Please Kylo, just fuck me,” you begged him, sliding your hands down, peeling yourself open with one hand. You used your other hand to spread your slick through your folds, careful not to touch your clit. “Look how wet I am for you,” you breathed at him. 

Kylo used this thumb to slick his precum around his head, “Feel yourself doll. Run your fingers around yourself. Memorize the way you feel.” 

You lightly ran your fingers around your entrance and between your folds. You had never taken the time to realize how sensitive everything else down there was aside from your clit. “Fuck,” you sighed. That familiar heat and tension increased sharply throughout your body. 

Kylo grunted and began moving his hips up and down, switching hands but continuing to twist up and down, using lighter pressure as he pulled away from his body. His newly free hand came down and started lightly tracing his balls. “Touch your clit Doll, finger yourself.”

You shifted the hand that spread yourself open so that your thumb was holding back one side, your middle, ring, and pinky fingers holding back your other. With your index finger you started making circles over your clit. 

You slid your index finger from your other hand into your cunt, pushing it in as far as you could get it at this angle. You ran your finger in circles inside yourself, mirroring what you were doing to your clit. “Shittt,” you moaned, throwing your head back and closing your eyes. 

“God you’re so fucking hot.” You heard Kylo rapidly increase the pace he fucked himself at, his breath catching in his throat. “Fuck Doll, ahhhh - look at you - shit - obeying me - my little fucking slut - fuck - fucking yourself for me,” Kylo choked out. 

You brought your head back down and opened your eyes. Kylo was rapidly twisting his hand up and down himself, his other hand squeezing and kneading his balls. He was right on the edge, bucking his hips wildly. “Flick your clit Doll….up and down….mmmmm...side to side...put another - fuck - finger inside yourself, stroke _that_ spot.”

You did as Kylo said, flicking your index finger up and down and side to side over and over again, starting to shake from the stimulation of the whole situation. You slid your middle finger inside yourself, pumping both fingers in and out of yourself for a few seconds before plunging them in as deep as you could and stroking. _Fuck_. 

“I - I - fuck Kylo - I can’t reach it,” you cried, “This position - I can’t.” You strained your arm trying to get your fingers deep enough. You were panting wildly, so close but yet so far from your orgasm. 

“What a shame,” Kylo said, a wicked smile curling on his lips. _He fucking knew I wouldn’t be able to_. Tears slid down your face, a result of your frustration. _He’s not going to let me cum._

Your tears sent Kylo over the edge. He dragged his eyes up from your cunt and made eye contact with you as he came all over his torso and hand, moaning loudly. “Fuck - my little whore, look at what you do to me.” Kylo continued stroking himself through his orgasm, spreading his cum all over his cock, shivers wracking his body as he came down. 

Without thinking about how Kylo would react you tore your hands from yourself and crawled across the bed to Kylo. Before he could react you leant down and licked the cum off his torso, licking your way down his happy trail and taking him in your mouth. You swirled your tongue up and down Kylo’s cock, cleaning his cum off him, humming happily the whole time. 

“Doll.” A warning from Kylo. But you couldn’t help yourself. You kept him in your mouth, head bobbing as you brought a hand between your legs to continue stroking your clit. 

Kylo brought his hands to your hair and used it to yank you off of him, throwing you back against the pillows. You moaned at the pain, and once you hit the pillows you brought your hands back down to your cunt, panting wildly. 

“Did I say you could move? Could touch me? Could have my cum?” Kylo leaned over, bringing one hand to wrap around your throat, choking you. His other arm came down and pulled your hands out of your crotch. 

_Damn_. You had hoped he would find it hot, that you needed him, needed his cum in you in some capacity. “I, I” you tried to speak, but Kylo’s hand just wrapped more firmly against your throat so that you could just get air into your lungs.

Kylo shifted to straddle you, pinning your arms above your head. “So naughty,” he murmured, “I shouldn’t let you cum.” He brought his mouth down to your ear, “Why’d you do it?” he whispered, nibbling on your earlobe and releasing his grasp on your neck but keeping his hand there. 

“I...I just needed you,” you moaned and tried to buck your hips up into him, the nibbling driving you wild. “I thought you’d want me to clean up...I was trying to anticipate your directions...ahhh Kylo...I just needed your cum.”

“Mmmmmm,” Kylo ran his tongue along your jaw, “is that so?” he murmured before kissing you hard, so that your teeth clacked together. You groaned in his mouth, desperately sucking in air through your nose. 

Kylo’s hand slid from your neck down to your clit, pinching and pulling at it as he kept his mouth smothering yours, flicking along the roof of your mouth. You quickly became lightheaded from the lack of oxygen, but it just made you get closer to your orgasm faster. 

You tried pulling back into the pillow, away from Kylo so that you could breathe but he bit your lower lip, moving his head back with yours. Somehow, Kylo deepened the kiss, and you tried to tell him you were going to cum but it came out as a muffled moan into his mouth. 

But you knew Kylo knew. He slipped two fingers inside of you, stroking at your g-spot while using this thumb to flick across your clit - up and down, side to side - mirroring how you had played with yourself earlier. 

Your entire body felt like it was on fire as all your muscles tensed and then gave in to your release. You came on Kylo’s fingers as he worked you relentlessly through your orgasm, continuing to kiss you so you were oxygen deprived. 

Just as you were beginning to blackout and hurt from Kylo’s overstimulation he pulled his fingers out of you and broke the kiss, releasing your hands. Immediately you gulped in air, not caring how much of a fucking idiot you looked. 

Kylo moved off of you, lying on his side, propping himself up on his arm. “I’m the only one who can do that Doll,” he said, bringing his free hand up to your chest, using his index finger to circle around one of your nipples. “Only I get to make you cum.”

“Holy shit,” you panted, looking over at him, your breathing slowly returning to normal. “I don’t know how the fuck you do that.” Kylo gave you a small laugh, humming at you and raising his eyebrows. Shivers kept running up and down your spine, the aftershock of your orgasm coupled with Kylo continuing to play with your nipple. 

“Please...it’s too much,” you said gently, pushing Kylo’s hand away. 

“You could take it.” Kylo said, licking his lips. 

You swallowed thickly, glancing down to Kylo’s cock - he was semi-hard. You looked back up at him, your stomach growling loudly. You cringed. _Fucking really_. 

Kylo smirked, “Let’s get you some food.” He sat up, starting to get off the bed. 

You quickly sat up, and slipped your arms under his shoulders curling them back towards yourself and pulling him into your chest. “We could stay here. I could find something else to eat,” you whispered in his ear, planting soft kisses on his neck. 

For just a moment Kylo relaxed into your chest, nuzzling his face into yours. But then, tragically, he sat back up, pulling you with him. “Mmmmm, tempting. Very tempting. But no. You need to eat.”

“Hmph,” you grumbled into his neck, not releasing him. Kylo was unphased, continuing to move to get off the bed, just dragging you along with him. Begrudgingly, you slipped your arms out, letting him get up. 

Kylo walked over to his dresser and began pulling close out. _Oh shit_. “Um, Kylo?” you asked quietly. 

“Yeah baby?” Kylo answered, not looking back at you as he pulled a short sleeved white V-neck over his head. 

_What. Baby?_ “Um, do you have some clothes I could borrow?” You had to look away from him, even though he wasn’t looking at you. 

“Oh,” Kylo started, and you looked back up at him. He was pulling on a pair of boxers, “I actually stopped by your dorm room and picked up some of your stuff. It’s downstairs, I’ll go grab it.” Kylo quickly pulled on a pair of black jeans that were perfectly tight through his ass and hips. 

“You _what_?” you gaped at him. “Did you talk to anyone?”

“Yeah I saw Luna. Just told her you were sore and back at my place. Hold on.” Kylo walked out of the room, leaving you staring at the dresser, attempting to process what he just said. _Sore. At Kylo’s place_. You couldn’t decide if it was a good or bad thing that he had told her where you were. 

Kylo returned with the suitcase you kept under your dorm bed. He set it on the bed next to you. “I’ll go start cooking. Come down when you’re done.” He leaned down and gave you a kiss on the forehead, increasing the rate your mind was spinning at. 

“You’ll start what?” you mumbled at him. You heard him laugh as he walked out the door and back downstairs. _This is just so domestic_. You shook your head, and pushed all the thoughts of Kylo in your dorm room talking to Luna, and Kylo cooking for you out of your mind. You weren’t able to process that right now. 

You focused on the suitcase and unzipped it. _Oh, Kylo_. He hadn’t just grabbed clothes. He had grabbed shoes and body products. For some reason it just struck you as so sweet. You pictured Kylo in your dorm room, trying to figure out what the fuck what you would want, what would make you happy.

You smiled, on the verge of happy tears at the gesture. _And now he’s downstairs cooking me breakfast_. You pulled out a pajama top, a sports bra, and a pair of cotton briefs, climbing off the bed and slipping them on. You started walking towards the door but stopped. 

You glanced at Kylo’s dresser. Tentatively, you walked over to it, sliding open the top drawer. You pulled out one of his shirts - a short sleeve white V-neck identical to what he was wearing. Chewing your bottom lip nervously you argued with yourself about how he’d react. 

_He’ll be mad I went into his dresser. But he might think it’s cute that I want to wear his clothes. Bitch it’s Kylo. He’ll be mad. He’ll be hurt you didn’t wear the clothes he got for you._ You brought the shirt to your face, inhaling. _But it smells like him_. _Fuck it. What’s the worst that happens, he punishes me?_

You took your pajama top off and slid Kylo’s shirt on before walking downstairs, being as quiet as possible. Hitting the last step you turned to the right and peered in what you could hear was the kitchen. Your jaw hit the floor. Kylo Ren was at the stove making you pancakes. 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

_What the fuck is taking her so long?_ Kylo stood at the stove, watching the pancakes he had in the pan. He wasn’t sure whether you even liked pancakes, but it was really all he had that was breakfasty. He sighed softly, rolling his eyes. _Who doesn’t like pancakes? It’s fine_. 

Kylo slipped the spatula under one of the pancakes and flipped it, repeating the process for the other one in the pan. Abruptly, Kylo sensed he was being watched. He turned around and saw you leaning against the doorway. You were staring at him, a warmth creeping up your neck and into your cheeks, a painfully sweet small smile plastered on your face. 

“Hi.” You whispered. Kylo blinked at you. _What is she wearing?_ The site of you in his t-shirt, more of a dress on you, with at most underwear on underneath made Kylo hard instantly. 

“Is that my shirt?” 

You dropped your gaze to the floor, and nodded. Kylo swallowed. Seeing you in his shirt turned him on, but a small part of him was disappointed that what he had packed for you wasn’t what you wanted. 

“I can go back and get other things from your dorm. Or go buy you what you want.” Kylo turned back to the stove and slipped the pancakes on top of the two he had already made. 

“No Kylo, the things you packed were perfect. I just...I don’t know.” Kylo took the plate of pancakes and set them on the island where he had already set out butter, syrup, and silverware for you. 

“Eat,” he gestured at the plate, turning back around to start making more. 

“Kylo,” you murmured, and he heard you shift off the doorway and start walking. He was surprised you were actually following instructions so easily. 

And then he felt you press your body into his back, snaking your arms around to rest on his chest and torso. You pressed your forehead into his back, and Kylo felt you kiss his back before turning your head to the side and pressing it into his back.

“I appreciate you going and grabbing me stuff. And not just clothes, but shoes and the lotions and… just everything. You didn’t have to go get any of that stuff and I know it. That’s why it’s so sweet.” You nuzzled your head into his back, pulling him closer to you. 

Kylo was frozen. He had no idea how to react. You were being so warm and caring towards him and Kylo had zero experience with that. But he was glad. It was a sign that you were beginning to trust him and that you were starting to develop feelings for him which is exactly what he wanted. 

Kylo brought his hands to yours and tried to pry them off him but you clutched at his shirt. “You’re not eating,” he murmured. Kylo knew he needed to use this to further his hold on you. 

“No, I’m not because you’re upset and I didn’t mean to upset you.” You slipped your hands out from his and brought them down to the bottom of his shirt before gliding them up underneath it, running your hands up and down his skin. 

“It’s hard to explain… Your shirt… I don’t know. I just wanted to feel close to you.” You kissed his back again. “I’ve always wanted to wear my boyfriend’s shirt and just be wrapped up in his smell, you know? It’s a stupid girl thing but… it’s just it smells like you, and it’s soft, and it’s so big on me. It reminds how much bigger you are than me. How you make me feel.” 

Kylo smirked to himself. He changed his expression to a small smile. He turned around, causing you to drop your arms and take a small step back from him. Kylo pulled you back to him and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. He hummed contentedly and let you rest there for a moment. 

He brought his hands up to your face, cupping it, thumbs tracing the cheekbones below your eyes, pulling your face up to look at him. “Okay,” he nodded. “I just want to make you happy.” He leant down and kissed you gently. 

He pulled back, dropping his hands to your hips. “I know. I know you do Kylo.” You smiled up at him. 

Kylo smirked down at you. “Also what was it you said? You’ve always wanted to what?”

You blinked at him confused, “I’ve always wanted to wear my boyfriend’s shirt. I think that’s decently common?”

“Who’s shirt?” Kylo raised his eyebrows at you.

“My boyfr-” Kylo watched the word register in your brain. “Oh my god,” you breathed. “I, I, it’s… I’m not saying we are, or you are mine, or that I-”

Kylo cut you off. “Oh, so you don’t want me?” he teased. He brought his head down and nuzzled into the nape of your neck, sucking lightly, pushing himself away from the stove so that you were both in the gap between the island and stove. 

He heard you inhale sharply and chuckled into your neck. You pressed yourself closer to him, grinding your hips against him. “That’s not what I’m saying at all,” you breathed. Kylo pulled you closer to him by your hips, reciprocating the movement of your hips with his. He heard you swallow when you felt his hardened length press into you.

“Kylo,” you whimpered. Kylo brought his lips to the side of your neck, sucking and nipping his way up to your earlobe. You moaned and brought your hands to run through his hair. 

“Mmm, yes Doll?” Kylo hummed at you, sucking on your earlobe. 

“Please fuck me.”

Kylo brought his head back up, locking eyes with you for a moment. He leaned in and kissed you roughly, his teeth biting down on your lower lip as he drew back away, taking his hands off you and pushing you away. “No. You need to eat.” He flicked his eyes at the pancakes on the island. 

The conflict in your eyes made Kylo’s cock throb in his jeans. Your eyes told Kylo that you wanted to obey him, but you also just wanted him. He watched you chew on your bottom lip, eyes darting around his face and body as you decided what to do. 

Your eyes found his as you came to your decision. Kylo cocked an eyebrow. You licked your lips, “I prefer my pancakes cold.” 

“Well I think they’re already cold with as long-” This time you cut Kylo off, causing him to grunt in surprise as his hands shot out to grab hold of you. You had launched yourself at him, jumping on to him, wrapping your legs around his waist and crashing your lips into his. 

Against his better judgment, Kylo kissed you back, letting your tongue explore his mouth. Your hands curled around the back of his neck and he groaned. He didn’t want you to think it was okay for you to do this regularly, but he also knew it would go a long way in wrapping you further around his finger. 

Kylo ran his hands up and down your sides, walking back until you hit the island, which he set you on. He pulled back, and you protested, hands coming up to his face to try and pull him back to you. “What do you think you’re doing Doll?” Kylo ran his hands up and down the top of your thighs, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“Please Kylo,” you whimpered, bringing your lips to his and massaging his scalp lightly with your fingers. “I need you.” Another kiss. “I’ll do anything,” you promised, staring into Kylo’s eyes. 

Kylo moved his mouth to your jugular, which was already bruised, and sucked hard, making you throw your head back and claw your nails into his scalp. “Anything?” he breathed against your neck. 

“Fuck Kylo, yes, anything just please fuck me.” You pulled his crotch closer to you with your legs that were still wrapped around him. 

“Well,” Kylo started, moving his mouth down and tracing his tongue from one of your collar bones to the other, “how could I turn down anything?” 

Kylo brought his lips back to yours, fumbling to open the island drawer that was just to the left of him. He licked into your mouth, savoring the way you tasted vaguely of him. He pulled the first item he had been looking for out and quietly set it on the counter. 

He brought his hand back to the drawer and carefully found the other item he was looking for, distracting you with his mouth as he pulled it out and shut the drawer. He transferred the item to his right hand, breaking away to look at you. 

Kylo slowly brought the tip of the chef’s knife up to press into your jugular, relishing the stupefied look on your face. “I can work with anything,” he murmured, running the knife up and down your throat. 

You went rigid, gulping down air. “So, you’re, you’re just going to fuck me and then kill me?” you whispered. 

Kylo’s face hardened. “You still don’t fucking trust me,” he growled, bringing the knife down swiftly to your thigh, leaving a long cut across it. 

You shuddered, leaning forward and resting your head against Kylo’s shoulder. He couldn’t decide if you had groaned or moaned as you leaned into him. Regardless, the way you took it so well, not crying out in pain, please Kylo immensely. 

Kylo set the knife on the counter, sending the wooden spoon he had set out spinning. He took long, deep breaths in an attempt to control his anger. You moved your mouth to Kylo’s collarbone and sucked gently. Kylo stiffened, he wasn’t used to someone giving him attention in that way. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you Kylo,” you nipped and licked at his collarbone making Kylo part his lips. “I’m new to this kinky shit.” You moved to his other collarbone. “When someone holds a knife to my neck, my first thought isn’t… foreplay or whatever. I should have known you weren’t going to kill me and I’m sorry but try and understand where I’m coming from. I do trust you Kylo. I’m still here.” You bit down on his collarbone, sucking hard and earning a moan from Kylo before nuzzling your face in his neck, licking and sucking at him.

_You couldn’t leave if you tried Doll._ Kylo closed his eyes, leaning into your mouth. As much as he hated giving you any sense of control over him, you felt good, and he was not usually the recipient of touches like this. _It’ll give her a sense of control which she needs. That doesn’t mean she actually has control_. 

You moved your hands down to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. Kylo cooperated, pulling it over his head and throwing it on the floor. Kylo flicked his eyes down to your thigh, watching the blood trickle down your leg. _Fuck._ “No.”

_I shouldn’t do this_. Kylo started backing away from you, pushing out of your legs, but you pulled him back in with your legs. And Kylo let you. Kylo let you pull him back to you with your legs and let your hands cup his face, pulling it to yours. 

You kissed him ravenously, like he would satiate the hunger you were feeling. Kylo gasped into you when you brought your hands down to run over his chest. You broke the kiss looking up at him. Your hand came down to the cut Kylo had made on your thigh. 

Kylo kept his eyes glued to your index finger as you ran it up and down the cut, pressing into it and causing it to bleed more. Slowly you brought your bloodied finger up to Kylo’s mouth, holding it out for him to lick. 

Kylo stared at you for a bit before slowly sticking his tongue out. Just before he made contact with your finger you pulled it back, sticking it in your own mouth and overdramatically sucking the blood off it and moaning. 

“I think, my dear Kylo, you should stop being such an over-sensitive pussy. I’ve said I’m sorry. I’m trying to get used to this shit.” You raised your eyebrows at him. 

Kylo clenched his jaw and his right fist. _Who the fuck does she think she is?_ Before he could say anything you pulled off the shirt you were wearing and picked up the knife. You looked up at Kylo with a wicked gleam in your eye. 

You brought the knife down to the healing initials Kylo had carved into you. “You branded me,” you said, looking down, dropping your legs from around Kylo’s waist and pressing the knife into the initials so they bled once again. 

You then brought the knife up to Kylo’s chest, pressing the tip in about where he figured his heart was. Kylo cocked an eyebrow down at you. Despite himself, he didn’t say anything or move to stop you. 

“Now,” you said, carving your first initial into his skin, “it’s my turn.” You smiled as you carved in your last initial. You looked up at Kylo, your expression slightly surprised but beaming. 

Kylo took in a deep breath, keeping his face stoic. He didn’t even know what he was feeling, too many emotions were coursing through him. 

You put the knife back down on the counter and leaned forward, licking up the blood that had trickled down Kylo’s chest, and sucking over your initials. Kylo felt your hands at the buttons of his jeans, undoing then and pushing his jeans and boxers down just enough to free his hard cock. Kylo let out a groan.

One of your hands came back up Kylo’s chest, collecting the new blood that had fallen from your initials. You played with the cuts, getting your hand nice and bloody. Kylo focused hard on keeping his breathing even, glaring down at you. 

You dropped your hand to his cock, smearing his blood up and down it as you stroked him. “Fuck,” Kylo groaned, thrusting his hips into your hand. He hated that you were doing this to him, hated that he was letting you. You bit your lip and giggled. 

“Enough.” Kylo snapped at you. It was time to remind you of your place. He gripped your thighs hard enough to bruise and slid you off the island so you were standing. One of his hands found your hair, grabbing a handful. The other gripped your hip.

Kylo spun you around, bending you over the island and shoving your face into the granite countertop. You yelped, making Kylo laugh. Wordlessly, Kylo brought one of his legs in between yours and used his knee to force your legs open. Not, he noticed, that you resisted. 

He released your hip from his grasp and brought his hand down to push your panties aside and line himself up at your entrance. “So fucking wet for me. This shit turns you on because you’re my dirty little whore.” 

Kylo pressed in, just pushing his tip inside of you. You took a deep breath in, “Hhhahh fuck - yes Kylo please” you begged, trying to scoot back and get more of him inside of you.

Kylo picked up the wooden spoon with his now free hand and brought it down hard across one of your ass cheeks as he thrust all the way into you. Kylo let out a long breath through his nose as he listened to you moan. 

“This. Fuck. Isn’t. About. You.” Kylo snarled at you, punctuating each word with a thrust into you and a slap to your ass with the spoon. You were a mess beneath him, moaning loudly, breathing ragged. 

Kylo picked up his pace, absolutely slamming into you, living for the jolt of pleasure that shot through him when he hit your cervix. 

“Yessssss,” you screamed. You brought your legs together, making yourself even tighter around Kylo, who choked at the sensation. “Use me Kylo. Use your little whore to please yourself,” you purred at him. 

“Fuckkkk,” Kylo moaned. He hated that you had this effect on him but he loved the way you were making him feel, clamping your walls down on him. Kylo yanked you up by your hair, pressing your back into his chest. 

“God you’re so fucking tight,” Kylo spit out through gritted teeth. He dropped the wooden spoon to the floor and released your hair. He brought one hand to your hip, shoving you down on him as he thrust up into you. His other hand wrapped around your front, fingers finding your clit. 

“Kyloo,” you panted, holding on to the island with white knuckles, “this is about you, just focus on you baby.” You rolled your hips in time with him, clenching down on him as hard as you could again and again. 

Kylo continued playing with your clit, circling and flicking it even faster. He could tell you were close with the way your breathing was hitching, the way you were leaning back into him for support standing, the way your pussy walls were fluttering around him. 

“I know it is. But the way you clamp down on my cock when you cum...shitttt...I need that,” Kylo hissed at you. He felt your hips stop moving and heard you inhale deeply. 

“I’m - Kylo - I’m gonna…” 

“That’s right Doll, cum for me. Cum all over my cock,” Kylo grunted. And you did. You came all over Kylo, spasming on his cock, screaming his name. It pushed Kylo over the edge. 

“Dollll - fuck,” he groaned. Kylo bent forward, leaning you over the island again, his chest still pressed to your back as he came inside of you, thrusting languidly. You splayed your hands the counter above you, and Kylo rested his on top of yours, interlacing your fingers and resting his forehead on your shoulder. 

“Kylo… that was,” you murmured, squeezing his hands. “Thank you…”

Kylo gave your shoulder a kiss and stood up, easing out of you. “For what?” he asked as he pulled up his boxers and jeans. You lifted yourself off the counter, turning around to face him. 

“For letting me cum.” You cupped his face with your hands, pulling him down to your lips. The kiss left Kylo breathless. It was soft and slow, and full of unspoken emotion. It said thank you, and that you cared about him in a way Kylo had never felt before. 

When you pulled away, Kylo just blinked down at you, not knowing how to react. _I gotta get out of here before I make some stupid fucking decisions_. He grabbed both the shirts off the floor, handing one to you and setting his on the counter. He would need to put something over your initials so he didn’t get blood all over the white shirt. 

“Eat. Now.” Kylo turned back to the stove, shoving the now scorched pan out of the way and grabbing a new one from the cabinet underneath and placing it on the burner. He gave the batter a quick stir and dropped the last of it in the pan. 

He heard you walk around and pull out one of the bar stools. He just stared down at the pancakes, trying to process what had just happened, what you had just done. What he had let you do. 

Kylo knew it would go far in gaining your trust, but he was concerned with how good it felt. To give you control. To let you do things to him. _Fuck._ Kylo flipped the pancakes. _She’s gotta go back to the basement_. 

**[Your POV]**

You slipped your shirt back on and dusted some dried blood off your thigh as you sat on a barstool at the island and pulled the plate of pancakes in front of you. You threw some butter and syrup on them and picked up the fork, using the side to cut through the pancakes. 

As you ate you studied Kylo. He was tense. You frowned. You thought he had enjoyed himself. You thought you had made him feel good. You scarfed down the pancakes, realizing how hungry you actually were, even with your stomach in knots at the thought of not making Kylo happy.

When you finished you pushed the plate in front of you. “Kylo?” you asked hesitantly, fidgeting with your hands. He put fresh pancakes on another plate, and turned the stove off. 

“Yeah?” he replied without turning around. 

“Did you?… did I?... I just - I want to make you feel good. Like you make me feel. And if… if you didn’t you know enjoy that… I would hope you would tell me. Cause I want to learn and make you feel good.” You chewed your lip nervously. 

Kylo turned around, brows furrowed and a frown on his beautiful face. “You honestly think I didn’t enjoy that Doll?”

You licked your lips, “I don’t know Kylo. You’re so stoic and you’re so tense. And after you just go back to normal, like nothing even happened. Like it didn’t matter, or you didn’t enjoy it, or like I don’t matter.” You looked down, not wanting to see his face. 

“Doll. Look at me.” You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath before looking up at him. “I more than enjoyed that. I promise.” Kylo ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head softly. “This is different for me. I’m not used to… this. To letting someone have any control over me. To do what they want.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. 

You slid off the barstool and padded over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling him close to you. You were surprised when he let you, and more surprised when he rested his arms on your shoulders. 

“Kylo. I want to make you feel good. I want to please you. Like the other night with the nipple clamps and the wand. I want to give you attention like that. Make you feel like that.” You held eye contact with him, trying to emphasize how serious you were. 

He tilted his head at you, brought one hand to your face, cupping it remarkably gently. “You already do,” he murmured. 

You shook your head, “No Kylo. I could do more. I want to do more.” You tried to emphasize the want. 

“You do enough. Really, Doll. Getting to fuck you, to tease you, to do the things you let me do. That’s more than enough.” He brushed your hair out of your face, gently stroking it. 

“But Kylo. Please I want this.” You rested your hands on his hips, squeezing gently. “I could do more. I could make you feel so good, if you would let me. If you would trust me.”

“Trust has to be earned Doll. This,” he glanced down at the initials on his chest, “was a big step for me. I’ve hardly let anyone else touch me Doll. Perhaps as time goes on. We’ll see. But that’s the end of this discussion for now.”

You searched his eyes, thinking about pressing the issue. But the slight raise of his eyebrows told you not to push your luck. You nodded at him, “Okay.” Kylo leaned down and kissed the top of your head. 

He turned slightly, reaching back and grabbing the plate with the last two pancakes. “Here. Eat these.”

“But what are you going to eat?” you asked, concerned. 

“I’m not hungry,” Kylo replied, pushing the plate into your chest. You grabbed it, but didn’t move. 

“Kylo you have to eat. You have to stay healthy,” you said, frowning. “For me.” It came out a whisper. You looked down at the plate.

“I’ll grab something when I go out, okay? I promise.” Kylo grabbed your arm and gave it a soft squeeze. “Now go eat.” You swallowed hard, not satisfied with his answer, but not wanting to piss him off. 

Returning to the bar stool, you sat back down and started fixing the pancakes. You looked up and Kylo was leaning on his forearms on the island across from you. “Wait. Where are you going? For how long?” You brought a forkful of pancaked to your mouth. 

“I have to go have a chat with the football coach.” 

“About?”

“Quitting.”

“What?!” You gaped at him. He couldn’t just quit playing football. 

“I’m no longer going to be playing football.” 

“But, but, you have to! I mean. Can you even stay at school if you don’t?” you stuttered out. 

“Not a clue. Don’t care either, since I’ll be withdrawing anyway.” Kylo shrugged. 

You closed your eyes and shook your head. _How can he just drop these bombshells so casually?_ “What? Kylo. What the fuck is going on?”

“I’m withdrawing from UCLA,” Kylo stated simply. “I have no real reason to be there anymore. I want to be able to spend more time with you.” 

Your head was spinning. _Wait if he thinks he’ll be able to spend more time with me this way-_ “Kylo. When do I get to go back to school? I’ve already missed too much. I need to get back.”

Kylo laughed, “Oh, Doll.” You just stared at him, mouth slightly open. Kylo read your face and stopped laughing but continued to smile. “You can’t be serious? You think I’m going to let you go back?” Kylo snorted. “Doll, I sent the email withdrawing you two days ago. You’re no longer a student at UCLA.”

A million thoughts filled your head, along with a million emotions. You just stared at Kylo, jaw practically on the floor. _How could he do that? Why would they let him? Where is all my shit? I could have just taken major classes and graduated early. Who the fuck is he to do this to me? Why does part of me think it’s sweet?_

You let out an incredulous laugh. “Kylo - what the fuck? You can’t be fucking serious? I could have graduated early. I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I want a degree. I want a job in my field.”

It was Kylo’s turn to let out an incredulous snort. “Of course I’m fucking serious Doll. And you don’t need a job. I can provide for you.” 

You put your head in your hands, scrunching your face up. “Kylo. It’s not about money even. We’ve been together, what, four or five days? We’re not getting married anytime soon. Who even knows if this will work out long term. I mean pulling this shit certainly doesn’t give me hope. I want to work. I’ll be bored out of my fucking mind if I have to just sit around.”

Kylo’s face darkened. _Great, he’s mad_. “I’m not even gracing the first half of your little tirade with a reply. You’re my Doll. You don’t need to work. You need to sit around and look pretty for me, let me fuck you when I want, do what I tell you to do.” 

You gaped at Kylo, “You have GOT to be fucking kidding me.” Your heart was shattering in your chest. He just thought you were a doll. A possession. He didn’t give a fuck about you or your emotions.

Kylo rolled his eyes at you, grabbed his shirt from the counter and started walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs. You didn’t bother following him. You didn’t give a fuck where he went. You just sat, staring at the wall. 

You heard Kylo come back down the stairs a few minutes later. You heard him open a door and pull something out. He walked into the doorway of the kitchen. “I’m leaving. I don’t know how long I’ll be. You should retrieve your phone from the basement in case I need to get in contact with you. If it’s dead there is a charger on the desk in my room.”

“I’m leaving too.” You turned and looked at him. _Fuck me_. He had put his white V-neck back on, and retrieved a black leather jacket. He was stunningly handsome. You sucked in a breath, and tried to think about anything other than how badly you’d like to fuck him again. 

“Like what you see?” Kylo smirked. 

“I - What?” you shook your head. 

“You’re not going anywhere Doll. Feel free to try and escape. Let me know how it goes for you when I get back.” Kylo spun around, walking out the front door and slamming it closed. You were vaguely aware of some sort of mechanical clicking noise coming from multiple spots in the house a few moments later. 

_Fuck_. He could disarm you so easily. You slid off the bar stool and walked into the hallway. You glanced at the front door. _There’s no fucking point. He’ll have done some weird fucking shit so I can’t get out. I’ll try and he’ll get pissed off so I’m just not going to be stupid._ You gave one last longing glance at the front door. 

You looked down the stairs and decided to just quickly run into the basement, grab the phone and come back up stairs. Running down the stairs, you opened the door and flicked on the lights. You figured the phone had probably fallen under the bed after everything that had happened. 

You walked over, doing your best to stay focused on the bed and block out everything else. You couldn’t stop to take a moment or you’d panic. Getting down on your knees, you quickly fished the phone out from under the bed and leapt up, running back up the stairs. 

Once you were back in the hallway you paused. You flipped the phone open, and checked the battery. Two bars. That would be enough. Closing the phone you looked into the living room. You walked in and sat on the couch, picking up the remote on the TV. 

You spread out on the couch, throwing some random reality tv show on in hopes of distracting yourself. It didn’t work. You started having a conversation with yourself in your mind.

_Okay. We’ve got to have a serious conversation with Kylo when he gets back. I can’t be a little toy for him to just keep locked up. I can’t live like that. I won’t live like that._

_But he cares. I know he does. He wouldn’t have gone to my dorm or gone shopping or made me pancakes if he didn’t._

_There is a difference between caring for someone and taking care of them so they continue to live. He’s manipulating you. And you’re giving into him. Fucking him. Instigating it. Begging for it._

_No. He does care about me. The way he holds me. The way he looks at me. He tries to deny it. To push me away. But it’s there. No relationship is perfect._

_We have a lot to work out but I think we can make it all work. I wanted to feel him inside of me. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why I seduced him in the kitchen. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to make him feel like he makes me feel. He deserves that._

_He will destroy you. No, he will grow to love you. He just needs time. Patience._

_He left you in a basement. He withdrew you from school unilaterally. He took that away from you. What’s next? Your family? Your friends? Fuck. But he cares._

You groaned. Your head hurt from being pulled in two opposite directions. You knew something had to give with Kylo. You couldn’t keep living like this, trapped in his house. But you didn’t want to not have him in your life. 

Your heart rate increased rapidly and tears started to fall as your breathing increased. _Fuck. Pull it together. There’s nothing to panic about._ But you couldn’t stop the panic attack that hit you like a freight train. 

You jumped off the couch, hoping walking around would do something to calm you. You paced in the living room, back and forth in front of the couch. You tried focusing on the television show, but it didn’t work. You just stood there, sobbing and panicking until physical exhaustion finally hit, and the panic subsided. 

You looked around the living room, trying to find something to distract you. You walked over to a bookshelf, hoping to find something interesting to read. You knew there were books for you in the basement, but you couldn’t go back down there. You’d just panic. 

As you ran your hand over the spines of the books, a wooden box on the shelf below caught your eye. You brought your hands down to it, opening it just slightly. You knew Kylo would be pissed you were going through his shit. _Well, fuck him. Then he shouldn’t lock me in his house._

You opened the box all the way, heart dropping into your stomach at the sight of your phone. _There’s no way it’ll be charged_. You picked it up anyway, and much to your surprise and delight it had 20% left. 

You clutched it to your chest, heart pounding. You were not in the right frame of mind to have found your phone, and you knew that. You knew you should put it back, leave it alone. But you couldn’t. The residual panic running through your veins was telling you to call someone, anyone, who could come and save you. 

You unlocked your phone, pulling up your favorites. Your eyes flicked down the list. Mom, Dad, Luna, Gigi, Bella, Vicrul. 

_Vicrul_. _Don’t. Don’t do it._ You bit your lip. _Fuck_. You knew that if you called him Kylo would find out. You knew it would _hurt_ Kylo and hurt him hard. Part of you didn’t want to ever hurt him, but another part of you wanted to spite him for pulling you out of school. _And he won’t listen. He won’t compromise. He’ll never let me leave. I have to pick myself_. 

Not giving yourself a chance to change your mind, you hit his name and held the phone up to your ear. _Please answer. Please Vicrul fucking answer._

The ringing stopped and you heard Vicrul take in a deep breath. Before he could say anything you just blurted out, “Vicrul. It’s me. I need you to come get me. I’m at Kylo’s house. He’s got me trapped here. I was in his basement until a couple of days ago. Please can you come get me.”

“Y/N?? I don’t think I caught all of that? I’m with Kylo right now… did you say something about being locked in his basement?” You heard the phone shift in his hand, his voice farther away. You went dizzy, heart dropping again. _He’s with Kylo_. “Kylo, what the fuck is going on? Y/N’s on the phone saying she’s been locked in your basement.”

You heard a soft thump, followed by a crashing sound. “Vicrul?” you whispered. 

“Un-fucking-believable Doll.” _Fuck._ _Kylo_. He was furious, and hurt. You could hear it in his voice. “Trust has to be earned,” he whispered and the line went dead. 

You closed your eyes. _This is not happening_. You felt sick. You knew Kylo was already on his way back to you. You dropped your phone and ran upstairs, seeking out the comfort of Kylo’s bed. You jumped in, burying your face in his pillow, dreading what was to come. You drifted to sleep knowing Kylo was coming for you. 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo was leaning against the back of his car, arms crossed, watching Vicrul scramble to pull his phone out of his pocket. Vicrul finally got the phone out of his pocket, and clicked it. He took a breath in to speak but was apparently cut off by the person on the other end. 

Kylo watch intently as Vicrul’s face clouded over, eyebrows coming together as his attention shot to Kylo. “Y/N?? I don’t think I caught all of that? I’m with Kylo right now… did you say something about being locked in his basement?” Kylo stood up straight, arms dropping to his side, fists clenching. _I can’t fucking believe her_. 

Vicrul pulled the phone away from his face a little. As Kylo closed the gap between them, he was vaguely aware of Vicrul saying, “Kylo, what the fuck is going on? Y/N’s on the phone saying she’s been locked in your basement.”

Kylo was consumed with rage. Of all the fucking people you could have called it had to be Vicrul. And after your conversation this morning, Kylo knew it was a calculated decision on your part, which pained him far more than he wanted to admit. 

Walking up to Vicrul Kylo pulled his arm back, landing a punch squarely on Vicrul’s jaw. Kylo snickered when Vicrul fell to the ground, out cold. He pulled the phone out of Vicrul’s hand. 

“Un-fucking-believable Doll.” Kylo was seething with rage, but beneath that his heart was breaking. He had shown you his weakness this morning, and you had used it against him. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep his voice steady Kylo whispered “trust has to be earned,” before hanging up. 

_God, fuck her. Tonight. She’s dying._

Kylo dragged Vicrul’s body to his car, throwing him roughly into the passenger seat. He walked back over to the driver’s side and got in. He opened the center console and pulled out a packet of scopolamine powder. Opening the bag, Kylo pulled out a random business card from the console and folded it. 

He opened the bag and poured a bit of the scopolamine on to it. And then a little bit more just to make sure. He leaned over to Vicrul, forced his mouth open with one hand. Holding the card in front of Vicrul’s mouth, Kylo blew gently, getting the powder in Vicrul’s mouth and nose. 

Kylo roughly closed Vicrul’s mouth and dropped everything back in the console, closing it. He turned the car on and floored it home, fuming the entire time. He wasn’t sure how, but he was even angrier and more hurt by the time he got home. 

Kylo parked in the garage and closed the garage door behind him before getting out. Once the door had closed, Kylo unlocked the house with his phone and dragged Vicrul in the house, heading down stairs into the basement, flicking the lights on. 

Dumping Vicrul on the chair, Kylo considered tying him up but thought better of it. He had plans and didn’t want Vicrul to fight them. The scopolamine should make him perfectly amenable, especially since he was pretty sure Vicrul would be more than interested. But the cuffs might change that. 

Kylo stormed back upstairs and into the dining room, grabbing another chair and bringing it back down to the basement. He went over to the work bench and yanked open one of the drawers, grabbing a stick of smelling salts and sleeping it in his pocket. 

_I can’t fucking believe she could do this_. Kylo had thought you were different. That you cared about him. He slammed the drawer closed. Kylo turned back, saw Vicrul was still out, and went back up the stairs. He didn’t bother locking the basement, Vicrul wouldn’t be able to escape.

Hearing the TV on in the living room, Kylo checked for you there first. Not seeing you on the couch, he headed upstairs and into his room. He scoffed at you, curled up on his side of the bed, your head shoved in his pillow. 

“Y/N!” Kylo barked at you. You stirred. “Get. Up.” You rolled over and blinked at him. A moment later your face fell. 

“Kylo, I’m so so-”

“Don’t. Don’t even fucking start.” Kylo growled, cutting you off. “Get the fuck out of bed and over here now.”

“I’m sorry Kylo. I had just had a panic-”

Kylo scoffed at you. “Do what you’re fucking told. Get over here. I don’t need to hear whatever pathetic excuse you’ve thought up. You knew exactly what the fuck you were doing. You’re just making things worse for yourself.”

Kylo watched you swallow, and kept his eyes glued to you as you slipped out of bed and padded towards him. _God fuck_. In his shirt and just your underwear Kylo couldn’t help but think about fucking you everywhere and anywhere. It terrified him how much you disarmed him. 

Kylo clenched his jaw, turning away from you. _No. Not this time. I’m over this._ “Downstairs. Now.” 

“Kylo,” you said softly, reaching out and grabbing his arm. Kylo flinched away from you, ripping his arm from your grasp. 

“Stop. Get the fuck downstairs. All the way. The basement.” You gaped up at him, shaking your head. The look you gave him broke Kylo’s heart all over again. But he didn’t have a choice. You had forced his hand. 

When you didn’t move Kylo grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulder and storming down the stairs. “Kylo! Kylo! Please! Stop, I can walk. I’ll walk.”

Kylo ignored you, resisting the urge to stop and spank the living shit out of you. He paused at the main floor, considering setting you down, begging you for a reason he shouldn’t kill you. But he wouldn’t beg. Not for anyone. 

Kylo continued down the second set of stairs, opening the door to the basement and closing it behind you. He set you down and pushed you forward. 

“Oh my god,” you mumbled when you saw Vicrul, walking backwards into Kylo. 

“Oh no Y/N, you’re not going anywhere. You’re the one who caused this mess. You get to help clean it up,” Kylo snarled at you. You turned around and looked up at him, eyes pleading and brimmed with tears. 

“What does that mean?” you whispered. 

“Go sit in the chair and we’ll find out.” Kylo raised his eyebrows at you, lips in a line across his face. You blinked at him for a moment before turning around and sitting in the chair across from Vicrul. Kylo stalked towards you, pacing behind Vicrul. He could feel your anxiety radiating off of you in waves. He didn’t care.

“Kylo… please,” you begged. 

“Y/N… please,” Kylo whined, mocking you. 

“Why… Why are you calling me that?” you asked. “Why are you calling me my name?”

“Because it’s your fucking name,” Kylo snapped, glaring at you.

“But… you always call me Doll,” you said, a small sad smile crossing your face for just a second.

Kylo snorted. “Oh grown fond of that name have you? Well you should have fucking thought about that before you picked up your phone and called Vicrul. You’re not my fucking Doll anymore.”

“What?” you breathed, tears finally spilling over and falling down your cheeks, “You don’t want me anymore?” 

Kylo looked away from you, it hurt him, but not as badly as you had. “I don’t fucking know Y/N. You don’t seem to want me. Fucking Vicrul. Him. That’s who you had to call. And after this morning? You did it deliberately don’t fucking lie.” 

“I do want you Kylo. You have to believe me. I want you. But we have things to work out. I shouldn’t have called him. You’re right I knew it would hurt you. You hurt me. Withdrawing me from school. Do you know what that meant to me? I worked my ass off to get into UCLA.” Your voice shook and tears still slid down your face, but Kylo didn’t care. 

“I’m leaving too. You think I didn’t work? Fuck - that shit doesn’t even matter right now.” Kylo stopped behind Vicrul, looking at you. “Sorry doesn’t fix things. It doesn’t fix what you did. I didn’t want things to end this way, but you’ve left me know choice.”

“En, en, end this way?” you choked out. 

“Stop talking.” Kylo ordered.

Kylo pulled out the smelling salts from his pocket and stuck them under Vicrul’s nose. Vicrul coughed, “What the fuck?” he mumbled groggily. “Y/N? What the fuck is going on?”

“Ah, Vicrul. Welcome,” Kylo said, walking so that he was behind you. “You see, at first when Y/N called you, I was pissed. Hence, why I punched you. Sorry about that,” Kylo said in a disgustingly sweet tone. 

“But then, I spoke with Y/N on your phone, and she told me her idea, and why she was calling you. And I could _never_ deny her.” Kylo stroked your hair. 

Vicrul’s eyes moved from you to Kylo and back again. “The bruises…” Vicrul nodded in your direction. Kylo subtly pulled on your hair, a silent instruction.

“Consensual,” you whispered. 

Kylo snickered, “More than consensual I’d say. You begged me for them.” Vicrul glanced up at Kylo and then back down to you. 

“The tears?” Vicrul asked. 

You spoke before Kylo had to tug on your hair making his lips twitch up. “Just excited, for uh, this. You know me. Emotional.”

“And what is this?” Vicrul asked, shaking his head. 

Kylo lowered his head so his lips were beside your ear, hands traveling down to grope your breasts. “This,” Kylo said, bringing one hand to your jaw and turning your head to look at him, “is us sharing Y/N.” Kylo crushed his lips into yours, knowing he would need to block your expression and gasp. 

He kept his eyes open, as did you, pupils blown in surprise, and judging from the way you were kissing Kylo back, Kylo guessed, arousal. 

“What?” Vicrul asked. 

Kylo broke the kiss and brought his lips to your ear. “Don’t fucking test me right now. I know you want this,” he whispered, chuckling at your sharp intake of breath and removing his hand from your jaw. 

“A threesome.” You said, turning your head to Vicrul. Kylo was surprised at how confident you sounded. You turned back to Kylo, kissing him softly before moving your lips to his ear, hidden from Vicrul. “What the fuck Kylo? I don’t want this.” you whispered. 

“A threesome.” Vicrul repeated. He scoffed. “Kylo. You’re telling me that you’re okay sharing her with me.”

Kylo looked at Vicrul. “It’s what she wants. Why she called you. It’s up to you of course. We would never _force_ you to.” Kylo pretended to nuzzle into you, “Don’t lie to yourself you fucking whore. You love this shit,” he whispered. 

“I mean,” Vicrul shook his head. _Probably trying to clear the drug induced fog._ “Fuck. Why not? Let me just pee first.” Vicrul stood up, stumbling to the bathroom which Kylo pointed at.

As soon as he shut the door Kylo moved in front of you, his voice a whisper. “Don’t fucking pretend you don’t want this.”

“I don’t Kylo. I only want you. I don’t want him. I called him in a panic. Fuck Kylo - is he drugged?” you whispered back to him. 

“Fuck off Y/N. Don’t pretend you only want me. You made how you feel perfectly clear. And yes, I drugged him. It only makes him more amenable to things he already wants.”

“Kylo.” You bit your lip. “You are the only one I want. I don’t want him. I only want you inside of me. Please. Please don’t make me fuck him.” Your eyes dropped from his gaze. 

Kylo stepped back, considering your words. You seemed sincere. “You only want me?” Kylo whispered. 

“Yes Kylo. Only you.” You looked at him, your eyes pleading with him, asking him to believe you. 

“Okay.” Kylo whispered. “But I know the idea of both of us at once turns you on.”

You bit your lip. “I mean a little but. I don’t want him… down there. I guess I could…he could...” you trailed off. 

“Could what?” Kylo asked, you both heard the toilet flush. He raised his eyebrows telling you to hurry. 

“He can fuck my mouth. But only while you fuck me. And only because I know you want to show him how much better you fuck me than him.” 

Vicrul came stumbling out of the bathroom, walking towards the bed and starting to strip. “Come here baby. Let’s show Kylo how it's done.” Vicrul tossed his shirt to the floor. Kylo clenched both of his fists. _Fuck it I’ll just kill him._

Beside Kylo you snorted, standing up. “Sorry to inform you Vicrul, but Kylo is far and away better than you in bed. You can fuck my mouth but that’s it.” Kylo lips parted at your words. _Maybe I’ll let him live_. Vicrul rolled his eyes, pulling his pants and boxers off and jumping on the bed. 

You slid in front of Kylo, pressing your back to his chest, grabbing his hands and placing them on your inner thighs. “And you only get to do that because I do love sucking dick. And you’re so much smaller than Kylo so I won’t choke on your cock as Kylo fucks me into oblivion.”

“Oh is that so? I’ll make sure you choke Love,” Vicrul teased you, stroking his cock languidly as he watched you from the bed. “I gotta say Kylo, I wish you had fucked her sooner instead of pining over her for the last two and a half years. You bring out an even dirtier side of her than I’ve seen before. I always knew she was a dirty fucking whore.”

Kylo moved his hands over your barely clothed pussy. _So wet_. He chuckled, grinding his hips into you. He knew exactly what you were trying to do, to distract him from the real reason you had called Vicrul, to make it up to him. It wouldn’t work but he’d let you believe it would. 

“You can shut the fuck up,” Kylo barked at Vicrul. _Only I’m allowed to talk to her like that_. Kylo slipped his hands under your panties, running his fingers up and down your folds, smearing your slick everywhere. You brought your head back against Kylo’s chest, sighing happily. 

“Oh Kylo? Haven’t you figured it out yet? She loves this shit. Loves being degraded. Told what stupid slut she is.” Vicrul made a come hither motion to you. Kylo felt you lean forward and hesitate to walk towards the bed. He removed his fingers and gave you a light smack on the ass as encouragement.

Kylo watched as you got on the bed, straddling Vicrul, who placed his hands on your hips. You started rolling your hips, grinding yourself down on to him. Kylo walked towards the bed. He slid off his leather jacket and toed off his shoes. 

“I think all this needs to come off.” Vicrul motioned to what you were wearing. Kylo unbuttoned his pants, sliding both jeans and boxers off. 

“I agree,” Kylo murmured, getting on the bed and moving behind you. He peeled his shirt off of you and threw it on the floor, repeating the process with the sports bra you were wearing. Vicrul’s hands flew up to massage at your breasts, tweaking your nipples hard. 

You arched your back into Vicrul’s touch, letting out a low moan. Kylo was conflicted. The situation turned him on - there was something incredibly erotic about watching you with another man. 

But Kylo was jealous, angry even. Angry that Vicrul could make you feel good, that you reacted to his touch. Kylo shifted out from behind, sitting at the edge of the bed in the middle, just watching you and Vicrul.

“These,” Vicrul said, dropping his hand to your hips and playing with the waistband of your panties, “definitely need to come off.” You smiled down at Vicrul, continuing to roll your hips.

“Do they now?” you purred at him. 

In one motion Vicrul picked you up by the hips and pulled himself up, rolling over so that he was now on top of you. You giggled as Vicrul yanked your panties off you, throwing them over his shoulder to the floor. Kylo rolled his eyes and began stroking himself slowly. 

Vicrul crawled back up in between your legs, planting kisses up your thighs. Kylo thought Vicrul was going to start eating you out but instead he sat up, bringing his lips to your breasts and sucking on your nipples as he used his fingers to play with your clit. 

“Vicrullll,” you purred at him, bucking your hips up into his hand. Vicrul chuckled into your breast. 

Pulling his head up and moving towards your other breast, Vicrul mumbled, “You’re so wet for me. Always so wet.” Kylo heard Vicrul slam two fingers inside of you eliciting a deep moan from you. _So much for only wanting me inside her_. Kylo almost got up and left. Almost. 

Instead, he stroked himself a little harder, and glared at you clenching his jaw. You didn’t notice Kylo staring at you. Your eyes were closed, head thrown back and arching your back in pleasure as Vicrul continued to fuck you with his fingers, thumbing at your clit. 

“It’s only a threesome if three people participate,” Vicrul taunted to Kylo. Your eyes shot open, finding Kylo, an almost panicked look on your face like you had forgotten he was there. _Nice_. Vicrul must have hit that sweet spot inside of you because you closed your eyes again moaning wildly. 

“Yes!” you panted, “Kylo - fuck - please. I need you. Hgggh. Please fuck my mouth.”

Kylo rolled his eyes but started to move towards you. He paused, leaning in to Vicrul’s ear, “Do not let her cum until I give her permission. You edge her,” Kylo whispered. Vicrul scoffed. 

“Fuck you know how much I love edging,” Vicrul whispered back with a sinister smile. 

Kylo positioned himself next to you, and you watched him stroke himself a couple of times. “What do you want?” he asked you. 

“Your cock in my - fuckkkk Vicrul - cock in my mouth. Choking me,” you stuttered out. 

Kylo continued stroking himself, moving so that his cock was right in front of your mouth, but just out of reach. You shot your tongue out, trying to lick at him, lifting your head. But Kylo used his free hand to push you back down. 

“I’m not sure you deserve it,” Kylo murmured down to you. Kylo heard Vicrul pick up his pace, and you started gasping for air. 

“P,p,p,please Kylo - oh f,f, fuck - I’m gonna,” you babbled, eyes rolling in to the back of your head as you panted and moaned higher and higher. “Yesss Vicrul!”

Vicrul stilled, stopping right as you were about to fall over the edge. Your eyes shot open, “What?” You desperately rolled your hips, trying to draw Vicrul’s fingers in and out of you, trying to get his thumb back on your clit, but his free hand forced your hips down. “Pleaseeee” you begged. 

Kylo and Vicrul both laughed at you. “I’m not sure you deserve that either,” Kylo said to you, cupping your face with his free hand. You stared at him, licking your lips slowly opening your mouth softly and blowing a soft breath up to his cock. 

Knowing enough time had passed, Vicrul started fucking you with his fingers once again, thumb returning to your clit. Kylo shifted closer to you, angling the head of his cock down and pressing it against your lips. 

“Mmmm,” you hummed against Kylo, tongue darting out to lick the small bead of precum, sending a shiver up Kylo’s spine. Before he had to ask, you opened your mouth, and Kylo thrust all the way into your mouth, not giving you a second to adjust as he pulled back out and slammed into your throat again. 

You were choking on him, tears instantly streaming down your face as you gagged on Kylo. But with the way you started twirling your tongue around him, hollowing your cheeks out as he rammed into you, Kylo knew you were enjoying yourself. _Not that it matters if she’s enjoying it_. 

“God Kylo this is the fucking dream man!” Vicrul laughed. Kylo glanced at him continuing to thrust into you. Vicrul was still fucking you with his fingers, teasing your clit with his thumb, but he had brought his free hand down to stroke furiously at his cock. 

Kylo rolled his eyes, gaze dropping back down to you. He pulled out and gave you a brief second to gulp down air before slamming back into your throat. 

“Fuck you Kylo, come on. We dreamed about this shit in high school!” Kylo looked back at Vicrul, hoping his face conveyed what an idiot Kylo thought he was. “Nah come on Kylo. Fucking high five.” Vicrul dropped his hand from his cock and stretched his arm out, palm face out in a high five position. 

Kylo gave him a what the fuck look. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kylo ignored Vicrul’s hand, returning his attention to you. “Such a fucking whore. You love having your mouth destroyed by this cock.” 

You nodded, but the way your eyes were starting to roll back in your head, your tongue work Kylo less, Kylo knew you were close. He pulled out of your mouth. You gulped in air again, trying to choke out words, “I...p,p,please...let me...I’m going to- ahhhhhh fuck.”

Vicrul’s hand stopped once again, this time completely withdrawing his fingers from you, bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean. 

“What the fuck?!” you whined, “Pleaseeee, please you guys. I need to cum.”

Kylo smiled down at you, he grabbed your face with both hands, cupping it gently at first. “Remember what I’ve told you,” he used his grip on you to pull you into an upright position, “only good girls get to cum,” he spun you and pushed you back down so that you were laying horizontal on the bed, “and you,” Kylo put his hands on your hips and pushed you up so that your head was hanging off the side of the bed, “have not been a good girl today.”

Kylo nodded at Vicrul, pointing his chin at your face. “Fuck yeah!” Vicrul jumped off the bed and stood in front of your face. “Gonna fuck your mouth just like you asked for little girl.” 

“Kylo please,” you begged, “I’ll be a good girl. I’ll do whatever you want. Please. Please let me cum.” Vicrul snickered down at you, slapping your face with his cock, rubbing his head on your lips but not letting you take him in your mouth. 

Kylo positioned himself between your legs, nudging them open further with his knees. “Good girls don’t complain.” He ran a finger up your cunt, flicking your clit gently. Leaning down on top of you, he held himself up with one arm, the other dropping down to line himself up at your cunt. 

“But Kylo I need-” Kylo cut you off by slamming his dick into you, causing you to yelp. Vicrul immediately forced your mouth open and slammed into your throat. Both boys set punishing paces, but the way your hips rose to meet Kylo’s told him you were doing just fine. 

“Fuck you do suck dick so well,” Vicrul grunted. 

Kylo pressed himself up, hunching over you, he snaked one hand between the two of you and started playing with your clit. He heard you moan around Vicrul, hands gripping at the sheets. Kylo looked up at Vicrul, guessing by his face Kylo figured he wouldn’t last much longer. 

Kylo began furiously circling and flicking your clit, continuing to pound into you. “Cum for me whore,” he growled at you. You were moaning wildly on Vicrul, hands clenching and unclenching at the sheets. Kylo felt your hips stop moving, your thighs tense. And he moved his hand off your clit. 

Vicrul pulled himself out of you, letting you suck in some air. You were absolutely sobbing. “K,K,K,Kylo.” Kylo noticed your hands trembling on the bed. _This is a very fucking good look on her_. 

“Aw poor thing,” Kylo hummed at you. 

“Here have some more cock,” Vicrul said as he thrusted back into you. Kylo brought his fingers back to your clit, pinching and rolling it between his fingers. Kylo could practically feel it throb between his fingers it was so swollen. 

You continued sobbing on Vicrul’s cock as he thrusted in and out of you. “That’s right stupid whore use your tongue. Suck my dick.” Vicrul barked at you, his thrusts becoming a little more erratic. 

Kylo paused his movements, pulling out of you and pushing up so that he was on his knees. He grabbed your legs and rested them together on one of his shoulders. Without warning he plunged back into you, the new angle causing you to sputter and buck your hips. 

He started at your clit again, and within moments Kylo saw your things start to shake, felt your pussy convulse around him. He heard you take a deep breath in through your nose, your sobbing momentarily stopping as you reached your peak. 

Kylo smiled as he took his fingers away from your clit again, and stilled inside you, denying you for the fourth time. Kylo moved your legs back to the bed, leaning over you. You resumed sobbing around Vicrul as he came in your mouth shouting your name. “Take my cum you stupid slut. Swallow it.” 

“Fuck me,” Vicrul muttered, taking a step back and pulling out of your mouth. He put his hands on the bed and leaned forward catching his breath. 

“Hey Vicrul,” Kylo said, leaning up your body to get closer to him. 

Vicrul looked up at Kylo, “What’s up?”

“Fuck you.” Kylo landed another punch cleanly on Vicrul’s jaw again, leaving Vicrul an unconscious heap on the floor. 

“K,K,Kylo what - p,p,p,please” you whimpered. Kylo grabbed your hips and pulled you down the bed so your head was back on it. 

“Relax,” Kylo murmured, leaning down to let his lips graze your jaw. “I’ve got you. Edging just makes the eventual release stronger. Not that you deserve it.”

Kylo started slamming into you, his hips likely leaving bruises where they came in such hard contact with your skin. “So much for only wanting me inside of you. You certainly didn’t seem to mind Vicrul’s fingers,” he growled.

“N,N,No, it’s - ahhhhhh fuck -,” you sobbed, “not the same.”

Kylo brought his hand back down to your clit, flicking it furiously with his finger. “If you want to cum you need to stop fucking talking because you’re just pissing me off even more.”

“Ahhhhh,” you moaned, back arching into him. 

“Fucking cum for me whore. Cum all over me.” Kylo growled. 

“Oh FUCKKK,” you screamed, “Kyloo…”

“That’s right Y/N, scream my name as you cum.” And you did. Eyes shut and rolled back into your head Kylo felt you cum all around him, and he let himself give in to his orgasm, cumming inside you, continuing to thrust, fucking his cum as deep into you as he could. 

“Oh my fucking god,” you whimpered, “I -I -I.”

Kylo groaned, resting on his forearms for a moment. He leaned up and slid out of you, rolling your eyes when you winced at the sudden emptiness. He grabbed his boxers off the ground and put them back on. 

“Sit on the chair,” he ordered you. 

“I, I, Kylo… I don’t think I could walk to the chair even if I wanted to,” you mumbled, breathing returning to normal. 

“Then crawl.” He shot you a look that could kill. “Get in the fucking chair!” He yelled. You flinched. You took a minute and sat up, sliding off the bed. Kylo stared at you as you walked on shaking legs over to the chair, reaching down to grab your shirt and slipping it on. 

Kylo walked around the bed and dragged Vicrul to the other chair. He went over to the work bench and grabbed another stick of smelling salts and the handcuffs. He walked back over to Vicrul, handcuffed his ankles and wrists to the chair, stepping back to kick the black duffle bag right behind Vicrul’s chair. 

“Kylo...What are you going to do?” You asked him, voice cracking. 

Kylo walked back to the work bench and grabbed two bottles of water, walking back and handing you one. “Drink it. All.” Kylo did the same, gulping the water down. 

You opened yours and started sipping. “If you don’t fucking drink it all now, so help me god I will force it down your throat.” You gaped at him for a moment before chugging the water bottle. 

Kylo walked behind Vicrul, holding the smelling salts around in front of Vicrul’s nose. Vicrul woke with a jump. “What the fuck?!”

“Welcome back Vicrul.” Kylo deadpanned. Kylo leaned down and started digging through the black duffle, pulling out a baseball bat. Walking around the side of Vicrul, Kylo pointed the bat at you. “Do not move. Do not move your ass from that seat.”

You gulped, nodding at him. Kylo noticed you were trembling slightly. 

Vicrul tried to get up, pulling at the handcuffs. “Kylo, what the fuck is this? What are you fucking doing?”

Kylo spun around to Vicrul, swinging the bat hard, connecting with Vicrul’s ribs with a crack. “Fuck!” Vicrul gasped. “Kylo what the fuck? It was fucking consensual.” Vicrul was gasping for air, “You brought me here for it.”

“God Vicrul you always were so stupid.” Kylo swung the bat again, this time connecting with the other side of Vicrul’s chest. Vicrul fell as far forward as he could, desperately trying to suck in air. 

“This isn’t about the fucking threesome.” Kylo swung the bat, this time shattering Vicrul’s kneecap. “It’s about you always fucking wanting what’s not yours.” Kylo brought the end of the bat beneath Vicrul’s chin, forcing him to look up at Kylo. Kylo laughed at the pain written on Vicrul’s face.

“What?’ Vicrul mumbled. “Is… is this about… are you seriously still upset about Jane?”

Vicrul groaned in pain. “That was high school Kylo. I thought we had moved on.” 

Shifting the bat to his other hand Kylo hit Vicrul with an uppercut, carefully placing it to his cheekbone so that Vicrul wouldn’t be knocked out this time. “It’s a little about Jane. How the fuck do friends move on from that? It’s more about her. As soon as I told you I was going after her you ask her out. Were you planning on killing her too? Hmmm. Han isn’t here to bail you out this time.” 

Vicrul spat blood on the floor. “I didn’t fucking mean to kill Jane. You know it was an accident. I was drunk. I shouldn’t have drove. But I didn’t fucking crash deliberately and I sure as fuck didn’t ask Han to be my attorney.”

Kylo laughed maniacally, hitting Vicrul in the nose this time. “Well you sure as fuck didn’t ask him not to defend you either. But I did. I told him, ‘Dad he killed Jane. He killed the love of my life.’ And you know what he said. ‘Yeah Kylo but he’s just a kid. I can’t let his whole life be destroyed over one accident.’” 

Kylo scoffed. “And I asked him what about my life. My life with Jane. Our future. And he just shrugged.”

Vicrul slumped in the chair, clearly trying hard not to show how much pain he was in. “How was I supposed to say no Kylo?” Vicrul grunted, shaking his head softly, “He was the best criminal defense attorney in the fucking state.” 

Kylo glanced back at you. You were wide-eyed watching the scene in front of you unfold, almost catatonic. Kylo rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Vicrul. Kylo swung the bat, connecting with Vicrul’s other kneecap. “FUCK!” Vicrul screamed. 

“You should have paid for what you did. You should have plead guilty and sucked it the fuck up. You deserved for your life to be over! But Han just had to fucking get you off. God - fuck! I thought killing him would make me feel better. And it did for a while. But then you pulled the exact same shit - trying to take her from me.”

“You killed Han? You killed your father?” Vicrul gaped at Kylo. Kylo laughed. 

“Of course I did. You bought the grieving son act?” Kylo continued laughing. “Fuck I only even did that for Leia’s sake.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Kylo. Does Leia know? I - How could even do that Kylo? He was your father. He was practically my father. His death destroyed me” Vicrul closed his eyes, grimacing. 

“No she doesn’t fucking know. No one knows. Except the two of you. Fuck Vicrul. You’re such a fucking narcissist ‘He was practically my father. His death destroyed me.’” Kylo mocked, swinging the bat against Vicrul’s chest again, “He was my father. Jane’s death destroyed me. And then I got destroyed again when he got you off. I can’t believe you actually thought I would ever forgive you.”

“You were my brother Kylo!” Vicrul yelled, voice dropping to a whisper. “I thought you’d forgive me like one.” 

“Vicrul. Seriously are you stupid? You killed Jane. And then, what four or five years later here we are again. I tell you I’m going to ask Y/N out, and what do you do? You call her asking her out first. You always want what’s mine.” Kylo threw the bat across the room. 

“I finally fucking find someone. Another Jane. She’s more than Jane ever was to me. And you had to try and take her.” Kylo punched Vicrul again. “You would’ve killed her. Because you don’t fucking learn. You still drive drunk.” Another punch. 

“You’d never even spoken to her Kylo,” Vicrul said, blood dripping down his face. He spat at Kylo, bloodying the Kylo’s chest. “How could possibly know she’s more than Jane? What if she was my Jane? What if you’re taking her from me?”

Kylo punched Vicrul again, and again, and again, and again pulling his face up by his hair so he could keep hitting him. 

“Kylo…” your quiet, pleading voice made Kylo stop. Slowly he turned to look at you, Vicrul’s blood dripping down his chest. “You’re going to kill him,” you whispered. “Please, stop. I don’t want him.”

Kylo laughed at you, walking over to stand in front of you, crouching down to your level, “Yeah, Y/N, that’s like the whole point. He’s not leaving here alive.”

“What?” you whispered. “Kylo you can’t kill him.”

“Well if you hadn’t have called him I wouldn’t have to.” Kylo softened his face, caressing your cheek softly, staining it with Vicrul’s blood. “I’m doing this for you. To keep you safe. Protect you.” Kylo said, You looked at him bewildered. Vicrul let out a moan, coming back around, spitting blood on the floor, before slipping unconscious again. 

“Kylo please don’t,” you whispered, tears threatening. 

Kylo flinched away from you at your ask, walking behind Vicrul, rummaging around again in the black duffle. He smiled, finding the perfect tool for the job. He pulled it out, deliberately concealing it behind Vicrul’s back. 

Standing up straight Kylo looked at you. “You have a choice Y/N. Him or me. You need to choose.” 

You shook your head at him, confusion filing your face. “Choose? Choose what?”

“You have to pick. Either he dies and we stay together, or he lives and you leave with him. As in leave leave. As in I will never see you again.” Kylo said simply. 

“What?” you started getting hysterical, panic kicking in, “Kylo I can want you but also not want him to die.”

“Is that your decision? He lives?” Kylo’s heart shattered in his chest for the third time today. He focused on keeping his face neutral, but on the inside he was being torn apart. He had wanted, he had needed you to pick him. But here you were, choosing Vicrul. Just like Han. 

“No! I mean yes. Kylo you can’t kill him. He’s not a threat to me!” you were crying now, voice dripping with emotion. 

“He will hurt you. He will destroy you. And you won’t even know he’s doing it. But one day something will happen. For me it was Jane. Seducing her away from me, speeding off, drunk in his car. Killing her. So when it happens you just remember that I warned you. But don’t come looking for me. You’ve made your choice.” Kylo’s voice cracked, and he dropped his gaze from you, causing you to sob harder. 

“Kylo! No! I am not choosing him. I want you. I’m picking you!” You screamed at him. “Kylo look at me! I’m trying to be good and not get out of the fucking chair! But you have to fucking listen then!”

“Me?” Kylo whispered, bringing his gaze back up to you. “You’re choosing me?”

“Yes! Fuck!” You let out a laugh of relief. “Fuck I don’t even know how we ended up here. But yes Kylo, I pick you. I want you. Fuck - I need you. Forever. For however long you’ll have me. I choose you Kylo Ren.”

“You know what that means?” Kylo whispered, not able to fully believe you. He couldn’t take the fourth heartbreak that would come if he believed you and you changed your mind. 

You swallowed and shook your head no. Kylo’s heart dropped. “Fuck, Kylo.”

Vicrul came back around with a groan. “The two of you are fucking certifiable,” he mumbled. 

“I choose you Kylo. And if that means you have to… do that then… so be it. I don’t think you have to. But I know you’re doing it for me.” You nodded at Kylo. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Vicrul said. 

Kylo yanked Vicrul’s head back with his hair, angling his head to expose his jugular. “Doll, eyes on me.” You nodded, maintaining eye contact with Kylo. Kylo knew he had to be very careful with his next move, too much pressure and the result would make him lose you.

In one fluid movement Kylo brought the scythe to Vicrul’s neck, using just enough pressure to slit his throat, severing Vicrul’s jugular and carotid. Vicrul started choking on his own blood, blood gurgling at his slit trachea. 

“Oh my god,” you breathed. “Oh my fucking god.” You kept your eyes on Kylo’s, but you could still see the blood pour down Vicrul, his body going limp. 

“Doll?” Kylo asked, dropping the scythe but not making a move towards you. 

What you said next made Kylo’s heart stop beating. 

“Kylo…” your breathing increased rapidly, “I need you inside me right fucking now.”

**[Your POV]**

_This should not turn me on_. 

And yet it did. Kylo Ren had just killed a man for you. And for whatever reason that made you need to feel him inside of you. 

You stood up, walking through Vicrul’s blood to get to Kylo. “Please Kylo,” you grabbed his arms, but he just looked down at you in shock. 

“Can you,” Kylo swallowed, “Can you repeat that?”

“I need you inside me Kylo. I need you.” Kylo must have realized you really meant it because he picked you up, and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist. You crashed your mouth into Kylo’s needing to taste him. You licked at his lips, at his tongue, at the sides of his mouth, everywhere. 

Kylo walked to the side, slamming you into the wall. You used the leverage of the wall to roll your hips against Kylo’s growing erection as you brought your hands up to run through his hair. Kylo slipped his tongue into your mouth, licking all the same places you had in his. 

“Kylo,” you whined, into his mouth, “Please.” 

Kylo hummed into your mouth, peeling you off the wall and walking over to the bed. He threw you into the middle of it, pulling off his shirt and boxers. You sat up, pulling his shirt over your head and tossing it off to the side. 

Kylo crawled on the bed, kissing up your legs to your inner thigh. “Kyloooo,” you purred, “Please just fuck me.” 

Kylo’s nose nudged at your legs, and you spread them despite just wanting him inside of you. Kylo wasted no time licking a hot stripe up your cunt. “Fuck,” he murmured into you, “You’re so wet. That really did turn you on. You’re perfect for me.” You bucked your hips, pushing your cunt into his face. 

“Please Kylo,” you murmured, hands scratching his scalp lightly. Kylo sucked your clit into his mouth, and hummed at you in response. “Ahhh Kylo I need you inside me.”

Kylo released your clit, lapping at you, up and down your cunt. “Mm, you just taste so good. So sweet.” You were already close, still sensitive from earlier, wildly turned on by the fact that Kylo cared enough to kill a man for you. 

You pulled on Kylo’s hair causing him to moan into you. Kylo plunged his tongue inside of you, licking at your walls. “Holy fuck,” you moaned. _That’s new_. Kylo brought one hand to your clit, working it as his tongue fucked you. “Kylo, I’m gonna, please - fuck - Kylo I’m gonna cum.”

Kylo worked his tongue in and out of you while he rolled your clit between his fingers, chuckling into you as you came on his tongue. “Fuck!” you screamed. You thought your muscles would snap your bones with as tight as they contracted before Kylo pushed you over the edge, pleasure searing through your body. 

Kylo happily lapped up you arousal before kissing his way up to your mouth, shoving his tongue in your mouth so you could taste yourself. You pulled back, breaking the kiss. “Kylo I need you to fuck me,” you murmured.

You moved your mouth down, licking Vicrul’s blood off Kylo’s neck, continuing to lick down, tonguing Kylo’s clavicles, licking him clean. You scooched down, trusting Kylo to hold himself up on his forearms. 

You licked the blood off each of his nipples, sucking them in your mouth, flicking your tongue. “Fuck Doll,” Kylo moaned above you. You hummed happily, giving his other nipple the same treatment. 

“Roll over?” you asked Kylo. 

Kylo did as you asked, laying on his back on the bed, pushing himself up to rest against the wall. You rolled over to straddle him, grabbing his cock with your hand and stroking it softly. “Fuck you’re so big. I can’t believe you fit in me.”

You leaned up, kissing Kylo deeply as you raised your hips and guided yourself down on to Kylo. Keeping your mouth on Kylo’s you sunk down on him. “Fucking Christ,” Kylo moaned into your mouth. 

“Shit,” you gritted out, moving your lips off his, “Your splitting me in fucking half.” You rested your forehead against Kylo’s, the two of you staring at each other as you both took a moment to appreciate this. What it felt like, him inside of you, completely connected. 

Kylo brought his hands to your hips, gripping them hard enough that you knew he was adding more bruises. “Baby, please move your fucking hips,” Kylo whispered, squeezing your hips even harder. 

You did as he asked, slowing rolling your hips up and down on him, drawing him in and out of you, savoring the way it felt when you sunk back onto him, his head rubbing that sweet spot inside of you in the most delicious way. 

“You’ve gotta go faster Doll. I need this. I need you.” Kylo groaned. You picked up your pace, but evidently not enough for Kylo’s liking. He gripped your hips, stilling them and holding you in place. Kylo used his own hips to set a faster pace, fucking up into you like it was the last time he’d ever have you. 

“Oh fuck Kylo!” you moaned, dropping your head back. Your hands gripped Kylo’s shoulders to steady yourself. 

“Touch yourself Doll. Make yourself cum on me. Be my good little whore,” Kylo ordered you. You snapped your head back up to gape at Kylo, shaking your head slightly. Kylo kept slamming himself into you, “Come on Doll, I gave you what you wanted, now you have to give me something.”

Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment. For some reason that act was still so intimate and embarrassing for you. But Kylo was right. He had given you what you wanted. 

Tentatively, you brought your hand to your clit and started making circles around it. “Mmm, that’s it Doll,” Kylo rasped, gaze drifting down to watch you. You gave in to the feeling, thinking about how Kylo normally touched you and mimicking his movements. 

Kylo’s thrusts grew erratic. You brought your other hand back around you, straining your core. You cupped Kylo’s balls, gently scratching your nails on them, massaging them. “Oh fuck Doll… I’m gonna cum.” You squeezed him a little harder as he came inside you, continuing to thrust, cum leaking out of you. 

The feeling of Kylo cumming inside of you triggered your orgasm, and you collapsed into his chest shaking as you came around his cock, bliss spreading throughout your body. Kylo wrapped his arms around you, stroking your hair. 

The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes as you both came back down to reality. You pulled your head off Kylo’s chest to look at him, “So... What now?” you asked. 

“We shower. Then we go upstairs and sleep.” Kylo murmured, still stroking your hair. You started to look behind you, but Kylo’s hands stopped you. “I’ll deal with it. When you’re asleep.” 

“But I want you to stay with me.”

Kylo gave you a soft smile, “I’ll stay until you fall asleep and be back before you wake up.” He kissed your nose. “Come on, let’s shower.”

Kylo slid the both of you off the bed, holding you against him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and dropped your head to his shoulder. Once you were in the bathroom with the door closed Kylo set you down on the toilet, walking over to turn the shower on. 

You swayed a little, leaning yourself up against the wall as you peed. When you were done you stood up, yawning, and nearly collapsed. Kylo managed to turn around in time and catch you. “Sorry,” you mumbled, yawning again as you reached to flush the toilet. 

Kylo helped you into the shower, supporting you as you stood under the hot stream of water. Eventually his hands left you, finding shampoo and conditioner, washing your hair for you. Your brain was going a million miles an hour trying to process everything that had happened today. 

Yet you couldn’t really focus on anything, physical exhaustion threatening to overwhelm you. You were vaguely aware of Kylo leaning into the stream of water above you, washing his own hair over you so you didn’t have to move. _I don’t deserve him_. 

Kylo started scrubbing at your skin with a loofah, washing your body. You let him, too tired to even attempt to do it yourself. When he was done with you, Kylo scrubbed himself, gently moving you to the other side of the tub so he could rinse. He shut the shower off, stepped out, wrapped a towel around himself and turned to you holding a towel out. 

Carefully, you stepped out of the shower, and into the towel. Kylo dried you, the two of you just existing together in silence, Kylo taking care of you. He towel dried your hair as best he could, grabbed the brush off the counter and brushed your hair out. He quickly dried himself before picking you up, securing your legs around his waist. 

One of Kylo’s hands pressed your head into the crook of his neck, presumably so that you couldn’t see anything as he quickly made his way to the basement door, carrying you upstairs to bed. Once you hit the main floor, the tears began fall. 

You weren’t sad. You just needed an emotional release and that was the only way you knew how. The tears quickly dissolved into full blown sobbing. Kylo reached his bed, sitting on it so he was pressed against the headboard. “Oh Doll,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” 

Kylo held you, stroking your hair as you sobbed into his neck. Eventually you were able to pull yourself together enough to choke out, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I- Kylo. Thank you.” You pulled back and looked at him. “Thank you.” You gave him a soft kiss. 

“You need to sleep baby,” Kylo murmured, “You’re absolutely shattered.”

You nodded and Kylo let go of you. You slipped down in the bed, resting your head on what was normally his pillow, back to him. Kylo spooned into you, resting his chin on your head. One arm wrapped around you, pulling you as close to him as you could get. You snuggled back into him. 

Sleep was already threatening to overtake you. Eyes blinking heavily, you whispered “Kylo?”

“Yeah Doll?” he answered, moving his head so that he could kiss the top of yours. 

“I meant it,” you mumbled. Kylo chuckled at your sleepy voice. “Thank you. For everything.”

Kylo hummed in acknowledgment. A moment later, just as you were about to give into sleep you heard Kylo, “Doll?”

“Yeah baby?” 

“Thank you for choosing me.” Kylo’s voice nearly broke your heart. He was so damaged. So used to not being chosen. 

“Always Kylo. I’ll always choose you.” You murmured as sleep consumed you. 


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {A/N: 
> 
> Hello I’m a terrible human I’m sorry this took so long to get out. I’m really busy with work and school is starting next week so this is probably going to be the new normal. I’m sorry.
> 
> We’ve got a lot of fluff and softness in this chapter. I think we need it. Also I just realized there’s not really any eating in this chapter so you know, they’re eating in the off-screen time just pretend I mention it. 
> 
> At a certain point in this chapter I describe a dress and some shoes. You can see picture at https://www.pinterest.com/klcs7/boards cause my ability to describe shit is none. 
> 
> Shout out to Bessy for the phrase, “choppy obsidian waves just rested on his shoulders, framing his broad jaw” and your general support and love and encouragement. I love you. 
> 
> Also big big thanks to Andrea for your support and love and listening to me bitch about this chapter and writing in general. And for the gif inspiration. I love you.
> 
> Lastly… Chicken. My love. If you’re a bird I’m a bird. You’re my best friend, my little sister, my crackhead, my partner in crime. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you an your support and ideas and keeping me from panicking. Also, tell Daddy I love him and thank him for his support. 
> 
> Warnings: murder, pregnancy, angst, infidelity, menstruation, blood, bloodplay, angst, emotions, feelings. Probably more I swear I forget what I write immediately. As always feel free to reach out for more warnings or if you have concerns.}

**Chapter 7**

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo pulled the car back in the garage, shutting off the engine and closing the garage door. He let out a deep sigh, slouching himself over the steering wheel and closing his eyes, forehead resting on the dash. 

He didn’t know what he felt. He hadn’t grown up with enough emotional support to be able to always properly label his emotions, to really let himself feel them and ride it out. Instead he fought feeling anything, trying to keep himself perpetually numb, unaffected. 

But you made that difficult. You affected Kylo, deeply. He didn’t know what was supposed to happen next. The last relationship Kylo had been in was his tragically short-lived high school relationship with Jane. Jane was different than you though. 

His feelings for Jane hadn’t run as deep. Before you, before he got to know you, Kylo had thought Jane was the love of his life, that he’d never be truly happy again. It seems he hadn’t really known what happiness was until there was you. Until you were his. _Should probably have thanked Vicrul. If he hadn’t killed Jane I’d have never met you._

You chose Kylo. You promised to choose him forever. Kylo didn’t let himself truly believe that. He knew that one day, like always, he wouldn’t be enough for you. That there would be someone or something else. It always happened. 

Jane had chosen Vicrul. Han had chosen Vicrul. Leia had chosen work. Vicrul chose anything, anyone Kylo had wanted. Vicrul had chosen you. Everyone who had ever professed to love Kylo had left him. And you didn’t even love him. Kylo knew that.

So Kylo put a wall up. He would only let himself feel so much for you. 

Kylo yawned. Physical and mental exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him. Kylo sat up, grabbed the bag of takeout from the passenger seat and chugged the remainder of the 20 ounce Red Bull he had bought. Setting the now empty can back in the cup holder, Kylo got out of the car, immediately heading up to his bedroom to find you. 

You were still asleep, burrowed into the covers like a burrito, your head snuggled into Kylo’s pillow. Kylo smiled sadly at you. He knew he should be happy, and to an extent he was. You had chosen him. _You’re just tired_. He set the bag of takeout on his desk, toeing his shoes off. 

Kylo glanced at the water and granola bars he had left on his nightstand, along with a note telling you he’d be back before morning. You hadn’t touched them. Kylo was glad. He hadn’t wanted you to wake up alone after what had happened. 

He walked around the bed to look at your face. Moonlight filtered in through the curtains, illuminating your face just enough for Kylo to see. He was torn. He wanted to wake you and get you to eat while it was hot, but he knew he should let you sleep. 

Kylo turned to grab the food to take it downstairs, but stopped a few steps away from you when he heard you groan. He walked over and looked at you to see your face screwed up in pain. Kylo didn’t know what to do. _Is she having a dream? Is it real physical pain? Just a bad dream?_ Eventually your face relaxed. 

Thinking all was well, Kylo turned back around and headed towards the food. He picked it up, moving to walk downstairs before you let out a louder grown, actually vocalizing an “Ow” this time, curling your body into a fetal position. 

Kylo heard you continue to release small whimpers. He set the food back down and walked over to you, anxiety starting to flood his system. _What if I hurt her?_ Kylo walked to the side of the bed, thinking he should wake you, see if he could do anything. 

Just as he was about to sit on the bed so that he could scoot over next to you, you writhed in pain, arching your back inwards. You shot straight up, a low “ow” leaving your lips. You sat up straight for a moment before whimpering “Oh, fuck,” and tearing the blankets off of you so you could jump out of the bed and run to the bathroom. 

“Doll?” Kylo’s anxiety skyrocketed. He followed right behind you as you ran to the bathroom, vomiting in the sink. Kylo moved behind you, leaving the lights off so he didn’t blind you, and gathered your hair in his hand, holding it behind you, his other hand stroking your back lightly. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he murmured reassuringly, unsure of what else to do. Eventually you stopped, turned the sink on rinsing out your mouth and the sink, still not acknowledging Kylo, who was completely at a loss. “Doll?”

You nodded at him softly before bringing your head back down and vomiting in the sink again. Kylo held your hair back, his heart sinking. “Oh Doll,” he murmured, rubbing your back. “What can I do?” You stopped, rinsing your mouth and the sink again. 

You turned the sink off but continued resting your forearms on the sink, head hanging. “It’s fine,” you whispered, “I'm fine.” 

You raised your head, swallowing, breathing out your mouth. You looked at Kylo. Kylo was concerned to say the least. Your eyes were rimmed with red, dark circles under your eyes. Your skin had an unnatural pallor to it, making you look weak. “No you’re not,” Kylo whispered. 

“I’ll be fine,” you gave him a soft smile. “Let’s just go back to bed.” Kylo released your hair, walking around the side of you, trying to keep you within arms distance in case you stumbled. You turned the sink back on to rinse your mouth one more time, and Kylo stood in the bathroom doorway watching you. 

You stood up, and started walking to the door. Kylo took a few steps backwards, watching you. You reached the door and slammed it closed, locking it before Kylo could get to it. He saw you flick the lights on, brightness seeping under the door. _What the fuck?_ “Doll?!” Kylo knocked on the door. “Doll let me in. What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice was palpable. 

“Kylo, I’m fine. I just need a few minutes to freshen up.” He heard you groan in pain again. 

Kylo jiggled the door handle. “Doll come on, let me in. I can help. Don’t make me break the fucking door down.” You didn’t reply. Instead, Kylo heard you sink to the floor, groaning. Kylo knew he couldn’t really break the door down with you sitting in front of it. 

“Doll please. I’m scared. I’m worried about you.” Kylo’s voice broke. “Please. I can help. Let me help.” Kylo’s heart ached, his palm rested flat on the door, a silent plea. 

“Kylo! Please! I just need some fucking space!” you snapped at him through the door. Kylo backed away from the door like it had burned him. 

“Space?” he choked out. _And here it is. She’s going to leave._

“Just a few minutes Kylo.” Your voice was strained with irritation and anger. He could hear your breathing was labored. “I just need a few fucking minutes to myself.” 

“Please.” Kylo wouldn’t beg. He couldn’t. He had done it too many times in the past, only to be left or passed over. “I can’t lose you.” A whisper he knew you couldn’t hear. 

He heard you stand back up and turn the tub on. From the sound of the water you hadn’t hit the drain stop, so it wouldn’t fill. Kylo’s mind was racing. “Doll?” He promised himself it was the last time he would ask, heart shattering, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Ky. Please. I’m just going to take a cat bath and I’ll be out, okay. I promise.” Your tone had softened somewhat. _Ky?_

“Okay.” 

“Thank you.”

Kylo flicked the lights on and sat on the bed, resting his forearms on his thighs, head hanging down. Kylo didn’t know how to do this. A relationship. He desperately wanted to just pick the bathroom lock, burst in, and force you to be with him. 

He thought about your words. _‘I just need some fucking space.’_ _‘I just need a few fucking minutes to myself.’_ You were angry with him. Irritated. All he had wanted to do was help. He was worried about you. _Why can’t she see that?_

Kylo heard the bath turn off but he didn’t move. A few moments later you opened the bathroom door, a towel tightly wrapped around yourself. Kylo waited for you to speak first. You padded over to the suitcase on the floor, grabbing a soft lounge bra, pajama set, and underwear. 

“Do you have my backpack?” you asked Kylo quietly. 

“In the closet.” 

You walked over and grabbed it, returning to the bathroom and locking the door. Kylo chewed on his cheek nervously. He could not, for the life of him figure out why you were being like this, why you were rejecting him. 

Anxiety continued to flood Kylo’s system, his chest tightening, tears finally spilling over, dropping to the floor. He pulled his arms up so that his elbows rested on his thighs, holding his head in his hands, tears sliding silently down his cheeks. The tears released some of his anxiety and emotion. It was all he could do to stave off a complete panic attack. 

He wouldn’t let you see him like that, and he was too worried about you to leave. _She doesn’t care about you. You should just leave her. If you leave first then she can’t leave you. Letting her go will hurt but not as badly as being rejected and abandoned_. 

Kylo decided to leave. Just as he brought his head out of his hands and was about to stand up you came walking out of the bathroom, the two of you making eye contact for the smallest of seconds before Kylo could look away, hanging his head again. 

“Ky?” you asked. Kylo could have sworn your voice was full of concern, but he wouldn’t let himself believe it. He put up a wall, bracing himself. “Kylo what’s wrong?” You had walked over so you were standing in front of him. Kylo stared at your feet. 

He shook his head, “Just tired,” he muttered, a lump in his throat. 

He saw your feet move closer to him. “I don’t think it’s just that,” you murmured, your hand coming to gently cup his jaw to try and guide him to look at you. Kylo flinched backwards, away from your touch, memories flooding him. He heard you take in a deep breath. 

“Kylo…” The hurt evident in your tone, his name hung in the air for a minute before you continued, “Kylo I would never hurt you...well,” you gave a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood, “Not without your consent.”

Kylo willed the tears to stop. He was not ready for you, or anyone for that matter, to see him like this. 

“Kylo please. Please talk to me.” Even Kylo couldn’t deny the concern in your voice, you were pleading with him. He blew a breath out his nose, a small scoff, the irony of the situation making the tears stop. _Why should I? You wouldn’t talk to me. You wanted space._ Kylo reacted how he knew best - he pushed you away emotionally. 

“I thought you wanted space,” Kylo snapped at you. “I’m fine. I’ll give you some space.” Kylo stood up and moved towards the door. 

You grabbed Kylo’s hand, gently tugging, asking him not to go. “Kylo you gave me space. I just needed a few minutes alone in the bathroom.” _She didn’t let me go._ Kylo slowly turned to look at you, face still damp from his tears. Your eyes flicked around his face, your lips turning down into a small frown, eyes wide with concern. He pulled his hand out of yours. 

“Kylo,” you took a step back and sat on the edge of the bed, “come here.” You patted the bed next to you. Kylo just blinked at you, licking his lips. He shook his softly. 

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. 

“Kylo please come here. Get in bed with me and we can talk. I don’t understand totally either but we’ll figure it out. Together.” You cocked your head at him, giving him a small smile. 

“I got food. You should eat.” 

“I’m not hungry.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at you. “You have to eat.”

“Kylo I really cannot eat right now. I was just sick twice. I’m still nauseous and in pain. Just drop the food for now please…” You closed your eyes, face screwing up in pain. Instinctively Kylo moved towards you, stopping a foot away from you. You swallowed hard, shifting your head side to side. 

You opened your eyes and looked up at him. “Please Kylo. I don’t know what I did. Why have you been crying?”

“You pushed me away. You locked me out. You wouldn’t talk to me. You were irritated with me. I thought you were rejecting me.” Kylo shrugged. “I know… I’m not good at this but I just wanted to help,” he whispered. 

You gave him a sad smile. “Kylo I was embarrassed. Please, get in bed with me and we’ll talk.”

Kylo chewed the inside of his cheek absentmindedly as he considered your request. You stood up and walked in front of him, looking up at him. You grabbed the hem of his shirt, dragging it up. Kylo grabbed it and slipped it off as your hands slid down to unbutton his jeans, pulling them down so they dropped to the floor. He stepped out of them. 

“Come on.” You grabbed his hand, pulling him gently towards the bed with you. You slid in, scooting over. Kylo let himself give in to your pull, sliding in with you, laying on his back staring up at the ceiling. 

You pulled the sheets and comforter up around the two of you, turning yourself so that you were sitting cross legged next to Kylo, pulling his hand into your lap so that you could rest your knee under his arm. 

You leaned over, taking both his face in both your hands, thumbs brushing the last of the wetness from his face. “Why the tears baby?” 

Kylo brought his eyes to yours. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. When you locked me out,” he whispered, “You were so mad, so irritated with me.” You frowned. Kylo ran his hand up and down your thigh. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I was just embarrassed and I feel like shit, and I just was overwhelmed, and not expecting to deal with this, and so I just took it out on you. And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” You grimaced in pain slightly, arching your back. 

Kylo was quiet for a moment as he considered you. He let himself believe you, that you got overwhelmed, that you weren’t leaving. He hoped he wouldn’t regret it later. He sat up and grabbed your hips, pulling you into his lap. You giggled and grabbed the comforter, pulling it up to your neck. “Sorry I’m freezing.” Kylo hummed at you. 

“What can I do?” He asked, looking down at you. You gave him a confused look. “You said you feel like shit. The throwing up. The pain. Are you ill? I have some stuff in the medicine cabinet. I’m not sure if any of it is good for the flu though. But I can go out.” He stroked your hair with his free hand. 

You gave a small laugh. Kylo pulled a confusion expression, lips pulling down in a small frown. “Ky, you’re so sweet. I’m not ill.” 

_What? What the fuck is this Ky shit? You’re obviously ill._ “Doll…” Kylo started, a soft warning. 

Your cheeks flushed and you dropped your gaze down. “This happens every month Kylo. I just started my period. I’ll be fine.” 

_Oh_. Kylo swallowed, knowing he was way out of his depth. Jane had been on the pill, skipping the placebos to skip her period. He hadn’t had another relationship since then. Hadn’t been with someone long enough or consistently enough to have run into this. 

“Oh, yeah… Okay… I’m sorry. I don’t… you don’t…you don’t have to say anything else. I just want you to be comfortable. Not embarrassed. So just tell me what you need. What you want from me.”

You looked back up at Kylo and brought your head to his, giving him a soft kiss. “I just need you.” You let out a small sigh of pain. 

“Come on Doll, what can I do? Ibuprofen? Tylenol? I can go get a heating pad?” 

You shook your head. “I’ll just throw up any pain killers the second I swallow them. Trust me. I’ve just got to let my stomach settle a bit.” Kylo frowned, not happy with the idea of you just suffering. 

“A hot bath? I’ll go get a heating pad. There’s a CVS right in Westwood-” You cut Kylo off with a kiss. 

“No, Ky. Please just stay with me like this. You’re a heating pad, you’re so fucking hot. In both ways. Just hold me. Please?” Kylo looked at you, slightly confused. 

“That’s all you want?”

“Mhm.” You nuzzled into his neck. 

“Here,” Kylo slid so that he was a bit lower on the pillows, and pulled you so that your head rested on the pillow next to his, your back pressed against his chest and torso. “You should at least have your back on your heating pad.” He brought his hands to rest on your stomach. 

“You’re too good to me,” you said to him, turning your head so you could see his profile. Kylo turned his head to the side, pulling back a little so he could look at you. He slid his hands down your stomach to your womb, kneading gently. 

He frowned. “You deserve better.” 

“That’s not true,” you murmured. 

“It is. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t let you go,” Kylo murmured back to you. 

“You’re more than enough Ky.”

“Ky?” Kylo raised his eyebrows at you, amused. He was also trying to change the topic of conversation. 

“I don’t know. It fits you. Like you call me Doll.” You smiled. 

Kylo grimaced. He wasn’t sure he should let you have a nickname for him. It felt wrong. Like you had control over him. 

Your smile slid from your face for just a second before you replaced it with a pained forced smile. “You know just forget it. I don’t have to call you that. Kylo it is.” The hurt was evident in your voice. 

“It’s not-” 

“I don’t know,” you interrupted Kylo, gaze dropping to Kylo’s neck, babbling on, “I just thought it was cute. A little sign of affection. Made me feel like… I don’t know… committed? That’s probably not the right word. I don’t know. It’s okay. Kylo is good. Kylo is great.” _Committed?_

“Doll?” Kylo suppressed a laugh. You hummed at him in acknowledgment. “Ky is good. Just… unexpected. I’ve never been called that before. Never really had an affectionate nickname before.”

You bit your lip, looking at him. He could see you thinking. “Not even from Jane?” you whispered, looking back up at him. Kylo stiffened, stilling his hands so they were just resting on you. He was not interested in having this conversation with you. 

Kylo stared at you for a minute, eyes clouding over, before turning his head away to stare at the wall across from him. “We don’t need to discuss her.” 

You didn’t respond right away, and Kylo was relieved that you weren’t going to push the subject. Until you did. “Yeah, Kylo, we do.” 

“No, Y/N, we don’t,” he said sharply, still not looking at you. 

“Kylo. We do. After everything that happened. We absolutely have to. You know I was there. I heard your entire conversation with… We have to discuss it.” Your voice was laced with something, some sort of emotion. But Kylo couldn’t place it. 

“You know enough. It doesn’t matter. It’s the past.” You tried moving to get off Kylo but he held you in place. 

“No. Kylo.” You ripped yourself out of his grasp, sliding yourself up so you were leaning against the headboard, body turned toward him. “You don’t get to just drop all that information on me and leave it like that.” Kylo clenched his jaw.

“You can’t expect me to just sit here and be fine. Fuck Kylo, you seem to know everything about me. All I’ve got is you were a UCLA football player, ‘the love of your life’ was killed by your best friend, you killed your father because he got your best friend off the hook for killing her, and you fake grieved for your mom.” He could feel you staring at him. 

Kylo looked at you. “Yes. You now know quite a bit about me.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you whispered. “Kylo. If you want this to work, _us_ to work, then you’ve got to talk to me.”

_There it is. The ultimatum_. “And if I don’t?” 

You sighed softly at him, shrugging. “I don’t know.” Kylo looked back at the wall in front of him while you paused. “I want us to work. I need us to. But that requires… reciprocity.” Another pause. You grabbed his hand in yours. Kylo looked at you surprised. You gave him a small smile. 

“Look. I’m sorry. I should have taken a moment to think about how all of that made you feel. My guess is you haven’t worked through any of that trauma, and… abandonment.” You moved so that you were straddling him, cupping his face in your hands. 

“Eventually, I’d like to talk about it. That’s what people do in a relationship. But for now it’s okay if you can’t or don’t want to. I’m not going to force you to talk about it.” You leaned forward, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. 

Kylo was bewildered. You seemed to understand? He didn’t get it. He had been prepared to just lock you back in the basement, keep you with him however he had to. Or to just kill you. Again, it would hurt, but not as bad as you picking someone or something else over him. 

But you weren’t giving him an ultimatum. Kylo was torn. He wanted to trust you. To open up. But it was such a huge risk. It gave you power over him. The ability to hurt him even more. Like you had with Vicrul. Kylo mentally cursed himself as he opened his mouth to speak.

“I… I don’t even remember…Nothing particularly memorable. Baby, babe, sweetheart. Just that kind of thing. It doesn’t matter anyway.” Kylo dropped his voice to a whisper, “She doesn’t matter.” 

“Hey,” you squeezed his face gently. “She does matter. And even though that’s hard for you, and for me, it’s okay.”

Kylo furrowed his brows, “Why is it hard for you?”

You dropped your hands to his chest, shaking your head as you thought. “I mean. You know. A lot of reasons. Jealousy I suppose, mainly.” You dropped your eyes to his chest. “What if there’s only one love like that, for each person, like a lot of people think? What if she was your soulmate? What does that mean for me? For us?” 

You brought your eyes back up to his, Kylo could see the tears forming. “It’s hard to think about always being second best,” you whispered. 

“Doll,” Kylo reached out, grabbing you and pulling you into his chest so that your head rested against his neck. “You’re not-”

“Kylo don’t.” You shook your head against his neck. “You said she was the love of your life,” you whispered. Kylo felt your tears run down his neck. He frowned. It hadn’t occurred to him that hearing about Jane might upset you, let alone make you feel jealous. 

“No, Doll.” Kylo stroked your hair. He didn’t know how to backtrack, how to explain. “That was… an exaggeration. I…” Kylo sighed. 

“It’s okay Kylo. You don’t have to talk about it.” You sniffled. “I’m just hormonal. I’ll get over it.” You hiccupped into his neck. 

“Maybe, maybe at one point I thought she was. I… Just… when you’re 16 and have been with a girl for 3 years through some shitty times, you know… and then when she dies.” Kylo swallowed. “I gave her that label at that time in my life because that’s what I wanted her to be. I needed some way to express to Vicrul what he took from me.”

Kylo sighed, letting out a small laugh. “But if that was… if she was the love of my life. I guess. I just. I’ve never talked about it with anyone. I haven’t really ever done… this,” he gestured at the two of you. 

“My relationship with Jane was about sex. We used it to make each other feel better. To numb out our lives. We didn’t even really talk to each other. It was just back and forth ‘I love you’ ‘I love you more’ ‘I miss you’ ‘You okay?’.” 

“And I say that Jane’s death destroyed me. And Han getting Vicrul off destroyed me. But… it wasn’t really that…” Kylo trailed off. 

“It was that they didn’t choose you,” you finished for him. Kylo felt you press a soft kiss to his neck. 

“Yeah…” Kylo’s voice wavered. But he was too proud. He walled off those emotions. The mental and physical exhaustion were making him too vulnerable with you. He knew he should stop. “Jane… Vicrul and I were basically raised together. We met at like 5 or something and he spent almost all of his time at my house. Effectively lived with us. He’s right. He was right. We were brothers.”

“Jane was a wedge. Vicrul resented that. She split my attention away from him. He was jealous. She was jealous. And then you know. Jane and I went to prom. There was an afterparty at some hotel. I drove us there. By the time we walked in Vicrul was shitfaced. Could barely walk.”

“We were sober. I _know_ she was sober. I had been with her. She went to go to the bathroom or get something and she never came back. Vicrul sent me some incoherent text about driving home. I went to grab him because, you know, he was shitfaced.”

“Spot his car in the parking lot, just idling. He’s in the driver’s seat, head back eyes closed. I get closer.” A long pause. “Jane’s sitting in the passenger seat, leaned over, blowing him.” Kylo feels you instinctively squeeze him. “I just stood there in shock like a fucking idiot. Vicrul opens his eyes, says something to Jane who shoots up, looks at me, and then just goes back to sucking his dick.”

“I start walking to the car, Vicrul peels out. I don’t even know exactly what happened. Vicrul ended up crashing. Jane died instantly.” Kylo clicked his tongue. “I didn’t really grieve. I didn’t know how. It’s like once she was dead, I couldn’t…. I couldn't let myself think… bad about her. Couldn’t admit what she did. So I told myself she was the love of my life. Tragically ripped away. It was a beautifully poetic façade.”

“But if that - if she was the love of my life…she wouldn’t have done that. Especially not with Vicrul. She did it deliberately, to hurt me.” Kylo felt you wince beneath him at the way his words echoed what he had said to you. _Good. Remember that. Don’t use my fucking shit against me again_. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while. Kylo could feel you wince occasionally, your back almost spasming, heard you let out quiet groans. It hurt him. He did want to take care of you, make you feel better. But he had already been too vulnerable, too open with you. So he didn’t let himself react. 

“Ky?”

He hesitated. “Yes?” Kylo couldn’t do more tonight. 

“Thank you,” you murmured. “I know that must have been… hard. I just hope you didn’t feel forced.”

“I didn’t.” Kylo gave you a small laugh. “Come on Doll, you should know by now I’m not forced into doing things.”

You hummed in agreement at him. Kylo shifted you in his arms, supporting you with one hand pressed firmly to your lower back, the other rubbing your thigh mindlessly. He felt you start to relax, your breathing slowing as you began falling asleep in his arms. 

“Mmmmmm fuck,” you whispered letting out a long breath. Kylo swore he could actually feel your lower back muscles cramp under his hand. “I thought they were getting better,” you murmured. 

Kylo sighed, it bothered him how much your pain affected him, in multiple ways. “I don’t like seeing you in pain,” he ran his hand up and down your back. 

You scoffed, “Mmm yes you do.”

“Only when I cause it,” he shot back. You were right. Kylo did like seeing you in pain. It was different when he wasn’t causing it. 

Your body doing it to itself, Kylo could just about handle because there wasn’t much of a choice. If someone else hurt you, even attempted to, Kylo would snap. But, even when he wasn’t the cause of it, it still turned him on. Made him want to dissolve your pain into your pleasure. 

_Well...Probably better not to push her._

“True.” You placed another soft kiss on his neck. 

“Do you want some pain killers now?”

“I don’t want you to move.” 

“It’ll take me five seconds.”

“Not worth it. It’s fine.” You snuggled into him, curling yourself into a ball on his lap, thigh resting on his crotch. Kylo felt himself start to get hard. “Like you’ve said. I like pain. It’s something to feel.” 

Kylo leaned back, and relaxed his one arm so you were leaning back too and could see his face. He looked at you, swallowing hard, voice low, husky. “We could make you feel something else.” 

You furrowed your brows at him. _Always so oblivious_. 

Kylo brought his lips to yours, licking at your lips, asking you to let him in, but you didn’t. He pushed his hips up, grinding his now semi-hard cock into your thigh. 

You pulled away. “Oh.”

**[Your POV]**

_Did he forget? Or does he want to have sex while I’m on my period?_

Kylo’s mood swings were giving you whiplash. 

He could from angry, to hurt, to sweet, back to angry, to walled off, to openly talking, to wanting sex in the span of ten minutes. You were constantly on your toes trying to gauge his mood and how he’d react. 

You did not feel particularly sexy at the moment. You were in pain, you felt gross, and bloated and vaguely nauseous. You’d never had sex while on your period before. Vicrul had not been interested, in fact he had been vaguely disgusted when the conversation had come up.

_It’s messy and gross, and it’ll freak him out and it’s just so...intimate. No. I won’t ask him to do that._

Kylo’s eyes searched yours as you thought, chewing your lip absentmindedly. You shook your head, giving him a small smile, “No, Kylo, it’s okay.”

Hurt flashed across his face for a second before he could control his face. He gave you a curt nod, looking away. _What?_

“Kylo,” you murmured, bringing one hand up to run up and down his neck, “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just… feel gross you know? I…. um, bleed very heavily at the beginning.” You were rambling. “It would make a mess, and I know the whole thing is gross in general, and I would never ask you to do that. And I’m so bloated and you don’t need to see that.” 

Kylo furrowed his brows at you, and you couldn’t tell if he was confused or angry. _Oh_. You had a realization. “Oh but, we could, I mean we… I could get you off. However you prefer… mouth, hand, I don’t know, tits?” You looked up at him, smiling, trying to show you were eager to please. 

Kylo scoffed at you, and the smile slid from your face. “Doll, don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t want to. It would not be forced in anyway.” Kylo’s hand found your hips, pulling you so that you were straddling him. He rolled his hips up into your crotch, and you gasped, so hypersensitive it almost hurt. 

Kylo ran his hands up and down your sides. “If you’re uncomfortable though, we don’t have to do anything. There’s no pressure Doll.” Kylo brushed your hair out of your face. “But I don’t care Doll. About the blood.” One of Kylo’s hands pushed up your shorts and traced his initials. “I like you bloody.” 

You didn’t even have time to be surprised at Kylo’s willingness because his hands, and his cock, and his words had you panting and tingling. Kylo smirked at your eagerness. “We can clean up the mess later. Change the sheets. Take a shower.” Kylo’s fingertips ghosted up and down your thighs, teasing you. “And you’re not gross. Even if you feel like it. You’re beautiful. The bloating? I know it’s probably uncomfortable but you’re still beautiful.” 

He brought his hands up to rub his thumbs into your womb, staring at it. If it had been anyone other than Kylo it would have been awkward and almost creepy. But with him it felt so right. “So perfect,” he murmured, “Just say the word Doll.”

“Are you sure? You don’t feel like you have to?” you whispered to him. 

“No. I _want_ to.”

You looked Kylo in the eyes. “Word.” 

Abruptly, Kylo sat up straight, pushing you back into the bed as he pulled his knees under him. He used his legs to spread yours apart gently, leaning down over you, his palms on the bed next to your hips supporting him. 

“I don’t like that you have to go through this and feel like shit,” he said, pulling your shirt up a bit and your PJ shorts waistband down to sit low on your hips, exposing your abdomen. 

He peppered your womb with soft kisses. “But for some reason,” his lips fluttered against your skin and you took in a deep breath, “it just makes me so fucking hard for you.” 

You ran your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp lightly, panting. “Why?”

Kylo leaned up slightly, pulling your shirt up. You leaned forward as he pulled it over your head, tossing it aside. Kylo leaned down over you, kissing your jaw line. “Mmm, it’s just so feminine,” he nipped at one of your earlobes, “It makes me think about the future I guess…” 

“What does that mean?” you breathed, skin breaking out in goosebumps.

Kylo dropped down, planting kisses on your neck. “It’s a reminder,” he kissed down your chest, “that you can, theoretically,” he continued kissing down, back at your womb, “get pregnant, with my children,” he nuzzled his face into you gently before lifting his head up, pulling your shorts and panties off, “and for some reason,” he tossed the clothes aside, bringing his face to your crotch, looking up and making eye contact with you, “that just really fucking does it for me.” He started to drop his mouth down to your folds.

“No, Kylo!” You yelped, trying to squeeze your legs together. Kylo was off you in a second, face unreadable as he sat back on his calves between your legs, holding his hands in front of his chest, face unreadable.

“I’m sorry, when you said ‘word’ I thought-”

You cut Kylo off, “No! Don’t apologize. I do want to.” Your cheeks burned with embarrassment. You closed your eyes, looking away from Kylo. “I just need to go to the bathroom first.” You started to get off the bed. 

“Doll, I could have…” Kylo said, gesturing towards you. 

“Just a second,” you called back to him, quickly slipping in the bathroom, removing your tampon, and grabbing your washcloth from earlier, wetting it and giving yourself a quick cleanse, leaving your shorts in the bathroom.

You walked back to the bed, and Kylo had scooted himself back so that he was resting against the headboard. “You okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” You got back on the bed, sitting next to him. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said, leaning over and kissing your forehead. 

You cleared your throat before starting, “So, um, did you still wanna…” Kylo looked down at you. He grabbed one of your hands and brought it to feel his hard cock underneath his boxers, removing his hand from yours. 

“Only if you do Doll,” he said, peering down at you. You smiled, your hand stroking at his cock through his boxers. You leaned up, kissing him deeply, sucking at his bottom lip. Kylo moved fast, rolling himself up and so that he was kneeling in between your legs. 

He deepened the kiss, your tongues intertwining as you tasted each other. Kylo broke the kiss and crawled backwards a little, pulling you down so that you were flat on your back on the bed. You hummed happily as his lips found yours again, your tongue exploring his mouth until he pulled back. 

Kylo moved his lips, planting kisses and loving nips along your jaw, moving down to kiss your neck. You couldn’t stay still under his touch, rolling your head back and forth, hips raising to grind into him as he worked his way down your chest, continuing to kiss and nip at you.

When he reached your nipples, Kylo gently swirled his tongue around one, then repeated the process around the other. You weren’t used to him being this gentle, but you were thankful he was because your breasts were tender, even the soft licks he gave you were slightly painful. 

But the pain quickly melted into pleasure as Kylo fingers ghosted up and down your body, his kisses trailing down your stomach. By the time Kylo started kissing around your inner thighs your chest was heaving. You assumed Kylo was just lavishing you in kisses before he was going to fuck you senseles, hopefully fuck the cramps away. 

So when Kylo brought his hands down to spread you open you gasped, immediately raising yourself on your arms to look down at him, “No Kylo you don’t have to do that, I know it’s gross.” 

Kylo brought his head down between your legs, “Do you not want me to?” he asked.

“No I do, don’t get me wrong, I love the way you use your tongue on me, trust me. But I don’t want you to feel pressured, or like you have to. I know it’s blood and kind of gross, and it might not be somethin-”

Kylo shut you up by dropping his head and licking a stripe up your cunt, all the way to your clit, causing your legs to jerk around him. 

“Trust me Doll, I want to.” Kylo said, pulling his head back to look at you. His mouth and chin were smeared with blood, your blood. 

“Holy fuck,” you mumbled, dropping back down the bed. Kylo brought his mouth back to your cunt and chuckled, the vibrations sending a shiver up your spine. He made slow circles around your entrance before trailing his tongue in figure eights up around your clit and back around your cunt. 

He changed his pace, making slow but firm circles around your clit, softly sucking at your clit occasionally, or making firm strokes back and forth across your swollen nub.

The hypersensitivity caused by your period brought you close to orgasm faster than Kylo ever had before. You grabbed his hair in your hands pulling at it softly. He gently thrust his tongue into your cunt, bringing his fingers to rub at your clit as he slid his tongue in and out of your cunt, sometimes using the tip of his tongue to draw circles around your entrance, flick up and down your inner lips before plunging his tongue back inside of you. 

You pulled his hair more firmly, asking him to continue, “Ky… Ky I’m gonna… oh fuck...ah, ah, ahhh Kyyyyyy,” you came around his tongue, forgetting about your period, forgetting about everything really except for the pleasure exploding from every cell in your body. 

You panted wildly as Kylo tongue fucked you through your orgasm, fingers continuing to play with your clit. As you went limp from your orgasm, Kylo brought his fingers away from you, removing his tongue from your cunt. Before he leaned up to you, he gave you one last lick, cleaning up the last of your orgasm. 

Kylo started kissing his way back up to your face. You didn’t have the strength to hold yourself up so you laid back, reveling in the feeling of his lips on your skin as he kissed up your tummy, your chest, and neck. 

He finally pulled back, and when you got a glimpse of his face your jaw dropped in horror. “Oh my god Kylo I am so sorry.” Kylos mouth and chin, and even parts of his neck were absolutely covered in your blood. 

“Don’t be,” he said as he leaned down to kiss you, sliding his tongue in your mouth so that you could taste yourself. He pulled back. “See, you taste incredible Doll. The metallic tang of your blood mixes beautifully with the natural sweetness of your arousal.” He kissed you again, deeper this time. 

He pulled back, and started to roll off you. You shot your arms up to his shoulders, stopping him. “Where are you going?” you asked him. 

Kylo looked confused. “I… didn’t… know if you wanted more? If you were too sensitive for me to be inside you? Or… Oh fuck Doll… I can get you off again? In another way? In the same way? Whatever you need? Whatever will make you feel better?” Kylo looked down on you, concern on his face, his eyes searching yours. 

You smiled. He was being heart shatteringly sweet, so caring, wanting to make you feel good. “Kylo,” you purred, bringing a hand up to run through his beautiful black waves, wrapping your legs around his waist, “I need you to fuck me.” 

You didn’t need to say anything else, Kylo dropped one hand and lined himself up at your entrance. You could see him restraining himself from slamming into you. He eased himself inside of you in one fluid stroke. You winced as he bottomed out in you, he had been right, you were so fucking sensitive he was hurting you, and not in the particularly fun way.

“You want me to pull out and stop Doll?” Kylo asked you, staying completely still inside of you. You took a couple of deep breaths, slowly rolling your hips to draw him in and out of you, getting yourself used to the feeling, pain lessening with each roll, quickly morphing into a feeling of pleasure you’d never experienced before. 

With just your small thrusts, you were already building towards another climax. It was all too much for you: your previous orgasm left you sensitive, the intimacy of Kylo giving you oral while on your period, of fucking you while on your period, the way he was being so sweet and caring, but especially the way he was looking down at you, like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. 

You _needed_ him to fuck you. You had hoped he would take the hint when you started moaning and whining shortly after you had started moving your hips. But no, he was just looking down at you, staring into your eyes. You clenched hard around him as you thrust. “Doll, if you keep clenching like that…” his voice trailed off as he closed his eyes, nostrils flaring. 

“Pleaseeeee Kylo, pleaseeee,” you whined. Kylo opened his eyes, searching your face. You smiled at him, trying to encourage him. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered. You snorted at that. He loved causing you pain. “That shit is different and you know it,” he snapped at you. “I just want you to be fucking comfortable right now.” 

He was right, there was a difference, and while you appreciated that he didn’t want to use your period against you, and appreciated how sweet he was being, how he was trying to navigate completely new territory to him, you were desperate.

“Fuck Kylo, you’re hurting me more now by making me do all the work. You can’t get me all worked up like this and just stop. I know the safeword. Please fuck me,” you panted at him. “You feel so good, please baby.”

Kylo growled at you, drawing his hips back and pushing back into you. “Oh I got you all worked up did I Doll?” All you could do was mumble at him incoherently, he was setting the perfect pace, dragging out slow enough so you could feel every inch of him, but thrusting back into you hard, head rubbing your g-spot, but not pounding into your cervix like normal. 

Kylo grabbed your legs, pulling them so that your ankles rested on his shoulders. He leaned forward and grabbed a pillow, sliding it under your hips. “Ohhhhhhhhh fuck,” you moaned beneath him. 

Kylo chuckled at you, “You like that Doll?” Slowly he started leaning forward, pressing your legs towards your body, forcing your hips to roll up, letting you take him in even deeper. You were pretty sure your eyes had actually rolled all the way back into your head, the new angle letting Kylo’s dick stroke at new places inside you. 

Your hands gripped at the sheets, and all you could do was pant out little moans in reply to Kylo. “Fuck it’s so slick like this,” Kylo grunted out, “I swear to god you’re even tighter.” You nodded weekly at him, eyes screwing up in pleasure, mouth wide open as you sucked in air. 

Kylo brought his hand down to your clit, flicking at it softly with the pad of his thumb. The pitch of your moans increased, as Kylo fucked and flicked you to the edge of another orgasm. You held your breath as it rocked through you, eyes and nose scrunched up in pleasure, mouth open in an ‘o’ as you came hard around Kylo’s cock. 

Pleasure seared up every nerve of your body as Kylo continued fucking you. You opened your eyes and let out the breath you had been holding, gulping in air as Kylo pushed your legs off his shoulders, pulled out and came all over your stomach and breasts. 

“Fuck!” Kylo groaned, rolling to lay on his back next to you, closing his eyes. The two of you laid in silence for a few moments as you both caught your breaths. You pulled the pillow out from under your hips and tossed it off the bed. 

You pushed yourself up on your elbows, looking down at your torso. You had little blood lip marks all over your torso, some light splotches of blood from Kylo’s chin from where he had kissed up you. In spots, his cum had landed on the blood, mixing to a light pink. 

You looked over at Kylo. His face was covered in dried blood, as were his inner thighs and his dick. He opened his eyes and looked at you. The shock on your face must have concerned him because he immediately sat up, asking, “What’s wrong Doll? Are you okay?”

You dropped back onto the bed, giggling. “It’s just - we - were both - a mess.” You couldn’t stop the giggles. 

“Mhm,” Kylo agreed, “Let me help you clean up.” He returned to his position between your legs, dropping his head and hands, spreading you open. You let out a small gasp, giggles instantly stopping. Kylo lapped at you, licking your pussy and clit as clean as possible before dropping his hands and bringing his head back up to look down at you. 

Before you could say anything he brought his face down to your torso, slowly licking his cum off of you, moving further and further up your body. He cleaned up the last of his cum, and brought his lips to yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth, letting you taste the mix of his cum and your blood. 

You pulled back slightly to break the kiss, resting your forehead against his. You planted a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you,” you murmured into his lips. Kylo let out a little laugh against your lips before giving you a kiss and rolling back over so he was laying next to you. 

“Nothing to thank me for Doll.” He brought his hand to splay out over your stomach, and you rested your hands on top of his. 

You turned your head so that you could look at him. “No Kylo,” you started, “I know… this… is all new for you.” Kylo turned his head so he was looking back at you. Tears started forming in your eyes, quickly falling down the side of your face. Kylo’s face pulled into a confused expression. 

“I just…” you took in a deep breath, “You’ve been so… different. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. You trying, and, and opening up about your past.” You gave him a sad smile, and the concern on Kylo’s face deepened. You gave him a small shrug. “You just make me really happy,” you whispered through your tears. 

“It sure doesn’t look like it Doll…” Kylo murmured to you. You gave him a short laugh and a smile. Kylo scooted up the bed so his head was on one of the pillows. “Come here baby.”

“I should go shower, I don’t want to get the sheets even dirtier,” you sighed, wiping the tears from your face. 

“Doll. Come here. Now.” You hesitated. “Only good girls who do what they’re told get to cum.” A warning. A warning that meant he had plans for the day. 

You scooted up to Kylo, turning and cuddling into his chest, your head resting in the nook between his head and shoulder. He pressed his lips to your forehead, wrapping his arms around you. “We’ll wash the sheets later today. It’s only 4 a.m. Doll. You need more sleep.” 

“But we’re both a mess…”

“It’ll wash off all the same at not 4 in the morning.” Kylo said, and you could feel him smile. “How are you feeling?” he asked as one of his hands stroked your hair. 

“ _Much_ better. Who knew sex and orgasms would help with cramps?” you smiled into his neck. 

“Mmm,” Kylo hummed suggestively, pushing his lips into your forehead to give you a kiss. 

“You knew?” _Oh_ . The realization that Kylo had probably done that before, with another girl, potentially multiple girls, with _Jane_ , it made you nauseous again. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” you whispered. 

You berated yourself for being jealous, but you couldn’t help it. It hurt, knowing he had cared about someone so deeply, loved them so much, even if he tried to downplay it now. You’d never really had a serious relationship, just hookups and friends with benefits. 

You swallowed hard, taking in deep breaths through your mouth, hoping to breathe the nausea away. “What’s up?” Kylo asked, pulling his head back and looking down at you as best he could. 

You shook your head at him. “Nothing,” you murmured, “just a wave of nausea,” you lied. 

“Doll,” Kylo said. “Do not lie to me.” 

You rolled over onto your side so that you were facing away from Kylo. “I don’t know Kylo. It just hurts okay. It hurts, and it’s hard for me, and I’m jealous that you’ve done that with other people. And that you had Jane. I know I shouldn’t be but I just am, okay? It just makes me sad.”

You could feel Kylo’s hesitation behind you. You knew he had no idea what to do. He scooted a bit closer to you, rolling on his side. He gently rested a hand on your hip, and you let it rest there.

“I’ve never done that before with anyone Doll.” His voice was soft, tinged with emotion. He swallowed. “I’ve never wanted to. It always felt… too intimate.” You were stunned. _He wanted to be that intimate with...me?_ You rolled back over to face him. 

Kylo looked you in the eye. “I can’t change the past, or make my relationship with Jane or any other girl before you go away.” You visibly flinched at his words. “All I can do is try to show you that you’re all that matters to me now. You’re all I want.”

You nodded at him, shifting so that you were as close to him as possible, burying your head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you again, holding you close to him. “Try and get some sleep Doll,” he kissed the top of your head. 

You took a deep breath. You were physically exhausted, but your mind was racing. 

_This is so fucked up. I don’t even know how I can feel anything for him. He kidnapped me. Withdrew me from school. Will probably never let me leave this house. But he feels like home. Here, in his embrace, I feel so safe, so protected._

_He killed someone for me. To protect me. He says his relationship with Jane was just sex. That’s it. Me of all people should be able to understand that. Me and Vicrul… Vicrul. There were definitely feelings there. It was not just sex as much as the two of you pretended it was. It wasn’t a relationship. And I would never call him the love of my life._

_Isn’t Kylo and I’s relationship kind of just sex at the moment… What happens when a new girl catches his eye? Will he just throw me away? Get a new Doll? Tell her that our relationship was just sex?_

You felt Kylo’s arms relax around you, his breathing slow and even. He had fallen asleep. 

_Good. He needs it._ You chewed on your lip nervously. 

_I don’t understand how I feel anything for him. He has so much control over me. I know I picked him over Vicrul, but fuck, what choice did I really have. If I picked Vicrul, Kylo was liable to kill us both. He put me between Scylla and Charybdis._

_Will he ever understand that choices aren’t always black and white? That love isn’t? What happens when I want to see my family and my friends? Wanting to see them doesn’t mean I don’t want Kylo. But I don’t know if he’ll ever see that. And if he can’t appreciate that… this will never work._

_I’m stuck. If I ever don’t pick him it will destroy him. I couldn’t break him like that. But that means I’m stuck. He has way too much control over me. What if he’s manipulating me? No, he just cares too deeply. What if none of what he says about me is real?_

_No. You can’t fake that emotion. The look in his eyes. The tears. Especially not him, not someone who has no other experience with those emotions to even know how to fake them. It’s real._

_He’s trying too. He opened up about Jane. He’s been so sweet… so caring… almost loving._

You thought back to everything that had happened since Kylo took you, the good and the bad. As sleep overwhelmed you, you chose only to dwell on the good. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up with a start, jerking awake. You blinked your eyes to clear the sleep, the bedroom coming into focus. You had rolled onto your back in the night, and Kylo had followed you. He was still on his side, the side of his body pressed into the side of yours, one hand resting on your stomach. 

You leant up slightly to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand, 11:27 am. As you brought your head back down, you stretched your legs, immediately realizing why you had woken up. “ _Fuck!_ ” you moaned. You hadn’t put in a tampon before you went to sleep and even without looking down you knew there was blood _everywhere_. 

At your _fuck_ , Kylo stirred. “You okay?” he mumbled sleepily. _Fuck fuck fuck_. 

“Yeah, just uh, we should get up and shower. It’s 11:30.” Your voice was strained and you were mentally cursing yourself. Even with it being 11:30, Kylo, who had a _long_ day yesterday, had only gotten, at most, 7 and a half hours of sleep. 

Kylo groaned, moving his hand on your stomach to your hip to start to pull you into him, “Later. We have time.” You stiffened, leaning against his pull, not wanting to move closer to him, not wanting to look at him. Of course, this pulled Kylo completely from sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You go back to sleep, I’m just going to shower,” you slowly started shifting your way out of the bed. 

“Doll,” Kylo warned. 

“Kylo just please,” you sighed, coming across harsher than you meant. Anxiety was humming through your system. You weren’t sure how Kylo was going to react to the sheets. _At least the sheets are red_. “I need to go clean up, okay?” your voice was softer, laced with embarrassment. 

You sat up at the edge of the bed, back to Kylo, feet grazing the floor, trying to find the strength to run into the bathroom. Kylo was quiet. You heard him sit up and toss the sheet back, having obviously finally put two and two together. _Fuck_.

“Hey,” he said gently, sliding over to sit behind you, “It’s not a big deal sweetheart.” Kylo brought his chin down to rest on your shoulder, arms wrapping around your waist. 

“You’re not upset?” you whispered. 

“I wish you didn’t think so poorly of me,” Kylo whispered before clearing his throat. “Of course I’m not upset. Like I said yesterday. It’s natural. It’s you. They were already messy after the sex we had. We were already messy. We will wash the sheets after we shower okay?” Kylo kissed your neck. 

You could have cried, perhaps in relief, perhaps from the hormones, but Kylo’s words were exactly what you had needed to hear. You turned your head to the side and gave him a kiss on the side of the cheek. “Thank you, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Kylo leaned back. “Now come on, let’s go shower.” Before you could stop him, Kylo had slid off the bed and slipped his arms under your knees, carrying you bridal style into the bathroom. 

You cringed as he glanced down, taking in the sight of your blood stained thighs. “Remember, I like you bloody,” he murmured. You kept your entire abdomen rigid as you clenched, trying to stop the blood and clot you could feel inside of you from slipping out. _Why does this have to be a particularly heavy cycle?_

Kylo, god bless him, set you down in front of the toilet wordlessly, leaving you to yourself while he turned on the shower. Once you heard him at the shower, you sat down, finally able to relax. You peed, not bothering to spend a lot of time cleaning up since you were about to shower. 

After you flushed, you walked out of the cove where the toilet was, and turned towards the shower. It occured to you that you had never really seen Kylo’s shower. You had only been in his bath, which also had a showerhead. 

Your jaw slackened as you took in the shower, and the naked body standing inside it. The shower had two glass walls and two grey tile walls, with matching grey tile flooring. It was at least five feet wide and probably close to seven feet long. 

One of the tile walls featured a built in seat, and one wall of the seat featured a rain showerhead and a detachable showerhead, silver hose hanging below it, neither currently running. One wall of the cove of the seat had built in shelves, littered with various shower products. The other tile wall had a more traditional showerhead at the top, studded by body jets running down below it, all of which were running. 

In the middle of the shower, there was another rain showerhead, also on. Kylo was standing beneath it, elbows bent, fists supporting his chin. His head was tilted down, eyes closed, just letting the water wash over him.

Your first instinct was to laugh. It was just so _normal_ , so un-Kylo like. You bit your lip and smiled, just watching him stand there. The elegance and grandiosity of the shower paled in comparison to Kylo’s naked body. 

Without moving his head, Kylo called for you, “Doll? You alright?”

You walked to the shower door, sliding it open. At the sound Kylo looked up, dropping his hands down to his sides rather sheepishly. “Hi,” you smiled at him. 

“Hey,” he replied, moving into the stream of the body jets so that you could stand under the rain. You slipped into the running water, crossing your arms, hands on your collar bones, resting your chin on them. You could feel Kylo studying you. For some reason showering with him felt almost too intimate. 

You tried to clear that thought from your head. Kylo had seen too much, he had done too much to you for a shower to be too intimate. Plus, you had bathed with him, or more accurately, he had bathed you and showered you before. Not that you had been particularly coherent any of those times. 

“You didn’t answer the question,” Kylo said softly. 

“Hm?” You couldn’t remember the question. 

“Are you alright?” Concern colored Kylo’s tone.

You nodded, “Yeah,” you said unconvincingly, “Just, you know, a lot… to process.” 

Kylo hummed at you, partially in agreement, but something about the tone of his hum told you he was upset, anxious even, at your response. _He’s so broken. So scared all the time. Of losing whatever this is._

You dropped your hands, and took the few steps to Kylo, wrapping your arms around his waist, pulling yourself as close to him as possible. You rested the side of your face on his chest, pressing your body into him and sighed contentedly. 

Kylo brought one arm around your back, somehow pulling you even closer to him. His other arm came across his body to cup the side of your face, thumb gently stroking your cheek. He tilted his head down so he could see you. “Do you wanna talk?”

You shook your head against him, “No, I just wanna listen.” 

“To?” Kylo asked, he almost sounded nervous, like he was afraid that you were going to ask him to talk. 

You bit your lip, embarrassed by the reality of the answer to his question. “Mmm,” you considered trying to dodge the question, but you knew he’d force it out of you. “Your heartbeat,” you whispered just loud enough for him to hear over the water. 

Kylo didn’t say anything, but you heard his heart rate pick up a little and smiled to yourself. The two of you stood like that, in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before you took a small step back so that you could look up at him.

For the first time since you had woken up, a particularly painful cramp hit you, and you grimaced, letting out a small hum of pain. Kylo’s brows furrowed in concern, which made you want to melt right there in the shower. Made you want to do something else right there in the shower. 

“Pain killers are wearing off,” you smirked up at him. Kylo raised an eyebrow at you, a slow smile spreading across his face. 

“Are they now?” His voice was husky. “Hmm, I wonder what we can do about that.” Kylo’s hands slid down to your hips, spinning you around and pulling your back to his chest. You gasped in surprise, only spurring Kylo on more. 

One hand slowly slid down your body to dip into your folds. Kylo leaned you both forward slightly, giving his hand better access to you. You widened your stance slightly, inviting him in. He hummed low in your ear, middle finger grazing over your clit. 

You took a sharp breath in, “Kylo please.” He let out a low chuckle in your ear as he circled around your clit, making wider and narrower circles, varying his pressure to let you get used to the sensations. 

His other hand slid up to your breasts, massaging them gently. You pressed your head back into his chest, as he grabbed one nipple between his thumb and index finger, gently pulling it taut and rolling it between his fingers. 

You panted against him as his fingers toyed with your other nipple. “You like this Doll?” he murmured in your ear.

“Ahhhh, yes,” you breathed. 

Slowly, he dragged his middle finger down from your clit to make circles at your entrance, before gently slipping inside of you, just to his first knuckle. His finger continued making circles inside of you, stretching your walls, making you ache deliciously. 

His hand left your breast, and he withdrew his finger from you. “Turn back around, I want to see you.” You spun back around, looking up at Kylo, mouth parted. 

“Beautiful,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss you, nibbling on your bottom lip as his middle finger slid back inside you, other hand resting on your hip. 

You moaned into his lip, pulling away just enough to say, “More,” into his mouth as you rolled your hips along his finger. He gave you one last kiss before pulling back, removing his middle finger from you, making you whine. 

Kylo locked eyes with you before carefully sliding three fingers as deep inside of you as he could get. “Fuck,” you moaned, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Eyes open Doll,” he ordered. You opened your eyes to Kylo staring back at you, lips turned up in a small smile. He started plunging his fingers in and out of you, pausing between each repetition to stroke deep inside of you, teasing your g-spot, maintaining eye contact with you the entire time.

You were moaning in time with the movement of his fingers, hips moving in small circles to increase the friction. You could feel his erection occasionally blush against your stomach as you swayed slightly into him. With as much as you had bled overnight you knew you must have been absolutely dripping blood and your own arousal down him, but you couldn’t find a fuck to give. 

Kylo increased his pace, keeping his fingers curled slightly as he dragged them out of you, making you clench around him. You were struggling to keep your eyes open, eyelids fluttering as a warm feeling of euphoria flooded you. You gave in, letting your eyes close, leaning your head back in pleasure as Kylo pleasured you. 

“Oh Fuck!” Kylo’s voice was panicked. You opened your eyes, looking at Kylo, who was looking down at his hand as he slowly straightened his finger inside of you, carefully withdrawing them. 

“Fuck Doll are you okay?” He was absolutely terrified. You followed his gaze to his hand, which had just finished bringing up to your chest. “Oh my fucking god did I rip something? Tear? Are you okay? Doll? Please say something?”

Kylos fingers were stained red with your blood. You were correct in your guess that you had been dripping blood down him, because even Kylo’s wrist had streaks of blood dripping down it. Your eyes flicked up to his face, his eyes were darting around your face, desperate to read you. 

“Doll, I am so sorry. Come on, we’re going to the emergency room right now.” Your eyes returned to his hand. _Clots_ . Kylo had worked several smaller and two larger clots out of you in making you clench with arousal. They were stuck to his hand. _Well. This is embarrassing_. 

Despite the embarrassment you were feeling you couldn’t help but form a small open mouthed smile. “Oh my god,” Kylo’s voice increased in pitch as panic gripped him. You brought your eyes back up to him, his eyes darting around wildly. “You’re in shock. She’s in fucking shock.”

You started to laugh, bringing one hand up to your mouth to cover it trying to hide it from Kylo. But you couldn’t stop laughing.

Kylo’s panic was adorable. Your laughing only seemed to make him more concerned, as he started to reach down to pick you up. “Kylo!” You said between laughs, “Kylo I’m fine. Slow down baby.” You stepped away so that he couldn’t pick you up. 

He looked at you with wild eyes, “No, Doll, this is not up for discussion, we are going to the hospital.”

“Kylo, I’m totally fine.” He shook his head at you. “Hey. Hey,” you brought your hands to cup his face, trying to anchor him out of his panic. “Kylo. I shouldn’t have laughed. It’s normal. Embarrassing, but normal. I pass clots all the time, every month.” You gave him a reassuring smile. 

“So, you’re not in pain?” His eyebrows were still furrowed with concern. “Please don’t lie.”

“Ky, I promise you. I am not in pain. You didn’t do anything except edge me. You didn’t rip or tear anything.” You leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips. “I promise. I would tell you.”

Kylo nodded at you, but he didn’t look completely convinced. “Maybe we should just go get you checked out to be sure,” he whispered. You shook your head. _He cares. A lot_. He needed to relax, to see that you weren’t in pain. You glanced down at the tile, thinking. 

The sight of Kylo’s still hard cock bobbing against his stomach giving you an idea. You looked up at Kylo, who was still watching you, reading your face carefully. Your hands found his hips as you slowly sunk down to your knees. 

“Doll…” 

You pressed your lips to the head of his cock, giving him a kiss. “Mmm, yes?” your lips fluttered against him, and Kylo’s hips involuntarily pushed forward. You opened your mouth, taking him inside before he could say anything, head bobbing up and down him. 

“Shittt,” he moaned, swallowing hard. “Doll are you sure?” You hummed around him, nodding your assurance to him. You continued swirling your tongue around him, moaning happily around him. _God he does taste so good_. 

Kylo’s hips were unnaturally still. You looked up at him, continuing to use your mouth to pleasure him, his body keeping the water out of your eyes. His eyes were closed, mouth parted, chest heaving. You knew he was focusing on keeping his hips still. You didn’t understand why he thought you were suddenly made of glass just because you were on your period. 

You brought your hand back around him, digging your fingers into his ass, pushing him into your mouth, encouraging him to move his fucking hips. You kept looking up at him, his eyes snapping open and looking down at you.

You moaned around his cock again, trying to get across a ‘ _please_ ’. Kylo responded by bringing one hand to the back of your head, pushing you into his cock as he rolled his hips forward. You gagged around him, not quite able to completely turn off your gag reflex yet. 

Kylo’s hand continued to guide your head up and down his cock, using your hair to control the direction, making your head move in an almost circular motion around him. You varied between hollowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around him, fingers still digging into his ass, probably leaving bruises in the shape of your finger nails. 

“Oh fuck Doll,” Kylo rasped, panting carelessly, “Y- You look so….s-shit…. So fuck, fucking hot like this.” Kylo’s stuttering went straight to your cunt, and you whimpered around him as you pulled back to play with his head, tongue flicking lightly at his frenulum. “Uhhhh,” Kylo groaned. “The way you’re f-fucking looking up at me… ahhh keeping e-eye contact as I fuck your mouth.”

You brought one hand from his ass to gently play with his balls. Kylo moaned and grabbed your hair, pulling you off of him. “Kylo,” you whined. 

“Can I fuck you?” he asked, voice pleading, showing his need to be inside of you. “Are you feeling up to it?” His eyes stared down at you, dark with lust. 

You considered for a moment. “Yeah,” you nodded, and he helped you to your feet, “Just maybe a little more gentle than usual.” You kissed him, pulling back slightly so you could say into his lips, “Like last time, that was perfect.”

“Perfect?” Kylo mumbled into your lips, hands sliding down to your hips, picking you up. You curled your legs around his waist as he turned and walked to the other wall, pinning you against it, continuing to slowly drag his tongue around your mouth. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you. One of his hands left your hip, and the other slid to wrap around you. He pulled his head back slightly, keeping his forehead pressed against yours. “Lift your hips.” You did, and Kylo used his free hand to position himself at the entrance to your cunt. 

Kylo let out a strangled moan as you lowered your hips, sinking yourself onto him slowly, giving yourself time to adjust, checking that you were in fact up for this right now. He was still, the two of you staring at each other for a minute. You knew he was waiting for you to indicate you were okay, wanting to do this, being up for this. 

And you were more than ready. The warmth of the shower relaxed your muscles, and the ease of cleaning in the shower made you feel less gross. Plus, having Kylo inside you while your uterus felt so _heavy_ made you feel exquisitely full, especially in this position. 

Slowly, you lifted your hips again, sinking back down quickly. Kylo moved his arm so that it was almost underneath your ass, pushing up on your hips. You could tell he wasn’t trying to control the pace, instead trying to help you control your descent onto him so that you didn’t end up slamming down on him. 

Something about the way he was so concerned about you made you feel more connected to him than you ever had before. You also recognized that since you started your period, Kylo was giving you more control in the bedroom than he probably wanted to admit to himself.

You brought your lips back to his as you continued to fuck yourself with his cock, Kylo helping you set a comfortable pace. He pulled away from your lips, and you groaned in protest. “So needy,” he smiled softly at you. 

His free hand reached over and grabbed the detachable showerhead, turning the water on both showerheads, adjusting the stream setting so it was on a light massage spray. When the water was at the right temperature he brought it down between your legs, using it to stimulate your clit. 

“Holy fuck,” you moaned, your head falling to rest against his chest for a moment, your hips stilling. 

“Let me know if it’s too much,” Kylo said to you, and you brought your head back up, nodding at him. You started rolling your hips up and down again, a little faster, trusting Kylo to help you keep your pace. You pressed your back and head hard against the glass, arching your back as you began to peak. 

Your breathing was ragged, chest heaving as you struggled to keep your hips moving, your impending orgasm making you feel too weak to move. “I’m, Ky, I’m,” you trailed off, unable to form words. 

“Cum for me little girl,” he murmured before kissing you slowly, with a passion you hadn’t quite ever tasted from him before. 

You had no idea how Kylo managed to keep you pinned against the glass, kiss you, hold the showerhead at your clit, and lift you up slightly so that he could start rolling his hips, working himself in and out of you at the pace you had set earlier. But you could have screamed in thanks at the UCLA conditioning coach as Kylo fucked you through your orgasm.

You were vaguely aware of breaking the kiss with Kylo, screaming “Yes!” over and over and over again as pleasure crashed over you in waves, leaving you breathless, your body crumpling into Kylo’s chest. 

Kylo let the showerhead drop to the floor, both hands moving down to cup your ass as he came inside of you, a high-pitched moan leaving his chest. His hips spasmed up a few last times, before he pulled you off the glass, slipping out of you and moving to hold you bridal style in his lap as he sat down on the seat, still panting rapidly. 

He scooted over so that the water from the wall showerhead hit both of your chests, keeping your faces out of the stream. You kept your arms around his neck, resting your head against his throat. Kylo’s arm embraced you, pulling you into him. It felt strangely like home. You had grown accustomed to resting in his embrace, and sleep quickly started pulling at you. 

“We should actually shower,” you mumbled, “or I’m going to fall asleep like this.”

Kylo murmured at you in agreement, sliding you off of him and onto the seat. He stood up and grabbed the showerhead, handing it to you. “Thank you.” The two of you washed your hair and faces in silence, and you stood up so that you could wash your body. 

“I’m going to go get the sheets in the wash and remake the bed. Take your time in here and relax under the water if you want,” Kylo said, slipping out the glass door. _He sounded off_. You watched him dry himself through the glass, wrapping his towel around his waist and walking into the bedroom.

You stood under the rainstream for a few minutes, trying to decide if Kylo had really sounded off, or if you were just making it up, afraid to let things be good between the two of you. Eventually, you dragged yourself out of the shower, knowing that standing under the water and continuing to ruminate would just make you worse. 

You dried off, smiling at the hair towel Kylo had set out for you at some point. You put your hair up in the hair towel, wrapped your towel around your chest and walked over to the sink. You opened the drawer and smiled. 

At some point, Kylo had grabbed your moisturizer and other products, various size hairbands, a brush, leave in conditioner, and other things you used. The smile slid off your face as you realized he probably did all this before he took you, the reality of how much he had stalked you sinking in. 

You took your hair down, put some leave in conditioner in, brushed it, and grabbed a tampon out of your backpack which you had left by the tub. You inserted it, washed your hands, and walked into the bedroom. 

Kylo was just finishing up putting a fresh fitted sheet on the bed. He was wearing a casual t-shirt and a pair of familiar grey sweatpants. He didn’t say anything to you as he put on a fresh top sheet and the comforter. You chewed on your cheek, completely unable to read him.

You walked over to the suitcase he had packed you, pulling out a t-shirt, a bra, and a pair of pajama shorts. You straightened back up, trying to decide whether to change here or go back in the bathroom. You turned around to look at Kylo. He had put new pillowcases on, thrown the pillows back on, and was laid up on the bed, staring at you intently. 

You blinked at him, mind spinning a mile a minute as you tried to figure out where you stood with him, at least in this current moment. You walked over to the foot of the bed and set your clothes down, pulling at the towel so it fell to the ground. You slid the shorts on, hooked on the bra and adjusted it, and put the t-shirt on before climbing onto the bed. 

You stopped about halfway up, sitting cross-legged as anxiety percolated through you. You didn’t know what he wanted or where he wanted you, or what the plans were for the day, or even how he was feeling towards you at the moment. Kylo tilted his head at you, drawing his brows together to ask what you were doing. 

You shrugged at him, afraid to ask him what he wanted you to do. He opened his arms, “Come here,” he said softly, beckoning you to him. You frowned slightly, starting to crawl up to him. “Why the frown?” He asked. _Damn_. You had hoped he hadn’t noticed. 

You curled yourself into his chest, shrugging. “I don’t know.” Kylo wrapped one of his arms around you, shifting himself back as he brought his other hand to your chin, pointing it up so you were looking at him. 

He leaned his head down towards you, his wet locks falling in your face. He huffed, tucking them behind his ears. “Doll…” 

You looked at him and shook your head slightly. “I don’t know, sometimes I just have no idea where I stand with you. I feel like you’re mad at me all the time, or I’ve upset you.”

Kylo shook his head, frowning slightly. “No, Doll. That’s just my face… And you know… I’m not good at expressing emotions and whatever.” 

“You’d tell me right? If you were upset or mad?”

Kylo chuckled. “Trust me Doll. You’ll know when I’m upset or mad at you.” His hair slipped down to fall in your face again. “This fucking hair. I need to get it cut it’s so fucking annoying.” 

“No,” you gasped. You loved Kylo’s hair. When dry, his choppy obsidian waves just rested on his shoulders, framing his broad jaw. You did not want him to cut any substantial length off. “You’re not fucking cutting it.”

Kylo’s eyebrows raised as he gave you a surprised smile. “Oh, I’m not?”

“I mean… obviously it’s your decision. But uh. I just really love your hair as it is now.” You tried giving him a small smile to keep him from getting mad.

Kylo damn near beamed down at you, “Really?” he asked incredulously. 

“Yeah,” you nodded emphatically at him, reaching up to run your hands through his wet locks. “I love the waves, and how thick it is. I love playing with it, and stroking it, and how it feels between my fingers.” You sat up, straddling him, continuing to play with his hair. 

“I love how it looks when it gets sweaty, and I really love running my fingers through it and pulling it while you fuck me.” You cocked your head at him, “I don’t know. It’s just so sexy. It suits you.”

If he hadn’t been before, Kylo was definitely now beaming at you. It felt as if he genuinely didn’t realize how attractive he was, which made your lips turn down slightly. “Kylo, do you know how attractive you are?” Kylo blushed, looking away from you. You let out a sad sigh. 

_So broken. How could he not know? How could he not have ever been told?_ You knew he had gone out partying and to events in LA with a new model or starlet on his arm each time. _Did he think that was just good luck? Coincidence? Desperation from the girls? Low-self esteem from the girls?_ It truly made no sense to you.

Your hands slipped out of his hair and cupped his face, bringing it back up to look at you. “Kylo, you’re easily the most attractive, the most beautiful man I’ve ever met, seen, known, been with… You could have any girl you want. That’s why I always don’t understand why you’re with me, when you’re you and _way_ out of my league, and just… painfully handsome.”

Kylo’s brows furrowed. “You really think that about me?” he whispered. You were glad he seemed to believe you and understand how genuine you were being. But it wasn’t exactly the reassurance you were looking for with him ignoring the concern you expressed about why he was with you. 

You pushed that aside, telling yourself to just savor this while it lasted, before he moved on. You smiled as convincingly as possible at him. “I do.” You placed a chaste kiss on his lips, an idea striking you. “I know what we can do to keep your hair out of your face.”

You slid off him and the bed, walking into the bathroom and opening the drawer. You pulled out three of the very small elastic bands, as well as a regular hair band. You tried picturing him with his hair half up. _Damn he’ll look good_. 

Kylo watched you as you walked back over to the bed. You sat next to him, running your fingers through his hair, considering your options, the hair band on your wrist and the small elastics on your pinkie. “I think you’d look incredible with your hair half up, even half up in a little bun. But- for keeping it truly out of your face, I think we should braid it.”

Kylo gaped at you, clearly amused but bewildered. “You want to braid my hair?” You nodded at him, motioning for him to scoot forward as you shifted around to sit behind him. 

You sat cross legged behind Kylo, who was sitting up straight, legs out in front of him. “Can you tilt your head back?” You asked him softly. Kylo did. You ran your fingers through the top of his head, using your fingers to pull the hair on the top of his head back. 

You started on the left, grabbing a third of his hair and french braiding it down the length of the top of his head, securing it with an elastic and dropping the ends. You repeated this process twice more, creating braids in the middle and to the right on the top of his head, the ends blending into the rest of his waves. 

Satisfied with your work, you shifted back to rest against the headboard, uncrossed your legs, spreading them slightly. You tugged gently on Kylo’s hair, “Come here?” you asked him. Kylo turned around, and the sight of him in braids did not disappoint, your heart fluttering in your chest. 

Kylo came up to you, laying half of himself across you so that his head rested between your chest and shoulder, your torsos pressed together, one of his legs between yours. One arm slipped behind you, resting it on the bed between your back and the pillows, the other arm rested on your chest, his hand resting on your neck, massaging gently. 

He looked up at you, eyes searching yours. “Doll…” he started, “You know that to me, you’re the most beautiful thing in the world.” He frowned. “I probably don’t tell you that as much as I should… I wish I could make you see how beautiful I think you are. You have to know though Doll, you’re all I want. Sometimes I worry this isn’t real because you’re just too good for me, more than I could have ever hoped for.” 

You couldn’t help the tears that slipped down your face. He seemed so genuine, and you ached to believe him. But a part of your brain just wouldn’t let you. If you truly believed him, and he changed his mind one day, it would be too much pain for you to bear. You knew you were already probably catching too many feelings for him, becoming too invested. 

So you put a wall up. You would only let yourself feel so much for him. 

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo swallowed hard. He hadn’t meant to make you cry. He was bad at emotions to begin with, and the hormones flooding your system just made it worse for him. “Hey, don’t cry…” He brought his hand up to your cheeks, wiping your tears. 

You shook your head at him. “No, they’re good,” your voice waived slightly, “I’ve just never been told anything like any of that.” 

Kylo smiled softly at you, hoping you were believing him. “It’s true,” he murmured, his hand resting on your neck again as he nuzzled his face there as well. He felt your hands come up to his hair and start playing with it. “I love it when you do that,” he whispered into your neck. 

“Really?” you asked. Kylo hummed a yes at you. 

Kylo moved his head down just a bit, so that his ear was pressed against your chest. He had thought it was interesting that you had wanted to listen to his heartbeat in the shower. But as your fingers played in his hair, lightly massaging his scalp, and your heart beat steady in his ear, Kylo could understand why. It was relaxing, pulling him towards sleep. 

“Kylo?” 

“Yeah Doll?” He brought his down to wrap around your ribcage, just below your breast. He heard your heart rate speed up and smiled, enjoying being able to hear the effect he had on you. 

“I know… Do you… Do you think we could like, go on a date at some point?” He could hear the hesitation in your voice. The idea made Kylo nervous. You could try and leave him. 

He swallowed. “Where?”

You shrugged. “Anywhere really. Dinner somewhere, or a picnic or hike or something, or Santa Monica. Oh we could do Disneyland. Yeah, can we do Disneyland one day? Not now, but in the future?” 

Kylo clenched his jaw, tensing around you. He should have known you’d want to do the more traditional relationship things eventually. Half of him wanted to take you out, show you off, then bring you back home and remind you who you belonged to. The other half wanted to keep you home, safe and protected, unable to try and escape from him. 

“Yeah,” Kylo decided. “We can go on a date.” _I should have known she’d want to go to Disney eventually._ “And yes, I’m sure one day we will go to Disney.” He looked up at you, and you were smiling down at him, radiating happiness. 

“Really?! Do you think we can go on the date soon?” Your excitement was palpable and, more concerning to Kylo, contagious. 

“Yes, Doll. Soon.” Kylo twitched his lips up amused at how excited you were. He leaned up and gave you a chaste kiss on the lips, returning his head back down to your chest. 

“Can I ask one more thing?” Kylo took a controlled and quiet deep breath, already not liking where this was going. 

“Of course.”

“Can I have my phone back? I’d really like to call my parents and Gigi and Luna, and be able to text them and just update them on us. Maybe I could see them soon too?”

Kylo stiffened, ripping his hand off your ribcage, balling it into a fist and pressing it into the mattress next to you. “Doll.” He tried to keep his voice composed and even. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“But-”

“I said I’ll think about it,” Kylo snapped at you. His head was spinning. He knew you were just pretending to care and have feelings. Trying to lull him into a sense of security. He should have known you would try and leave him. 

“Okay,” you whispered. Your hands still played with his hair, almost seeming to comfort you.

A moment later, “Kylo, I wouldn’t try and leave. I want to be with you. I just want to feel normal and like I’m allowed to leave your house and have friends and see my family. And wanting those things doesn’t mean I’m picking them over you.”

Kylo’s lips twitched. He fought with himself about whether to believe you or not. His knee-jerk reaction was to ask you if you _would_ pick him over them. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to actually know the answer. 

“Kylo, I don’t know what I can do to make you believe me. I want you. I’m picking you. Take me out on a date, or something so that I can show you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kylo considered your words. _A date is kind of a test_ . _Especially if I gave her phone back as well and pushed her a little._

“Okay. We’ll go out to dinner somewhere nice tonight. See how it goes.” Kylo hoped this would appease you and end the conversation. 

“Really?!” you squealed. He looked back up at you, nodding. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” Kylo was taken aback by the ferocity of the kiss you placed on his lips. After the shock passed, he began kissing you back, pulling back to search your eyes. 

Something in the way you looked at him, lips parted in a small smile, pupils dilated, tongue darting out to wet your lips, made Kylo need you. He leaned back in, kissing you as he sat up on his knees. He shifted his knees back, hands finding your hips and dragging you down off the headboard so that your head rested on a pillow, back against the bed. 

He put both knees in between your legs, supporting himself with his forearms on the mattress beside you. You giggled, but he saw the hunger in your eyes. He brought his lips back to yours, lowering his hips to yours, grinding his rapidly hardening cock into you as your tongues melted together, savoring the way you tasted. 

You bucked your hips into him, your hands slipping under the hem of his t-shirt, running up his torso and chest. He moaned into your mouth, earning a happy hum from you. 

A knock on the front door. It was right below the window in Kylo’s room. Both of you pulled away, ending the kiss. Kylo could tell you were confused, but he was too. He hadn’t been expecting anyone. He didn’t even know who it could be. 

Louder knocking. “Kylo!” A woman’s voice. Kylo watched your face fall, eyes closing and face turning away from him.

“What the fuck?” Kylo muttered as he moved off of you, trying to place the voice. 

“Kylo! I know you’re in there!” You didn’t move, but Kylo could see you working to keep your face somewhat neutral. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Kylo said as he recognized the voice. He sighed, rubbing his temples. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s my fucking mother.” Your eyes shot open at that, and you sat up, staring at Kylo, mouth slightly agape. 

More pounding on the door. Kylo rolled his eyes. “I’m going to try and get rid of her. You can stay here.”

He got off the bed and walked downstairs, unlocking the front door and opening it. “Leia. To what do I owe the pleasure,” he deadpanned, standing in front of the doorway. 

Leia smiled at Kylo, who did not return the gesture. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“No,” Kylo snorted. 

“Really Kylo? I’m your mother.” Kylo let her brush past him and into the house. He sighed before closing the door and turning around, following his mother into the kitchen. She walked over to his fridge, opening the door and pulling out a bottle of iced coffee. 

“Again. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Kylo asked. Leia opened the drink, shutting the door and turning around to look at him. Before she could answer, he heard you coming down the stairs. He closed his eyes. _Damn. I was hoping she would just stay up there_. 

He felt you appear beside him, your hip brushing his. Reluctantly he opened his eyes. You looked up at Kylo, a reassuring smile plastered on your face before turning to face Leia. 

“Hi,” you breathed at Leia. 

The shock was written all over Leia’s face. Her eyes darted back and forth between you and Kylo. Eventually her eyes settled in contact with Kylo’s. “Who is this my son?” she asked, smiling. 

Kylo clenched his jaw. “You don’t have to speak about her like she isn’t in the goddamn room.” Kylo felt your arm wrap around his hips, giving a light squeeze. He could tell you were picking up on his feelings towards his mother. 

“It’s alright Kylo.” Your hand left his hip, coming to run up and down his back. “I’m Y/N.” You paused for just a second, but Kylo could feel you thinking. “And you are?” you asked Leia in a sickly sweet tone. 

Kylo’s lips twitched up but he suppressed his smile. _She deserves something extra special for that_. He brought an arm to wrap around you, giving your ass a sneaky squeeze before settling his hand on your waist. 

Leia for her part, hid her annoyance well, her perfectly plastered smile staying on her face. “I’m Leia. Kylo’s mother.” 

“It’s nice to meet you Leia,” you said perfunctorily. “What can we do for you today?” 

Leia took a sip of her drink. “Nothing in particular,” she said. “I just wanted to come and see how my favorite son is doing.” 

“That implies the existence of a favorite son,” he snarled back at her. To Kylo’s surprise but delight, you took a small step in front of him, almost as if you were subconsciously trying to protect him. 

“Vicrul still lives on campus,” you crooned at her. 

Leia laughed. “Vicrul’s not my son. Just my son’s good friend.”

“Mhm,” came your reply. 

As much as Kylo wanted to see where you would take this, he just wanted Leia to get the fuck out. To his chagrin, she started walking towards the back door, opening it, pausing with her hand on the handle to look back at the two of you before she stepped outside. 

Kylo walked over to her. “Well since it seems you have no reason to be here I’ll kindly ask you to leave. We were just about to head out.”

Leia looked back at Kylo. “Really?” She nodded her head vaguely in your direction. “In these outfits?”

“Yes.” Kylo hissed. “It’s time for you to leave.” 

Leia engaged Kylo in a brief staring contest before walking back into the house. Kylo closed the door behind her, locking it. 

“Well, Y/N, it was very nice to meet you,” Leia remarked, smiling at you. She walked past you and to the front door. “Kylo. Try not to be such a stranger.” Kylo laughed incredulously at that as Leia opened the front door. “I love you Kylo.”

“Goodbye Leia,” Kylo seethed as he closed the door behind her, locking it. He stood at the door for a minute, trying to let some of the anger dissipate off of him. He turned around and walked back into the kitchen. 

You were sitting on one of the bar stools with your back to the island, waiting for him. “You okay?” you asked as soon as Kylo hit the kitchen threshold, the concern in your voice evident. 

“Just irritated,” Kylo said, shaking his head slightly as he walked over to stand in front of you. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling yourself into his chest. 

“You wanna talk about her?” you murmured into his chest. Kylo brought his arms around you. 

“No,” he sighed. “Not that there’s a tremendous amount to say. She picked work. Always. Just like Han did. Even after everything with Vicrul and then Han. Neither of them truly was a parent to me.” You nodded into his chest, squeezing your arms around him. He appreciated the physical show of support and that you didn’t push. 

“You know,” Kylo said, pulling back just slightly so you looked up at him. He brought his forehead to yours, lips fluttering against yours. “I wanted to bend you over and fuck you on the island again when you got all protective over me.” 

He felt the heat radiate off your cheeks. “Oh yeah?” you breathed at him. 

“Yeah,” he said, pushing his lips into yours. You wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him closer to you. Kylo deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth. 

You pulled away from him. “Mmm, I thought we were just about to head out?”

Kylo chuckled, standing back up straight. “We are Doll. I was going to suggest a quickie before we got changed. But since you want to be a brat.” Kylo picked you up, hoisting you over his shoulder and walked up the stairs. 

“Kylo!” you shrieked, but he could hear you laughing. He slapped your ass. “I can walk!” You tried squirming your hips over your shoulder so you could slip down his front. Kylo just gripped you harder. 

“I know you can. But I think we already established that just because you _can_ do something, doesn’t mean you _will_ do something,” he teased at you. Walking into the bedroom, he set you back down on your feet, his hand holding your hip while you regained your balance. 

“Put on some real clothes,” he said, raising his eyebrows at you. You pouted at him. He leaned down to give you a soft kiss. “Patience Doll. Good things _come_ to those who wait,” he whispered into your lips, sealing his words with a long kiss. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kylo was lying on the bed, watching TV as you got ready in the bathroom, door closed. Shopping with you had been an interesting experience to say the least. You had argued with Kylo every step of the way. 

_‘I don’t need new lingerie Kylo, I have bras and underwear at home.’ ‘The pair of Louboutin’s you bought me will match what I got just fine.’ ‘I can buy makeup and hair stuff at Target.’_

Of course, Kylo had told you not to argue with him. Reminded you about being a good girl, and that if you wouldn’t pick things out, he would for you. And so, you had huffed and picked it out yourself. He had bought you a new outfit, new lingerie, new shoes, new makeup, a curling iron and other hair tools. The two of you had ended up at the Target across from the Beverly Center, but only because you had quietly reminded Kylo you needed more tampons. 

The two of you had engaged in quite the pissing contest when you first started shopping. You told Kylo to go sit in one of the chairs, so that he didn’t see what you were grabbing to try on. He laughed and told you no. You pouted, insisting that you wanted to surprise him, that it _needed_ to be a surprise. Kylo had gotten furious, sure you were going to try and escape. He told you no again. 

_‘Fine,’_ had been your reply, and you had just stood there looking at him. Kylo told you to start shopping. _‘No.’_ The two of you engaged in a staring contest. _‘If it’s not a surprise then just pick out whatever you want me to dress up in. I’m just your little doll after all.’_ The hurt in your voice had been evident, and Kylo had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. 

He almost did just that. Just to remind that yes, you were in fact his Doll. Instead, he had told you a casual white lie. _‘Fine. But the bracelet,’_ he had gestured to the Cartier jewelry still on your wrist, _‘I put a tracker in it. So don’t fucking try anything.’_

You had frowned at him, sad certainly, but he could see anger on your face as well. _‘I’m not fucking going anywhere Kylo. I don’t know how to make you believe me. Just… whatever. Do whatever you want.’_ You turned and walked away from him into the racks of dresses. 

Kylo bit his tongue, leaving you to shop as he sat in a chair nearby. Eventually, you had picked out everything, the two of you had gone to a couple other stores for shoes and beauty shit, and then Target. And now you were home, taking _forever_. 

The black suit pants, white collared button up, and casual black blazer you had picked out for Kylo was still resting on the end of the bed. He wasn’t bothering to put it on until you told him you were nearly ready. He glanced at the clock. “Doll, we’re going to be late. The reservation is for 7:30. It’s 6:45. It’s in Santa Monica.”

“Almost ready!” You called back to him. “Five minutes.”

“It better be five minutes or less or I’m dragging you out of the house in whatever state you’re currently in.” Kylo yelled back at you, flicking the TV off and walking to the foot of the bed. He quickly threw on the outfit you had picked out for him, keeping the first button of his shirt undone, slipping on his socks and shoes. 

He walked over to the pair of silver strappy Giuseppe Zanotti heels you had picked out. They had a 4 inch stiletto heel, zipped up the back, and had thin crystal embellished straps at the base of the toe, the middle, and the ankle. 

Kylo grabbed one and took it over to his nightstand. He pulled out a small tracking chip and some super glue, attaching it to the shoe where the heel and sole met. He walked back over and set it next to the other one. 

The bathroom door opened slightly. “Can you hand me my shoes?” you asked. Kylo rolled his eyes. You were taking the whole surprise thing way too seriously. Kylo grabbed the shoes and walked them over to the bathroom, slipping them through the crack in the door. “Thank you.”

He walked back over to his nightstand. While you were getting over, he had retrieved your phone from the living room and charged it so that you could have it tonight. He slipped it in his pocket. Kylo wanted to push you tonight, test you, see if you’d leave. 

He wanted to effectively give you the opportunity to leave. He was terrified that you actually would, and that he’d have to hunt you down again. Keep you locked in the basement forever. As much anxiety as you being in the house and going out gave him, a part of him liked having a more traditional relationship with you. He had always thought he’d have to keep you locked away.

The bathroom door opened again, this time all the way. Kylo snapped his head in your direction, lips parting in shock. “Doll…” Kylo was speechless. You looked stunning. You had picked out a sapphire velvet cocktail dress. It had spaghetti straps, and a light v-neck, the bra you were wearing pushing your breasts up, letting you show just enough cleavage, but leaving much to the imagination. 

The dress hugged your curves tightly. At the hip, the fabric split, one layer crossing over the other so that a slit formed, showing off one thigh. The dress hit just below your knees. It was sexy, but classy and understated, the simpleness of the dress highlighting your body. 

Your hair was pulled up in a loose bun, low on the back of your head. You had curled several tendrils of hair that framed your face. You had done a sapphire smokey eye to accentuate the dress, your lips painted in a ‘your lips but better’ shade of lipstick. You had a small silver clutch in your hand.

You stepped further into the bedroom, glancing down self-consciously. “Does it look okay?” you asked softly, smoothing your hands over your hips. 

Kylo swallowed. “More than okay.” Kylo walked closer towards you, eyes wandering up and down your body. “Doll you look… stunning,” Kylo breathed. He walked over and slid his hands around your waist. “You always do,” Kylo backtracked. “But… fuck,” he said, eyes travelling up and down your body again. 

You looked up at him wearing a small smile, “Thank you.” You leaned up to give him a kiss. “You don’t exactly look bad yourself,” you murmured to him. “The braids… the suit… maybe we shouldn’t go out.”

Kylo laughed at you, “No Doll, we’re going. I want to show you off.” Kylo reached into his pocket and pulled your phone out, holding it out in front of you. “I want to date you.”

Your mouth parted in shock, your head moving up and down as you looked at the phone, then back at Kylo, then back at the phone, and back at Kylo again. You shook your head, “You’re letting me have my phone?” Kylo nodded. _That’s what you took from that. Nice._ “Wait. You want to date me?!”

Kylo smiled at you, scoffing. “Yes, Doll. I want to date you.” You beamed up at him. “Take your phone and let's go.” Kylo felt his pockets, making sure he had his wallet and phone. 

The two of you ubered to BOA Steakhouse in Santa Monica. It was an upscale restaurant on the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and Ocean Avenue. The sun setting outside coupled with the red uplighting created an intimate atmosphere. You had been wide eyed upon arrival, looking around, taking it all in. 

Kylo and you had arrived just on time for your reservation. You shared an appetizer before sharing a bottle of wine with your mains. Conversation flowed naturally between the two of you. The topics were light, nothing serious. You talked about your favorite seasons, tv shows, sports teams; random things, whatever happened to come up. 

After the table had been cleared, Kylo rested his hand on top of yours. “You wanna have a drink and dessert at the bar?” he asked you in a low voice. You nodded at him. He motioned to your waiter, handing him his card. The bill paid and tip given, Kylo stood up, holding his hand out to you. 

You grabbed it, walking hand in hand to the bar. Kylo pulled out a barstool for you, helping you on, before sitting next to you. He watched you as your eyes ran up and down the menu, trying to decide. “What are you thinking?” you asked him, keeping your eyes on the menu.

“Whatever you’d like Doll.”

“Cheesecake okay?” You asked, looking up at him through your fake lashes. Kylo nodded. The bartender came over, asking what he could get you. 

“Glenlivet 15, neat, please.” Kylo said. The waiter nodded, turning his attention to you. 

“We’re going to share the cheesecake please. And I’ll have a French connection, Disaronno and Courvoisier, please,” you said, smiling at the bartender, who nodded and walked away. Kylo raised his eyebrows looking down at you. 

“A French connection?” Kylo asked you, amused. 

You shrugged, smiling at him. “I love amaretto and cognac, what can I say?” Kylo hummed at you, smirking and nodding. 

The bartender brought your drinks, and a moment later your cheesecake. The two of you sipped your drinks, slowly eating the cheesecake. When you had finished your drinks and the cheesecake, you slipped off your stool. “Bathroom,” you nodded at Kylo, taking your clutch with you. 

Kylo watched you walk off towards the bathroom. You had been gone for just a moment when he heard his name. “Kylo Ren,” a female voice purred. Kylo recognized the voice instantly and spun around on his chair, his back pressing into the bar. 

Kylo’s eyes found her. “Rey,” he purred back, “It’s been a while.”

Rey strutted over to him as Kylo looked her up and down, the black bodycon dress she was wearing simple but hot. “Too long,” she simpered, running her hand up Kylo’s arm and stepping between his legs. “How have you been?”

Kylo smirked, putting one hand on Rey’s hip as she shimmied closer to him. “I’ve been alright. You?” He raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Mmm,” she hummed at him, leaning in to whisper in his ear, “I’ve been better. Been missing you a lot.” Rey moved so that she was damn near sitting in Kylo’s lap, her hips rolling into him. 

Kylo snickered at her. “I’m sure you have,” he murmured. Kylo stiffened suddenly, making Rey smirk. He realized you hadn’t returned. He shot his head in the direction of the bathroom. 

You were standing about 15 feet away, near the door to the restaurant. Because it was late and the restaurant had emptied Kylo knew you must have been able to hear whatever part of the conversation you had been standing there for. _Fuck_. 

Kylo didn’t move, but he felt Rey turn to look at you. “Oh,” she smirked. 

You were obviously hurt, but were doing a good job of keeping your face somewhat neutral. You raised your eyebrows at him, before shaking your head and scoffing, making for the door. 

“Wait!” Kylo yelled at you, but you were out the door before he could even move Rey away from him and get off his barstool. “Fuck,” he muttered. Rey laughed. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry Kylo. I didn’t mean to ruin your little one-night stand date. I could be a replacement?”

Kylo quickly signed the bill the bartender had left. “You don’t even fucking know what you’re talking about Rey. Stop fucking up my life,” he hissed. 

Rey snorted, “You certainly didn’t seem to mind a few minutes ago.” 

“Fuck you Rey. I was just trying to keep you calm so you didn’t make a fucking scene and threaten to kill yourself again. If you ever see me again pretend you don’t.” Kylo spun around and raced out the door. 

He whipped his phone out of his pocket, immediately calling you. It rang once before going to voicemail. He tried to you again with the same result. Kylo’s chest heaved. _I knew it. I knew she’d fucking leave._ He kept trying to call you, pacing up and down the street. 

His chest was heaving as panic flooded through him. He couldn’t lose you. He wouldn’t. He didn’t care if that meant keeping you chained in the basement. His phone pinged with a text message from you. 

**_I need space. I’m fine and safe. I will meet you at home later_ ** **.**

Kylo immediately called you. To his relief you answered. “What?” you asked him. 

“Doll, where are you?” he growled. 

“No Kylo. No,” you whispered. He could hear you fighting back tears. 

“Y/N I’m not fucking asking again. You’ve got to let me come get you and explain-”

You gave an incredulous laugh. “Explain what Kylo? Explain how _you’re_ the one not picking _me_ ? Explain how I’m not good enough for you? Just like that. Someone from your past wants you back and I’m nothing again. Or explain how I’m obviously _not_ more than you could have ever hoped for?”

“Doll..” Kylo started. “None of that is true. You _know_ that.” Kylo dropped his voice, “Just tell me where you are and I’ll come to you and we can talk.” 

“There’s nothing to say Kylo.” Kylo’s heart dropped.

“I knew you’d leave me.” 

You sighed. “Bullshit Kylo. I picked you. The other day. All of today. I did what I told you I would do. I told you I would stay and wouldn’t leave or try and escape you. And I didn’t. Not at the Beverly Center, or Target, or at dinner. I didn’t even text anyone on my phone. Not even just to say ‘Hi’ and ‘I’m okay just having a great time with a boy and I’ll explain more later. I did nothing.”

“I know Doll-”

“I told you Kylo,” your voice broke, “I told you I was terrified you’d eventually realize that you can do better than me. And then I had to watch you realize it right in front of me-”

“No! That’s not at all what happened! I want you. Why would I be calling and trying to find you if I didn’t?” Kylo yelled into the phone. He glanced up, deciding to run across the street. Something told him you were on the beach which made him incredibly nervous. 

“Because you could have that realization but still be obsessed or infatuated with me. Because you could just decide to keep me in the basement in case she leaves.” 

“Stop! Just stop going down a rabbit hole because you’re upset. Where are you?” 

“I’m sure you’ll find me.” The line went dead. 

**[Your POV]**

You put your phone back in your clutch, not bothering to turn it off. Kylo would just track you with the bracelet. You slid your shoes off, and took off across the sand, walking to the shore. You started walking in the wet sand, the tide occasionally running over your feet, heading down the beach. 

Despite your anger towards Kylo, tears streamed down your face. You had feelings for him. Watching him touch another woman like that, speak to another woman like that had shattered your heart. You knew he had been too good for you, that this was coming. But you had gotten your hopes up that it wouldn’t, and now you were paying for it. 

You thought back about your time with Kylo. It had felt so real, like he had really cared. 

You heard him call your name, but you kept walking down the beach. You heard him getting closer, and a minute later you felt him grab your hand. You yanked it out of his grip. “Doll, please just fucking stop.” 

You kept walking. Kylo sped up so that he could in front of you. You stopped, but didn’t look at him. Kylo dropped his shoes from his hand, and wrapped his arms around you, nearly crushing you into him. 

The act just made it hurt worse, and you brought your hands up to his chest, clutching at his shirt as you sobbed into him. Kylo held you, kissing the top of your head. You didn’t understand why he was being like this. You didn’t understand why you were letting him comfort you. 

“Doll… I’m sorry. But please let me give you context.” Kylo ran his hands up and down your back. Your sobs had quieted into hiccups. You didn’t say anything and Kylo took your silence as an okay. 

“That girl. Rey. She went to UCLA. We met freshman year and were really just friends with benefits for like three months. We never went on a date, never spent the night together. For me it was just sex.” Kylo sighed. “She thought we were in some sort of committed long-term relationship. Eventually football and school just took much of my time so I stopped hooking up with her.”

“She showed up at a football practice one day with a knife threatening to kill herself if I didn’t come back to her. It was just a huge fucking scene. So when she approached me tonight… I don’t know Doll. I just wanted to keep her calm. What if she had seen us together? What if she had a knife or a gun or, or, whatever, and she used it on you? I’d never have forgiven myself.”

You didn’t say anything, continuing to hiccup into his chest occasionally as you processed his words. You wanted to believe him. But even if everything he said was true, it didn’t completely excuse his behavior. He didn’t need to touch her like that, speak to her in that tone. 

And if he had just told you about her before. _It’s not like you’ve told him about all your exes. Yeah but I don’t need to because he already knows everything about me._ You let out a long sigh into his chest and pulled back to look up at him. 

“Kylo… I just… I don’t know,” you whispered. He looked at you with an intense honesty, slightly frowning at your words. 

“I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.” He looked so vulnerable as he spoke to you. 

“The way you looked at her Kylo… the way you touched her… spoke to her.” You shook your head sadly, “You didn’t have to do all of that just to keep her calm…” 

Kylo’s eyes glanced over to the ocean as he considered your words. He looked back down at you. “You’re probably right…. But I just didn’t know… I had to make sure you were safe. I can’t lose you.”

You looked away from him. “I’m just terrified that one day you’ll wake up and realize you could do better than me, or we’ll be out and you’ll see someone new and just… drop me. And it felt like I was watching that play out in front of me.”

“And I’m terrified you’ll leave me. That you’ll choose someone else or something else, abandon me like everyone else I’ve ever cared about.” Kylo took your face in his hands. “I don’t know how we both get over those fears other than just keep going forward. But trust me Doll. I couldn’t do better than you. How many women do you know who would put up with me?”

Your lips twitched upwards briefly at his last comment before you made your face neutral again. 

“I feel like I’m always walking in circles with you Kylo, and I just never get out. I have no idea what I mean to you and it makes me anxious all the time. I tried to fight how I feel about you but I just wasn’t strong enough, and I didn’t really want to. And that leaves me wide open for you to hurt me. So can you just tell me? What this is? What I mean to you if anything? Knowing where I stand would at least help me manage my expectations.” 

Kylo’s eyes bored into your soul as he held your face in his hands. His mouth twitched around as you felt him search for words. He swallowed. “I’m bad with… expressing myself. You know that. What do you want this to be Doll? You used the word boyfriend before. You’re my girl, then?” Kylo sighed softly. “Doll… you mean everything to me… I feel like… you’re my partner in life.” 

His words made more tears slide down your face. You saw him frown, and you shook your head at him, trying to communicate they were good tears. Kylo’s lips twitched, “Can I show you?” he whispered. 

You furrowed your brows, “Show me what?”

“What you mean to me,” he breathed. The look in his eyes told you what he meant. You nodded in his hands. 

Kylo’s hands immediately pulled your face to his, his lips softly caressing yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers through his loose hair. Kylo pressed his tongue into your lips, asking to deepen the kiss. 

You parted your lips, moaning softly into him as his tongue traced yours. Kylo’s hands slid down your body, finding the slit in your skirt and diving beneath it, your dress scrunching up as his hands wrapped around to squeeze your ass. 

You giggled, breaking the kiss. “Kylo, not here.” Kylo kissed your jawline, down to the pulse point of your neck, nibbling there. “Ahhh,” you moaned, moving your head to the side to give him better access. “Kylo, take me home.”

Kylo shook his head in your neck, lips planting kisses down your neck. “No,” he spoke into your neck, “I can’t wait.” 

You were panting at his kisses. “Not on the beach, Kylo…” you breathed. 

He continued planting kisses along your chest, “Why not?” his lips fluttered along your breasts. “No one will know…”

He nibbled at your exposed breasts and you arched your back into him. “They will know… and my period will make a mess… mmmmmm… and the sand…”

Kylo started kissing back up your chest, heading for your neck. “Mmmm,” he hummed against your clavicle, continuing to move up your neck, along your jawline. He planted a chaste kiss on your lips. “I fucking hate sand,” he murmured into your lips. 

“Let’s go home,” you said, pressing your lips into his again. 

Kylo pulled back and shook his head, “No I can’t wait that long. I need you now. We’ll grab a hotel room.”

You snorted, “Kylo home is what? Max 30 minutes away at this time”

Kylo brought his hands out of your dress, pulling it back down into place before swooping down and pulling you into his arms bridal style, making you yelp. 

He started walking back up towards the street. “No, I don’t want to wait.”

You shook your head knowing you wouldn’t convince him to just go home. When you got back to the street, Kylo set you down and took your hand in his, walking towards the Georgian Hotel. 

He walked up to the front desk, taking his credit card and ID out. “Ocean View Suite please,” he asked the man at the counter. You clicked your tongue at him. He looked down at you, smirking. “For three nights please.” Your jaw fell open. 

“Kylo,” you said. But Kylo had turned his attention back to the man at the counter, signing for the room and taking the keys. 

“Come on Doll,” he said, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the elevator. 

“This is insane Kylo,” you babbled at him as you walked into the elevator, Kylo pressing the button to the eighth floor. “We don’t have clothes, we don’t have any toiletries, I have like two tampons in my clutch-”

As soon as the elevator door closed Kylo pinned you against the wall of the elevator with his hips, grinding into you. He brought his mouth to your ear. “I don’t think we’re really going to need clothes, but if you do we’re right next to the promenade,” he paused to nibble your ear lobe, “the hotel provides some toiletries and I can have them send up anything you need,” he licked from your earlobe along your jaw, before brushing his lips against yours. “And the tampons… I think your pussy is going to be otherwise occupied most of the time.”

“Oh,” you breathed, chest heaving underneath him. _Holy fuck._ The elevator came to a stop, doors opening. Kylo released you, grabbing your hand, walking to your room so fast you almost had to run to keep up with him. 

The second the door closed behind you he was picking you up, mouth on yours, walking towards the bedroom. You moaned into his mouth, appreciating the way he tasted of scotch. 

Kylo threw you on the bed, toeing his shoes off as he quickly removed your shoes, tossing them on the floor. He crawled between your legs, pushing your dress up to reveal the hot pink mesh thong you were wearing. “Fuck,” he muttered. 

“Kylo please,” you whined, bucking your hips into his hands. 

He continued pushing the dress up, and you arched your back so he could slide it up and off of you, revealing the matching strapless hot pink lace and mesh push up bra. Kylo groaned loudly at the sight, tent in his pants undeniable now. 

“You’re fucking perfect,” he said as he leaned down brining his lips to yours, sucking and biting at your lips. “You _are_ more than I could ever ask for.” Kylo moved his lips to suck along your jugular, sucking fresh blood into the bruise that had just about faded away. 

“You’re wearing far too many clothes,” you panted under him. Kylo hummed into your neck, leaning back up. Your hands instantly started undoing the buttons of his shirt, flying down them and shoving the shirt and blazer off his shoulders at the same time, before sliding down to work at unbuttoning his pants.

Kylo slid off the bed briefly, shrugging completely out of his shirt and blazer, and taking his pants, boxers and socks off. He crawled back between your legs, kissing up your legs. Your mind was fuzzy from the alcohol and lust, and you didn’t even remember you were on your period, let alone that you still had a tampon in. 

Kylo’s thumbs hooked under the waistband of your panties as he kissed you inner thighs, pulling back only to get the thong completely off you, flinging it across the room. Your eyes were already rolling towards the back of your head. Kylo used his hands to spread your legs open. 

He didn’t hesitate to pull your tampon out, reaching over to toss it in the trash can under the nightstand. You wanted to be embarrassed and horrified, but the way he made you feel eclipsed those feelings. He came back between your legs starting to massage your calves. 

“I’m serious Doll, you mean everything to me. I only want you.” His fingers crawled slowly up your legs, working your muscles deliciously. You’d never been touched like this before.

“Please Kylo…” you moaned. His fingers moved up to massage your thighs. 

“You’re so beautiful Doll,” Kylo said, bringing his head down to place kisses all over your thighs. “Your legs,” he kissed up higher up your thighs, fingers following, “so strong,” he kept going up, “they looked so amazing in those sandals.” 

Kylo’s hands reached your hips, kneading at your flesh. You bucked them into his hands, needing him to fuck you, with his fingers, with his tongue, his cock, you’d take anything at this point. 

His kisses trailed along your hip bone, “Your hips, they let you ride me so well,” he pressed kisses along the upper edge of your mound, “and one day, hopefully, they’ll let you give me a child.” _What?_ _That’s new_. But it was _hot_. Kylo was basically worshipping you, every kiss sending sparks of desire and arousal through you. 

He trailed more kisses up your other hip bone before dropping his head to your outer lips. “And this, well,” he licked a stripe from the bottom of your pussy to your clit, bringing his head back up, “I think you already know how I feel about that.”

Kylo planted kisses all over your tummy, his fingers massaging your soft flesh, pulling at it. “Your tummy, it’s so soft and beautiful,” he kissed your belly button, nuzzling his nose into you, “I could nuzzle into it forever.” 

“Please don’t,” you moaned, running your hands over his braids and through the loose ends. He chuckled into your tummy, hands and mouth moving up to your breasts, reaching under you and unhooking it, throwing it to the floor. 

“These,” he cupped each of your breasts in one hand as best he could, gently squeezing them, making you arch into him, “are absolutely,” he planted kisses all over them, between his fingers and above his hands, “immaculate.” 

Your chest was heaving in his hands as he dropped your breasts, bringing his fingers to your nipples pulling them taut, squeezing and rolling them hard. “Fuckkkkk Kylo, I need you,” you whined. 

“You’re doing so well Doll, you always do so well for me.” He took each of your nipples in his mouth, sucking and nibbling at them. “I want fuck these perfect tits one day Doll… would you let me?” 

“Yesyesyes, you can fuck me however you want Kylo,” you purred as his hands and mouth moved up to your collar bone. “Just please please fuck me,” you begged him. 

“Your chest, and neck, and shoulders... my head fits so well here,” he murmured as he rested his head in the crook between your shoulder and neck, “Being here makes me feel safe,” he whispered before moving to kiss up your neck, along your jawline, finally pressing his lips to yours. 

He started to pull away and you bit his bottom lip, but Kylo continued pulling away until eventually his lip slipped from your teeth. You whined at him, “I need you Kylo. Please, please,” you were near tears with want. 

“Your face…” his eyes ran over it, “stunning,” he whispered, planting kisses all over your face. “I could look at you all day.”

He pressed his lips into your temple. “Your mind. I think that’s what amazes me about you the most.” He brought one hand in between your legs, fingers circling your clit, making you whimper below him. “Your intelligence, the way you’re so caring, _so loyal_.” He plastered kisses across your forehead. 

“You put up with me so well. And I can’t figure out why.” He brought his lips back down to yours. “You always know what to say to me. You help me far more than you’ll ever know.” 

Kylo’s words finally made the tears spill down your face, his touch and kisses had driven you wild, like a continuous edge. “Please Kylo, please fuck me,” you pleaded with him. 

He pulled back to look you directly in the eyes, “Do you see now? How much you mean to me? That you’re all I want? All I need?”

You nodded at him, “Yes Kylo.” Hi fingers kept making slow circles around your clit, fast enough to jolt pleasure through you, but slow enough to keep you just a few feet away from the edge. “I need you Kylo, please, I need you inside me.” 

“Roll over, hands and knees,” Kylo instructed you, moving himself off of you. 

You whined in protest but did as he asked. Kylo came back down between your legs. He inserted two fingers inside of you, and you moaned at the intrusion, shoving your hips back so he was deeper inside of you. 

He withdrew his fingers, rubbing your blood and slick up and down his cock. He used his head to circle at your entrance. “Always so ready,” he murmured before thrusting inside of you completely. 

“Yes!” you screamed, his cock stretching you, making you feel so full. Kylo slowly dragged himself out of you before plunging back in. 

“Your ass,” he said through gritted teeth, bringing his hands to pull at your skin, dragging himself from you slowly again, “is perfect” he hissed. “So firm,” he plunged back into you, “but yet so soft.” He continued his slow pace of dragging himself out slowly only to make a fast but controlled plunge back into you, conscious that you were still hypersensitive. 

He gave you a hard smack on the ass, making you clench around him. “It looks so fucking perfect with my handprint on it.” He gave your other cheek an equally hard smack as he dragged himself from you, the stinging pain immediately sending you to the edge. You moaned incomprehensibly at Kylo. 

He leaned into you, his chest against your back and wrapped one arm around your waist, holding your opposite hip, pulling you back onto him as he fucked you faster. His other hand wrapped around you, fingers finding your clit once again. 

“Ahhh, fuckkkkk Kylo, I’m so close,” you moaned at him.

“Cum for me Doll,” he purred, increasing the speed his fingers worked you. 

“No, Kylo, please, please let me see you,” you sobbed. “I don’t… oh fuckk… please Kylo,” you were begging him, not sure how much longer you could hold on, “Please… aghh…I want to look you in the eyes when I cum for you… oh fuck… when you make me cum.” You were a blubbering mess. 

Kylo’s arms released, you and he pulled out of you, you fell to the bed and rolled over, Kylo immediately sliding back inside of you. He supported himself on one of his forearms, placing it beside your head. The two of you locked eyes as his other arm came down between the two of you to resume flicking and circling your clit. 

“Cum for me beautiful, look me in the eye while you cum all over me,” Kylo purred, furiously rubbing circles around your clit. 

“I… I… Ahhhh, Kylo!” You screamed his name as your orgasm ripped through you, fighting to keep your eyes open as long as you could, until finally you had to shut them. Your orgasm left you dizzy and trembling, aura invading your vision as your eyes fluttered back open. 

“Fuck Doll,” Kylo groaned, staring you in the eyes as he came inside of you. “Shit,” he moaned, thrusting a few last times before collapsing on top of you, still inside of you. Kylo’s weight on you felt incredible in your post orgasm haze. 

The two of you laid like that while you both came down. You brought your arms around Kylo, rubbing his back. Kylo leaned up so that you were nose to nose, staring into each other’s eyes once again. “Everything Doll. You mean everything.”


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's a Christmas fucking miracle. A new chapter. 
> 
> The semester was rough. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up. I have no idea how much longer this will be. Minimum two chapters more, maximum I would guess 7. 
> 
> TWs: alcohol consumption, D/S dynamics, bondage, oral sex, anal play, PIV sex, mentions of marriage, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of death, MCD, blood play, spanking, slapping, paddling, edging, being gagged, restraint, angsty, stabbing, degradation, BDSM, blood.

**Chapter 8**

**[Your POV]**

The last day and a half had been a blur of sex and showers and shopping. Kylo had spent the first night showing you what you meant to him, again, and again, and again. On the bed, bent over the desk, on the couch, in the shower, in the bath. Anywhere and everywhere he could possibly fuck you in the hotel room. 

You had woken late the next day to a soft knock on the door. Kylo had in fact had clothes, toiletries, and tampons delivered to the hotel room for you. After fucking you in the shower, Kylo had taken you shopping along the Third Street Promenade, buying you anything you so much as blinked at. 

Kylo seemed pretty relaxed, for Kylo anyway. You were pretty sure that being out with him, doing normal couple shit was helping him trust you. You hoped it was showing him that if he turned around for a second too long, or let you shop alone, or try on clothes alone that nothing would happen. You’d still be there, or would be looking for him. 

About half way through your shopping trip, he’d even let you have your phone, encouraging you to text your friends and parents. And so you had. Explaining and giving as much detail as you could about where you had been, what had been going on, making some bullshit up about leaving UCLA, which made you sad and angry again.

They were all a bit concerned, but happy for you nonetheless. You were almost positive Kylo would have read the messages while you were asleep or had them mirrored on his phone. So you hoped he would start to trust you. See that you weren’t going anywhere, even when you had somewhat of a chance.

The two of you had eaten along the Promenade before coming back to the hotel and fucking early into the morning. It was now about three in the afternoon. You had woken up late, had sleepy side sex, followed by lounging and cuddling in bed. You started to get a little restless.

You were sitting up against the headboard, Kylo’s head in your naked lap, hands playing with his hair and massaging his scalp. “Mm, Ky?”

He turned his head so he could look up at you. “Mm, Doll?”

“Can we go to the Pier and just walk along the beach?” One of your fingers traced the freckles and beauty marks on his face, lingering on his lips. He gave your finger a kiss. 

“Would that make you happy?” he whispered. You nodded. “Then let’s go.” Kylo sat up, sliding himself off the bed and walking towards the bags of clothes the two of you had bought. “I don’t understand why you insisted on buying me so many fucking ties,” he scoffed. 

You slid out of bed, walking up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist. “I like you in ties…” you murmured, nuzzling into his back. You felt him laugh quietly. “Wear those ones,” you told Kylo when he reached a pair of shorts you had found him. He grabbed boxers and a shirt and you released him so he could get dressed. After finishing, Kylo walked into the bathroom, and started brushing his teeth. 

Digging through the bags, you found the bikini you had purchased. Kylo had been reticent to say the least when you had been looking at swimsuits. It was the only thing he had said ‘no’ to. So you had snuck one in when he wasn’t looking, distracting him with kisses and hands all over him. 

You had tried on several different swimsuits before settling on a relatively simple black bikini. The bottoms showed off just enough of your ass, tying together at the sides, small bows resting against your hips. The bikini top tied in the middle, between your breasts, in another small bow, and tied again at the nape of your neck.

You heard Kylo still brushing his teeth, and quickly found a pair of denim shorts and a casual black graphic t-shirt. You slid the bikini bottoms on, pulling the shorts over them, doing the same with the top, hiding the bow at your neck in your hair and under your shirt. 

Kylo walked out of the bathroom, eyes flicking up and down your body. You playfully rolled your eyes at him, brushing past him into the bathroom so you could brush your own teeth and wash your face. You smirked at yourself in the mirror. The shorts you asked Kylo to wear actually doubled as swim trunks, he just didn’t realize it. 

Once finished, you walked out of the bathroom and into the other room. Kylo got up from the couch, slipping on his shoes as you did yours. “Ready?” he smiled at you. You nodded, grabbing your phone off the counter, Kylo touching his pockets to make sure he had everything. 

The two of you left the hotel, quickly making it down to the Pier. You strolled down the Pier hand in hand, Kylo laughing at you each time you got excited over something small. Eventually you made it to the end of the pier. It was remarkably quiet, even for a Thursday afternoon. 

You leaned against the railing, elbows resting on the wood, looking out at the ocean. Kylo pressed into you, his chest against your back, his hands coming around to wrap around your forearms. He rested the bottom of his chin on your head. You pressed yourself back into him. 

The two of you stood like that for quite awhile, just existing with each other, the sun warming your faces, but the ocean breeze keeping you cool. “Kylo?” you eventually murmured to him, turning yourself around so you could look up at him. His hands slid around your waist.

He cocked his head at you. “You know… You didn’t have to do all this,” you said. Kylo’s brows furrowed, lips turning down. “Ky, don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed every second. I just don’t want you to feel like you had to do all this just to prove to me that I mean something to you. That one night, honestly that one fuck, would have been more than enough. Anywhere. It would have made me feel the same if we had been in our bed, you know?”

Kylo gave you a soft smile, nodding at you. “I know, Doll. I know I didn’t have to. But I wanted to.” Kylo swallowed. “I think… it, this trip or whatever you want to call it, has been good… for us… for me.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Definitely for me.”

Your brows shot up, eyes growing wide. You smiled, “You’re starting to really trust me? To see I want to be here with you? That I’m not going anywhere, even given the chance?”

Kylo nodded, his cheeks flushing. You leaned up on your tippy toes, cupping his face with your hands and kissing him. You dropped your hands to his shoulders, looking back up at him. “Good. Because I want to be with you Kylo.” Kylo’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to him in a hug. 

You nuzzled into his chest. He was almost being too sweet, too permitting. You felt anxiety start to spread throughout you, wondering when the other shoe would drop. You shoved those feelings aside. “Come on, let’s go walk on the beach.” Some emotion flashed across Kylo’s face for just a minute and he stiffened before stepping back so you could begin walking.

The two of you walked back up the pier, going down the stairs and into the sand. Kylo held his shoes and yours in one hand as you walked up the beach in tide, hands laced together. About three-quarters of a mile away from the Pier you stopped. Kylo turned back to look at you. 

You dropped his hand, pulling your shirt over your head and your shorts down before he could say anything. “Let’s swim!” You threw your shirt and shorts onto the dry sand, beaming up at him and giggling. 

Kylo was staring at your swimsuit, eyes darting between the top and bottoms, mouth in a hard line. “No.” Your smile slipped. He was mad. 

“Come on Kylo, just a quick dip. To cool down. Your shorts are trunks, that’s why I asked you to wear them.” You batted your eyelashes at him, turning a little to the side so he could appreciate your ass. 

“Doll put your clothes back on now. We’re going back to the hotel.” Kylo’s jaw was set.  _ And so the other shoe drops _ .

You bit your lip. “Mmmm,” you considered, Kylo dropped the shoes, reading your face well. You smirked at him. “No.” You immediately turned to take off for the water, but Kylo was too quick for you, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you back, away from the water. “Kylo!” you shrieked, laughing. 

He set you down on dry sand near your clothes. You glanced up at him, rage, with just a hint of anxiety written all over his face. You stopped laughing. “Put. Your. Clothes. On.” Kylo seethed at you. 

You blinked at him shaking your head. “Kylo… what? I just want to swim, why does that make you so angry?” You were bewildered at his reaction. “You don’t even have to swim. Just let me take a quick dip and get my hair wet.”

Kylo’s nostrils flared at your words. He took a step closer to you, one hand digging into your hip hard enough to bruise. You realized your exposed body was covered in consensual bruises that would likely not seem consensual to the casual passerby.  _ Oh well. _

Kylo leaned down so his lips were at your ear, one eye staring into yours. “If you don’t put your fucking clothes on and start walking towards the hotel in the next thirty seconds I will carry you to the hotel, tie you up, gag you, edge you for hours and then lock you in the closet. Then we’ll go home tomorrow and repeat that everyday for the next week except you’ll sleep tied to that chair in the basement. And you won’t cum once.” 

You gaped at him. The expression on his face told you he was deadly serious. “What the fuck Kylo?” He moved to reach down and pick you up but you stepped away. “No! Don’t fucking touch me!” Kylo glared at you as he took a step towards you. “Why? Just fucking talk to me Kylo. I’ll put my clothes on. But you have to tell me what the fuck this reaction is.”

“I don’t have to fucking tell you anything,” he snarled at you. 

You were just so confused. You shook your head and held your hands up at him, laughing ironically. “You’re right you don’t. But that’s how relationships work. Stupid me for thinking you were capable of that.”

“Do not fucking laugh at me.” Kylo was still angry, but beneath that you could see hurt.

You rolled your eyes.  _ He would use that to get out of this conversation _ . “Kylo that wasn’t a fucking laugh at you. And you know it.” 

“Just put your clothes on and let’s go back to the hotel,” Kylo whispered, looking away from you. Even though he whispered you could hear hurt and sadness in his voice.  _ God he’s so confusing _ . 

You sighed, looking at him. “Kylo please. Please just talk to me.” You walked up to him, grabbing his hands. 

Kylo looked back at you. His anger had softened somewhat. He clenched his jaw and ground his teeth, shaking his head. “I just had a dream once, alright. Please. Can you just put your clothes on?”

You dropped his hands and nodded, sliding your shorts and shirt on. “Will you tell me about it?” You figured it was worth the ask, but you didn’t expect him to. 

Kylo sighed, shaking his head. “It was stupid. We were here on this beach, at this same spot practically.” He looked away from you again, staring down at the sand. “We...were married, and you were… heavily pregnant.” He paused. 

“What?” you whispered, voice cracking.

“You went to get your hair wet and I went back to our towels. I let you go for a swim  _ alone _ .  _ Just  _ to cool down,  _ just  _ to get your hair wet, I didn’t go with you. I fucking fell asleep. Woke up and a rip tide had killed you and Ben. And the bikini you were wearing...I swear to god it’s the same one you’re wearing now.” 

_ Holy shit _ . A million thoughts ran through your head.  _ Married? Pregnant? He dreams about that? He wants that? I died? We died? Ben?  _

_ Oh Kylo. _ Your heart broke for him. You were shocked he had even admitted that to you.  _ Even his subconscious won’t let him be happy. Won’t let him believe I’m not going anywhere _ .

You wrapped your arms around Kylo, pulling yourself as close to him as possible. “I’m not going anywhere.” Kylo hugged you back. “Let’s go back to the hotel.” You stepped out of Kylo’s arms, grabbing both of your shoes and starting to walk up the sand towards the Pier and street. 

You glanced behind you. Kylo hadn’t moved to follow. You turned around and motioned for him to follow you. 

“Doll…” Kylo started, voice strained. “That’s it? You’re just… accepting that?” 

You walked back over to him, nodding. “Yeah Ky. If you wanna talk about it we certainly can, but I kind of figured you didn’t want to. As much as I love being a brat and pushing you… I don’t want to cause you more pain.” You dropped your voice to a whisper, looking down. “Not again.”

Kylo stared at you for a beat. “Let’s get dinner before we go back to the room.” You could tell something was still off with him. He still looked anxious and upset. 

“Baby it’s okay. We can just go back to the room and get room service or something. It’s okay to be upset and just go home and chill.” You smiled at him, reaching and grabbing his hand to pull him toward the Pier. 

“I know,” he started walking next to you, still holding your hand, “But I want to take you out. I’ll probably relax once we’re off the beach. I like being out with you. Showing you off.” 

You laughed nervously. You weren’t used to someone wanting to take you out, let alone show you off. You weren’t sure you were really anything to show off. But you were just happy to spend time with Kylo. 

The two of you made your way back up to the Pier steps. You both paused to dust the sand off your feet before putting your shoes back on. “God!” Kylo huffed. “Fuck sand! It just fucking gets everywhere!” 

You smirked at him. “You need a drink.”

“You have no fucking idea,” Kylo mumbled. You couldn’t quite make it out but assumed he was just muttering about the sand. 

“Where do you wanna eat? Oh! We should totally just get pier food and play in the arcade! What do you think?” You looked up at Kylo, eyes dancing with excitement. 

“No.” Kylo shut you down immediately. Your face and mood fell, your smile sliding off your face. “We’ll eat at a proper restaurant.” 

You swallowed.  _ I guess sweet Kylo was fun while he lasted. I do miss some of the hardcore sex stuff though.  _ Kylo certainly hadn’t been softly making love to you in the hotel room, but you almost found yourself missing some of the basement shenanigans. “Okay,” you whispered. 

Kylo started walking down the Pier and you followed closely behind him. He led you to The Albright, holding open the door for you. You thanked him and stepped in. 

“Ah, Mr. Ren, everything is all set up for you. The back is closed off and your guests are waiting!” the host beamed at Kylo. You snapped up at Kylo, confused. 

“Guests?” You asked him, confused as all hell. Kylo nodded at the host and grabbed your arm, starting to lead you towards the back patio of the restaurant. “Kylo, what the…”

Kylo opened the door to the patio, revealing Bella, Gigi, Luna, and your parents. Your jaw hit the floor. “W-w-what….” you glanced up at Kylo, then back to your friends and family, then back at Kylo. 

You shook your head at him. He gave you a breathtaking smile. “I thought you’d like to see them,” he murmured, pressing his hand into the small of your back, pushing you out of the door frame and onto the patio. 

Tears pricked your eyes as your parents and friends started to walk closer to you. “One second,” you whispered, holding a finger out to them with a small laugh, so that you could turn around and throw your arms around Kylo’s neck, lips finding his for a short but passionate thank you kiss. “Thank you,” you murmured into his lips. He hummed at you and you let go, turning and engulfing your mom in a hug. 

Dinner passed quickly. Kylo sat next to you but on the outside so that you were in the center and could talk with everyone. Over drinks and delicious food you caught up with your parents and Gigi and Bella and Luna. 

You felt slightly guilty about lying to them regarding certain things. Especially about being okay with leaving UCLA and pursuing your passion of writing as a full time endeavor. You lied and said Kylo had encouraged you to follow your passion even if that meant leaving UCLA. 

Your dad grilled Kylo, who of course charmed everyone. Kylo gave you reassuring squeezes and kisses during the dinner. You swore he always had a hand on you. You returned the favor, giving him reassuring squeezes and kisses, leaning into him. 

You noticed each time he started a new drink. You knew he was using the alcohol to help ease his nerves. Kylo had gotten the tab, damn near fighting your dad for it. Everyone had gotten up, walked out the restaurant and said their goodbyes leaving you and Kylo alone. Kylo was buzzed enough to be completely relaxed.

He almost seemed genuinely  _ happy _ in a way you had never seen him before. He had hugged your parents and friends goodnight, flashing genuine smiles at all of them, promising to take care of you. 

You were equally as intoxicated as Kylo. You couldn’t stop giggling as he hugged everyone. It was just so unlike him. You swayed slightly on your feet. Not so much from the alcohol, neither of you were  _ that _ drunk. Just tipsy enough to feel  _ good _ , but still be lucid and coherent and capable of making decisions for yourself. 

Kylo was making you sway. The way he looked at you. The way he touched you, one hand lingering protectively on the small of your back. 

As you watched your parents and friends disappear up the Pier, Kylo turned to look at you. “I would offer to walk you down the Pier again but I need you back in the hotel room right now.” His voice was low, his need and want for you evident. 

You giggled at him, “Need, or want?” Kylo rolled his eyes at you, leaning down to kiss you, his lips absolutely devouring yours. You moaned softly into his mouth. Somewhere in the back of your mind it occurred to you that you should be slightly embarrassed by the amount of public affection occurring. But you knew every girl who saw Kylo would be wishing she were you. 

Kylo pulled back. “Does it matter?” He asked. You bit your lip and shook your head. Kylo intertwined his hand with yours and started walking up the Pier. 

The two of you waited in silence for the crosswalk to change. You playfully bumped your hip into Kylo. “Behave,” he playfully scolded you. 

You continued bumping your hip into him. “Hey Ky?”

“Yes Doll?” he looked down at you intently. 

“Thank you. For all of this. The hotel, and the shopping, and for planning that surprise dinner.” Your voice went thick with emotion. “But especially, thank you for trying so much and pushing yourself. I see it. I really do. I know you’re doing it for me. And that means more than you’ll ever know.”

Kylo brought a hand to cup your face, his thumb grazing your cheekbone. “You’re welcome.” Kylo flicked his head at you. The light had changed and the two of you crossed the street and continued down to the hotel. 

The alcohol was making you emotional, the reality of the past two days hitting you like a freight train. Kylo was trying for you. You swallowed thickly. You needed him to know what he meant to you. You felt bad it had even taken this long to occur to you. 

The second the elevator door closed you were on Kylo, pinning him against the wall as best you could, feverishly licking into his mouth. You groaned into him. He just tasted so good, made you feel so good. You  _ needed _ to show him what he meant to you, the way he had shown you. 

Kylo pulled back for a second. “Someone’s needy…” He grabbed your ass, squeezing and massaging your cheeks. He went back in to kiss you, but you dodged him. 

“No Kylo.” Concern crossed his face at the desperation in your tone. “I need to show you. I need to show you what you mean to me. Like you did. I need you. I need you to know. Please.” 

“You show me everyday Doll. Each time you let me fuck you. Each time you kiss me. Each time we go out and you don’t leave.”

The elevator doors opened and Kylo walked you out, holding onto your ass as he helped you walk backwards. “No Kylo. Please. Please let me show you. Please let me make you feel good.” 

“Doll you already do.” Kylo opened the door to the room for you. You walked inside, turning around to look at him, sliding your shoes off.

“Kylo I need this. Just for tonight.” You were begging him. Your brain just needed this. Needed to show him. “Please Kylo, just for tonight. Let  _ me  _ fuck  _ you _ .”

“Elaborate…” he said, slipping his shoes off and walking past you and into the bedroom, stripping his shirt off. 

You followed him. You hadn’t really thought that far. You glanced around the room and your eyes focused on the red tie you had bought him. You looked at the four poster bed. “Let me have control. Show me you trust me. Let me tie you to the bed.” 

Kylo scoffed, his eyes narrowing as he sat on the edge of the bed in just his shorts. “Not a chance Doll.” 

“Kylo please. Come on. If I was going to leave I’d have done it already. I’ve had plenty of opportunities over the last two days. Especially tonight at dinner. I’m not going anywhere.” You walked over to him, resting a hand on one of the columns of the four poster bed. “Plus we both know these are made of cheap plywood and you could pull yourself free easily.” 

Kylo stared at you. “And what would you do to me?”

Your heart leapt. He was actually considering it. “Make you feel good. Show you what you mean to me. Not like pain or anything, but just control. Being tied up would just make it feel better for you.” 

“I enjoy being in control.” 

You straddled his lap. “I know. And you can have it back the second you safeword, okay? But Kylo. Trust me like this, please. Let me take care of you for once. If you hate it you safeword and we’ll go back to you in control. I think you’ll like it though. God knows you need to relax.” You ran your hands across his chest. “You deserve to be taken care of Kylo.”

You kissed his neck, sucking and nipping at him. Kylo grunted, his hands sliding under your shirt and lifting it up as he ran his hands up your sides, pulling it over your head. 

“I don’t know…” Kylo hesitated. You moved to the hollow of his neck, sucking hard, the tip of your tongue lightly teasing his skin. Kylo shivered.

“Please,” you spoke into him. It was the last time you’d ask. You didn’t want to pressure him too much. “You deserve to be taken care of too, Kylo. I promise.”

Kylo sighed and chewed on his lips for a few minutes while you sucked hickies into his neck and chest, tracing your fingertips lightly over your initials that you had carved into him. “Okay. But Doll. Please,” his voice cracked just slightly, “Please don’t make me regret this. I don’t know if I could recover.”

You gasped slightly at his answer. You smiled at him. “You won’t regret it. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You peppered his face with kisses and then stood back up. 

You went and grabbed four of the ties you had bought Kylo, setting them on the bed next to him. You pushed his shoulders so that he fell back onto the bed. Your hands trailed down his chest and torso to the waistband of his shorts. “These,” you grunted, fingers dipping below the waistband of his shorts and boxers, “Need to come off.” You pulled them off Kylo, tossing them to the side. 

You smirked at Kylo - he was already hard for you. “For me?” you asked him, one hand pumping him softly. 

Kylo’s hips bucked up into your hand, “Yes,” he groaned, “Only for you. Always for you. Whenever you want.”

“Mm,” you smiled, nodding. “Middle of the bed baby. Spread eagle.”

Kylo paused for a minute, his breathing increasing before he did as you asked. “Hey,” you caressed his ankle. “Are you sure? If you’re not comfortable we don’t have to.”

You saw him nod slightly. “I’m sure Doll. I’ve just never… been on the receiving end of something like this. So I’m just… nervous? Not in a bad way. Just… a lot of trust you know?” 

You grabbed two of the ties, wrapping one around each of Kylo’s ankles before moving off the bed and tying each to one of the pillars at the end of the bed. “Okay?’ you asked him. 

“Yeah.” You grabbed the other two ties and hopped back on the bed, straddling Kylo. He brought his hands to your hips. “You have too many clothes on,” he murmured, moving his hands up to your face.

You ignored him, looking down at him. “I know how much trust this takes for you. I do. And it means a lot to me to know that you trust me that much.” You leaned down and kissed him, slowly at first, but the kiss quickly devolved into a passionate frenzy. 

Kylo’s hands slid up to your chest, pulling at the bow in between your breasts, so that it came undone. You pulled back, Kylo protesting by biting your lower lip. You chuckled, moving off of Kylo. “Wrists,” you instructed him. Kylo held them out, and you tied a tie around each, before crawling up the bed. Kylo put his arms out for you and you tied him to each pillar. 

“Now the real fun begins,” you said looking down and winking at him, a devious smile on your face. You slid off the bed and quickly took all your clothes off, not wanting Kylo to be triggered by the swimsuit again. “Safewords? You need one for telling me to stop a particular act but that is short of completely stop.”

“The usual for stop it all,” Kylo hummed as he thought of a second word. “Pineapple for stop this but you can continue other things.” He swallowed. 

You came back on the bed, straddling him once again. “Got it.” You pushed his hair back so it all fell behind his face. “So handsome,” you murmured, fingers lightly tracing down Kylo’s face. He didn’t say anything but was breathing hard through his nose. 

You leaned down, kissing him gently on the lips before moving back down to his neck, sucking hard over his jugular. Kylo rolled his hips up into you, pressing his erection hard in between your legs. You pulled away from his neck, looking down at him. “No moving. You’ve already been bad by untying my top.” 

Kylo’s lips twitched, but he brought his hips back down. “But you’re so wet and ready for me.” 

You wrapped a hand around this throat, squeezing just enough for him to get the point. “You’ll only speak when spoken to.” You were feeling bold. Kylo needed to relax and see that giving up control every now and again could be a good thing. But you had to balance that with showing him what he meant to you. 

“What?” he hissed at you, his arms tugging at his makeshift restraints. You increased your grip on his throat. 

“You heard me. Only answer direct questions.” You struggled to keep a smile off your face and look serious.

“Doll…”

“Enough,” you snapped at him. Kylo’s lips twitched up in a small smile. “Oh you like being a brat?” You raised your eyebrows at him, scooting off of him so that you were between his legs.

“It’s surprisingly nice to give you a taste of your own medicine,” he smirked at you. 

You grinned devilishly at him. “Oh I know exactly what you mean.”

You dropped your head, taking his head in your mouth, swirling your tongue slowly around him. Kylo inhaled sharply, you felt his hips twitch below your hands. You ran your tongue up and down his slit before taking more of him in your mouth. 

“Oh fuck,” Kylo moaned. You chuckled around him but pinched his hips hard as a reminder that he shouldn’t be talking. 

You took a deep breath through your nose, relaxing as much as you could before taking him completely in your mouth, his head rubbing along the back of your throat. You sucked, hollowing your cheeks around him and pulled back up before bobbing back down so all of him was in your mouth again. 

One hand came down to massage Kylo’s balls firmly. “Fuck I’m going to cum so fast.” You squeezed his balls just slightly too hard making him yelp. Another reminder to stop talking. You continued deep throating Kylo, saying a silent thank you to the alcohol for relaxing your muscles. 

After a few minutes you felt Kylo’s balls tighten against his body, his orgasm moments away. You pulled back swirling around his head, the tip of your tongue teasing his frenulum. You took him all the way in your mouth again, and he started to stutter about how close he was. 

His hips twitched as he struggled to keep himself from fucking your mouth. His breathing became ragged and his hips stilled. You immediately pulled your hand and mouth off of him, denying him his release. 

“What?!” Kylo screamed as you sat up. His hips bucked in the air, searching for anything to fuck. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” 

You chuckled at him. “You were told not to talk.” You kneaded his balls gently, enough to feel good, but not enough to let him cum. “And like you said. It’s fun giving a taste of your own medicine.”

“Doll,” Kylo snarled at you. 

“Are you safewording Kylo?” You crawled back up so you were straddling him around his chest, deliberately far enough up so that he couldn’t roll his hips against you. “You have to use your specific words if you are.” You smiled sweetly at him.

Kylo’s nostrils flared, his jaw clenched as he again pulled against the restraints. You could see him thinking, deciding if he could take more. “No,” he seethed at you. But the sparkle in his eyes told you he was enjoying himself. “But remember payback’s a bitch.”

You tsked at him, your hand coming up to his chin and pushing his head up. “I think we can put this mouth of yours to better use.” You moved on the bed so that you were above Kylo, your knees touching his shoulders. You brought one hand between your legs to spread yourself open before lowering yourself on Kylo’s face. 

His tongue immediately flicked at your clit. “That’s a good boy,” you moaned, grinding into him as his tongue explored your folds. Kylo pumped his tongue into you a few times, before he brought his mouth to suck around your clit, gently biting it.

“Ahhh Kylo.” Your legs started to shake. That familiar tension grew between your legs and in your belly. “So fucking good with your mouth.” 

He hummed below you, the praise making him suck and bite you just a bit harder, eager to please you. His arms yanked at the restraints, you imagined he desperately wanted to slip a finger in you as he stroked himself. 

Abruptly you tore yourself away from him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of cumming in his mouth. “No!” he yelled. “I want you to cum on my face Doll. I wanna taste you,” Kylo whined. 

You moved back down so you were straddling him, his cock flat against himself and between your folds. You stuck your lip out at him. “Aww poor little boy,” you mock whimpered at him. 

“Ughh,” Kylo groaned, closing his eyes and pushing his head back into the bed. You started rolling your hips against Kylo, using his head to tease your clit. Kylo started to move his hips, attempting to shift so that he could slide into you. 

“No.” You stilled. “Don’t move.” He stopped and you resumed grinding against him. “Fuck,” you moaned. His mouth had gotten you close to cumming and the way his head rubbed against your clit as you rolled against him brought you right back to the edge. 

“You’re going to make me cum like this,” Kylo moaned. You ignored him, too close to your own orgasm to give a fuck that he was speaking out of turn. You increased your speed, panting wildly as you chased your own release. 

You reached back with one hand to cup Kylo’s balls. “Fuck!” he moaned, hips involuntarily bucking against you. 

“Shit,” you groaned, the way Kylo’s hips moved making his head rub your clit even more deliciously. You felt the warmth of his precrum against your clit and it sent you over the edge, your hips stilling as you came, Kylo continuing to grind into you. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you moaned as you rode out your orgasm, thighs shaking and struggling to continue holding you up. 

“Yes,” Kylo whispered, still grinding against you. You collapsed on his chest, your body still close enough to him that he could roll against you and get the friction he needed. “I’m so close… fuck Doll… I, I, I-”

You rolled off of him. “Fuck!” Kylo roared, legs and arms yanking against the ties, the columns creaking. “I swear to fucking god Doll!”

You laughed next to him. “You know it’ll just make your eventual orgasm that much better.” You sat back up so you could look at his face and evaluate him. His eyes were red and rimmed with tears, the two denials almost too much for him. 

“Yeah?” he growled, “Are you actually going to fucking let me cum? Or are you going to make me safeword?” 

“Ah. Yeah it would suck to be so close to cumming and be denied. Seems familiar to me.” You brought your hand to your face and made a sarcastic thinking face. “Oh yeah that’s what happened the first time  _ you  _ fucked  _ me. _ ” You rolled your eyes at him. 

He glared back at you. “You know that won’t end well for you. You think I won’t break the columns? You think I’d let you cum anytime in the next month? I thought you were supposed to be showing me what I mean to you?”

Your face immediately fell. “I’m so sorry.” The words came out as a cracked whisper.

Hurt clouded your face, tears now stinging your eyes as you moved up to untie one of his wrists. 

“I’m sorry. That was too far. I know you’re getting there. I know what I mean to you without all this. You’ve made that incredibly clear this trip, and like I said earlier you do all the time,” Kylo said, sighing. “Don’t untie me. You’re still here with me and I don’t understand why. I’m so sorry. Please keep going Doll.”

“I don’t think I can.” You shook your head. 

You kept moving up to his wrist, head spinning with the overwhelming feelings of sadness, anxiety, and shame. You had obviously gotten caught up in the control, forgetting what your real goal for the evening was. And now you had completely blown it. Kylo thought he was nothing to you when that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Don’t stop, don’t untie me. I’m just fucking  _ frustrated _ and not used to not being in control, and I just want to be inside you okay?” he huffed, cock throbbing against his stomach. “I need you. Please just leave the ties and fuck me. Please.”

“Are you sure?” you whispered. 

“Yes Doll. Please just… fuck me.”

“Do not move, okay?”

He nodded once at you. You straddled Kylo once again, scooting up so you were closer to his chest than his torso. You leaned over him, licking his fingers slowly. “These fingers,” you kissed them, “So thick, they fill me up so good.” You felt Kylo relax below you as he realized you were doing to him what he had done to you two nights ago. 

You trailed your lips down to the palm of his hand. “Your hands are so big,” you nuzzled your nose against his palm. Kylo’s breathing increased, a soft moan escaping his lips. “I love the way one of them feels around my throat,” the tip of your tongue circled his palm, “love having your handprint on my ass.”

You trailed your tongue up his arm to his shoulder, feeling him shiver beneath you. “Your arms. God bless the UCLA strength coach.” You kissed his shoulder. “For helping you get strong enough to hold me against a shower wall while you fucked me.” 

You brought yourself to his jaw, kissing down one side and up the other before moving to plant kisses all over his face. “Doll,” he breathed. He sounded strange, like he was overcome with emotion.  _ Probably not used to being treated this way _ . 

“You don’t realize how fucking handsome you are.” You kissed his lips. “So beautiful it hurts. You don’t seem to see the way women look at you. You could have anyone you wanted.” You pulled back slightly so you could look into his eyes. “Your eyes and the way they burn, the central heterochromia making them look like they’re glowing embers.” 

“Full, plush lips that I love having all over my body.” You spoke into his lips, kissing him softly before biting at his lower lip. You moved back to his forehead. 

“And your hair,” you ran your fingers through his waves, earning a small grunt in pleasure from Kylo. “Well, I’ve already told you how much I love it.” You rubbed your nose on his forehead, smiling. “All down, half up, half braided. Perfectly waved. I love that you love it when I play with it and scratch your scalp. That it relaxes you.”

“And your mind Kylo. You don’t know how smart you are. And you definitely don’t realize how giving and loyal you are, despite all you’ve been through. I know you’d do anything for me. You’re so capable and headstrong. It drives me insane but I love it.” 

You moved down slightly so you were looking him in the eyes again. “You don’t realize how much strength and courage you have to carry on with what you’ve been through.” Kylo swallowed hard. “You’re smarter than you’ll admit to yourself, and the way you read people and anticipate reactions, it comes from trauma and that sucks, but it makes you you. You’re thoughtful, and attentive in ways you don’t even realize.” 

You scooted down kissing his collarbones and all over his chest. “Such a broad chest. I love falling asleep on it, listening to your heartbeat. I swear this little nook between your shoulders and your chest was made for my head.” Your kisses trailed down. “Your fucking abs. God.” You nipped down them. “I love that you use your core strength to fuck me into a sobbing mess.” 

Kylo let out a long breath as you trailed kisses down his happy trail, pausing to nuzzle into it, one hand lightly holding his dick to the side. “I could live here,” you spoke into him. 

“Please do,” Kylo murmured, his cock twitching in your hand, precum leaking onto your fingers. You laughed into him, bringing your head teasingly close to part of his shaft and balls before diverting down to plant kisses along his leg. “Yes you love my legs, they’re strong, we don’t have to do them,” he whined. 

“Yes,” you planted kisses down his thigh, hand moving off his cock, “We do.” You traced your tongue down his calf, before moving across to his other leg. “You’re right. They are strong and I do love them.” You kissed back up his other leg, slowing as you kissed your way up his inner thigh. “I could look at you forever.”

You kissed your way to his balls, Kylo groaning when your lips finally made contact with them. “Now this whole situation,” you took one of his balls in your mouth and sucked lightly, Kylo moaned in delight. “I’m sure you know how I feel about it.” 

You licked from the base of his balls up to his tip, lapping up the precum that had pooled on his stomach. “Fuck you taste so good.” You sat up, lifting your hips. You dipped one hand in your folds, getting your fingers heavily slicked with your own arousal and cum before grabbing Kylo’s cock, lining him up at your entrance and sliding down onto him. 

Both of you moaned. You paused for a minute, reveling in the way he stretched you and made you feel so, so full. “You stretch me perfectly,” you breathed, starting to ride him at a slow pace. “The dick is just fucking immaculate Kylo. Far and away the best sex of my life.” You picked up the pace a bit. 

“You’re being such a good boy for me. So quiet just like I told you.” Kylo was moaning and whimpering but doing remarkably well in not saying any actual words. His eyes were closed, mouth parted as he concentrated on not immediately cumming inside you. 

You reached up and pulled at the knots of the ties, releasing his hands from them. He immediately brought one hand to play with a nipple, the other coming to rub at your clit, making you roll your head back. 

You reached your slicked hand back behind yourself and brought one finger to slowly circle Kylo’s tight hole. His eyes shot open and he looked at you, chest heaving and mouth slightly agape. “I can stop. Say the word and I will.” You stopped your finger, but continued to ride Kylo, picking your pace up again. 

“I trust you,” he said, staring you in the eyes. “One.” You raised your eyebrows at him, your finger circling him again, pressing into him a little harder. “Doll...” Kylo moaned. 

“Yes,” you breathed. It was getting harder for you to be able to ride him as his hands and cock brought you towards another orgasm. Kylo immediately moved his hips as he felt you slow down, relentlessly fucking up into you. “I’m not... not, going to last…” you trailed off, lost in the feeling of Kylo inside of you.

You increased the pace of your circles, teasing his entrance. “Kylo I’m...” You rasped as he increased the rate at which he flicked your clit, pulling your nipple hard. You shattered on top of him, your orgasm washing over you. You were aware that you were absolutely screaming Kylo’s name, but you didn’t care. 

“Fuck Doll….” Kylo groaned as you clamped down around him. “I’m gonna, please...please let me cum.” 

“Yesyesyes, cum for me Kylo, please I need it. Look at me in the eyes.” As you spoke you slipped your finger inside him, pressed your thumb against his perineum and gently squeezed your fingers together, stroking at his p-spot.

If you thought you had been loud Kylo made you sound like a church mouse. He came hard inside of you, screaming your name over and over again as his eyes burned into your soul until they finally had to snap shut. His hips slowed and you started rocking yours again, riding him through his orgasm, continuing to ride him after. You slipped your finger out of him, resting both of your hands on his chest. 

His hands found your hips, holding them still. “Too much…” he whispered. “Holy fuck.” You stilled, stretching back to pull the knots around his ankles so that he was no longer restrained. You collapsed into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you, crushing you into him. “I can’t even…” he murmured into the top of your head. 

You nodded against him, resting in his arms for a bit before peeling yourself off him. “Just need to pee.”

You went to the bathroom quickly, scrubbing your fingers clean and swaying back to bed. You grabbed two water bottles on your way, tossing one at Kylo before drinking yours.. Kylo had moved up so that his head was against a pillow and the sheet was over him, he started drinking as well. You sat on the edge of the bed and gave him a small smile. “Was that… okay? Did I show you? I really need you to know Kylo, and if I messed that up I can try a different way.”

Kylo looked at you and made a come-hither motion with his finger, setting his water on the nightstand. You frowned, dropping your water on the floor, sliding over towards him. “No frowning,” he said, pulling you so that you were laying on top of him, your head resting on his shoulder, chest on his. He looked down at you. “I know I was an asshole there for a minute. But I promise you Doll. I know. What I said in the elevator. I meant it. You show me all the time. Especially by staying when you have the ability to leave.”

You relaxed slightly in his arms and Kylo held you closer to him. The two of you rested in silence for fifteen minutes or so, your hand absentmindedly tracing the freckles and moles that littered Kylo’s chest. Eventually he leaned down and gave you a kiss. “I’ve never been treated like that Doll. It’s never been about me. I’ve never been made to feel like that.” He swallowed. “No one has ever said those things to me. I could feel it in every touch and kiss. What I mean to you.” He stroked your face with one hand. 

You nodded at him, eyes searching his. “Good, because I need you to know. I need it.” You bit your lip before continuing. “I know you worry I’ll leave you, but I have that same anxiety Kylo.”

Kylo’s brows furrowed. “I could never leave you Doll. In the same way I couldn’t let you leave, I couldn’t leave you. I can’t picture my life without you in it in some capacity.”

“Good.” You rolled over so that you were completely on top of him under the sheet, face to face. Kylo pushed his lips out at you and you leaned in to kiss him, running your fingers through his hair. His hands found your ass, fingers digging in deep enough to bruise. You groaned into his mouth as you felt him harden beneath you, cock rising and pressing at your center. “Already?” you murmured, pulling back and smirking at him. 

Kylo quickly flipped you so that you were beneath him, his hands resting beside your face, caging you in. You realized how safe you felt with him and smiled. “Care to share?” Kylo asked you as he dipped to kiss and nip at your neck. 

“I feel safe…” you moaned as he sucked a nipple into his mouth, teeth lightly grazing it, tongue flicking along it. You shivered, arching your back into his mouth. Kylo hummed at you, causing a sharp intake of breath on your part. 

He repeated his actions on your other nipple, your hands pulling at his hair. “Please,” you breathed at him. 

“What do you want Doll?” Kylo asked, planting kisses in the valley between your breasts before trailing his tongue along your collar bones, and returning to flick his tongue firmly against your nipples. 

“You,” you softly whimpered.

“Be more specific Doll. Use your words.” Kylo bit your nipple softly, making you groan in pleasure. 

“Fuck, Kylo. I want you. Inside me.” You dug your nails into his scalp when he bit your nipple again before pulling up and releasing it. 

He moved back to your other nipple. “How do you want me?” He took you in his mouth, tongue swirling around your nipple as he sucked. 

“Ahhh, Kyyy,” you squirmed beneath him. “Like we are now. Slow. I want to feel you. Every inch.” Kylo released this nipple in the same fashion before pressing himself up to look at you. 

He supported himself on one hand as he moved his other below your arm, so he could prop himself up on his elbow. The hand he had been supporting himself on came between the two of you, lining himself up at your entrance. He pushed just his tip in before bringing his other arm down beside you.

Kylo brought his face to yours, his hot breath hitting your lips. Staring into your eyes, he pushed fully inside of you, a long hot breath of air escaping him. “Fuck you’re so tight. Your cunt was made for me.”

You nodded at him, fixated on the way his eyes were black, pupils so blown his amber irises were barely visible. Kylo dragged himself out of you slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. Just before his head slipped completely out of you he slowly pressed himself back in. “Mmmmm, Kylo,” you purred, wrapping your legs around him, letting him slide in even deeper. 

“Fuck,” Kylo sighed, picking his pace up just a few seconds so that you could still feel every inch of him drag along your walls, but providing more delicious friction for the both of you. Kylo kissed you deeply, the both of you swallowing the other’s moans. His hands slid up and underneath your shoulders, turning so that he cupped your shoulders as he continued fucking you. 

The kiss and drag of him along your walls made you dizzy, a tingly pleasure running over your entire body. Abruptly Kylo brought his knees down, breaking the kiss just long enough to pull the both of you up so that he was kneeling and you were effectively straddling him. Your hands wrapped tightly around his neck, helping him support you.

Kylo slid his hands down to cup your ass. “Wrap your legs,” he whispered to you before kissing you again. You did as instructed, wrapping your legs around his hips. Kylo’s core and hip strength allowed him to keep dragging himself in and out of you as his tongue ran over yours, your bodies pressed together closely. He used his grip on your ass to help pull and push you off and onto him, lessening the strain on his core and hips. 

You wanted to melt. He was being so intimate and soft. It only increased the sensations of pleasure throughout your body, heightening the warm heat that was building in your lower abdomen. You could feel it. How much he cared for you. How much he wanted you. Kylo started to pull his head away from yours, and you protested with a groan. He straightened his back, creating a gap between your chests. 

Breathy moans continued to leave you. “Kylo,” you murmured, “Kiss me.”

He shook his head, tongue darting out to wet his lips, his eyes glancing down. “I want you to watch.” You tore your eyes from Kylo’s, dropping them down, taking a sharp breath. 

In this position you could see the way Kylo’s hips and thighs flexed everytime he thrust into you and dragged himself out. More, you could watch his cock slide in and out of you. Watching him fuck you, matching the visual to the way his cock was making you feel made your brain short circuit, cunt clenching around Kylo. 

Kylo brought one hand from your ass to between the two of you, positioning his hand so his thumb could flick at your clit, but the rest was pressed against your womb, letting you continue to watch. 

“I’m….” you couldn’t stop watching Kylo’s cock slide in and out of you, his thumb flicking your swollen, throbbing clit in just the right way. “Holy f-fuck Kylo.”

He increased the pace of his thumb, the hitches in your breathing telling him you were about to fall over the edge. “Gonna… cum… Kylo.” You watched as Kylo fucked you through your orgasm, body on fire as pleasure ripped through every cell in your body, cunt clamping down on Kylo. 

“Shit,” he muttered, pushing up and dropping you softly back onto the bed without ever leaving you. “God I fucking… fuck…”

“Cum for me Ky… please… I wanna feel your cum dripping out of me.” You wrapped your legs back around him. Kylo grunted, his head dropping to your shoulder, his teeth biting into your skin. 

His hips stilled as he pushed himself all the way into you one last time. You rolled your hips as Kylo bit into your shoulder harder, cumming deep inside of you. A strangled moan ripped from his chest as you continued rolling your hips through his orgasm. 

Kylo collapsed on top of you, his weight feeling delicious on you in your postorgasm haze. He kissed the bite mark on your shoulder, nuzzling his face into your neck. 

“God,” he groaned into your neck. 

“Good?” you teased him, your hands coming up to run through his waves. 

“Understatement of the year,” he murmured. 

Kylo rolled off of you and you rolled into him, curling yourself into his chest. The two of you stayed like this for a while before Kylo dragged you to the bathroom, helping get you ready for bed. 

Back in bed you both laid on your sides, you pressed yourself into Kylo, one hand slid under his shoulder and wrapped up around his neck, the other resting at his waist. Kylo wrapped his arms around you, wordlessly pulling you as close to him as possible. You let out a contented sigh, pressing your ear to his chest so that you could listen to his heartbeat. 

You were hyper aware of the feeling of Kylo’s arms around you, the way his hand seemed to cover your entire back, the way his fingers and palm felt as he stroked your hair, the way his legs felt tangled up in yours, his breath on your scalp. You felt safe. Cared for. Loved. 

That last feeling scared you. You tried to ruminate on it but Kylo’s hand stroking your hair and his heartbeat lulled you into a deep sleep.

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo smiled down at you, laughing to himself. He had let you sleep in, waking you with his tongue shortly before you needed to checkout. He arranged for all of your bags to be delivered to the house leaving the two of you free to do whatever you wanted with the day. 

Remembering your request from the previous night, Kylo had suggested you two spend the day at the Pier, eating greasy pier food, playing the games and in the arcade and riding the rides. He came to appreciate the way your smile was slightly wider when you were this carefree. The way your head would tilt slightly backwards when you laughed, eyes scrunching closed. The way you’d instinctively bring your hand out and up to swat his arm or chest when you laughed. 

It made Kylo loosen up in a way he hadn’t since he was a small child. He felt happy. Content. Some other emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something that made him feel a deep need to protect you, to make you feel cared for, to make you happy, always. Something that almost made him think he could let you go if you told him that’s what you needed to be happy. Almost. 

Love. It popped into Kylo’s head about halfway through the afternoon as you threw your arms around him, jumping into him because he had won you a large teddy bear in some stupid carnival game. You giggled into his lips as you kissed him, the game attendant awkwardly staring at the two of you while he waited to hand you the bear. 

Grabbing the bear you had beamed at Kylo, telling him the plush bunny he had bought you earlier now had a friend, and could live on your bed.  _ Your bed _ . The wording wasn’t lost on Kylo. Earlier in the trip you had said our bed.

And so, love had popped into Kylo’s mind. He was quick to dismiss the thought. He just knew. Kylo Ren wasn’t capable of love. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kylo sat at the kitchen island, watching you intently. The two of you had ubered back to his place not too long ago, after you insisted you make a stop at a grocery store just to grab a few things to make for dinner. You were putting the rest of the groceries away while cooking a light meal. 

Kylo had tried to help but you had told him to just sit and let you put everything away and make some dinner. He had fought, but you were tenacious, and he let himself give into what he realized was your drive to care for him. 

Eventually dinner was ready and you sat on the barstool next to him, making light conversation as you ate. Kylo was finishing the dishes as you lounged on the couch in the living room, back against the corner of the couch, flicking through the TV. When he finished he came and gently shoved your legs apart so that he could lay between your legs, resting his head on your chest. 

“Hi, Handsome.” You smiled at him as he got comfortable. 

Kylo sighed into your chest, and you chuckled, running your hand through his hair. 

“You okay?” You asked him. 

He nodded into you. “Just tired.”

You hummed in agreement. “Post-vacation or whatever-the-fuck-that-was depression.”

“We could just keep doing that. But abroad. Just say fuck it and travel around Europe or Asia, or South America until we found somewhere that feels like home.” Kylo brought his head up to look at you. He was deadly serious. It was a plan he had thought about before. 

You looked at him with wide eyes and vague confusion, nodding slowly. “How… would we… do that?”

You weren’t saying no. Kylo beamed at you. “We just go. Figure out where to stay and where to go once we get there.”

“Financially though?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m more than fine both for cash on hand and investments.”

“Uh-huh.” Your voice was strained as you looked away from him, lips twitching downward as you considered. “I can’t afford that. Unfortunately. I’d love to do that with you someday.”

Kylo scoffed, almost offended. “Don’t be stupid, Doll. I would pay for you.”

He felt you stiffen slightly beneath him. “I’m not stupid. And I can’t accept you paying for everything for me. You’ve done way the fuck too much already.”

Kylo placed his elbow next to your leg on the couch and leaned on it so that he was looking up at you. He furrowed his brows, unsure of why you were being like this. “I like buying you things and paying for you.”

You sighed and ran your hand through your hair, leaving it to press against the side of your head. “I know you do Kylo.” Your voice was short, and curt, snippy almost. Kylo sat up completely, moving your legs to rest on the top of his thighs as he turned to look at you. “And I appreciate that and I like that. But it’s everything. Every fucking thing.”

“And…” Kylo said sardonically, moving his head as he spoke, eyebrows raised. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he fought to stay in control and not let anger completely wash over him. Anger wasn’t the right emotion for him to be feeling and he knew that. The anger only concealed the underlying hurt that stems from you rejecting him. Because to Kylo that’s what this was - you rejecting his offer to take care of you. 

“And I hate that.” You pulled your legs off him and curled them under you. “I like being self-sufficient. I like working and earning my own money to pay for things that I want.” You paused, shaking your head slightly. “It’s just the perfect example of how wrong this is in so many ways. You’ve-”

Kylo flinched hard at your words, pushing himself back into the couch, panic flooding his system. He cut you off. “How wrong  _ what _ is?” He practically spat the question at you. 

“Us Kylo, fucking us!” You got off the sofa to stand and pace. “I have no free fucking will here. I want to be with you. But I don’t have any independence.” You turned and looked at him with your hands on your hips. Kylo opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “You have me completely dependent on you deliberately. And wanting to pay for me, and  _ expecting _ me to just let you financially take care of me is the perfect fucking manifestation of that.”

Kylo’s heart pounded so hard he could feel it as it shattered in his chest. You were right, you knew it and so did he. It was, in a way, the whole point. If you depended on him financially it made it difficult, if not impossible for you to leave him. He stood and turned around, walking to the bookshelf to put some space between the two of you. He turned back and looked at you. “It’s not-”

But you didn’t let him speak. “Don’t say that’s not what it is Kylo, we both know it’s true.” His nostrils flared at your words and attitude at him. “I mean what the fuck are we doing here?” You motioned with your hand to his house. “Seriously, Ky. What’s next? What are we supposed to fucking do all day? With our lives? We can’t just sit around in your house and fuck all day everyday. You know that. I would hate that. I need to be doing something. Something I care about. I can’t just be...” you shrugged at him and looked away. “I don’t know, Kylo, I can’t just be locked in your house for the rest of my life.”

Kylo clenched and unclenched his jaw, shifting it right and left as he considered your words. He put his hands up in front of his chest and shook his head. “Doll,” his voice trembled and he dropped his eyes from you, pissed the hurt was getting the better of him. He glanced back up at you, realizing your face has softened.  _ Oh.  _ It clicked in his brain and Kylo realized showing his hurt was actually better. He almost felt bad for manipulating you like this, but he needed you, and if this was how it had to be, then so be it. 

“I don’t know.” Kylo’s voice was a whisper as he turned away from you to stare at the bookshelf, resting his hands on one of the shelves. “I knew you’d want out.”

“Ky.” You sighed his name and a moment later he heard you start to pad across the room to him. You wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed your head into his back. Kylo didn’t move. “I am not saying I don’t want to be with you, or that I want out. I’m just saying I need more... normalcy. A job. The ability to come and go freely. You know? A life. A life with you, Kylo.” 

He did his best to relax in your arms, though your words about a job and the ability to come and go freely left him wildly on edge. He didn’t want that for you. He didn’t want you to not come back one day, or have someone convince you this wasn’t healthy. But Kylo knew he needed to tread carefully here. 

He took his hands off the shelf and turned around in your arms, bringing his hand to cup your face. “I’m sorry.” Kylo shook his head gently. “I want a life with you too. A real life. I don’t know what that means exactly, or how we get there. But… I think we can figure it out together.” Kylo gave you a sad smile once he was done telling you half-truths. 

“I think we can too.” You angled your head up and pursed your lips out at him, asking for a kiss which he leaned down and gave you. “I just… it’s hard for me. Thinking about what we will do tomorrow to keep busy and make time pass and you know… engage our minds I guess.”

Kylo hummed in consideration at you. “Honestly Doll, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I think that’s something we have to figure out tomorrow. Take it day by day for right now.”

You bit your lip and Kylo could see you fighting with yourself. He blew out a short breath through his nose, not quite a scoff but enough to let you know he knew, and didn’t appreciate you trying to continue this conversation. 

You nodded and whispered. “Okay.” You tightened your arms around him in a hug. 

He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. “Why don’t we go up to bed and watch a movie or something and get an early night. I think we’re both exhausted. The last few days have been a lot.”

“That sounds nice,” you murmured into him. 

Kylo led you by the hand up to his room and the two of you changed and climbed into bed together, the unfinished character of your conversation palpable in the air. Kylo studied you as you found something to watch. He knew something would have to give or he’d be forced to lock you in the basement again. 

Once you got the movie started you smiled up at him genuinely, giving him a lingering kiss that saw your tongue outline his lips before you curled yourself into his chest. As Kylo wrapped his arms around you tightly around you he knew things would be alright. One way or another. Kylo would have a life with you. 

**[Your POV]**

You felt Kylo’s hand draped across your side, his legs tangled in yours. With each breath his chest would graze your back. You took a few deep breaths to compose yourself from the dream and slipped out of bed to use the bathroom. As you washed and dried your hands you thought back on the conversation you and Kylo had after dinner. 

You had not been happy with the way the conversation ended, to say the least. But you could tell Kylo was tired and growing angrier. The time you spent together in Santa Monica weighed heavily on your mind then and now. He had tried so hard, relaxed so much. So you had respected his silent plea to end the conversation. 

There would be no good way to bring it up with him again. Ever since you had arrived home from the hotel he had seemed tense and on edge. Looking at yourself in the mirror your eyes fell to Kylo’s initials carved into your thigh, giving you an idea. 

It had been a while since the two of you had rough sex where Kylo took complete control. As much as he was always dominant while the two of you fucked, excluding that one time in the hotel, you hadn’t indulged in a basement style scene in a while, and he had been so giving and tried so hard in Santa Monica. 

_ Maybe that’s what we both need. He needs the release of making me submit, of being in complete control in that environment. I need the release of being made to submit, the comfort of being completely at his mercy.  _

You smiled at yourself in the mirror before walking into the bedroom and glancing at Kylo. You grabbed a post-it off his desk, and scribbled ‘Come find me’ on it, leaving it on your pillow. Entering the basement you took a deep breath and flicked on one of the lights, your resolve to do this faltering as the smell of bleach hit you. Memories of the last events that occurred down here flooded your brain. You shook your head and mentally told yourself to stop. 

Both the black duffle and smaller white duffle were down here, sat on the floor next to the workbench. You walked over and opened the white duffle, smiling as you realized Kylo had placed all the gifts he had bought you inside. 

After looking them all over you decided on the lilac tulle Agent Provocateur set and the black stockings that had lace trimming around the thighs. The pale pink satin Louboutins would complete your look, though you pulled the ballerina style straps out, setting them back in the duffle. 

You placed the outfit on the workbench and started digging into the white bag, looking at all the toys and other sex accoutrements that Kylo had put in it. You were pretty sure you didn’t even know what half of them were, and convinced the other half were torture devices. There were several wands and vibrators of various shapes and sizes and colors, blindfolds, rope, nipple clamps, gloves that appeared to have small needles or pins on them, handcuffs, butt plugs, what you assumed were several different varieties of floggers, paddles, spreader bars, ball gags, a bar gag, another thing that looked like a gag, but the bit was a hollow metal circle. There was a leather pouch that wrapped in on itself and when you untied and unrolled it there was an assortment of scalpels and blades, several spiked wheels that moved, progressing from dull to razor sharp. 

Overwhelmed from the sheer amount of things to pick from, combined with not knowing what the fuck half of them were you opted for just arranging all of it in front of the chair you’d be sitting in to wait for Kylo. Once that was done you grabbed the lingerie and slipped into the bathroom to change into it. As you finished adjusting the stockings and fluffing your hair so it looked nice anxiety began to drip through you. 

In your eagerness you hadn’t stopped to consider the fact that Kylo would be waking up without you by his side with a note saying ‘come find me’. You realized now that it would likely cause him to panic. Unable to cope with the idea of making Kylo panic you decided to return upstairs and wake him in the outfit, then ask to go to the basement. 

Walking out the bathroom door you heard Kylo slam open the basement door and start flying down the stairs. You quickly made your way to the chair, sitting in it with your hands on your knees and your gaze on the floor. 

As Kylo made the last step and turned into the room you heard him snarl, “What the fuck?”

**[Kylo’s POV]**

The sunlight seeping in through the curtains made Kylo stir. Still half-asleep he stretched and reached out in your direction to pull you close. But his arms never came in contact with you, making him sit straight up. He grabbed the note off your pillow as his stomach dropped, the cold sensation of panic coursing his veins. 

“Doll?” Kylo called out your name as he got out of bed, quickly checking the bathroom and the office before racing downstairs. He called your name louder, his voice growing more and more frantic each time as he scanned the living room and kitchen for you. As much as Kylo couldn’t believe you would leave him after promising not to, he could, because that’s what everyone else had done, and you were clearly not happy with the resolution of the argument last night. He took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to maintain composure, but he was desperate to hit something, to display and cope with his emotions the only way he knew how. Violence. 

He stepped in the garage and saw the car was still there. The basement occurred to Kylo. But he wasn’t sure why you would go down there given all that had happened down there.  _ She wouldn’t. She’s gone. The basement is too simple. _ He decided to check anyway, because driving around aimlessly looking for you felt futile. 

Kylo stepped back in the house and opened the door to the basement.  _ The light.  _ Realizing the light had to mean you’re down there, or were down there, he flew down the stairs, stepping into the room and taking in the sight of you. You were all dolled up in lingerie, toys and devices spread out before you, sat in the chair looking down. 

“What the fuck?” Kylo snarled at you. 

“What the fuck is this? You think it’s fun making me worry? Using my fears against me?” Kylo walked over to stand in front of you, fists clenched tight. “I asked you a fucking question.”

He watched as you took in a shuddery breath. “That wasn’t what I meant to do-”

“Look at me when you’re answering me.”

You moved your head up fractionally, looking up at him through your eyelashes and Kylo roughly grabbed your jaw and yanked your head up to look at him properly. Your tongue darted out to lick your lips before you began speaking again. 

“Ky, I swear I didn’t mean to make you panic, it’s dumb but it didn’t even occur to me that it might make you and then when I realized that’s what would happen you had already opened the basement door and I just-” Your words were rushed, like you were trying to get out as much as you could before Kylo cut you off, which he did with a scoff. 

“You’re fucking kidding me right? You didn’t mean to? What the fuck Y/N.” Kylo released your jaw and turned away from you. He was unable to continue to look at you and your tear rimmed eyes in the lingerie he bought you, it made his cock throb in the gray sweatpants he wore to bed. He blew a short breath out of his nose, shaking his head. “Then what the fuck  _ did _ you mean to do?”

“I-I just thought…” You paused, making Kylo turn back around to address you. 

“You just thought what?” He spat at you venomously. 

“I don’t know. I-I thought coming down here and playing might be good for us and for you and just I don’t know.” Despite his earlier instructions your head dropped back down to look at the floor. “I thought it might help you be less on edge.”

He let out another scoff. “Yeah and how’s that working out for you Doll? Hm? Do I seem less on edge to you?” You shook your head at him. Kylo traced your body with his eyes. On top of his anger about you leaving him to panic, he was angry that you were right, playing rough like this would help him. It would give him the sense of control that he lost in Santa Monica back. He didn’t really want to reward you.  _ It doesn’t have to end up as a reward for her _ .

Kylo picked up a blunt Wartenberg wheel from the leather pouch you had unrolled and stepped behind you, running it from shoulder to shoulder, making your head snap up and your skin erupt in goosebumps. “Mm.” He smirked. “So this is what you want Doll? You want it rough? Want it to hurt?” He dug the wheel into your skin a little harder as he rolled it across you. 

“Y-yes.”

“Yes, what?” He hummed at you. 

“Yes, Sir.”

Kylo stepped around so he was back in front of you. “And why should I give you what you want when you didn’t simply ask for it like a good girl? When you used my fears against me and made me worry?” He ran the wheel across your collarbones. “I don’t think you deserve what you want.” You whimpered at his words and the sound went straight to Kylo’s cock. Yes, he decided, he’d give you this. He resolved to have you screaming, and crying, and begging; a complete and total mess beneath him before he finished with you. 

“Coming down here and hiding in the fucking basement, just to get rough sex.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Acting like the little fucking cock whore you are.” He fisted your hair and pulled your head back to look up at him, rolling his eyes when he saw your pupils already blown with lust. 

Kylo thought about where he wanted to start with you. “You like this. Like being made to submit. Being told what a fucking slut you are.” Kylo ran the wheel along your jawline, dropping it down to roll it over the tops of your breasts, pressing it into you hard enough to leave indents. 

You nodded slowly while looking up at Kylo, his hand still tangled in your hair, pulling your head back. He sneered down at you. “Talking about needing a job, that you can’t just be my on-demand sex doll full time because you need to  _ engage _ your mind. But I think that’s all you need and want. All you’re capable of. Being a fucking cumslut.”

A moan escaped your lips as Kylo degraded you. His words went straight to your cunt and you felt yourself clench around nothing. And Kylo knew, not just from the moan that you couldn’t hold back but from the way your breathing increased, lips parting slightly. 

Kylo walked over and picked up one of the spreader bars and a pair of handcuffs before returning to stand in front of you. Wordlessly he crouched in front of you and attached your ankles to the spreader, keeping them at your normal resting width apart. 

He stood back up and took a step back. “On your knees.”

It was an order, you knew this, and what not obeying was likely to get you. Deliberately, you remained seated, gaze pointed down and away from Kylo who circled the chair. 

“Ah, so this is the game we want to play,” he whispered in your ear, his voice low, with a sinister edge to it. “Fine.” Kylo’s hands found your shoulders, roughly shoving you off the chair, your knees slamming into the concrete floor making you yelp in pain as your hands splayed out in front of you. 

Before you could say anything Kylo moved the chair to the side and yanked your arms out from under you, cuffing them together behind your back. He landed a hard slap across your thong-clad ass before standing back up and walking back in front of you. 

“The usual safewords?” Kylo stared down at you, deliberately keeping his face neutral.

“Yes Sir,” you answered, swallowing thickly.

Kylo turned abruptly on his heel, looking over everything you had laid out for him. He could hear you squirming behind him, the slow passage of time increasing your arousal and anxiety. He rolled his eyes before walking over to rummage through the white duffle. 

“Ky,” you whined, “Please touch me.” Kylo looked over his shoulder and shot you a vicious look. 

“Did I say you could speak?” He returned his attention to the bag. “And you’re not in any position to ask for a god damn thing so shut the fuck up.”

You couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your throat. 

Kylo found what he was looking for, pulling out a purple butterfly toy, with a remote. “Oh, no Doll.” He turned around to look at you. “I won’t be touching you until you are sobbing and begging for me.” Another whimper left you. 

He walked over to you and held the toy in front of you. You looked down at it and furrowed your brows. The toy looked like a butterfly with a curved vibrator attached to the lower end of the butterfly. The upper part looked firm, with thick antennae that you assumed vibrated like the ears of a rabbit toy. The wings of the butterfly would almost certainly vibrate with the rest of the toy, and would presumably rest against your outer lips to help keep the toy inside you. 

Looking you straight in the eye Kylo brought the toy close to his mouth and spit on it, slicking up the vibrator portion with his hand. “Not that you need it, I’m sure,” he sneered at you. He used his foot to push your knees further apart. 

Kylo crouched in front of you, one hand coming down spread your slicked folds. He rolled his eyes at how wet you were already. “Disgusting slut.” He lined the toy up with your entrance and slowly pushed it in. Once the internal vibrator was in place his hands situated the wings around your outer lips, and made sure the atanae were on your clit. “You can move all you want Doll, but it will stay there.”

Your chest heaved as he stood up and took a step back from you, his foot closing your knees again. He looked down to admire the view. You were so beautiful like this - handcuffed, tear stained, on your knees; in a word, desperate. “I expect silence.” Kylo reminded you before clicking the remote and turning the vibrator on. 

You sucked in a deep breath, your eyes slamming shut, body jumping forward. Remarkably, aside from the increase in your breathing, you stayed quiet as instructed. Kylo pressed the remote again, turning the vibration up a speed.

He smirked as he watched your muscles tense and then release, but still you managed not to make a sound except for your breathing. He turned it up again, eliciting the quietest of whimpers from your throat.  _ Perfect _ . 

Kylo stood and watched as you struggled to cope with the stimulation of the toy combined with the ache of kneeling on the concrete and having your arms restrained. “Surprised you actually know how to stay quiet.”

He turned around and made his way to the various items you had laid out. He clicked the remote again and you yelped at the surprise of the internal toy beginning to rock inside you in a come hither motion. “Ahhh,” you vocalized. 

“Well now, here’s a surprise.” Kylo picked up one of the bar gags you had displayed, slipping the remote in his pocket. “Stupid fucking whore. Stay quiet. It was a simple fucking direction.” 

Kylo returned to crouch in front of you. He went to place the bar in your mouth but you turned away from him. Kylo brought the hand that wasn’t holding the gag up and slapped you hard across the face. “You’re really trying to push your fucking luck today,” he snarled. 

The hand he slapped you with gripped and squeezed your jaw hard enough to make you yip in pain. With the noise your jaw dropped open enough for Kylo to spit in your mouth and force the bar in, his hand splaying across your face to hold it there as his other hand wrapped the strap behind you. Once it was securely fastened he pushed your face out of his hands and stood back up, looking away from you. 

“Kyyooo!” Your tone was needy and almost scared. Kylo’s cock throbbed against the sweatpants he had worn to bed. He looked down at you and his suspicions were confirmed. Your eyes were big and wide, clearly concerned. 

Kylo softened his face and crouched back down beside you. “Hey,” he murmured, caressing your face with his hand. “Look at me.” You obeyed. “This,” he made an ‘okay’ symbol with his hand, index and thumb touching in a circle, his other three fingers up straight, “is the equivalent of pineapple.” You nodded and visibly relaxed. 

“Show me you can make it.” He dropped his eyes to your cuffed hands and you did it. “Good. Then this,” he rested his middle and ring finger against his thumb, his pinky and index fingers sticking up straight, “is for crocs.” He nodded at you and you made the symbol. “I’ll watch your hands the whole time. Okay?” You nodded at him. 

He stood back up in front of you and pulled the remote out slightly.. He smirked down at you as he turned both the vibrations and the movement speed up. You flinched, knees scraping against the floor as your whole body moved forward a few centimeters. You whined against the gag but nothing coherent came out. 

Kylo quickly walked to the displayed toys and picked up a paddle and one of the gloves with small needles on them, shoving it into his pockets. He returned to his position beside you, making sure that he could see your hands. “You know,” he breathed out through his nose. “I was really looking forward to hearing you count for me. But then you couldn’t follow instructions.” Kylo cocked his head at you, the pleasure coursing through his veins making every inch of him hum and tingle with arousal. “Though I’m wondering if that was deliberate given how much of a fucking brat you’re being.”

You shook your head at him. He rolled his eyes at you. “Either way. Now you’ll take the 10 from the paddle you were going to get anyway and an as yet undetermined number from my hand. I’ve been looking forward to trying out the vampire glove.”

Kylo stepped so he was behind you. “Keep your hands up.” You bent your elbows and pulled your hands up so that they were away from your ass. He gave you a small hum of approval. He fisted his hand in your hair pulling you forward slightly and holding you there so your ass was more on display for him, moving himself slightly to your side. 

Without any warning Kylo spanked both cheeks with the paddle hard, a loud crack ringing through the room. You jolted forward and yelped. Kylo smirked and stifled a groan, his cock twitching. Immediately Kylo repeated his actions, hitting your ass a second time. 

You shook your head at the impact and wailed, trying to fall forward and away from Kylo. Kylo kept a firm grip on your hair and waited for you to still. “We’re only two in Doll.” Kylo clicked his teeth at you. You threw your head back and moaned at Kylo, who brought his eyes to your face. “Oh Doll,” Kylo laughed. “You’re close to cumming?”

“I don’t know why it surprises me.” He pulled your head forward again and gave you another two hard smacks in quick succession before dropping the paddle and clicking the remote so the vibrations and movement of the toy stopped completely. You flinched forward and yelped at each smack of the paddle, but Kylo could tell with the way your ass immediately came back into position for him that you were enjoying yourself. “You always are such a whore for the pain.”

Your shoulders slumped as you thrashed against Kylo’s hand, trying desperately to bring your legs together to create the friction you needed to push you over the edge. But the spreader bar between your legs prevented you from doing so. You tried to say his name around the gag but he ignored you, just holding you out by your hair. “Are you done?” he asked disinterestedly. 

You whimpered but eventually stopped thrashing. Kylo noted your hands remained neutral and not in a safe-sign which prompted him to click the remote again. He started both the vibrations and movements once again, quickly ratcheting them back up to the speed they had been at. 

Immediately you straightened, back arching as you fought with the pleasure and pain of the intense stimulation. Kylo picked the paddle back up and pulled you forward by your hair even more so that if he let go you would fall and face plant into the floor. 

“I better be able to get through the next  _ six _ ,” Kylo emphasized the number with a hard slap of the paddle across your ass, “without having to stop so that you don’t cum.”

Your chest heaved at his words, but you couldn’t really move with the way Kylo held you out. Kylo took a deep breath to calm himself, he could feel himself leaking precum against the skin beneath the waistband of his pants but he didn’t care. He glanced at your hands.

Once again the paddle found your ass. “Because if you fucking cum,” Kylo snarled, bringing the paddle down again, harder this time, “without asking my fucking permission,” he collided the paddle with your ass for an eighth time, this one harder than any of the previous, “I swear to god you won’t cum for months.”

Kylo panted wildly above you. He was practically feral at the sight of you, so hard in his sweatpants it nearly hurt. Your abs and thighs had started to shake from the exertion of keeping yourself straight and supported in the position he held you at. You sobbed around the gag in your mouth and wiggled your hips, this time trying to spread them and remove the stimulation from your clit and cunt so that you didn’t cum, but once again the spreader bar stopped you. 

Sweat dripped down both of your bodies. Kylo landed an even harder ninth smack to your ass and he swore the sound that ripped from your throat was a straight moan of pleasure with little hint of pain. 

“Fucking typical. You love this.” He ghosted the paddle on your ass cheeks and you stuck your ass out slightly, confirming he was correct. “I bet you’re fucking soaked right now you absolutely filthy fucking slut.”

Your body started to twitch in a way that told Kylo you were moments from cumming. “Hm.” He drew the hum out and pulled the paddle back, taking his time and savoring the way your muscles strained to stave off your impending release. Kylo watched your hands like a hawk.

The paddle bit into your ass for the tenth and final time, harder than it had the previous nine. You screamed around the gag, hands balling into fists so tight your knuckles went white. Kylo again dropped the paddle and clicked the remote to still the toy, dragging you by your hair back into your kneeling position. 

He released your hair and you swayed, struggling to keep yourself upright as you sobbed around the gag, the denial of your orgasm for a second time hurting worse than your ass. Kylo took a step closer to you so that you could lean against his legs. He put a hand on your shoulder and pushed you off him, holding you up as he crouched in front of you and pulled the toy out of you gently. 

“Don’t make me regret this,” he warned as undid the gag and tossed it to the ground. You sucked in air through sobs but didn’t say any words. Your head dropped and Kylo used a finger to lift your chin to him, his eyes tracing your face as he appraised you. 

You blinked at him through the tears, face soaked with your sweat and tears and drool from the gag. Kylo very deliberately didn’t react in his face, but the sight went straight to his cock. He debated sitting in front of you and fucking his fist to the sight of you, leaving you to kneel there until his cum dried all over your face and chest. But no. He wanted your cunt. He stood up and wrapped an arm around your middle to carry you with him to the chair. He sat down and placed you over his knees. 

“Five,” Kylo said as he pulled the vampire glove out of his pocket. “Count. Loudly.”

You whimpered. “K-ky I don’t know…” 

“Are you using a safeword?” He barked, sliding on the glove.

“No but-”

“Then stop fucking talking.” He brought his hand down firmly across your ass, the needles pricking into your skin lightly and providing resistance as Kylo went to take his hand away. 

“Fuck!” you yelped. “Oh fuck…” 

Kylo’s gloveless hand found your hair and yanked you up slightly. “That’s not a number, Doll.”

“Shit... O-one…” you cried. Kylo released your hair and brought his gloved hand down against your left cheek this time. “Mmmm,” you groaned, wiggling in his lap, body torn between the pleasure and pain of the whole situation. “Two.”

A harder slap to your right cheek. Pin prints of blood formed when Kylo drew his hand away. You yipped at the pain. “Three, fuck!”

Kylo wordlessly slapped your left cheek again, grinding his hips and erection into your hip as he did so, making you gasp and choke on air as you tried to count. “F-four fuck Kylo please fuck me!”

Kylo hummed at you in response, bringing his head down to your ass and licking up some of the small droplets of blood that had formed. You pushed your ass into his face as you moaned. He took in a deep breath through his nose, groaning and bucking his hips up into you at the mixture of your natural scent, your sweat, your blood, and the arousal dripping from your cunt. “Fuck,” he muttered.

He straightened back up and landed a final slap across both cheeks. “Five,” you panted. “Please, please Kylo. I’m sorry.” 

Kylo slid the glove off and stashed it in his pocket, standing up, throwing you over his shoulder and walking you to the bed, tossing you onto it stomach first. He ripped his shirt off as he walked over to the white duffle and got the keys to the handcuffs, returning to you and releasing you. 

His fingers made quick work of the straps on the spreader bar, removing it from you and sending it clattering to the floor. He grabbed the glove out of his pocket and stepped out of his sweatpants to crawl between your legs. 

“Ky,” you whined. “Please. Please fuck me I need it. I need you.” You were getting yourself worked up to tears again. 

“Yes, Doll, I know.” His hand found the waistband of the thong and garter you wore, shredding the material and tossing it to the floor. 

“I liked-” 

“I really don’t care.” He cut you off. “On your knees.” 

You struggled to pull yourself up and onto your knees but eventually did. Kylo dipped a hand into your folds and growled. 

“That was supposed to be a fucking punishment Doll. But all it did was make you fucking wet for me.” Kylo used his fingers to coat his cock before lining up with you and pushing in, bottoming out immediately. 

“Oh fuck,” you mewled. “I’m going to cum Kylo, please please please.”

Kylo groaned at the feeling of your walls fluttering against him as they stretched to accommodate him but clamped right back down with your impending orgasm. He said nothing as he made several shallow thrusts into you, nudging just below your g-spot but not quite there. 

“S-shit Kylo, no please I can’t take it, I need to cum, I have to cum,” you sobbed into the bed, head turned sideways. Kylo slid the glove back on. 

“I know you do Doll.” He leaned so that his chest pressed against your back, head resting against the base of your neck. He thrust his hips into you a little harder, nudging that spot deep inside you. He wrapped his arm around you and thumbed at your clit with his free hand. “So do it.”

“Oh fuck!” Three or four passes of his thumb against your clit was all you needed with the previous stimulation. “Yes, yes, yes Ky! Yes!” Kylo stifled a moan as you came around his cock, your cunt becoming a vice grip around him as you screamed incoherently. Once your orgasm finished crashing over you Kylo pulled his thumb away.

He straightened up, his gloveless hand wrapping around the back of your neck and pulling you up with him, so that your back was against his chest. Kylo trailed the gloved hand up your torso, scratching you lightly as he traced up to your breasts. Gently, he rolled a nipple between his spiked fingers, the sensation making you push yourself back into him. Kylo’s chest heaved with pleasure, his muscles already tensing in anticipation of his orgasm.

“Ky, I can’t, it’s too much.”

“Yes you can Doll.” He pulled back and thrust into you hard, making you gasp. “And you will. Be my good little whore.”

He gave another sharp thrust into you as his gloved hand slid up and wrapped around your throat, the needles pressing into your flesh lightly. He dropped his other hand from the back of your neck and rested it on your hip. 

Kylo began pistoning his hips up and into you, fucking you at a relentless pace that left you struggling to breathe. The hand around your neck tightened slightly, the needles digging into your skin more firmly, but yet to break it and draw blood. 

“Ohhhh,” you moaned as Kylo groaned into your ear. 

“You drive me fucking wild,” he snarled. “Your fucking attitude and the bullshit you pull.”

He slammed into you, cockhead hitting and rubbing at that perfect spot inside you with every thrust. “And then you take me so well. My fucking slut. You  _ were  _ just made to be my fuck toy.”

“I, I, I,” you were unable to form sentences. 

“Fuck I’m going to fill you up. Cum right inside this tight little cunt that I own.” Kylo brought his free hand to rub hard and fast circles at your clit making you cry out. “You make me fucking. Feral.” He punctuated each word with a particularly hard thrust into you. 

Kylo himself could barely form words, his mind lost in the pleasure that was your cunt throbbing around him as he fucked you to a second orgasm. His body burned with pleasure and the tension in his muscles threatened to snap. “Fucking cum Doll,” he ordered you. 

His hand constricted your throat, rendering you unable to speak or breathe, the needles finally breaking the skin. You leaned against Kylo as you came, forcibly silenced, for a second time, his pace never relenting as he fucked you through your own orgasm. 

Kylo released your throat just as black tunnels started to invade your visions and you sucked in air as his hand left your clit and splayed across your lower abdomen. “Fuck… Doll, I’m-” His thrusts became irregular as he grew closer and closer. 

“Please Kylo,” you purred at him, your voice raw and husky from being choked. “Cum for me. Fill me up baby.”

Hot ropes of cum shot into you as Kylo came with a loud growl, biting and sucking the side of your neck. He shook from the ferocity of his orgasm, his hands both digging into your skin, bruising your lower abdomen and pulling more blood from your neck as he choked you again.

“Fucking hell!” he groaned as he fucked up into you a few more times. The second his hand left your stomach and neck you started to sway forward. Kylo caught you and gently pulled himself out of you, both of you groaning at the loss of the other. 

Carefully he lowered you both onto the bed, placing you on his chest before sliding the glove off and throwing it to the floor. 

“Doll?” he asked, concern flooding him. That had been rough.

“Mmm,” was your reply. 

“Are you okay?” He brought a hand to run through your hair, pushing it out of your face. 

“So much better than okay,” you mumbled. You turned your head so that you could look up at him with a blissed out smile. 

“Good.” He smiled at you and leaned his head down so he could lap up some of the blood from your neck. 

You moaned softly at the sensation and sighed contentedly when he stopped. “Are you okay?”

Kylo stilled. No one had ever asked Kylo that question after sex before and he wasn’t sure what to say. 

“Doll that was… I don’t even know how to…” Kylo stumbled over his words, struggling to convey how he felt. 

You placed a kiss on his chest and smiled. “I feel the same,” you murmured into him.

“Mm,” Kylo replied, wrapping his arms around you. There was that emotion again. That one he had felt in Santa Monica that gave him an overwhelming urge to whisper to you. 

_ I love you. _

**[Your POV]**

Once the two of you had recovered Kylo scooped you into his arms, took you to the kitchen and got you both some water before carrying you upstairs and stripping what was left of your outfit from you so you could both shower. Kylo sat you on his lap and massaged your legs and arms before washing your hair and body for you. After you were dry, he rubbed some arnica cream into your ass and neck to help with the soreness and bruising that was sure to come. 

“I’ll make us some lunch?” You asked Kylo after you finished dressing. 

“I can make you lunch,” Kylo told you. You smiled and walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his shirtless waist. 

“I know you can and I know you would, but I also like to take care of you.” You looked up at him with your eyebrows raised. “How about I go start and you can come down and help once you’re finished getting dressed?”

Kylo tilted his head before leaning down and giving you a kiss. “Alright.” You pressed another kiss to his lips before unwinding your arms from around him and heading down to the kitchen. 

The fridge offered little in the way of food. You made a mental note to go shopping soon. The pantry didn’t offer much of a choice, so you pulled a box of pasta out. You could send Kylo up to the Ralphs in Westwood to pick up some cream and use the parmesan and garlic in the fridge to start a nice sauce. 

You heard Kylo make his way down the stairs as you filled the pot you had taken out with water. “Can you do me a favor and run up to Ralph’s and get some cream?”

He stopped halfway between the doorway and the island, an amused smile across his face. “For?”

“Pasta sauce.” You moved the pot over to the stove and put it on to boil. “Some milk as well. You can get chicken if you want some.” Kylo raised his eyebrows at you. “Oh don’t give me that look, you fully well know there is hardly any food in this house. We’ll do a proper shop later.”

Kylo rolled his eyes at you. “We can just order something.”

You returned an eye roll to him as you started chopping the garlic. “Yes we could, but I like cooking and while I love take out, we can’t eat it everyday.”

“Alright,” Kylo smirked at you, walking over to you and giving you a kiss on the head. “I’m just going to walk up since it’s so close.”

“Be safe!” You called to him as he walked out the door, biting your lip at the words you didn’t say, but almost wanted to.

_ I love you _ . 

You weren’t ready to say it because you weren’t convinced it was true. Your relationship with Kylo was… complicated to say the least. And while yes, you saw, and felt yourself falling in love with him, you had massive reservations about how controlling he was, and how he didn’t seem to want you to have a job or any level of independence. 

You chewed your lip as you finished chopping the garlic, taking the board and knife over to put it into the pan on the stove that already had a good chunk of butter waiting to be melted. You decided to wait until Kylo returned to start heating it.

Walking over to the sink you placed the board and knife in first before turning the water on and soaping up the sponge. You washed the knife first, setting it next to the sink while you started on the board.

Your head snapped up and you listened hard. You thought you had heard a door open but it was so soft it would have had to be Kylo coming in the front door and purposefully closing it quietly. When you didn’t hear him walk towards the kitchen you shook your head and finished washing the board. 

You set it to the side next to the knife and turned around to grab a kitchen towel from the drawer so you could dry them. 

Movement caught your eye and you looked over to the back door, jumping in shock when Leia started walking towards you.

“What the fuck?!” you yelped. “What are you doing here?” You shook your head and waved your hand. “No, fuck that, how the hell did you even get in here?”

Leia stopped across the island from you, looking you up and down before cocking her head at you. “The last time I was here I slipped a jam in the back door so it couldn’t lock.” She smiled at you. 

This was bad. There was no reason for Leia to be here that was good and allowed this interaction to end well. You wanted her gone before Kylo got back so that he didn’t have to deal with her. As you appraised her you stepped backwards until you hit the sink, turning slightly to grab the board.

You started to dry it as you spoke. “So you broke in?” 

“Yes. I suppose you could call it that. I wanted to come sooner but then you and Kylo never returned from the date. Then when you did get back I was worried I would have to wait forever to get you alone. So thank you. For getting him to go out. I’m floored he left you.”

You scoffed at her as you set the board on the island and picked up the knife from its place by the sink and started to dry it. “He trusts me? We’re in a relationship? That involves time away from your significant other.” Looking at her you pressed your lips together before speaking more. “And why did you need to speak to me alone?”

“Because I know how you got here. I know Kylo drugged you, and kidnapped you, and kept you locked in the basement until he beat you into submission.”

“He did not beat me into submission. What the fuck are you talking about?” You shot back at her, stepping to the side of the island and setting the knife down next to the board as she took a step closer to you.

“The bruises? I mean Christ, look at your neck.” Your hand flew up to your neck in automatic response, the pricks from the gloves creating a beautiful bruise around your neck already. “You don’t even deny he kidnapped you. You think you really want to be here with him? That his actions haven’t been pre-planned and purposefully done to make you think he’s a good guy, to make you think that you’re in a normal relationship with him? Come on dear. You’re not stupid.”

“They were consensual. Everything we’ve done has been.” You swallowed thickly. “Yes.” A beat. “I suppose our relationship had an unusual beginning but that doesn’t matter now. And I don’t for a moment think my relationship with Ky is perfect or particularly healthy. I know many things need to be addressed and improved. But we will work and get there. I can see him trying.”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Leia’s face contorted up into pity. “He’s really got you, doesn’t he?” You furrowed your brows and set your lips in a line. “You really think you’re the first girl he’s done this to?”

Your jaw slackened as a sense of dread made your limbs feel heavy. “What?” you whispered, staring at her. 

“You are  _ not  _ the first. And I very much doubt you will be the last.” She softened her face and looked at you sadly. 

You shook your head at her. “No. You’re wrong. He...He wants me. He talks to me.”

Leia nodded softly. “I’m sure he does. He knows he has to give you a certain amount to keep you docile and-”

“No. Stop.” You cut her off, straightening your shoulders and staring at her. You opened your mouth to speak but she wouldn’t let you.

“You’re too good of a girl. I cannot standby and let this happen to you. I’ve turned a blind eye to Kylo’s actions for far too long. First with his father.” 

You inhaled sharply. “You know about that?”

She nodded, smiling. “Of course. Yes, Kylo is smart and slick, but I am his mother. I never told anyone about his father because I thought it was just a moment of rage. Then he started doing this little game with girls. Getting obsessed and stalking them, kidnapping them and then eventually…” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Getting rid of them when they pushed him too far or he lost interest.”

You felt like you were going to be sick and you gripped the edge of the island to help keep yourself standing. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly, hoping you would wake from this nightmare.

“I presume he is behind Vicrul’s disappearance. I will not let him be behind yours. So, I want you to come with me. I will help get you somewhere safe and take care of you until I can get Kylo the help he so clearly needs.” 

Your eyes shot open at her words, heart nearly stopping in your chest. You shook your head at her in jerky movements. “No…” you mumbled.  _ Fuck _ . You realized you were considering it. Considering leaving with her. You dropped your head back down, shaking it to yourself as tears started to stream down your face as you battled with yourself in your mind.

_ This was the truth. All along you have known he has been manipulating you into staying. You’re not even the first girl he’s done this too. He killed his father and his best friend. He wouldn’t hesitate to kill you when you push him too far or when he loses interest.  _

“I know he is good. He truly makes you believe he really cares. And perhaps he does in his own way. But either way he needs help.” Leia continued to try and persuade you to leave. “I haven’t told anyone about Han, or the other girls, or you. I’ve kept it to myself so we can deal with it as a family. If you truly care about Kylo you will leave with me and force him to get help.” 

_ But I have pushed him. And pretty far. Santa Monica? He let me see family and friends. Gave me my phone. I could feel him trying. To change, and be different. I’m different to him. _

“Come with me. Maybe if he gets the help he needs and gets better the two of you can give a real relationship a proper go.” 

_ That’s exactly what the last girl probably felt. He’s a psychopath. He’s deliberately charming and manipulative, doing exactly what he has to to make you feel this way.  _

“He’s probably told you how he feels that no one has ever picked him. Leaving with me is picking him.”

_ Why should I trust Leia? She clearly was a shit mother either way. She could be the one manipulating me and lying to me just to get me to leave. Out of some urge to finally step in and mother her own son. _

“It’s picking him by forcing him to see that he needs help. If he truly cares for you like he says then he will get help so that you can be together.”

_ Leaving with her will destroy Kylo. But only if he really cares about you, which you don’t know for sure. The emotions he shows, the things he says, the way he looks at me when he says them… is it truly possible for a psychopath to fake it that well?  _

“This is the way. This is the way we get him to see himself clearly. My son is very sick. He needs help. I want to get him that help.”

_ You know this relationship isn’t healthy and isn’t likely to end up well. You know he doesn’t truly care about you or love you. Know is a strong word. I don’t know if he does or doesn’t. It comes down to trust. Who do I trust more? Kylo or Leia.  _

“I- I’ll go-” You started to whisper. But Leia continued to talk, either ignoring you or just not hearing you. 

“Ultimately Dear,” her voice is much closer now and you look up, opening your eyes and blinking away the tears. She has walked over so she is right next to you, giving you another smile full of pity. “You will be leaving here with me. You can go willingly, or unwillingly.” 

“What?” you snapped, taking a step to the side, away from her.  _ She’s the fucking manipulative one. Fuck I was going to go with her voluntarily. How could I think so little of Kylo? _

Leia sighed and pursed her lips at you. “Really I didn’t think you would be this difficult. On paper you’re quite smart, I didn’t think reality would be so different.” 

You laughed at her, rolling your eyes. “Fuck you Leia. The reason your son is so fucked up is because of you. So yeah. You can fucking deal with that guilt however you want, but it’s time for you to leave.” You pointed to the door. 

“Fine. The hard way it is.” Leia rolled her eyes at you and reached into her back pocket, pulling out a syringe and popping the cap off. 

You gaped at her. “Are you fucking insane?” She hummed at you in response and started moving towards you with the needle held up. “Fucking stop, you’re not drugging me.” You started to walk away from her and around the island which only made her move faster and lunge at you in an attempt to get the needle into you.

“Shit-” You caught her wrist with your hand and tried to grab the syringe from her but she brought her free hand as she tried to rip her wrist from your grasp, blocking you from taking the syringe. “Fuck - you,” you spit at her, slamming her wrist down and against the island.

The syringe fell out of her hand and rolled slightly out of your reach. You lunged for it, pressing yourself over the island counter to try and snatch it before she could, but her closer proximity helped her grab it first.

“No. Fuck you Dear,” She snarnled at you as your feet returned to the floor and she lunged back towards you. You were off balance from the way you slid back down on the island, meaning she had you. Both of you knew it. You splayed your hands on the island in a desperate attempt to steady yourself, your fight instinct still trying to protect yourself.

Your hand reached for whatever was on the island counter, grasping the first thing you felt and bringing it up towards her, moving your hand diagonally across her, a warmth covering your chest and arm. You swore time stilled and your brain took five times longer to process anything.

As you had brought the knife up, you had turned your entire body with it, so that you now stood directly in front of Leia. You followed the syringe as it dropped from her hand and clattered against the floor, almost as if your brain purposely chose to focus on it so you didn’t have to process the reality of what had just happened. 

Your eyes dragged slightly to the right, watching as Leia fell to the floor next to the syringe.

“Oh…” you whispered. The pieces fell into place as you tightened your grip on the knife in your hand. The warmth you had felt was Leia’s blood pumping onto your chest and arm as the knife nicked her right jugular vein before tearing through her trachea, left jugular vein, and carotid artery. 

Leia gasped for air below you, bringing her hands to her neck in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding and close the wound in her trachea that prevented her from breathing. Eventually they dropped as she slumped harder against the cabinets, bloody gurgles coming from the wound in her neck, her mouth opening and closing uselessly. 

“You did this,” you told her as you took a step back, looking down at the blood on your chest and arm. “All the blood. It’s on your hands.”

The knife clattered to the floor as it slipped from your grip. Your heart was racing but a serene sense of calm washed over you, the flood of chemicals in your system keeping you from fully processing. The shock and surge of adrenaline only lasted so long, and reality quickly crashed around you, making you sink to your knees across from Leia, covering yourself further in her blood. 

“Han’s. Vicrul’s. Your own. This is all on you.” You couldn’t have stopped the words from tumbling out of your mouth if you had tried. Not that you wanted to.  _ She deserved this. She was responsible for Kylo being so damaged, so broken. She had hurt him. _

Your anger and protective instincts and loyalty to Kylo took over. 

_ She deserved this.  _

“Kylo needed a mother. He needed a mother who loved him. And you wouldn’t and couldn’t give him that.” Leia’s eyelids began to flutter open and closed. “You did this. You broke him. You deserve this.”

Leia’s eyes fluttered closed and didn’t reopen. A strangled sob left your body. You realized Kylo should have already been home, meaning he would walk through the door any second.  _ He’s going to kill me. _

You had just killed his mother. Even if he hated her as much as he had seemed to, it was still his mother, laying in a pool of her own blood on his kitchen floor, slain by your hand.  _ He’ll never forgive me _ .  _ I’ve just killed his mother. At the very very least given him a huge fucking situation to deal with. _

_ Another one. I forced him to kill Vicrul. _

Tears streamed down your face, disrupting the spatters of blood that had made it there. Something in your mind clicked off. You dragged yourself up and walked through the blood on the floor down to the basement, sitting in the chair that was just off center where Kylo had left it. You hadn’t even bothered to turn the lights on. You just fumbled through the darkness until you felt it, planting yourself in it and letting your arms just hang off your sides. 

Your head dropped down, your eyes staying open, but focusing on nothing, even in the dark. All you could do was wait for Kylo to return.

**[Kylo’s POV]**

Kylo walked to the front door. Even he knew he was in a remarkably good mood, feeling probably as close to genuinely happy as he had ever been. The Santa Monica trip followed by the basement session had done a lot for him. Sure, he was a bit miffed you had just disappeared to the basement, but it did make him realize you cared about him and wanted to stay. 

He opened the front door. “Doll, I’m back.” He bent down to untie his shoes, placing the bag on the floor for a second. You didn’t reply. Kylo’s heart rate increased just a tick.  _ She either didn’t hear or is in the bathroom _ . “Doll?” He called your name again as he straightened up and grabbed the bag.

As he took a step towards the kitchen doorway he noticed a sticky looking substance at the top of the basement stairs. _ Weird _ . He tilted his head and lengthened his strides fractionally, a vague metallic smell hitting him.

“Doll are you-” Kylo choked on his words as he stepped into the kitchen and saw his mother’s body slumped on the floor against the cabinets, a pool of blood surrounding her. The bag fell from his hands as he took in the sight. “What?” He whispered. “Doll.”

Kylo realized he still hadn’t seen or heard you which made his stomach heave. He quickly walked over to his mother’s body, not paying it a second glance as he walked through her blood and around the island. 

Relief quickly flooded Kylo’s system. You weren’t lying dead or horrifically injured on the floor. But the relief soon gave way to panic, because he didn’t know where you were.  _ Footprints _ . In the shock of walking in and finding his mother dead on his kitchen floor his brain had focused, filtering out the footsteps on the floor that now seeped into his consciousness. 

He spun around, following them with his eyes as he made the connection.  _ The sticky substance on the top of the stairs _ . Someone had at least walked to the top of the basement stairs.

Kylo ran back out of the kitchen and down the stairs, his heart cracking and brain going fuzzy when he realized the light wasn’t on. He threw open the door. “Doll?” His voice was panicked as he called out your name and flipped the light switch. 

“Doll.” Kylo sighed in relief, taking in the image of you sitting in the chair. You were clearly keeping yourself upright in the chair, though your shoulders were slumped, arms limp as you looked down. “Doll what happened? Are you hurt?” Kylo’s voice nearly shook with emotion. 

He walked towards you but you didn’t make a sound or even move. Kylo ran his eyes over you and didn’t immediately see any wounds, but you were covered in blood and effectively catatonic. “Doll are you hurt?” He went to reach out and touch your arm to gently shake you but your head abruptly snapped up and you looked him dead in the eyes before getting up and walking towards the stairs.

“Doll?” Kylo watched as you started up the stairs, unsure of what to do. He needed answers and wanted to know what happened but more than that he just wanted to wrap his arms around you and crush you to his chest, feel you breathe against him as a physical reminder you were alive and well in his arms. 

He followed you up the stairs and back into the kitchen. “Doll?” Kylo shook his head and furrowed his brows as you walked over to his mother’s body and sunk to your knees beside her so that you were looking up at him, tears streaming down your face. 

“Kylo…” Your voice broke as sobs overtook you. “I-I…” You started sobbing so hard you couldn’t speak. Kylo just looked at you helplessly.

“Doll,” Kylo’s voice was strangled and choked. “Please tell me what happened.” 

“S-She wanted to take me. She k-knew and wanted to help and, and tried to drug me.” Your voice was just barely intelligible through the sobs that wracked your body. You weakly pointed to the syringe. 

Kylo followed your finger and took in the syringe, things slowly beginning to click into place. “She knew?”

You nodded at him, the sobs relenting just slightly so that you could rush out words. “I’m so so s-sorry Kylo. She knew about it all and she wanted to get you help and take me away from you when I wouldn’t leave with her and I didn’t want to and I never meant for this to happen. 

Kylo blinked down at you, shaking his head and furrowing his brows. He went to speak but stopped, unable to form words. 

“I’m so so sorry Kylo. I didn’t… I don’t...I know nothing can fix this but please, please forgive me.” You sounded desperate, on the verge of total hysteria.

“She knew about everything?” Kylo asked. You nodded at him. “And she came here thinking she was going to rescue you and that you’d just walk out with her?” You nodded again, the sobs starting to pick back up. 

Kylo scoffed and closed his eyes, looking to the side. Though he was doing a good job of keeping his face relatively neutral his mind was crowded with a million different screaming thoughts. 

_ She killed my mother. Because my mother wanted to take her away from me. She fought for me. She cares about me. Genuinely. Not just because of manipulation. She… I…  _

“Kylo please,” you cried. “It just happened, she was trying to drug me and I didn’t even know that’s what I picked up, I just grabbed what was closest to try and keep her away and it just happened. She wanted to ruin everything. She wanted to take me from you. Please Kylo. I’m so sorry.”

_ This is going to be a fucking mess to clean up. Doll might never recover emotionally from this. Leia may have gotten her fucking wish in the end by destroying Doll for me. Even in death she has to take away the good in my life.  _

“Please Kylo, say something,” you hiccuped. “Anything is better than silence.” You sniffled, your voice growing quiet. “If you don’t want me anymore please just kill me. I couldn’t live with having done this and making you hate me.”

Your voice was barely above a whisper but it was enough to pull Kylo from his thoughts.

His head snapped back down to look at you. “What?” he asked incredulously. “Doll, no.” He leaned down and put his arms under your shoulders, helping you to your feet and crushing you to his chest, covering himself in blood. He held you there in silence for a moment, just feeling your warmth and your breaths. 

“I’m not mad. You…” Kylo swallowed thickly, feeling you relax a bit in his arms, your arms winding around his abdomen, burying your face in his chest. “You fought for me. You picked me.”

Kylo loosened his grip around you. “I don’t hate you Doll.” He gently pulled back from you, cupping your face in both his hands and pulling you to look up at him.  _ She’s especially beautiful like this. Blood stained and tear streaked.  _

He pressed a soft kiss to your lips before looking at you again. In that moment Kylo was sure. He knew how he felt about you, and the look in your eyes told him you felt the same. He just needed to bring himself to say it. 

“Doll…” Kylo smiled softly at you, thumbs grazing over your cheekbones. “I love you.”


End file.
